If you’ve seen the film version of Fifty Shades of Grey, you’ll remember the main characters walking around a hardware store and suggestively picking out everyday items that could be used for BDSM. BDSM includes six main components: bondage and discipline, domination and submission, and sadism and masochism. The bondage component usually requires some outside tools to tie up or restrain one or more partners. In the film, Anastasia (played by Dakota Johnson) works at the store while Christian Grey (played by Jamie Dornan) asks for cable ties, masking tape, and rope, all while making searing eye contact. While this movie takes a considerably blunt heterosexual and slightly boring perspective on BDSM, queer women everywhere know that there’s nothing sexier than Dakota Johnson in a hardware store.

Visiting your local hardware store for kinky tools is actually really resourceful. There are a plethora of sex toy sites or sex shops that sell bondage and kink items, but it’s not always necessary to buy them from these places. Many of these items are essentially household objects, but with a flashy label and a huge price increase. Unless you’re supporting a queer- or BIPOC- owned small business like these, consider taking a do-it-yourself approach and pick up some staples from your local hardware or utility store.

My entire life I’ve struggled with hormone imbalances. When I was 11, I remember my pediatrician running blood tests on me as a child and finding out that my testosterone and estrogen levels were abnormally high. However, at the time, they brushed it off and said it was probably because I would soon go through puberty. When I was 17, I went to the pediatrician again for intense cramping in my lower side; she ordered an ultrasound and it was discovered that I had cysts on my ovaries. She told me it was nothing to worry about and that they would go away. When I was 20, I went to the gynecologist with concerns about painful periods, weight gain, and excessive hair growth. She told me it was normal and that maybe I should try the birth control pill. I fought with her to prescribe me an ultrasound and hormone testing. My hormone levels were even more off-balanced than they were when I was 11 and my ovaries still had cysts. She told me that her only treatment option for me was birth control. I knew high testosterone and estrogen coupled with painful periods, excessive hair growth, and unexplained weight gain were not normal, but I had trouble finding a doctor who wouldn't brush off my concerns.

Finally, at 21 years old, I found a functional health doctor who understood and validated my concerns. He ran an extensive hormone analysis on me along with an organic acids test and the results were quite literally off of the charts. My testosterone and estrogen levels were sky high and I had an abnormal level of androgens in my blood. These test results coupled with my irregular periods, excessive hair growth, and ovarian cysts clearly spelled out one diagnosis: PCOS, or Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. Why had it taken me a decade to get diagnosed with a condition I had been suffering from since I hit puberty? Why is it so common for doctors to often brush off a woman’s concern regarding her health? These questions are ones that I ask myself daily, but they aren't the purpose of this blog post.

The Coronavirus pandemic and subsequent switch to online working has seen a dramatic increase in the amount of people experiencing high levels of stress and burnout. Despite lockdown rules being relaxed and work returning to normal, burnout is still just as prevalent. Burnout can have a significant emotional and physical impact on the individual, the emotional exhaustion that stems from it and result in a shift in the way sex is percieved or prioritised. By taking on ideas from Emily Nagoski, PhD and Amelia Nagoski, DMA, book, Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, this article will explore how burnout affects sex, and the ways to complete the stress and burnout cycle. Although this definition was originally only inclusive in the workplace, it has since been expanded to all situations. Just as your job can result in stress and burnout, parenting or taking care of a sick relative can result in burnout too. Emily and Amelia, twin sisters, note that in men burnout tends to manifest as depersonalization. For women, however, emotional exhaustion is the most prevalent sign of burnout. “Human giver syndrome” is a further reason why women are far more likely to experience emotional exhaustion and in turn, burnout. In a podcast on the effects of burnout in the perinatal/postpartum period, Emily defines “human giver syndrome” as being the “moral imperative for women to be calm and pretty and attentive to the needs of others at all times. Any attention to yourself is deemed as selfish. Your job is to give your body, and your time to others.” This is especially true in motherhood where the needs of others are expected to be a constant priority over the mothers personal needs.

The Hitachi magic wand is one of the most iconic vibrators. The toy has been around since the ‘60s, and it was not always used as a sex toy; in fact, it was not initially created for that purpose. The Hitachi Magic Wand story first began when Japanese company Hitachi introduced their original personal massager to the American consumer market in 1968 as the 'Hitachi Magic Wand', also known as the 'Hitachi Massager'. It was a vibrator with an electrical power cord that was marketed as a ‘back massager’ that helped combat sore and aching muscles as well as provide all-over body relaxation. Over time, the Hitachi Magic Wand had morphed into a sleeker-looking, extremely sought-after product for women who would use it primarily for personal pleasure as a vibrator. It was touted as a must-have item by numerous well-known and influential sex therapists, recommended by them to women and couples wanting to improve their sex life.

The device most definitely helps to soothe more than just an achy back—the wand is a very functional clitoral vibrator and has been accredited with helping a lot of vulva-owners reach orgasm. Its discreet appearance as a household item is perhaps the reason for much of its early success amongst women-in-the-know, and the fact that it wasn't overly phallic freed it from perpetuating the belief that women needed a dick inside them to feel pleasure. Not only was it easier for women to buy (What if they really just wanted to soothe their sore necks?), but the type of orgasm the toy provided was solely about a woman's pleasure, not the penetrative sex that is unfortunately so often the expected and depicted in most popular culture examples.

For successful and sexually healthy relationships, boundaries exist between partners and within the relationship. These boundaries, as is obvious, function in various forms and vary from person to person, couple to couple. couple. One of these One boundary many couples find themselves facing is the placement of pornography consumption by partners in the relationship. Due to the at-times controversial nature of pornography, this conversation you have with your partner on it may be awkward or difficult. Whilst some people are completely on board with watching pornography in a relationship, other’s are not as comfortable with this idea. Both opinions are valid in themselves, however, those who prefer not to have pornography exist in the confines of their relationship may have a difficult time expressing their feelings. A Bustle article explains that this is due to the way “we’ve somehow evolved into a society where an aversion to porn is something that makes you different and frankly, wrong.” Although watching and enjoying porn is a legitimate choice, the choice to avoid or be against pornography is equally as valid of a choice.

The ethics of watching porn outside of a relationship can be questioned, especially in terms of ‘feminist’ or ethical pornography, there are further debates that take place when porn is consumed within a relationship. “Watching and getting off to porn is a sex act. And when you’re in a relationship, one of the things you have to clearly define is what sex acts you are and aren’t comfortable with.” In a healthy sexual relationship, desires and limitations should be discussed. You may be excited by erotic asphyxiation, but if your partner isn’t, you wouldn’t and shouldn’t force them to partake in this and any act that they are uncomfortable with. Pornography is the same in the way it is a personal choice. You may not be comfortable partaking in wax play, even if your partner expresses they really enjoy it, you may feel uncomfortable with your partner using pornography as a masturbation aid. In terms of sexual boundaries, “what your partner does sexually—even when you’re not there—affects you, and affects the relationship.”

It is common for penis-owners to develop depression, erectile dysfunction, and a loss of sex drive as they age. This is typically seen when they reach their late 40s or early 50s. This can be referred to as andropause, or in other words, “male menopause.” The term male menopause, however, can be misleading. It causes issues in the way “it suggests the symptoms are the result of a sudden drop in testosterone in middle age, similar to what occurs in the female menopause. This is not true.” This confusion and uncertainty on the truth of male menopause will be explored in this article. The effect of a lack of discussion of menopause can be seen clearly in the workplace, especially in terms of menopause and sick pay. Menopause is seen as an insufficient reason for taking time off work, meaning many facing the effects of it are faced with having to work whilst experiencing symptoms of menopause. Others have no choice but to leave their workplace entirely. Issues with menopause and the workplace will be discussed later on in this article.

Changes in hormones are a natural part of aging; for penis-owners, as they age, they may experience a decrease in testosterone levels, resulting in physical and emotional changes. This change in hormone levels is not equivalent to the hormone changes in women. In vulva-owners, after ovulation ends, hormone production levels plummet significantly in a short period of time—this is known as menopause. For those with a penis, this decline in hormones is not as dramatic. The decline in testosterone is steady, around 1-2% a year from the age of 30-40. Most older penis-owners still have testosterone levels within the normal range, with an estimation that only 10-25% have low testosterone levels. Because of this steady fall, low testosterone levels in older penis-owners often go unnoticed. Although hormone levels can be checked by blood tests, they are not routinely done.

When breakups occur, partners may feel a variety of different emotions, particularly related to the losses they are experiencing. While the loss of a friend and romantic partner is most frequently expressed in the media, the loss of a reliable sexual partner is often overlooked. This desire to have positive sexual contact and form bonds of trust and sexual compatibility is completely valid, and a very important part of a relationship for many people. Breakups bring change, and one of those changes for those who engage in sex is a change in sexual habit and practice, especially from long-term partners who have established routines and know each others’ sexual interests.

Post-breakup, partners may experience different sexual desires. Some may seek an increase in sex with new partners, while others may focus on themselves in this new period of being single. Seeking more sex is often referred to as “rebound sex,” which is controversial in its practice. On one hand, getting intimate with a new person can redirect negative emotions and serve as a distraction from the thoughts surrounding your breakup. The results of sex, such as the release of hormones like oxytocin and achieving orgasm, can have a positive impact on your body and its function. Especially in the cases of heartbreak, moving on with new partners can help you to see that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel in the negative emotions of the breakup. Exploring intimacy with a new person can give you hope that you will be able to move on from your previous relationship and enjoy being single or enter into new relationships.

Music, a means of self-exploration and self-expression, has always been intrinsically linked with a diversity of identities. Before there were “queer pop stars” there were those who pushed the limits of gender, shocked and supported audiences through their songs, and represented fans who identified with them. There’s an argument to be made about the music industry as queer media, but at the minimum it is a place in which queer artists and queer listeners engage and interact, creating community spaces in their fanbases. The music industry has changed so much over its lifespan, so for the sake of brevity, we’ll look at the current subsection of music, from the early 2000s to today. In a similar way, the LGBTQ+ community is so expansive and can never be defined by one word, but for the phenomenon of non-straight or non-cis fans of pop culture and music, I’ll refer to them as “queer.”

Some of the most popular musicians in the past few years have been straight artists– confirmed or implied– with a significant portion of queer listeners. Typically, these genres are pop and rap, although this trend is not limited to these categories. In the past two decades, Britney Spears has remained an icon to the queer community, primarily for queer men.

Many people are familiar with the pain of urinary tract infections (UTIs), there is nothing worse than having that moment of realization on the toilet that you have contracted a UTI. They are uncomfortable, painful, and honestly just suck. Unfortunately, there is a limited acknowledgment of UTIs in the sex education system, and due to the taboo nature of it, UTIs aren’t something encouraged to talk about publicly and openly. This article will go into detail about the causes, symptoms, and treatments of UTIs—covering what you should have been taught in sex education.

The first thing to note is that UTIs are not limited to vagina owners, those with a penis can just as easily contract a UTI in the urethra. UTIs are mostly caused by bacteria generating an infection in your urinary tract, though fungi and other viruses can also cause UTIs. In the vast majority of cases, UTIs only affect the urethra and bladder, known as the lower tract. In more rare and severe cases, UTIs can affect the ureters and kidneys, otherwise known as the upper tract. UTIs do have the ability to spread, so it is essential you have a UTI treated as soon as possible. If left untreated, a lower tract infection can spread to the kidneys.

Sex education has taught us that puberty takes place between the ages of 8-14, that it is when you hit puberty that you change from a child to an adult. Changes to your mind and body do not stop at 14, studies have shown that the brain continues to develop well into your 20’s. These changes are all a normal part of maturing, and it is because of these sometimes sudden and drastic changes that the term “second puberty” has surfaced on social media sites. This article will aim to look at what the second puberty encounters, and whether it really is a thing.

Because “second puberty” is not a medical term, there is no official definition that describes when or why it occurs. Instead, second puberty is a slang term that refers to the changes that happen post-adolescence.. People may further use the words in a different way to refer to different time periods such as the transition from 20s to 30s. I found myself going through a huge change in my body between the ages of 18-21, and this felt far more drastic compared to my puberty at aged 15. So what signs are there of going through second puberty?

The concept of love languages was developed by Gary Chapman in his book: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. In the book, he described the five styles of communicating love. These categories have been based on his experience in marriage counseling. Each person has different preferences in the way they communicate love and wish to receive it. This article will explore the love languages, how to demonstrate them, and the validity behind them.

Working out your love language can be a great way to connect with your partner and find out ways to strengthen your relationship. The online quiz is free and easy to use. It is quick and simple, as well as gives you a breakdown of your connection to each love language. There have been debates on the scientific validity of love languages, for example Stefani Goerlich, psychotherapist, points out that the love languages were not based on clinical research. However, Goerlich has found that using the love languages as a framework can help couples to learn how to communicate better about their needs. “I have found that 8 out of 10 times, whatever the issues are that my client-couples bring to the table, they are rooted in a fundamental misalignment in how each partner gives and receives love.”

Some chronic ailments, such as vaginitis, chronic yeast infections, or chronic urinary tract infections, can impact the vagina, some of which are treatable and some of which are not. Many individuals have voiced their struggles with some of these conditions, which are relatively common. One chronic vaginal illness that you may not have heard of, though, is called vulvodynia. For those of us who may lack knowledge regarding the female anatomy, the external female genital area is called the vulva. It’s common for vagina owners to experience pain in the vulva region, but such pain becomes an issue if it lasts longer than three months. If you find yourself experiencing pain in the vulva region for an extended period of time, it’s worth researching on your own and asking your doctor about vulvodynia. The condition is most commonly described as burning, stinging, irritation, and rawness. Aching, soreness, throbbing, and swelling also may be felt. The entire vulva may be painful, or pain may be centered in a specific area. Symptoms of vulvodynia may be constant, or they may come and go.

Vulvodynia, simply put, is chronic vulvar pain without an identifiable cause. The location, constancy, and severity of the pain vary among sufferers. Some vulva-owners experience pain in only one area of the vulva, while others experience pain in multiple areas. One woman reported her pain felt like “acid being poured on [their] skin,” while another described it as “constant knife-like pain.” There are two main subtypes: localized and generalized vulvodynia, which sometimes co-exist. Localized vulvodynia is when the pain occurs on one side or specific part of the vulvar region. This type of pain is typically brought on by touch or after any sort of pressure is applied to the area. Local vulvodynia pain can be brought on by sexual intercourse, tampon insertion, or by tight fitting pants. General vulvodynia is when pain occurs spontaneously without any true known trigger. The pain itself is relatively constant, but it’s possible that there can be some periods of relief. Activities that apply pressure to the area, such as sitting for a prolonged period of time or having sexual intercourse, can exacerbate symptoms.

Two years after the start of the global pandemic, we now find ourselves slowly re-establishing the community and socialization that we have lacked thus far, but in doing so, we find that some parts of the previous world did not make it through with us. Somewhere along the way, queer nightlife spaces have fallen to the wayside, pushed out of business from financial hardship or replaced with larger businesses. As of 2022, less than two dozen lesbian bars remain in the United States. This article examines the history of queer bars, considers the newer online spaces as potential replacements for this lack of physical space, and the hopeful rebirth of the queer bar.

The earliest known lesbian bars in the US date back to the 1930s following the repeal of Prohibition with New York’s Mona 440 Club and Chicago’s Roselle Inn. With the advent of legislation preventing people from “cross-dressing” and the necessitated secrecy of queer attraction for fear of violence, these nightlife spaces became a refuge for queer people. These spots even became places of activism, wherein people would recruit for movements and decompress after protests. While in some ways, these spaces served as a safe place to express one’s identity, they did not always function as such for different kinds of people. Katherine Ott from the Smithsonian noted historical biphobia, racism, and ableism within these bars saying, “The bars were never a perfect solution to all of the discrimination and hate. Inside the bars, or inside the groups of women who went to the bars, was all the shit that was happening outside.” In 2022, the hope is that those queer nightlife spaces that remain are inclusive to all people regardless of other identity factors.

Historically pronouns have been wrongfully linked to the gender binary with many individuals being taught that people only use the set of pronouns that match their biological sex that they were assigned at birth. Luckily, as time has gone on, society has become more educated on the proper use of pronouns, although there is most certainly more work to be done. Pronouns should not be tied to the gender binary as they are used to represent a person’s gender identity, which exists outside of the traditional gender binary. Since most of us lack inclusive sex education, it’s vital that we continue to educate ourselves so we can respect the identities of ourselves and those around us. Gender identity can be defined as the following: “...one's own internal sense of self and their gender, whether that is man, woman, neither or both. Unlike gender expression, gender identity is not outwardly visible to others.”

When it comes to enhancing your education on the world of gender identity, educating yourself on the use and purpose of pronouns is a great place to start. It’s important to remember that when someone asks you to use their pronouns, they ask for you to acknowledge and respect their identity. Using the wrong pronouns when referring to someone can cause gender dysphoria, feelings of exclusion, and alienation. Additionally, it is never valid to assume someone’s gender; doing so operates on privilege as someone’s outward appearance does not always relate to their gender identity in terms of gender binary stereotypes. Male/female stereotypes are harmful and perpetuate the idea that one’s body should match their gender identity. This is not the case and “choosing to ignore or disrespect someone’s pronouns is not only an act of oppression but can also be considered an act of violence.”

“Platonic,” according to Merriam Webster, is derived in reference to the philosopher Plato, who wrote about love in all forms. Originally, this work referred to non-sexual romantic relationships and was used to degrade such partnerships, but it developed into a term for a close relationship without sexual or romantic love. Now, we use “platonic” to refer to close friendships without sexual or romantic connotations, but also to describe types of touching. For example, we might refer to hand-holding or cuddling as platonic when done with our friends, even when these same actions with a partner are romantic.

These touches and physical connections–sexual or not–are valuable. They produce a hormone called oxytocin, also known as the “cuddle hormone,” increases bonding with the other person and positive emotions for all involved. A diversity of needs can be met through platonic intimacy. For one, you can strengthen your friendships by bringing in physical connection, which can increase your comfortability with each other as well. Toxic forms of masculinity can be challenged through vulnerability and connection between men, opening up the possibility of fostering intimate friendships. People are also able to meet their own needs for touch without relying on a romantic or sexual partner, which can be especially valuable for those exploring their independence or who are unable to sustain a relationship. Meeting these needs strengthens friendships and creates space for shared connection and intimacy.

Sex podcasts are like listening to your coolest friends’ dish about their relationship drama and sex life. There’s nothing more entertaining (and educational!) than listening to a great episode about new sex positions, tips for more pleasurable oral sex, or experimenting with consensual non-monogamy. But even some of the most popular podcasts lack a fundamental understanding of the importance of non-sexual discussion along with these various tips and tricks. There is a critical connection between mental and emotional health and physical responses, so you really can’t talk about sex without talking about the whole person. This is where the podcast “Sex with Emily” by Dr. Emily Morse excels; she takes all of the exciting and interesting information that we expect from a sex podcast and interchanges it with valuable insight into caring for ourselves and our partners as humans, not just sexual beings.

With her Doctorate in Human Sexuality, Morse opened a sex therapy practice and began podcasting, which lead to her hefty social media following on platforms including Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. She is known for hosting the longest-running, most successful sexuality podcast online which features a Hotline (559-TALKSEX) for listener questions and concerns. Episodes range from information-based to storytelling to answering hotline questions, and many feature guests from the sex education industry! Past guests have included sex therapist Jayme Waxman, psychiatrist Dr. David Amen, and comedian Margaret Cho, along with many others.

Vaginismus, in its most simple term, is being unable to participate in penetration without experiencing pain. The DSM-5 classification stresses that vaginismus is a penetration disorder in that any form of vaginal penetration such as tampons, finger, vaginal dilators, gynecological examinations, and intercourse is often painful or impossible. The pain is due to the muscles of the vagina squeezing or having a spasm when something is attempting to penetrate it; this tightening of the vagina means any attempt of penetration is met with pain. Broken down further, there are two types of vaginismus, with treatment varying for each. Primary Vaginismus is where pain is experienced every time they try to insert something into their vagina, or they may have never been able to insert anything into the vagina without pain. Secondary Vaginismus is where penetration may have been previously possible, but is then difficult or impossible—this can be caused by sexual trauma, menopause, childbirth or yeast infections. With either primary or secondary vaginismus, it is important to know that this tightening is completely subconscious, it is an involuntary spasm of the pelvic muscles. This lack of control is what makes vaginismus a challenge to overcome, but as you will see throughout this article, there are multiple solutions to vaginismus. This article will be exploring multiple research papers looking at vaginismus, which we will see even these academic articles can be fooled by common misconceptions, as well as possible solutions and treatments of Vaginismus.

There is no ‘correct age’ to discuss masturbation with your child. As a parent, you know your child best, but these conversations are paramount to a child’s–and adult’s–healthy sex life. Dr. Rachel Wright, psychotherapist, states that you should “have the conversations when you feel it will be the most beneficial instead of paying attention to a specific age.” Some toddlers and preschoolers begin touching their genitals at a young age, others aren’t seen to do this until older. If you notice this, then this is the best time to discuss masturbation with your child. If you have not noticed your child doing this, then the best time to discuss this with them is as they are nearing puberty, family therapist Whitney states. When you feel the time has come to begin these discussions, the major points to hit are: Normalize masturbation, set boundaries around masturbating, and the safety and health benefits of masturbation.

The main point of having this conversation is to normalize the act and teach about safety, and consent. There is no need to go into detail about masturbation, the main purpose of this conversation is to normalize it, regardless of the child’s age. Make sure to reinforce that there is nothing wrong with it; that it is a healthy thing to do and a great way to learn about your body. It is likely that your child may respond in a negative way, telling you that it’s ‘embarrassing’ to discuss, but that is okay. The importance is making “the point that self-pleasuring is nothing to be ashamed of,” Whitney says. When having this conversation, make sure to keep it calm but casual, a safe and comfortable environment may make your child more receptive to the talk.

In 2022, now two years into the pandemic of COVID-19, we are still living in unprecedented times. As society slowly transitions back to “normal” with the development of vaccines and herd immunity, we are just now beginning to see changes emerging in the ways in which we live our lives. In comparing our lives in 2019 to now, we can identify shifts in what’s important to us and what we value, and these changes can impact our day-to-day lives and the expression of our identities.

One example of these changes that we are seeing nationwide is a slight shift in sexual orientation. This is not to say that the COVID-19 virus shifts who people are attracted to, but rather that the societal changes that we have experienced as a result of the pandemic affect the way in which we know ourselves. In one way, the stay-at-home order and reduced socialization allowed space for many people to reconnect with themselves outside of their busy lives. This connection allowed for exploration into past relationships, personal desires and behaviors, and previous experiences that shape who they are. For some people, this meant exploring the possibility of having more queer attraction than they had previously thought. In another way, these changes allowed more space from judgment for exploration, allowing people to explore their attraction through media, dating apps, and conversations with others that would not have been able to happen outside of this environment.

Researchers have long studied the effects of music, particularly how music can be used as a tool to regulate emotional and physical expression of self. For example, many people use slow, emotional music to experience their sadness, or upbeat music to enhance their happiness. One common use of music, one that has been far less researched, is music on a sex playlist. Music can be used during sex to increase emotional expression as well as “set the mood” for particular sexual experiences.

Sex playlists themselves can be comprised of many different genres and moods, depending on the desired effects. With the rise of streaming platforms like Spotify, previous methods of curating a playlist (like burning a CD or recording a mixtape) for a particular mood has been replaced with constantly updating, giant catalogs of sexy tunes, ready at your fingertips at all moments–be wary, however of not being a premium subscriber to these streaming platforms as you may be subjected to advertisements mid-coitus. These platforms will even curate their own sex playlists for you, such as “90s Baby Makers” and “Bedroom Jams” on Spotify. There are different genres that these playlists or artists can fall into, and typically people will have a preference for a particular genre if they enjoy listening to music during sex. Common preferences include hip hop, rap, and R&B, and then for those with less taste, Ed Sheeran. These genres are most popular for their intense energy and passionate lyricism, as well as references to sexuality. Typically during sex, sessions to rap music lean a little more into the BDSM/rough sex territory while R&B sex is slower and more passionate.