I’m just going to come straight out and say it, I LOVE my nipples being played with during sex. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize this until just over a year ago, but making that discovery has made a whole world of difference.
Mainstream pornography seems to suggest that the only way a woman is able to orgasm is by stimulating the clitoris (though I would debate mainstream pornography does a bad job of even showing this). However, there are multiple erogenous zones such as ears and the nape of the neck that, when stimulated, can generate a sexual response. The nipple is an (unfairly) ignored erogenous zones, and due to the way each nipple has hundreds of nerve endings, it can make them super sensitive to touch. Scientifically speaking: when the nipples are stimulated, they shoot off sparks into the genital sensory cortex. In layman's terms, this is the same area of the brain that is aroused by vaginal or clitoral stimulation. Whilst it is possible to have an orgasm by nipple stimulation at any point, they are thought to be even more intense during menstruation because the hormonal changes can increase breast sensitivity and tenderness.
In theory, everyone is able to be stimulated by nipple play, including men. But before diving straight into it, communicate! Ask your partner(s) what techniques they would like to try, and any techniques they want to avoid. Personally, I don’t enjoy nibbling or pinching at all, but this is something I discovered through communication, and trial and error. A fun fact I discovered whilst researching nipple play is that nipple stimulation can help pregnant women in a plethora of ways! It can: start their milk flow, induce labor, and calm them during the early stages of labor. However, the page does stress that this should only be light nipple play, enough to release oxytocin. Anything vigorous or sucking on them may cause contractions.
Remember that nipple play doesn’t have to lead to orgasm, nor does sex always end with an orgasm. But if you have communicated with your partner and want to give it a go, here are some ways to get started. Start by setting the mood with some dim lights and sensual music, also make sure to be in a comfy position. Start with your fingers and take your time, experiment with different techniques, and find out what makes you feel good. When knowing what feels good, add in other sensations such as oils, clamps, and nipple vibrators. Note that adding in other equipment is something that requires prior discussion and communication.
In terms of technique, the easiest way to begin is by a simple and small breast massage, and then when ready introduce a little squeeze. This can be followed by moving fingers over the nipple itself. Start by rubbing the nipples slowly, and then gradually build up speed and pressure. Pleasure can also be increased by a (consensual) pinch; this is due to the way a pinch can send a sudden rush of sensations throughout the body. Note that these techniques can be used in solo sessions too! Other techniques that you or your partner may want to experiment with are: hot breath, licking (my personal favorite), sucking, and nibbling.
Interested in trying a different sensation entirely? You may want to incorporate ice. Adding ice to nipple play can send chills throughout your body, and has the added bonus of causing an instant nipple erection. Nipple vibrators are another different sensation that you may want to try. Nipple vibrators are a great, hands-free way to stimulate the nipples—as well as feel sensations throughout the breast. For those that enjoy pinching or twisting, clamps might be right up your street! Whether these clamps vibrate or not, they can tease the nipples by giving versatility. They can be worn loosely for a bit of fun, or tightened to apply pressure and intensify arousal. Oil and lube can also help massively during nipple play, this can also include the use of CBD lube. CBD acts as a vasodilator, it promotes circulation and is able to draw more blood flow to the area.
Remember that everyone is different, and different bodies have different thresholds when it comes to sensitivity. If you are starting to experiment with nipple play, make sure to start off slowly and communicate throughout. Sex and wellness journalist Gabrielle Kassel mentions the importance of discussing what you want to have your breast tissue and nipples called, for certain words (such as ‘boobies’) can come across as infantilizing and just straight-up weird. For other people, certain words can trigger body dysmorphia. Hence, before getting started you should share your preferred words.
If nothing happens, or nipple play just doesn’t bring pleasure to you—nothing is wrong with you! As mentioned above, some people have very sensitive nipples, and others don’t. It is the same way that some people have sensitive necks, and others (including myself) simply don’t.
By Stephanie McCartney