During a pre-bedtime scroll through TikTok I was coming across multiple videos of people explaining that when their nipples are touched, either by themselves or others, they feel a great sense of sadness, loss, and other varying negative emotions. One TikTok user compared the sensation to “guilt and almost something like homesickness.” If you’ve read my other nipple article, you’ll know I’m a big fan of nipple play. Whilst I was aware that some people simply find no joy in nipple stimulation, I was not aware that for others, the sensation of touching their own nipples brought such negative feelings, nor was I aware that Sad Nipple Syndrome existed at all. Hence this article aims to uncover the reason and science behind it, to enlighten both me and anyone else curious to expand their nipple knowledge.
Whilst there have been articles on the connection between sadness and nipple stimulation in the past, it has only been in the context of lactation and breastfeeding. Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex (D-MER) is defined as an “abrupt emotional drop that occurs in some women just before milk release and continues for not more than a few minutes.” For D-MER, direct nipple stimulation was not needed for the onset of negative emotions, instead, it could be triggered by anything that caused a milk release. D-MER symptoms further seem to form a spectrum of distinct and different emotions—depression, anxiety, and anger—the intensity of this varies from each person. Its lack of research and discourse has meant that it’s still greatly misunderstood, with the primary belief being that it is influenced (within minutes or hours) by circumstances that influence dopamine levels.
A 2019 Refinery29 post examines that the discussion around D-MER allowed people to discuss the negative emotions they felt not through lactation, but when their nipples were touched. The phenomenon was dubbed “Sad Nipple Syndrome” and began slowly creeping through various other forums around the internet, spreading from subreddits to FYPs on TikTok. Through interviews with multiple women dealing with the confusing emotional effects of Sad Nipple Syndrome, the Refinery29 article makes it clear that just like D-MER, the spectrum of emotions and duration vary hugely between every person. For some, these guilty or homesick feelings subsided once sex started, for others, these bleak feelings were still present during sex, meaning nipple play is completely off the table. The article further revealed that Sad Nipple Syndrome can affect men too, with women saying their partners had experienced a similar thing but refused to speak out about it (shoutout to the patriarchy and gendered expectations for, once again, messing things up). The absence of research and lack of discourse around this subject means it is near impossible to find an explanation for Sad Nipple Syndrome, and that sucks. We have some knowledge and research on hormones, erogenous zones, and the genital sensory context — but there are still huge gaps in research and our understanding of our minds and body. Whilst our knowledge of D-MER can offer some explanation, it does not offer any reasoning for men or non-breastfeeding women who are experiencing Sad Nipple Syndrome.
There is speculation, but no certainty about the cause of these feelings of loss, anxiety, or nausea stemming from nipple stimulation. General Practitioner Dr Giuseppe Aragone states that “one possibility for why this happens could be that those with very sensitive nipples find the sudden release of endorphins from having their nipples touched may in turn cause dysphoria.” It is this dysphoria that can cause uneasy emotions. Certified lactation consultant Alia Macrina Heise speculates that postcoital dysphoria (the post-sex blues) could be related to Sad Nipple Syndrome. Despite the lack of concrete information, there are many solutions that people can try if they are suffering from Sad Nipple Syndrome or D-MER. Remember that both of these conditions are valid and recognized physiological occurrences—there is no shame in reaching out for professional guidance or support. Heise’s guidance comes from her experience in helping mothers ease their D-MER:
Education and validation
Connection with others — YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS
Self-care
Meditation techniques, deep breathing, and relaxation
Supplements — vitamin D, magnesium, vitamin B complex, and probiotics
Focusing on breastfeeding goals
Drinking cold water during milk let-down
Whilst some of these techniques and suggestions may not work for non-lactating people experiencing Sad Nipple Syndrome, other solutions may have a positive result. For those interested in taking supplements, contact your health practitioner to seek guidance for your specific health requirements.
The lack of sound evidence around the causation of Sad Nipple Syndrome once again demonstrates how we fall short of research and discussion around sexual health, and the emotions that surround it. I was disappointed rather than surprised about the complete lack of research when investigating the phenomenon, but since this issue predominantly seems to affect women, it doesn’t come as a complete shock. Although we are unsure of the exact science of Sad Nipple Syndrome, making seeking medical help and support more difficult, you are not alone in any way. There are multiple Reddit threads where you can connect with hundreds of people, local and across the globe, who are going through the same frustration as you. I would usually advise against taking advice from Reddit, but in this circumstance, it is a great way to build connections within the sad nipple community and prevent a feeling of isolation.
By Stephanie McCartney