There is no golden rule to follow for a guaranteed “healthy relationship.” My needs in a relationship may be totally different from yours, and that is absolutely okay. There are, however, certain elements that are essential to a healthy and happy relationship that I will go on to discuss. I will mention that by no means am I a relationship therapist, but I can give you the rundown of several different sites and aim to give an overall explanation. Ultimately, studies and sites acknowledge that only you know what is best for you in a relationship, you know your boundaries and needs and should understand that it is important that they are met and respected. For a further guide on healthy relationships, check out Shelby’s piece on the six sexual health principles in which she explains what the principles are and why they are important in encouraging positive sexual health and a strong relationship.

In the simplest terms, pet play is role-playing as an animal. There are no rules or limits as to what animal can be played out, though puppies and kittens are the most discussed and hence deemed to be the most common—you can be whatever you desire! This can extend to ducks, foxes, and even fantasy creatures. This article aims to explore the psychology behind pet play, understanding why people enjoy it; and will then go on to discuss ways that you can incorporate it into your life if that is something you are interested in.

Pet play is most commonly seen in the BDSM community, more specifically in a Dominant/submissive relationship. Typically, the Dominant takes on the role of the owner (or trainer in other circumstances) and the submissive takes on the role of the pet, taking on animal-like characteristics. Pet play can additionally happen in sexual and non-sexual ways. Some people may find that being a pony after a tough day can help them to distress, for others pet play allows them to have the opportunity to be playful and carefree in a way they normally can’t. Others may prefer pet play in a different circumstance. In a sexual context, pet play can allow the opportunity for bondage and humiliation.

Regardless of relationship status, sexting, or texting explicit content including photos, is a super popular way to “get it on” from afar, with the convenience of needing only your phone and a bit of creativity. It can be a fantastic tool for long-distance folks, whether in a long-term relationship or something around friends-with-benefits. Even if you see your partner(s) in person regularly, sexting can be a way to open up your intimacy to new ideas and experiences. Yet, we are all familiar with sexting being unsafe and, at times, illegal. So with the ever-expanding repertoire of sexting apps, the question of how to ensure safety remains. There are so many different forms of sexting now, including texting, sending photos and videos, calling, video chatting, and more. Unfortunately, many of these tools are found on unsafe platforms where you risk device viruses and compromising your personal information. What has been missing from the Internet is a safe way to experience the world of online sex. While there are many opportunities to insist on safety, one option is using something like Slutbot, or an app to practice sexting as a skill within a controlled, safe environment.

Most people have heard of the morning-after pill or the Plan B pill, which is designed to be taken up to 72 hours after unprotected sex or sex where there is a possibility of unwanted pregnancy.t. Not as many people, however, have heard about the abortion pill or the Plan C pill. Plan C has been used by millions of people across the world for the past three decades. These abortion pills work best in the first 11 weeks of pregnancy; using Plan Clater in pregnancy will be more painful and less effective. The risk of complications also goes up as the pregnancy grows. One risk associated with the pill is that it may not be effective in ending the pregnancy, especially if it’s taken later in the pregnancy. It’s recommended to take a pregnancy test 3-4 weeks after taking Plan C to ensure its success. If the test is positive, you should see your medical provider guarantee that the test is a false positive due to the presence of pregnancy hormones. Another risk associated with the pill is if an individual is having an ectopic pregnancy. In this case, the abortion pill will not work and the individual will need medical attention. This is why it’s typically recommended to take a pregnancy test to ensure that your body is healthy and rid of the pregnancy. With these risks in mind, studies still show the Plan C pill to be 98% effective at ending a pregnancy. Also known as "medication abortion," the abortion pill is typically a combination of two medications: Mifepristone and Misoprostol. It involves taking a mifepristone pill first, followed by misoprostol pills 24 to 48 hours later. This is the most effective method of medication abortion. This is the type of abortion with pills is provided by clinics like Planned Parenthood and recommended by the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. The other type of abortion pill is one that contains only Misoprostol; though this method is less effective, as the World Health Organization endorses the use of misoprostol alone for early abortion when mifepristone is not available.

When discussing sexual fetishes, many are quick to imagine the foot fetish. Though feet are one of the more common fetishes, any body part can be (and is!) fetishized. There’s a name for this phenomenon: partialism, which refers to the particular sexual interest in a body part. Partialism falls under the category of paraphilic disorder, which refers to sexual attraction to animate objects or specific situations outside of the normative. Paraphilia is sometimes referred to as a disorder, but I would caution you away from this term. These sexual interests are not dangerous unless they cause someone to harm themselves or another, and the term “disorder” connotes something that must be changed. Remember, even LGBTQ+ attraction was considered a disorder until 1987. Partialism is actually distinguished from fetishism because fetishes often center around inanimate objects while body parts are still a part of human beings.

While foot fetishes (also known as podophilia) are some of the most common, there are a plethora of other options: hands, hair, eyes, belly buttons, ears, and armpits are also included. Breasts and buttocks are too, but a fetish for these go far beyond the typical desire for them during sex, and actually involve intense, targeted arousal even outside of sex. Originally, Sigmund Freud hypothesized that people experience attraction to feet because they take a somewhat phallic shape, but today that has been debunked and replaced with more brain-oriented approaches.

Wax play is seen to be a form of edge play due to the way you are literally playing with fire. Using candles does hold the risk of causing bodily harm to a person, hence it is on the ‘edge’ of what is considered within typical safety guides. Due to the high risk that comes with wax play, it is imperative to be knowledgeable of the safety precautions you must know before wax play. Make sure to have a cool cloth, a first aid kit, a fire extinguisher, and access to water all nearby at all times. Emotional safety is an additional thought that should be followed through. Giving aftercare to your partner after any play is a great way to help them cope with the sudden drop in hormones after sex, which can result in negative feelings. This could involve hugs, cuddles, or in this specific situation, helping to remove the wax it has cooled. For other ideas, feel free to check out my piece on aftercare which has a whole host of ideas! If you are still feeling unsure, getting formal training could help to ease your nerves. Attend a course or workshop on wax play to learn more, the majority of these are split into two sections: one learning about theory, and the other being more hands-on/practical.

Sitophilia is the sexual desire for situations involving food. This fetish, also known as “food play” is a relatively common practice, especially considering the scope by which you can define “food.” Recently, this practice has been known as “sploshing,” a subcategory of the “Wet and Messy” fetish which consists of covering yourself or others in non-bodily liquids. Food play is more commonly depicted in media and film than other fetishes. In the 1999 film Varsity Blues, a character covers herself in whipped cream, with cherry nipples. In 50 Shades of Grey, the characters lick ice cream off of each other. While food play is definitely considered a fetish, it has been normalized in mainstream media, more so than many of the other still quite common fetishes.

The draw to experiment with food play seems to come from a number of factors. First, using these items provides tactile stimulation, adding an element of texture to the sense of touch. There are also ways to play with temperature, which can provide additional stimulation. Food play carries the notion of being “taboo” because we are taught that food is not to be played with. Surprisingly, food and sex are closely related in terms of brain function; they each satisfy a biological urge, so combining the two supposedly heightens these experiences. Certain foods are even thought to heighten sexual experience when consumed, such as oysters or chocolate. These foods are called aphrodisiacs, and are commonly referenced in media as the best foods to eat on a date. Food play may also be connected to BDSM, where the messiness of the food serves to humiliate or victimize the submissive.

I’m just going to come straight out and say it, I LOVE my nipples being played with during sex. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize this until just over a year ago, but making that discovery has made a whole world of difference.

Mainstream pornography seems to suggest that the only way a woman is able to orgasm is by stimulating the clitoris (though I would debate mainstream pornography does a bad job of even showing this). However, there are multiple erogenous zones such as ears and the nape of the neck that, when stimulated, can generate a sexual response. The nipple is an (unfairly) ignored erogenous zones, and due to the way each nipple has hundreds of nerve endings, it can make them super sensitive to touch. Scientifically speaking: when the nipples are stimulated, they shoot off sparks into the genital sensory cortex. In layman's terms, this is the same area of the brain that is aroused by vaginal or clitoral stimulation. Whilst it is possible to have an orgasm by nipple stimulation at any point, they are thought to be even more intense during menstruation because the hormonal changes can increase breast sensitivity and tenderness.

The term prostitution dates back to 2400 BCE and is referenced as an “occupation” in the Bible—we’ve certainly come a long way since then. Now, in 2022, prostitution exists in many forms that would have been unimaginable by its first practitioners, especially with the rise of online sex work over the past decade. Recently, we have shifted the language we use to describe this industry from prostitution to sex work. The term “sex work” acknowledges it as a profession while removing some of the stigmatization and connotations of immorality that the term “prostitution” carries. Now, sex work happens on a global level, at all hours of the day, and across many platforms.

Many of us imagine sex work as it is portrayed in the movies (think Pretty Woman) with feminine, cisgender women standing on street corners, waiting for a “John” to pick them up. In reality, even this in-person form of sex work is much different than its media image. In United States history, sex work has been a significant part of many historical events, although it has been pushed to the back of the narrative. Stonewall, the uprising at the center of the fight for LGBTQ rights in 1969, was an example of this. From the community of LGBTQ+ and people of color in attendance, many were sex workers, though their stories were hidden from the narrative because of the stigma around their work. Aside from street sex work, brothels and escorting are also common forms of in-person sex work.

In 2013 a paper titled Gender Difference in Brain Activation to Audio-Visual Sexual Stimulation; do women and men experience the same level of arousal in response to the same video? was released. In order to evaluate sexual arousal, the study uses conventional audio-visual stimulation, a universal material used to measure arousal. Within the study, they investigated which areas of the brain were activated whilst watching the same clips in order to measure what type of stimulation was most likely to cause brain activation. Aware that the conditions for a woman to become aroused are more complex, the team introduced two different audio-visual stimulation. One was deemed a ‘mood type’ meaning that the video clips were accompanied with a concrete story, the other was a ‘physical type’ whereby it directly exposed sexual intercourse and genitalia. These are the findings of the paper:

The paper opens by making the crucial distinction between arousal and desire, further explaining how the human sexual response, sexual desire, and response to sexual stimulation are completely different between men and women. Men are generally more likely to respond positively to visual sexual stimulation such as erotic videos, but for women, audio stimulation and emotionally relevant sexual stimulation are significantly more likely to result in arousal. The study further states that adolescent boys may experience a strong genital response to visual sexual stimuli, which is usually accompanied by feeling the need to masturbate. In contrast, adolescent girls’ sexual feelings often arise from emotional reactions to their partners. These may be referred to as “the gender differences of the sexual response and sexual function.” Because of these previous findings, the authors realized that “for optimal outcome, we should therefore consider the different preferences of the two genders when studying sexual function and dysfunction”. Merely showing a video that focused on intercourse and genitals would have worked positively for the men but would be less likely to result in stimulation in the brain for women.

You may have heard of the different places on the body which, when stimulated, can add to sexual pleasure, but did you know that the brain is actually the largest erogenous zone in the body? That’s why it can be helpful—and interesting—to learn about the way sex interacts with your brain and nervous system, to better understand your own body. Through our limited understanding of how the brain functions, we have found some understanding of its interaction with sex and other activities and experiences that can stimulate similar reactions.

There are many sections of the brain that are influenced by sexual activity. During the initial erotic response, in which blood flows down to the genital area and internal stimulation begins, people with male and female genitals experience different brain activity. Those with penises experience increased activity in the insula and the somatosensory cortex, which relate to sensory perceptions and survival needs.

The idea that using a vibrator “too often” will desensitize the clitoris has been around for too long. Not only is “dead vagina syndrome” completely false, but extremely harmful. “The idea that you could end up numbing the nerves in your vagina and be unable to have an orgasm is absolutely false,” states Dr. Leah Millheiser, director of the Female Sexual Medicine Programme at Stanford Medical School. Professional sexologist Jill McDevitt backs up Millheiser’s claim, stating that “‘dead vagina syndrome” is a “nonmedical, fear-mongering term invented by people who don’t really understand female masturbation, orgasms, pleasure, or vaginal and vulvar anatomy.”

McDevitt explains that “dead vagina syndrome’’ is a result of the way “society feels and teaches women to feel uncomfortable with the idea of women experiencing pleasure for the sake of pleasure and getting themselves off.” This is further reinforced by the fact that sex education (including the one I received) mentions nothing about female masturbation—this obvious lack easily perpetuates the idea that masturbation is wrong.

Vaginal discharge comes from the glands inside your vagina and cervix. These glands produce small amounts of fluids, this is better known as vaginal fluid. Every day this fluid flows out of the vagina, cleansing the old cells that have lined the vagina. Monistat makes sure to reinforce the point that this is simply just a natural process for your body to keep your vagina clean and healthy. Discharge varies between every vagina owner, for some they may have discharge every day whilst others have a less frequent experience. Vaginal discharge can also change over the course of the menstrual cycle, these changes in color and thickness are usually caused by ovulation and is once again, a natural thing to happen. For me personally, in the time before the beginning of my period, I find the frequency of discharge increases—before being educated I never really paid much attention, but now I have paid attention to my body and noted patterns, I always know when my period is about to come! Though not mentioned on Monistat’s page, it may be common to find that your vaginal discharge has ‘bleached’ patches in your underwear, leaving a yellow or white stain. Once again this is completely normal and is due to the way that vaginal discharge is naturally acidic.

Aftercare is a concept that originated in BDSM communities but is something that should happen after all forms of sex. In general, aftercare refers to what you do after sex to make sure that everyone is okay and taken care of. In BDSM practices there may be the use of bondage or other implements that may cause marks and bruising, part of aftercare in this scenario may involve applying a cold compress to bruises or rubbing in cream on marks. Well+Good’s lifestyle writer, Mary Grace Garis, suggests a sign that you are not practicing appropriate aftercare is experiencing postcoital dysphoria (or in her own words, the ‘post-sex blues’). So why is aftercare so important?
Chemicals and hormones play a major reason why aftercare is so crucial. During sex oxytocin, dopamine, and prolactin get released—however, after sex, these chemical levels begin to dissipate which can result in postcoital dysphoria or other negative emotions. Aftercare may help your body to regulate how it responds as those chemicals dissipate. Providing aftercare after sex helps maintain a sense of closeness in a relationship, making it easier to emotionally respond to chemical levels changing. Remember that intimacy, vulnerability, and connection shouldn’t end with orgasm. Emotional intimacy is just as important as physical intimacy, so prioritizing time for aftercare provides a space to improve this emotional intimacy, and further allows an opportunity for sharing and validating positive emotions.

Without any federal regulations requiring sex education in schools, each state independently controls its health education curriculum. As a result, only 60% of states require sex education in their schools, and even within this percentage, the actual education varies from abstinence-only to comprehensive, with the latter representing the smallest population. As a result, the majority of educators across the country are either not permitted to discuss contraceptive care at all or are not required to provide scientific or evidence-based information about contraceptives. Out of the few states that require comprehensive sex education, only five include educational mandates that apply to students with disabilities, and two of these are optional. Because of the unique educational needs of these students, specific regulations on sex education that will cater to them, in particular, are necessary.

Youth with behavioral disabilities experience an increased risk of impulsive behaviors which can include sexual activity. Coupled with a lack of comprehensive education, these students can be at higher risk for unplanned pregnancies, contracting sexually transmitted diseases, and encountering dangerous sexual situations. For this reason, ensuring that these students are educated as much as possible about these topics is critical to their health and development.

Having regular talks about sex with your partner is an essential way to benefit your sex life. Research has gone to prove that couple who have strong communication about their sexual needs and preferences are far more satisfied with their sex lives. Having this regular and open communication results in a greater sensation of secure intimacy and thus a stronger relationship is created. Reasons to have this discussion include: a lack of sexual satisfaction, desire to try something new, feelings of sexual rejection, and family planning.

There are no strict rules as to how to have this discussion with your partner, however, Stritof, a marriage consultant and regular blogger for VeryWellMind, makes some reasonable and useful suggestions in a VeryWellMind post. Although there are no defined rules, it is important to know that there is a correct time and place to discuss sex with your partner.

I knew my main worry was that someone would hear us, and after discussing that with my partner we came up with the conclusion to play some music out loud. But not any music… sexy music. Something about listening to these slow and sensual songs kept me focused on the moment, and if my mind would wander it would tune into the song and still make me think of sex—not anything else that could be worrying me. We made sure to use the same playlist each time. When I would see the playlist thumbnail or hear the first few beats of the first song, I would get into the zone: to an extent, I think I may have classically conditioned myself doing this, but I don’t think Pavlov minds too much. It is also important to note that the moment sex finishes and aftercare commences, we use an entirely different playlist — something soft and not related to sex in any way.

Each year, January seems to bring an influx of change. In some ways, this can be beneficial, helping us recenter and refocus our energies and goals as we move into a new year. But oftentimes this narrative of change is focused on what not to do, and actually shames us for our habits and processes. It can be difficult to see restrictive goal setting, diet culture, and negative self-image on the rise on social media and in our social circles. The best way to combat this negativity is to take the time at the beginning of the year to come up with resolutions that center your happiness. These sex-positive, body-positive, and mind-positive goals will set you on the right track for your year and will be much easier to stick to long-term.

When setting goals for your sex life, consider reflecting on your past experiences to better understand what aspects have benefitted you and brought you happiness and which experiences have detracted from your mental wellness. This could mean a shift in the partner or partners you choose, your sexual healthcare practices, or the way you frame sex in your mind. If you have had a new partner lately, it could be a great time to get tested and start the year off with a clean slate. If there are items on your sex bucket list that you would love to try, set the intention, to be honest, and brave this year!

Erotic asphyxiation (EA) is the official term for breath play, it involves intentionally cutting off the air supply for either yourself or your partner via choking, suffocating and other acts. It does however, pose a lot of risk that does not tend to be addressed in mainstream media, nor portrayed in a safe manner through pornography. Erotic asphyxiation can be extremely dagerous if the correct precautions are not taken. Janet Brito, a specialist in sex therapy, quotes that “EA is truly very risky and may lead to serious injury, including cardiac attest, brain damange from lack of oxygen, and death”. There is no way to practice breath play that is 100% safe as all types of breath play pose different risks e.g. using your hands versus using a belt.

People enjoy participating in breath play for a plethora of reasons. Physiological reasons are one of the most common ones, as mentioned previously during breath play you or your partner may have oxygen restricted from the brain. When oxygen levels are low, you may begin to feel lightheaded or dizzy. But when the pressure is released there is a rush of oxygen and blood, this is also accompanied by a rush of release of dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins which can cause ‘head-spinning exhilaration’. For others there may be psychological reasonings for wanting to participate in erotic asphyxiation. Breath play can be heavily involved in power play, with the idea of the controller choking and the controlled being choked. Similar to physiological reasonings, some may want to enjoy erotic asphyxiation for physical reasons. In the immediate aftermath of suffocating, your body may confuse the rush of endorphins and hormones as a positive and pleasurable thing. However, in reality, those hormones were caused by your body's protective reaction. In the crossfire of emotions and pleasure, these sensations may come across as a ‘pain is pleasure’ rather than warning signals from your brain and body.

Sexual compatibility is not a guarantee in intimate relationships. We fall in love and commit to relationships for many different reasons, and being a good sexual match is often not a high priority. I see a great many people who enter into relationships and make strong, deep commitments to people they don’t find sexually attractive or a good erotic match. All too often, these characteristics change over time, as our bodies and lives change, as a person we once found erotically exciting changes, and we lose some of that physical interest. Sometimes, I see individuals and couples in treatment who initially entered into a relationship with the idea that a sexual match simply wasn’t all that important. They told themselves (and were told by society, family, culture, religion, and the media) that what was most important was a spiritual and emotional bond and life partnership. Sexual satisfaction and connectedness are often treated as secondary at best, if not irrelevant. “Why would you want a divorce just because you’re sexually unhappy? You’ve got everything else that you could possibly want in your marriage!” But different sexual interests, sexual desire discrepancy, and unmatched sexual needs are among the most common reasons that couples come to therapy. It turns out that despite what people tell themselves, sexual compatibility is important. And how we deal with sexual mismatches may be even more important than a sexual match.

For many people, sexual satisfaction is an important component of their lives, though sexual satisfaction is a complex and nuanced factor. For instance, when couples are sexually unsatisfied, it contributes disproportionately (around 60% or so) to feelings of general relationship dissatisfaction. Unfortunately, when a couple is sexually satisfied, it contributes only around 15-20% to their general relationship satisfaction. So being sexually unsatisfied weighs heavily on people's feelings about their relationship, but sexual satisfaction won't save an otherwise troubled relationship.

Often, sexual satisfaction is measured and assessed by simple sexual frequency: Are you having sex as much as you would like to? Unfortunately, sexual satisfaction involves more than that: If you’re having lots of sex, but it’s not the kind of sex you really want, or with a partner who you find sexually attractive, is that truly satisfying? For people who are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t meet their sexual ideals, or matches what we really want in a sexual partner, people try a variety of strategies to overcome this sexual mismatch. They may try to reframe their expectations and ideals to meet their partner (talk themselves into being happy with what they’ve got); they may perceive their partner as being closer to their ideal than the partner really is (try to see the glass as half-full), or they may actually try to change their partner to meet their ideals. These strategies may or may not succeed, but it's clear that trying to change your partner rarely works, and often actually increases both relational conflict and personal dissatisfaction.