A client comes to you—they’re looking to add some spice to their sex life. Where do they start? As a sexuality professional, what do you recommend? A fantastic way to start the conversation is by having them complete a “yes, no, maybe” checklist!
In essence, the yes, no, maybe checklist is a document that contains a list of sexual activities, positions, products, kinks, fetishes, etc. and an area to mark a response of “yes,” “no,” or “maybe” to indicate your level of interest in said item. All partners in the relationship should complete the checklist separately then come together to discuss their responses. It’s important to have them fill out the list without discussing it together to eliminate any perceived pressure from their partner(s) to answer in a specific way. This activity also provides the perfect opportunity to bring up new kinks, fantasies, and activities that they’ve always been wanting to discuss, but never had the opportunity or courage to do so.
The goal of the checklist is to open the lines of communication between partners. It’s important to note that you and your clients are not limited by the items on the list—it’s merely a conversation starter and to prompt you with new ideas. You can build your own list, or use a pre-existing one (examples are linked below). There are dozens of versions of the list on the internet, written by other sexologists, sex therapists, kink-aware professionals, and those in the BDSM lifestyle. For those who are just starting to wander outside the borders of vanilla sex, recommend a “lite” version of the list. If they’ve already begun exploring kink, step right up to a hardcore list.
When providing this list to clients, go through the list with them to ensure they know what each item is—the only thing worse than jumping into something new is signing up for something you don’t understand (Anyone who’s ever signed a home security system contract knows this all too well)! For example, does your client know all of these terms: anal plug, prostate massage, bondage tape, rimming, pet play, cunnilingus, hot wax, nipple clamps, or sounding?
Education is key to practicing risk-aware consensual kink. It all just starts with honest communication and an adventuresome spirit!
Some Yes, No, Maybe Checklist Examples:
William Lynch, Will Sex Coach Yes, No, Maybe Checklist: https://willsexcoach.weebly.com/uploads/1/2/4/6/124623137/yes_no_maybe_checklist.pdf
A.E. Osworth, You Need Help: Here is a worksheet to help you talk to partners about sex: https://www.autostraddle.com/you-need-help-here-is-a-worksheet-to-help-you-talk-to-partners-about-sex-237385/
Diana Sadat Counseling, Yes/No/Maybe So Activity: https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5b162a5675f9ee6cc62c56b5/t/5bc6b816104c7bf5cc8c31f9/1539749911565/Yes%3ANo%3AMaybe+So+Activity+-+Diana+Sadat+Counselling.pdf