David Ley

By: SHA Intern Tula Pitcher

“I love the transformative power of sexual self-acceptance.” - David Ley

Dr. David Ley is a clinical psychologist and internationally recognized expert on sexuality, pornography, and mental health. Ever since adolescence, Ley has always been intrigued by sex and sexuality. As a teenager, Ley became fascinated by science fiction characters who “accepted and embraced their sexuality without shame.” Later, he began his academic career as a philosophy major from Ole Miss. After receiving his bachelor’s, Ley went on to pursue his Master’s and Doctoral degrees in clinical psychology from the University of New Mexico. David Ley initially started working with sex offenders, where he realized there was a lot of ignorance and work that needed to be done within the field of sexuality. Ley began getting lots of referrals for his expertise - “Just because I had learned the power of not shaming,” he said. Ley now works as the Executive Director of New Mexico Solutions, an outpatient mental health and substance abuse program in Albuquerque. 

Dr. Ley is best known for his controversial book, The Myth of Sex Addiction, that was inspired by the mainstream media’s reaction to his first book, Insatiable Wives. The media quickly picked up on Ley’s provoking ideas, earning him interviews with Anderson Cooper, Katie Couric, and Dr. Phil. Dr. Ley has also written Ethical Porn for Dicks, A Man’s Guide to Responsible Viewing Pleasure, that was endorsed by Pornhub.com. In addition to being featured on numerous TV shows, Ley has also been interviewed by the New York Times, Washington Post, LA Times, and Hustler and Playboy magazines. 

Ley is now investigating professional misconduct among teachers, lawyers, doctors, therapists and police. He is also doing work on forensic testimony, trying to help the legal system better understand the complexity of sexuality. Additionally, he continues to provoke and redefine controversial questions of sexuality, masculinity, psychology and culture through his clinical work and collaboration with the Sexual Health Alliance. 

Dr. Ley will be speaking at our conference on March 27th and 28th on Modern Sexual Issues in therapy and education. David Ley’s experience and research within the sexual field has made him an expert on the evolving issues seen in sex and relationships, which he will be focusing on during the conference. Most therapists have no training or exposure to the more contemporary issues revolving around sex and sexuality, and Ley will be reviewing a number of topics in order to break the ice on these taboo matters. Topics covered in the March conference include social media, nymphomania, sexual “pathologies,” porn, religion, and BDSM. Get to know David Ley a bit better by learning from him on how to be the most effective sexuality professional you can be - reserve your spot today!

Midori: “Supernova of Kink”

By: SHA Intern Tula Pitcher

Midori, the internationally acclaimed sexologist, educator, performer, and bondage expert, will be teaching our Kink for the Professional workshop on April 23rd and 24th. Using her expertise, Midori will lead discussions about cultural competence in healthy BDSM and sexual humiliation through judgement-free communication between partners, clients, and professionals. 

Born in Tokyo, Japan, Midori brings a multicultural and holistic approach to the kink and BDSM community. After moving to the United States, she got her bachelor’s degree in psychology, and pursued higher education from San Francisco Sex Education. Later in the 90’s, Midori emerged from the sex-positive scene as both an educator and a provacative performance artist. She remains based in San Francisco, although she consistently travels internationally to host workshops, performances, and speak for the art and sex community. 

In Midori’s abundant career, she has been an author, an educator, and an artist. She’s written multiple books, including The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage, Wildside Sex, and Master Han’s Daughter. Midori has also been featured in Men’s Health UK, Spectator Magazine, the Dan Savage Show, and the American Sex Podcast. She’s been awarded as the Best Sex Educator by SF Weekly Magazine, Sainted by Sisters of  Perpetual Indulgences, and Pantheon Leather Woman of the Year. She’s spoken for TEDx, and teaches various workshops on alternative variations of sexuality including topics of power, desire, and femininity. 

Additionally, Midori has developed several strategies for fostering self-exploration and open communication - extremely valuable tools for developing compassion and acceptance. For example, her “head-heart-hands” methodology invites participants to address difficult topics with new perspectives and individual examination. Midori leads and coaches small group intensives as well, called ForteFemme and Rope Dojo. Her creativity and sexually candid curriculum is in extremely high demand, with her workshops booking full months in advance!

In April, her conference for SHA will touch on her BDSM Appetite Grid in order to center mutual consent, negotiation, and satisfaction in kink-interested relationships. Language, identity, and justice play large roles in her teaching, so prepare to have an open mind, and to be alert and in-touch with your preconceived biases. Not only do Midori’s lessons provide thoughtful insight into the world of sexuality, but her anecdotes are equally applicable to humanity and the challenges life throws at each of us. 

Midori’s Kink for the Professional will be held, as mentioned above, on April 23rd and 24th. If these topics peak an interest in you, register to learn from a world renowned sexpert before it’s too late!

Male Birth Control: Where the hell is it?!

By: SHA Intern Tula Pitcher

Female birth control has been around for ages, with the earliest recordings emerging in 1850 BC, in ancient Mesopotamia. Although technology has advanced throughout the centuries to produce safer and more reliable contraception for women, it seems to have reached a glass ceiling. 

Yes, birth control has almost become a universal expectation. Let me rephrase that: Birth control has become a universal expectation in Western cultures - let us not forget the multitude of progress we have yet to make in reproductive justice across the globe. As of now, you hear “birth control” and you think: fertile, sexually promiscuous female. When you think of “condom,” you think: responsible young man. The problem remains exclusively a problem for women, but what about men? I think it’s about time that we refocus the discussion of contraception to become and a genderless concept. 

Discourse is equally favorable to men in the conversation around unplanned pregnancies, which are often the result of forgotten or misused contraception. The stigma around unplanned pregnancies is highly negative and highly gendered. Unplanned pregnancies are often blamed on the females, assuming the women were being irresponsible. 

The reality of the matter in both cases is that the responsibility of contraception, before and after coital sex, is left up to the female. And even more visible in an age of hookup culture, is that women are expected, without question, to be on some kind of hormonal intervention that’s supposed to protect both parties, male and female, from getting into “trouble.” Women have birth control pills, arm implants, shots, and multiple versions of IUDs. Patriarchy has etched into the history of uteri that they are either demanded to give birth to unwanted babies or they are required to host an anonymous set of hormones with a multitude of side effects. At the same time, women are consistently discredited for being too emotional while PMSing. 

And what do men have? They have flimsy pieces of plastic that are 98% effective, and often coerced and avoided into not being used. Additionally, if condoms are incorrectly worn, the chance of an unwanted pregnancy rises to nearly 25%. Actually, condoms aren’t the only option for men, although it’s the only widespread form of birth control known to be available. Vasectomies are also a reliable and reversible option! 

Seriously though, there are multiple ongoing trials for men’s birth control that have seen successful results since 2012. According to WebMD, these trials include a hormone-based gel, injectable hormones, and a pill. However, these trials are still pending, and commercial use may not be possible until 2029. 

There is certainly progress being made. But for me to truly believe in reproductive equality, I’m going to need to see the same kind of urgency we saw for female contraception. If female birth control began in 1850 B.C., male contraception has about 4,000 years of catching up to do. 

References:

https://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/male-contraceptives

https://www.pandiahealth.com/resources/birth-control-throughout-history/ 

https://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/male-birth-control-contraceptives-pill 

https://utswmed.org/medblog/pill-guys-male-birth-control-option-passes-safety-tests/

Featured on Loveline with Dr. Chris Donaghue

By: SHA Intern Rebecca Sanchez

In September 2020, SHA’s founder and CEO, Heather McPherson, LPC-S, LMFT-S, CST, was invited on Loveline with Dr. Chris Donaghue to discuss cuckolding and hotwifing!

Dr. Chris asked Heather, “For those listening, how can one go about bringing up exploring cuckolding or hotwifing to their partners, specifically in monogamous relationships?” Monogamy, in the words of Dr. Chris, “can stop people’s sexual development” as well as relationship development, meaning that perhaps individuals who want to bring in another person into the bedroom might feel hesitant or restricted in a monogamous relationship. In response, Heather recommended “moving at the slower person's pace”, reminding listeners that this sort of topic can take time to digest with your partner. Heather also suggests to “be open and curious about what you’re desiring, what you want out of the experience.”

Heather also responded to the myth that only men would want to engage in this sort of sexual activity, but she assures both Dr. Chris and listeners that “a lot of self-identified females will bring it to the table,” mentioning the empowerment that can emerge for many women through this experience. 

You can listen to the full Loveline podcast episode here: 

https://podtail.com/podcast/loveline-with-dr-chris/loveline-9-1-20-w-heather-mcpherson-ryan-sheldon-a/

 
Terms glossary:

Cuckolding and hotwifing: Terms used to describe the arrangement where one partner sleeps with others outside of the relationship and the other partner receives sexual enjoyment from this knowledge.

Heather McPherson Featured in Rolling Stone: "Why COVID-19 Will Inevitably Lead to Breakup"

By: SHA Interns Alyssa Morterud & Rebecca Sanchez

In March 2020, right when a global pandemic overtook the United States by storm, SHA’s founder and CEO, Heather McPherson, LPC-S, LMFT-S, CST, gave Rolling Stone some insight into some challenges in relationships in the time of COVID-19. Our founder and director of Respark and founder of Sexual Health Alliance, Heather McPherson, was featured in Rolling Stone Magazine in the article, “Why COVID-19 Will Inevitably Lead to Breakups”, by EJ Dickson.  Dickson writes about the “unknown” factor that COVID quarantine brought into all of our sexual and or romantic relationships. More than this, she touches upon how those feelings of stress and panic had the potential to break up many relationships due to an increase in fighting. Heather McPherson provides insight into this situation and provides us with an analysis of intimacy and relationships during the beginning of quarantine.

  In hetero relationships, Heather talks of how most of these arguments reflect the gender dynamics put forth by heteronormativity. She notes that “Cis-men can have a hard time validating and understanding emotions and feelings and don’t have as much experience with how to reflect that, which could play a role in it.” (McPherson) In relationship to COVID, it seems that the cis-woman in a hetero relationship tends to worry more about COVID precautions than her male counterpart. Heather also talks of how polyamorous couples were facing new challenges at the beginning of COVID, as a lot of her patients practice polyamory. Heather predicted that a lot of couples who were “already at that breaking point, [COVID] just pushes them over the edge.” (McPherson) Heather mentioned that even within her own practice, Respark Therapy & Associates, COVID-19 related issues have “completely overtaken the entire session times,” reinforcing the serious toll that it has taken on couples today.  If you want to learn more about the challenges couples faced in the beginning of COVID check out Heather’s feature in Rolling Stone!, reflect upon how your relationships held up during quarantine!

You can read the full article here: https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-news/coronavirus-covid-19-breakups-sex-966933/?fbclid=IwAR2r-dPOZ7PEnhsbU4BaRDEZ9msbV2Oj3sv6Z1sM1Bf_vjlk85nsIC0Qw9A

Recommendations for sex during COVID: http://www.bccdc.ca/health-info/diseases-conditions/covid-19/prevention-risks/covid-19-and-sex

Making Kink COVID-19 Safe

Making Kink COVID Safe

By: SHA Intern Alyssa Morterud

Our founder of Sexual Health Alliance, Heather McPherson recently drafted an article titled “Making Kink COVID Safe” in Psychology Today with Dr. David Ley. Dr. David Ley is a notable member of our community who serves on the SHA board as an expert on sexuality, pornography, and mental health issues. The article talks about how the emergence of the pandemic has completely changed the dynamic of kink communities across the globe. Individuals who participate in kink & BDSM were forced to figure out new COVID safe ways to connect and socialize. The article also looks into how the practices of folks who engage in consensual non-monogamy have changed to accommodate the pandemic. It’s difficult for polyamorous individuals, for example, to welcome new partners into their relationship during the lockdown.  Quarantine has been especially difficult for those  “within the BDSM community [who] keep their interests in kink private and view [these] gatherings and connections as some of the only places they can be open about who they truly are.” (psychologytoday.com) In this sense, the kink and BDSM communities must find ways to adapt to the changing times so that participants can get back to expressing themselves in safe spaces. David and Heather’s article provides some guidelines and approaches for such an adaptation.

One of the suggestions offered in the article include incorporating others into intimacy through “video conferencing strategies… gett[ing] creative with what you want to see or experience, even if you're halfway across the globe.” (psychologytoday.com)  A couple of the other guidelines include social distancing at kink gatherings and keeping the guest list small. A small gathering may also work to enhance intimacy, as it will push people outside of their typical party routine! One of my favorite suggestions was the recommendation to “ add some leather or studs to [our] medical mask[s].” It’s funny because face coverings/ masks are already a popular accessory in both kink and BDSM communities, we might as well add an aspect of our kink identity onto the mandated surgical masks! Above all else, Heather McPherson and David Ley advise those in kink communities to adapt to the changing times and continue living through our desires safely! If we all engage in these safe practices, we can ensure our safe spaces and kink communities; COVID has taken enough away from all of us already. Go check out the article in Psychology Today if you want to learn more about adapting your community to COVID times!