Dr. David Ley, clinical psychologist, sex therapist, and internationally recognized author, who specializes in sex-positive sex therapy and sexuality issues gave a two-day conference covering modern sexual issues in education and therapy. He began his lecture by emphasizing that we have allowed sexual shame, morality, and bias to intrude into our clinical thinking.
Learning More About Sexual Health
Sexual health is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction, and infirmity, but how you engage in sex. Sexual health is not what you do, but how you do it. Shockingly, 90% of therapists don't get training beyond diagnosing sexual disorders and 60% of medical schools provide less than 10 hours of training on sexuality. Not surprisingly, polyamorous and open relationships are vulnerable to misdiagnosing, due to therapist biases that ultimately further marginalize stigmatized groups.
We, as therapists and sex therapists, have trouble accepting ambivalence in sexuality. We’re taking the most complicated and complex human behavior that exists and attempting to diminish it to simple terms of right and wrong. When we do this as therapists, we prevent the client from working through the grey zone that is inevitable with sexuality. We must first check our bias, implicit bias, and acknowledge where our sexual experiences lack to help others with their sexuality issues.
Learning to treat the person, not the sex
Dr. Ley emphasized treating the person, not the sex; as we cannot separate sex from a person or evaluate their sex life without evaluating the sex. Most patients aren't looking for direct answers, but tools and ways to work through challenging issues in a safe environment. Dr. Ley said we need to reevaluate what “healthy” sex means, because everyone's sexual desires, needs, and wants vary. We should instead focus on how the client integrates sex into their life. The best definition of good sexual health involves consent, being non-exploitative, protection from HIV, STIs, and unwanted pregnancy, honesty, shared values, and is mutually pleasurable. We are not trying to stop sexual behavior but to make it manageable for the client or change how they partake.
Most of the negative consequences we associate with sex come from the shame and social stigmas associated with sex. Instead of shaming the client, sex therapists should focus on redirecting their energy and attention, building resources, skills, and coping mechanisms. By focusing the clients' energy on the “go” signs rather than the “stop” signs allows them to think critically about why they engage in the behavior that is bothering them and what purpose was it serving them at the time. He stresses that whatever we focus our energy on ultimately grows and trying to repress these urges only makes us want to do them more.
The focus on “stop” signs
When therapists solely focus on the “stop” signs, we may cause the patient to hide a side of them from you as a result of the shame that you have projected. We as a society have created sexual anxiety by only addressing safe sex rather than teaching teens how to have pleasurable sex as well. Be careful not to project your definitions of the specifics of sex but instead ask them first what they mean, instead of us filling in the gaps. Always consider context and ask “why is this a problem for you and not someone else?” or “what exactly is making it a problem?”. We often judge people on if we would do it or not. Without proper training, we are judging clients from our own sexual experiences. Most therapists do not read original research or articles but get sex education news via social media, which oftentimes are incorrect.
The lack of education on sex and pleasure
The lack of education regarding pleasurable and safe sex is an exploitative tool to prevent or suppress people's sexual behavior. Dr. Ley said paradoxically it creates less sense of control over sexuality for the individual. Research shows that men masturbate more and judge it less. This phenomenon also bleeds into our clinical work: female therapists tend to be more open to orientation issues, while male therapists are typically more open to non-normative sexual behaviors.
Technology and modern sexuality issues
Moving along with modern sexuality issues, Dr. Ley thinks for the future of sex and technology teledildonics, robots, virtual reality, and neurological stimulation/suppression of libido will be something to look out for. He pointed out that the internet has changed sex by allowing greater information access through self-education, self-identification, community creation, covert communication, coincided with increased social acceptance of sexual diversity, and lost distinction between public and private.
As for sexual issues in therapy, Dr. Ley suggests that parents and teens work towards a balance of privacy, support, education, and acknowledgment of risk and benefits. Addressing issues of nonmonogamous relationships, he talked about the importance of direct communication, time-sharing, types of jealousy, individualization, and customizability for each individual in the relationship. When treating paraphilias: CBT strategies include relapse prevention, remove reinforcement, harm reduction, and most importantly GO TO THE LITERATURE.
Facts presented by Dr. David Ley
Lastly, some interesting facts Dr. Ley provided throughout the conference included:
Perceived realism in porn: the level of perception that porn depicts reality also predicts negative effects including sexism, sexual aggression (resemblance between sexual partners can play a role).
Porn is entertainment and not intended for educational purposes. You wouldn't show “Fast & Furious” to driver ed students.
Research in “sex addiction” shows no evidence that treatments currently work or improve patients' lives. (Sex addiction is in quotes because Dr. Ley himself beliefs sex addiction is a myth).
COVID-19 facts: you would think because of the pandemic and quarantine there would be a massive baby boom. But just as Dr. Ley predicted, due to the increased overall stress level, there was a baby bust.
Males have higher mortality rates in response to covid, erectile dysfunction, and COVID; less sex but more sexual diversity
Gay men reported a very significant decrease in sex partners, difficulty accessing HIV testing and treatment during covid
Poly relationships struggle to navigate quarantine & isolation
Impact on sex workers: porn performers initially excluded from CARES Act funding, strip clubs shut down
CDC recommending zoom, gloryholes, and sex with masks during COVID-19
22 orgasms a month for optimal prostate health
Religious individuals are more likely to view porn as unhealthy and self-identify as “sex addicts.”
People with negative attitudes towards porn more likely to experience negative effects from the use of porn.
Russian academic hackers created a website, Sci-Hub to access original articles and research around the world free of charge.
Our search engine history does not require a warrant & can be sold for data mining.
Research shows that sexting often involves peer pressure and even harassment but those who sext often have greater self-confidence and positive body images.
Curious to see where you stand in the world of sex education? Dive into our 'What kind of sex nerd are you?' quiz and uncover your sexual intellect level. Click here to explore!