Were you able to join us for a WYLD weekend? Well, we have you covered! Read our WYLD recap below or visit our Youtube channel to view the highlights!
I was fortunate to attend my first ever Sexual Health Alliance conference, SHA’s second annual Wyld, where alumni discussed aspects of sexuality and working in the field that any professional could benefit from. 16 hours of presentations and podcasts certainly give you plenty to think about, even if you can’t attend live! Below you’ll find some conference highlights, and if you missed it, remember that you can register for SHA’s online conferences and purchase an option for the recorded video to watch later.
Several of the presentations gave audience members a chance to engage in one way or another. For example, Renée LaVail broke us into small groups to discuss our possible biases that might impact how we perform as sexuality educators or therapists. It was eye-opening, especially because so many of us lacked the imagination to really picture some situations that we might be uncomfortable in. Fortunately, LaVail gave us some great advice for dealing with those situations.
Similarly, Vielca McBride, a sex therapist for Respark, walked us all through a mindfulness exercise to help us get in touch with our bodies and sexualities. Having a moment to turn off our cameras was much needed, and McBride skillfully reminded us how useful mindfulness is as a therapeutic tool. It was so good that several participants wanted a copy of the audio, which SHA provided!
Combining that exercise with the information Leighanna Nordstrom for vagina owners to experience more pleasure would be a powerful move. Nordstrom’s talk left many conference goers feeling surprised and validated about their bodies, desires, and preferences–and ready to share that information with others!
Wyld gave us multiple opportunities to better understand–and support–others. As Ley David Elliette Cray discussed the philosophy of games and applies that to BDSM, I was reminded of my own interest in kink. Cray dedicated time to the difference between sensual and erotic BDSM, a reminder that plenty of people don’t mix kink and sex.
The very first talk of the day by Ewa Lichnowska focused on affirmative consent. Rather than simply telling us how necessary it is, she stressed writing scripts and practicing them to make it easier to ask for, give, receive, or negotiate consent in the moment. The scripts were often sexy and always useful, whether for helping clients or improving your own sex life.
I was also personally delighted as Margaux Underwood gave her talk on the cathartic aspect of rope bondage when several people asked whether and how bondage could be incorporated into therapy and which rope is the best to buy. If I were in the same room with people, I am sure I would have seen something akin to a lightbulb moment as audience members listened to Underwood’s words and considered rope bondage, perhaps for the first time, both professionally and personally. That is the hallmark of a good lecture and conference!
It’s always a pleasure when you think that a specific presentation isn’t relevant to you, only to be proven wrong! Perhaps the most surprising example occurred during Dr. Christopher Scott’s talk about how to employ the Gottman technique for couples’ communication to sexuality. Dr. Scott talked about how he had to adjust this method himself because the Gottman technique overlooked the role that sex plays in a couple’s life–and issues. Dr. Scott presented the audience with plenty of other guidance, but the practical example of using a pulse oximeter to help clients realize when their systems are too worked up to communicate effectively especially struck me as personally applicable. I’d be surprised if anyone else in the audience didn’t have a similar moment where they realized they could employ a tip or technique from the conference in their personal relationships!
Speaking of personal, Casandra Rines wasn’t afraid to be vulnerable when discussing her path of self-discovery. By using herself as a case study, Rines encouraged sexuality professionals to be open, affirmative, and understanding of the journeys their clients are on. Although she focused on her identity as a kinky and consensually non-monogamous person, the ideas can apply to many aspects of sexuality.
Erin Musick got personal in another way: by recruiting sex therapists and their partners (when willing) to learn how their professional focus on sex had changed their relationships, including those with romantic partners and friends or family. Although informal, Musick’s survey–a project developed as a SHA student–found that romantic partners could become intimidated or perhaps jealous when their partner decided to go into sex therapy, while other loved ones could try to get free information from someone they knew in the sexuality field. I didn’t expect that therapists’ romantic partners would be so ignorant of how the career could impact their partners’ relationships with friends and family. But I was less surprised to learn that sex therapists often felt more knowledgeable, confident, and sexually curious–not to mention more eager for sex! Research like this could help prepare sex therapists for the unexpected realities of the job.
The idea that factors surrounding sexuality and sex therapy can be both positive and negative resurfaced several times throughout the conference. On the first morning, Angel Brathwaite discussed the many barriers Black women experience to owning their bodies and sexuality, let alone talking to a sex therapist. Many in the audience were humbled when Brathwaite described imagery or messages that could encourage or discourage a Black woman from becoming a client of a sex therapist. She made clear the need for more Black practitioners who could better understand the lived experiences of this underserved community (shout out to Sexual Health Alliance’s BIPOC scholarship, which can help make this happen).
Similarly, conference goers considered the weighty subject of circumcision, the trauma it can cause, and how even therapists will shame patients struggling with a bodily modification they neither requested nor consented to. Of course, experiences like those would only worsen a person’s trauma, but there are very few people talking about this or venues that welcome these conversations with open arms. Wyld is one of those places, and being able to talk about sex openly, as something that deserves sexual attention, feels more than a little revolutionary.
As the conference came to an end, it was easy to see that everyone felt validated, challenged, curious, inspired, and yet ready for some screen-free time. I’ve personally taken the last week to absorb and reflect on Wyld and can’t wait for my next conference Maybe I’ll see you there!
By Nicole Martinez
If you enjoyed this conference (or sadly couldn’t attend), make sure to register today for our upcoming Oct. Conference Philosophy, Identity, Activism: Exploring Queer and Trans Sexualities!