Certified Sex Therapist and Sexual Health Alliance (SHA) founder Heather McPherson was a guest speaker on Nicoletta Heidegger’s podcast Sluts and Scholars. Podcast host Heidegger is a licensed marriage and family therapist and sex therapist; she chats with people from sexuality, kink, and professional spectrums about desire, pleasure, shame, and stigma around these issues. Guest McPherson begins the podcast by giving the audience a little taste of what SHA has to offer for its participants and students. Every conference offered through SHA has a specific focus or central idea in mind presented by a professional speaker in the field. The first-ever conference Sexual Health Alliance held was on the topic of Pornography with guest speaker Dr. David Ley, an internationally recognized sex therapist, and author.
McPherson emphasizes that the field of sex therapy is relatively new, a field that is still battling with the social stigmas around sexual health and conservative ideologies we as a society have. She mentions the topics in the mainstream regarding sexual health are topics like “sex addiction” which is something she is trying to squash due to the treatments often being harmful rather than beneficial for the client. McPherson expresses that it is not the amount of sex or the type of sex that is the issue, but it is how you engage in sex.
There is a lot of misinformation being spread about sexuality issues due to the lack of adequate training in sexuality issues for professions. Personal bias and implicit bias can be extremely harmful in the field of sex therapy. We all internalize society's way of wrong and right when it comes to sex and the general stigma of even talking about sex publicly. We must recognize this to actively work through these internalized biases everyone has. McPherson points out that most therapists and psychologists will call themselves sex therapists without having any accreditation beyond the ability to diagnose from the DSM and will often pull only from their personal experiences to compare to the patients' life, which is harmful.
Different cultures have different ways of viewing, communicating, and evaluating sex. We as sex therapists must actively seek out proper training, as the requirements do not cover the vast issues that come with sexuality issues and accommodating all types of cultures. It is not enough to be friendly with poly, open relationships, kink, and BDSM cultures, but to be informed as well. Going to the literature, attending conferences, and getting your ASSECT certification are all great ways to start the process of equipping yourself with the necessary tools to provide sex therapy to anyone that walks through your door.
Real-life experiences are a foundation, but without a sexual attitude reassessment (SAR) to uncover hidden bias one inevitably has to work to fix this. Judgment and shame can be easily picked up by the client; even the slightest negative reaction to a client’s situation can cause them to feel even more shame or guilt. Similarly, too much interest in a single aspect can cause the patient to feel like they are being put in the spotlight. Ask yourself are your questions attempting to get more dirt or is it to understand their situation and perspective. The first question or issue to investigate is if the client’s issue stems from a physical or medical issue. The next step would be to uncover their sexual history; this includes religious and societal influences, revealing where your clients' sexual education lacks and getting on the same page with definitions and descriptions.
McPherson states that a lot of the time the issue revolves around communication, how to talk about sex, how to politely reject sex from your partner, how to connect in other ways, and discussing general needs and wants in the relationship. Even expanding the clients' definition of sex and exploring other ways to connect with their partner(s) can be a beneficial route to take with your client. She highlights that every couple regardless of the type of relationship will most likely deal with problems like desire discrepancy, difficulty talking about important decisions, keeping things spicy, or renegotiating of partners' needs and desires. As their sex therapist we should also attempt to diminish the pressure of needing to have amazing sex all the time and for the rest of your life; there are other ways to spice things up like adding a new toy or person while still being able to appreciate lazy sex moments as well. Bringing a new approach or perspective on sex is just as important or beneficial as integrating a new taboo into their sex life. We must approach the client with patience and meet the client where they’re at, in other words, gauge what or what they aren't comfortable with. McPherson suggests for anyone searching for the right sex therapist to inquire about their training and what approach they would take for someone in your situation. Do they have a sex-positive attitude and appropriate sex therapy training?
McPherson ended the podcast by emphasizing the novelty of this field and the potential it has in future research. If you are looking for therapy visit www.respark.co, but if you're looking for training in sex therapy training, you have already come to the right place!