Gender identity, expression, physical sex, sexuality, and romanticism—all these facets of our identity exist on a scale. Throughout our lives, most of us will encounter slight shifts in some or all of these categories as we develop emotionally, physically, and psychologically, and as we become more intimate and comfortable with ourselves. Recognizing the similarities and differences in each of these aspects of our lives helps us better understand ourselves, others, and the beautifully diverse world surrounding us. As sexuality professionals, this knowledge also helps us connect with and educate our clients who might be questioning their sexuality or gender.
The Genderbread Person (created by Sam Killerman, www.Genderbread.org) is an excellent visual representation to delineate gender identity, gender expression, anatomical sex, sexual attraction, and romantic attraction. Not only does it serve as an excellent activity for yourself, but also to complete with your clients!
Gender Identity
An individual’s gender identity is their internal understanding of their gender. This is the lens through which they think, feel, and experience life. Existing on a continuum ranging from neutral, to “woman-ness,” to “man-ness,” and all combinations between. A person’s gender identity can influence their personality traits, interests, gender roles and expectations, and more.
An individual who identifies with the gender that they were assigned to at birth is known as being “cisgender.” Individuals who do not align with the gender they were assigned at birth are a part of the umbrella term “transgender,” with a wide variety of gender identifies falling within this category.
Some common gender identities are: nonbinary, cisgender female, cisgender male, transgender male, transgender female, gender non-conforming, agender, and more.
Gender Expression
Gender expression refers to the way in which a person presents their gender visually. This can include their personal grooming, clothing, mannerisms, demeanor, and more based on social expectations for their gender. The scale for gender expression ranges from gender neutral (androgynous) to varying levels of femininity or masculinity.
Gender expression varies greatly depending on heritage, cultural expectations, generational trends, personal preference, and other influences, and is not an accurate way to determine an individual’s gender identity. It’s wisest to never assume a person’s gender based solely on their appearance! Throughout your practice, you will encounter clients of all gender identities and expressions. The way someone refers to themselves, their personal pronouns, is also a part of their gender identity and gender expression.
The University of Wisconsin Milwaukee has an excellent article for correctly using gender neutral pronouns and the history of gender-inclusive pronouns (https://uwm.edu/lgbtrc/support/gender-pronouns). Some of the most common pronouns and their conjugations are as follows (with the traditionally gendered pronouns first and gender neutral terms following): he/him/his, she/her/hers, they/them/theirs, and zie/zim/zir.
When first meeting someone, it can help break the ice to introduce your pronouns in addition to your name, this provides the opportunity for your client to do the same. This is a conversationally natural way to learn their pronouns without asking directly.
Anatomical Sex (Also “Sex Assigned at Birth”)
An individual’s anatomical sex, or commonly shortened to just “sex,” refers to physical traits that are commonly associated with being female, male, or intersex. Some of these traits include genitalia, body shape, sex chromosomes, voice pitch, and other secondary sex characteristics.
When born, most people are determined by doctors to be either “assigned female at birth” (AFAB) or “assigned male at birth” (AMAB). Although the existence of intersex individuals and those with varying chromosomal variations proves that our physical sex is also not binary.
Sexual Orientation
As Sam Killerman says, “Gender is who you go to bed as, Sexual Orientation is who you go to bed with.” Your sexual orientation is who you are attracted to when it comes to intimacy. Just as there is a diverse world of gender identities, there are dozens of sexual orientations. These can be plotted on a scale ranging from levels of no sexual attraction, to sexual attraction to femininity/females/women, and/or masculinity/males/men.
Some of the most common sexual orientations are: lesbian, gay, bisexual, demisexual, asexual, pansexual, and many more!
Understanding your clients’ individual sexual orientation will help you better serve them as a sexuality professional. There are products designed specifically for same-sex couples, exclusively for heterosexual individuals, for consensually-non-monogamous relationships, and more. Being able to connect them with the right resources for their specific needs is key!
Romantic Attraction
Although closely related, romantic attraction is not the same as an individual’s sexual orientation. While most people experience romantic attraction to the same individuals they are sexually attracted to, this is not always the case. An example of this could be a person who is aromantic and does not experience romantic attraction, but they might still enjoy sexual pleasure with a partner. Or a person who is romantically interested in both women and men, but prefers sexual relationships only with women.
Romantic attraction is categorized the same way as sexual orientation; with no romantic attraction at one end of the scale, and then varying attraction to women/femininity/females or men/masculinity/males leading up the scale. Additionally, people can be romantically monogamous or polyamorous.
Genderbread Person Activity
By using the referenced Genderbread person activity (https://www.genderbread.org/resource/genderbread-person-v4-0-worksheet-fill-in-the-blanks), you can assist your clients to visually assess their current gender and sexuality experiences. This is a great activity to repeat after some time passes to see how things might have changed. Even on a day-to-day basis an individual’s gender expression can change, particularly with genderfluid clients.
It’s important to remember that in all of these categories, the way a person rates themselves on the scale is neither mutually exclusive nor static. Someone can express both typical feminine and masculine genders and sexual traits. They can be sexually and/or romantically attracted to all genders, or one gender more than another. Over time, they might also find that their preferences and expressions change. This is fantastic as they discover more about themselves, their body, and their relationships with others!
By: William Lynch
Sources:
The University of Wisconsin Milwaukee, Gender Pronouns. https://uwm.edu/lgbtrc/support/gender-pronouns
Sam Killerman, the Genderbread Person 4.0. https://www.genderbread.org/
Genderbread Person Worksheet: https://www.genderbread.org/resource/genderbread-person-v4-0-worksheet-fill-in-the-blanks