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Sexual Health Blogs

The Pandemic’s Impact on our Relationships and Identities

In 2022, now two years into the pandemic of COVID-19, we are still living in unprecedented times. As society slowly transitions back to “normal” with the development of vaccines and herd immunity, we are just now beginning to see changes emerging in the ways in which we live our lives. In comparing our lives in 2019 to now, we can identify shifts in what’s important to us and what we value, and these changes can impact our day-to-day lives and the expression of our identities. 

One example of these changes that we are seeing nationwide is a slight shift in sexual orientation. This is not to say that the COVID-19 virus shifts who people are attracted to, but rather that the societal changes that we have experienced as a result of the pandemic affect the way in which we know ourselves. In one way, the stay-at-home order and reduced socialization allowed space for many people to reconnect with themselves outside of their busy lives. This connection allowed for exploration into past relationships, personal desires and behaviors, and previous experiences that shape who they are. For some people, this meant exploring the possibility of having more queer attraction than they had previously thought. In another way, these changes allowed more space from judgment for exploration, allowing people to explore their attraction through media, dating apps, and conversations with others that would not have been able to happen outside of this environment. 

In terms of the quality of the relationships themselves, we see a difference in how relationships develop and sustain throughout the pandemic. In spring of 2020 as the stay-at-home order was first put in place, many new partners came to a crossroads of how to proceed: accelerating the relationship by possibly quarantining together or being forced to stop seeing each other entirely and break up. For those that stayed together, their relationships were tested by new experiences that were specific to the situation, including moving in together, living under high stress and instability, and navigating opinions around pandemic safety. Understandably, some relationships, especially newer ones, were unable to last through these unexpected outside pressures, but a select few grew incredibly strong through these challenges. Even long-term relationships were tested as marriages were postponed, financial insecurity grew, and milestone events such as anniversaries and childrearing happened within the home. 

The growth of TikTok throughout the pandemic allowed people to view life through thousands of different lenses in record time. This, combined with a new lifestyle of isolating and spending quality time with your own thoughts, allowed people the opportunity to change their paths of life. TikTok became a place where people questioning their relationships and their sexualities were able to find others with similar questions and similar experiences. Queer creators became an incredible resource for making the queer experience visible and tangible in a way that is still not presented in major media or in film and television. Young queer people in particular were able to find role models who were living the lives they desired. 

Some changes may also be attributed to the growth of mental health focus and therapy. Psychologists have reported a stark increase in requests for services over the past two years as clients struggled with various aspects of the pandemic and changes in their lives. Similar to the increased time alone, therapy can help people gain a more intimate understanding of themselves and their goals for the future. I would venture to say that engaging in a therapeutic relationship helped open people up to the idea of exploring their sexuality or helped them become more comfortable with their identities. Overall, the pandemic has shown us how quickly life can change, and this sense of the unknown really pushes people to live according to their truest desires. 

For me personally, I’ve experienced a similar shift in my own life. Although I have identified as bisexual since I was fourteen, I had not gathered the courage to really lean into my attraction for women until the past year. During shelter-in-place, I was able to strengthen my relationships with my close friends and family, and let go of relationships that were not serving me. I also started therapy, which made a huge difference in my own emotional growth and self-confidence. Now, I am in a relationship with a woman and feeling so grateful to have gotten to this place in my life, even though it was started by a massive shift in my life. 

Despite all of the hardship that the last two years have brought, we do have a unique opportunity now to change our lives to reflect our dreams and values. There’s a cultural reset happening, and this is the chance to reset your own life too. This could be reflecting on your own identity and living to fully express it, or even taking your own relationships into account and identifying the ways in which they serve you. If we have learned anything in the past two years, it’s that life is short and can change in the blink of an eye, so there’s no reason not to fully embrace it for what it is. 

By Sydney Sullivan