The idea that using a vibrator “too often” will desensitize the clitoris has been around for too long. Not only is “dead vagina syndrome” completely false, but extremely harmful. “The idea that you could end up numbing the nerves in your vagina and be unable to have an orgasm is absolutely false,” states Dr. Leah Millheiser, director of the Female Sexual Medicine Programme at Stanford Medical School. Professional sexologist Jill McDevitt backs up Millheiser’s claim, stating that “‘dead vagina syndrome” is a “nonmedical, fear-mongering term invented by people who don’t really understand female masturbation, orgasms, pleasure, or vaginal and vulvar anatomy.”
McDevitt explains that “dead vagina syndrome’’ is a result of the way “society feels and teaches women to feel uncomfortable with the idea of women experiencing pleasure for the sake of pleasure and getting themselves off.” This is further reinforced by the fact that sex education (including the one I received) mentions nothing about female masturbation—this obvious lack easily perpetuates the idea that masturbation is wrong. As a result of this, those with vulvas are taught that a vibrator will “‘ruin’ them for partnered sex and that they’ll be unable to orgasm in any other way.” Using a vibrator will not ruin you; on the contrary, there is overwhelming evidence that using a vibrator can contribute to positive outcomes such as orgasm, increased lubrication, decreased pain, and a greater likelihood of seeking gynecological checkups. A study in 2009 by The Journal of Sexual Medicine further found that vibrators do not have a numbing effect.
McDevitt does point out that in the study there were a few who reported a numbing sensation but importantly elaborated to say that the feeling went away within a day. This temporary numbness after using a vibrator can be compared to the numbness your arm might experience after holding a massage gun. “It doesn’t last forever,” says clinical sexologist Megan Stubbs, “with any kind of intense stimulation, your body just needs some time to reset and recover.”
If you are a regular vibrator user and notice a loss in sensitivity, Stubbs suggests that it is likely to be something else to blame rather than the vibrator itself. Simply worrying that your vibrator might interfere with your ability to enjoy tech-free partnered sex could be what is keeping you from enjoying yourself. McDevitt explains that “for folks with vulvas, so much of the orgasm comes from the brain, and stress about orgasming is a major roadblock.” All this worry and stress can result in and become a self-fulfilling prophecy, ultimately resulting in not being able to find pleasure. Remember that an orgasm doesn’t have to be the goal of sex.
Sherry Ross, an OB-GYN and author of She-ology: The Definitive Guide to Women’s Intimate Health does stress the importance of understanding the real cause of a lack or sudden long term loss of sensitivity in order to fix the problem. She suggests scheduling an appointment with your OB-GYN is “a good first step to rule out any medical conditions that could be behind these symptoms. Other common culprits include stress, obesity, an untreated mood disorder, or alcohol, drug, or tobacco abuse.”
If you are still worried that you are unable to orgasm during partnered sex, take a moment to breathe and be kind to yourself, remind yourself that this feeling, all these concerns, are normal and very common. DeLucia (Fellow of The American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists) reveals that only about 10 percent of women climax easily, furthermore “most women are not able to climax with/from penetrative sex alone and need direct clitoral stimulation to climax.” Vibrators however provide that direct stimulation that is needed. This is why some women are able to orgasm with the toy but not a partner, it is not the touch that is interfering with the orgasm exactly, it is the place of touch. During penetrative sex, the clitoris is often ignored, so try bringing in some backup! This may mean using your hand or asking your partner to use their hand to stimulate the clitoris. Equally you are allowed to use a vibrator during sex. If a partner shames or criticizes you for wanting to use a vibrator during sex, consider letting them and their bad vibes go.
Though there is certainly no need to worry about “‘“dead vagina syndrome”’’’, there still is the problem of peoples discomfort about female pleasure and misunderstandings of anatomy. Although the stigma of female pleasure may be lessening, there still is a significant way to go. There is nothing wrong about female masturbation, whether that is manually with a hand or using a vibrator. Masturbating is a great way to reduce stress, and has the added bonus of being able to ease menstrual cramps. Fellow SHA content creator Alyssa Morterud has produced an amazing piece on masturbation, discussing whether there can really be a thing as too often, stating that “masturbation and self-love are all about listening to what your body needs and desires.” Most certainly go and check out her work! And in the meantime, make sure to keep the good vibes flowing.
By Steph McCartney