Most people have probably heard of spanking in the context of kinky sex before. It’s a fairly common fantasy to imagine being forced over someone’s knee and told you’ve been bad and you’re going to be punished. Even people who aren’t into a formal punishment aspect might consider it fairly every day to have some light swats to the butt in the bedroom. When I decided to write about spanking, however, I had something else in mind. Spanking is an activity that some people enjoy as much more than a bit of spice during foreplay or sex. These people (often self-identified as spankos) center spanking in their erotic life and many aren’t particularly interested in more typical forms of sex. In this piece, I discuss spanking as a complete, isolated sexual act in addition to what people find enjoyable about spanking, and how to explore spanking beyond some playful butt slaps during sexual intercourse.
Unfortunately, spanking is a term in our culture for forms of physical child abuse normalized as too mild or common to call battery. However, this blog post uses “spanking” to describe the erotic practice of consenting adults hitting other consenting adults’ buttocks. This can simply be with an open palm or with implements such as hair brushes or paddles. Often there’s an element of dominance and submission, where one partner (the spanking top) takes on the role of punishing, humiliating, or otherwise holding power over the other partner (the spanking bottom). Spanking can be done over clothes, with underwear exposed, or on bare bottoms. It can be incorporated into broader BDSM relationships as well in different ways. Some enjoy spanking as a pure indulgence in the pleasure of masochism, others use it as a disciplinary element consensually chosen by the participants as a way of correcting unwanted behaviors, and still others desire regularly scheduled spankings as a way to maintain a connection to their BDSM identity and the visceral power exchange element in their relationship.