In the latest trend of sex-themed media, interior designer Melanie Rose goes behind the scenes in couples’ homes to help them create the sex room of their dreams in How to Build a Sex Room. This Netflix show, which was first released in July 2022, has become increasingly popular with viewers from all backgrounds; combining traditional reality design television with the more “taboo” world of sex and kink, the show has managed to engage different demographics and bring the subject matter to the forefront in an unassuming manner. In some ways, this show builds off of the foundation of sexual fantasy that popular media like the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise created and orients itself in the context of everyday life. The appeal of the show is that it centers on real couples, who explore sex and kink in an accessible way and are also not afraid to show this off in the media.
The designer, Melanie Rose, is a British woman known as the “Mary Poppins of Pleasure” (coolest nickname ever) who has successfully built a career in media and design over the past twenty years. While Rose is clearly dedicated to her craft and a master in her field, the true skillset she brings to the show is her clean and open communication with the couples on the show. She begins each session by seeing the potential space for renovation and then discussing with the contestants their current sexual desires and the areas which they may be willing to explore. She comes prepared with a bag of sex toys and bondage tools, including handcuffs, floggers, and anal plugs. Then, based off of the conversations about desire and kink, Rose designs and creates the perfect room for the couple with the help of her contractor, Mike.
Through the renovations, couples find their basements, spare rooms, and master bedrooms completely transformed into elaborate “red rooms,” tricked out with electronics, sex toys, and sex-themed furniture. In the first episode, one couple’s renovated basement included a full paint job and new floors, as well as brand new furniture, blankets, and throw pillows – a renovation you might see on any other reality show. But the sex elements are what set the room apart: a red St. Andrew’s cross, a leather sex bench for spankings, and a wall display for BDSM toys including floggers and handcuffs. While the couple was excited by the idea of trying out some of these items, playing with new bondage tools and sensory play, they were arguably more excited to see their basement become a luxury living space – all on Netflix’s dime.
The show itself is somewhat diverse, at least by Netflix’s standards, including couples of different races, ages, genders, and even quantity (a seven-person polyamorous family!). There are a few LGBTQ+ couples, and a variety of different kinks represented, from restraining to sensory play to golden showers. In terms of the way sex and kink are represented in popular media, this is a step in the right direction. In film and television, kink has been hidden, and when portrayed, shown as deviant in many cases. When the Fifty Shades books and films were released in the 2010s, kink peeked into the mainstream, but only through a white, cisgender, and heterosexual lens. This show, with its increasing popularity, is beginning to show the public a more diverse view of sexuality and kink.
The Internet reception of the show has been overwhelmingly positive. Sex sells, as always, making the show one of the most highly consumed on Netflix this summer, but beyond that people have noted an appreciation for the openness of the show and its willingness to tackle the discomfort of talking about sex. (Check out this Esquire piece to see some of the public reception.) Is it accessible? Not really. It definitely falls under the reality makeover category where expensive things fall into your life for free. Especially today it’s so uncommon to be able to have an “extra” room in your house that you can dedicate to sex – especially for those with children, roommates, and older family members who might share a living space. But the central idea of prioritizing connection to your partner(s) and dedicating more time and energy towards something you both enjoy is valuable for people from all walks of life. Rebecca Nicholson from The Guardian speaks to this side of the show: “Much of How to Build a Sex Room is about talking and communication. By allowing themselves to explore a dedicated sex space, these people are discovering who they and their partner/s are, and what they really want.” Even if you’re not in the market for a red room yourself, you can watch the show by yourself or with your partner(s) to get inspired, start conversations about desire, and have a laugh along with the rest of the Internet.
By Sydney Sullivan