Penis size is a loaded topic in much of the world, and the rise in popularity of internet porn makes unrealistic body standards even harder to avoid. To make things worse, small penises are the butt of jokes all the time even as our culture seems to be moving away from body shaming. Small penises are imagined to be symbolic of a lack of masculinity and power. Despite the fact many trans men without bottom surgery have very fulfilling sex lives and 85% of straight women report being happy with their partners’ size, many still spread the idea that penis measurements are central to desirability as a man. With all this in mind, it’s no surprise that almost half of the people with penises studied (all cisgender and heterosexual men) wish their penises were bigger. There are many healthy ways to address insecurities, but for a lot of people, the most fun (and kinky!) is addressing the issue head-on. Erotic humiliation or specifical small penis humiliation (SPH) is perfect for this!
Humiliation play gives people the opportunity to have their worst insecurities pointed out and their most painful fears about themselves confirmed in a controlled, consensual environment. Sometimes this comes from reenacting old traumas around embarrassment, sometimes it’s more original or abstract. Small penis humiliation (SPH for short) is a popular subsection of the erotic humiliation kink, probably because so many people are insecure about their size down there. And that’s the thing – you don’t even have to have a small penis to enjoy being made fun of for it! Plenty of people with average and even exceptionally large penises enjoy SPH.
Like with masochism in general, emotional masochism can vary when it comes to intensity When it comes to SPH specifically, the light end of humiliation might look like your partner doing something as small as sighing longingly when a big penis is mentioned in a show you’re watching or saying “aww” when you pull down your underwear. On the more extreme end, SPH could look like inviting informed, consenting friends over and arranging a whole scene around your partner stripping you while they laugh, comparing your penis to theirs or objects around the house, and even physically torturing your penis to punish it for its inadequacy. The typical mid-range SPH scene tends to just be verbal, with the humiliated partner showing off their penis or a photo of it and the humiliator talking about how useless, ineffective, unattractive, and embarrassing it is.
Something fun about SPH is that it goes well with a lot of other kinks and can be easily incorporated into scenes with a different “main course”. If you’re into being “forced” to be nude while everyone else is clothed (a broader version of the popular Clothed Female Naked Male kink or CFNM), it might be fun for the people around you to make fun of your penis during that. If you enjoy CBT (cock and ball torture) maybe some verbal humiliation could be used as part of the fantasy of why you’re being tortured. In a similar vein, SPH can be used as a segue into bottoming for some penetration, as in “That thing’s so small I couldn’t even feel it. I’d rather fuck you with this strap, at least then I could enjoy myself watching you take something so much bigger.” Some of the most popular overlapping kinks are cuckolding, chastity and sissification, and it’s not hard to understand why. Having a supposedly “embarrassingly small penis” can be used as a justification for why your partner is “cheating” on you in a cuckolding dynamic, why you should not be allowed to have sex or masturbate, or why you could never be a “real man” and should let yourself be feminized.
Not only do you not have to have a small penis to enjoy having it humiliated, but you also don’t have to have a penis, strictly speaking, at all. Some transmasculine people who haven’t had bottom surgery can enjoy being erotically humiliated around how they don’t “measure up” to other men. For some people, this might look like being mocked for not having a penis at all, while other people might generally refer to their parts as a penis and enjoy having it measured and compared to more average-sized penises. As an interesting alternative to this experience, some transfeminine people who haven’t had bottom surgery enjoy being humiliated for their size as well. . For cis men and transmasculine folks, SPH can “hit where it hurts” and eroticize the pain of penis insecurity, for some transfeminine people it could help alleviate dysphoria in other ways. As silly as it is, large penises are tied culturally to masculinity as a whole, so being “humiliated” for having a small penis could potentially help a transfeminine person feel more comfortable and connected to their parts.
If you’re interested in having your penis made fun of, consent and communication are key. If you’re already sexually involved with someone, try floating the idea while you’re not playing. If you’re interested in making fun of someone’s penis but they’ve never expressed interest in that sort of thing, it might come off as insulting to mention it. Because of that, it’s important to make it very clear that your interest has nothing to do with the actual size of someone’s penis and that size really isn’t important to someone’s masculinity or sexual attractiveness. It is totally understandable if your partner is open to SPH, but worried about hurting your feelings. Like with all masochism, emotional masochism absolutely has the potential to go too far and cause real damage. Because of this, it’s important to communicate and go slowly. It might sound strange, but safe words are important for verbal scenes, not just physical ones.
It’s also a good idea to set up boundaries, revisit them as time goes on, and explain what aspects appeal or don’t appeal to you. Maybe you’d rather have your penis called “cute” and “teeny” but you’re disturbed by words like “useless” or “embarrassing”, for example. Lastly, there’s a plethora of content and services catering to people who want their penises made fun of. If you’re monogamous or shy, countless people make videos on porn sites (or even YouTube!) where they mock the viewer for their parts. If you’re interested in going a bit further and have some expendable income, many online sex workers offer cock ratings or video calls that include SPH just for you. Keep in mind, of course, that sex workers have boundaries and specialties, so it’s important to find the right worker who can cater to your specific desires. Don’t worry, there are so many people out there it’s hard to imagine anyone leaving that side of the internet unsatisfied.
Consultation by Sophie R Galarneau.
By Aiden/Estelle Garrett