Talking to children about sex–and everything that entails–is one of the most controversial topics in the field of sexual education. When, where, how, and how often are questions that come to mind for parents, guardians, and educators. This topic has grown in complexity with the rise of the Internet and the increased accessibility of popular media. Film, television, social media, and more are filled with suggestive imagery and text that can spark questions in children at any age, prompting education from the adults in their lives. The information-sharing process can be complicated, but sex educators around the world have developed incredible works to aid this process, including some of the children’s books presented in this article.
For a humorous and informative background into the topic of sex education for children, I recommend watching this YouTube video featuring Sexual Health Alliance’s own Dr. Chris Donaghue. In this clip, Dr. Donaghue teaches parents Kristen Bell and Andy Lassner how to talk to children about sex, overcoming the awkwardness they may feel around the topic. An important takeaway from the video comes from Dr. Donaghue, who says, “The way we as adults talk about sex and body parts, and the language that we use is either going to make our children feel very confident or anxious and insecure.” Teaching without discomfort, shame, or negativity is a key component of inclusive and accessible sex education, especially for this sponge-like demographic who are known to absorb much more than adults give them credit for.
One of the most notable authors for children’s sex education is Cory Silverberg (they/them). Through their work, Silverberg strives to present sex as a neutral term, neither sourcing fear and shame nor encouraging its practice, but rather providing the education that will allow young people to make their own informed decisions. Along with talented illustrator Fiona Smyth, they have created a trilogy of books: “What Makes a Baby” (2012), “Sex is a Funny Word” (2015), and “You Know, Sex: Bodies, Gender, Puberty, and Other Things” (2022).
The book “Sex is a Funny Word” takes a unique approach to sex education, framing the conversation around relatable examples for kids. In the storylines, the children featured begin to notice sexual themes in movies and music videos as well as from older siblings and classmates. This is a very honest depiction of the way sex is learned, especially with the prevalence and accessibility of the media today. Although many parents would prefer to be their child’s first stop on the sex education train, this can be unrealistic, unless the conversation is purposefully and authentically introduced at a very young age. Sexual themes are everywhere, and kids develop perception skills at such a young age, only more so with increased access to social media. By showing natural exposure to sexual themes, children can know that they’re not alone in their experiences and that even though learning about “sex” sounds strange or scary, it is a normal part of growing up.
Silverberg’s first book, “What Makes a Baby,” takes an in-depth look at conception and family in a way that uplifts children from all family structures. It follows an egg, sperm, and uterus as the action items in conception, but focuses on the expectant family as the subject of the book, emphasizing that families come in many shapes and sizes but what connects them is their love for their child. The message of the book, presented on the last page, is: “Who was waiting for you to be born?” The final book in the trilogy, “You Know, Sex,” is a four-hundred page book full of colorful graphics by artist Fiona Smyth, which goes more in depth into the complicated questions and discussions that arise for older children and teenagers. Released just this year, Google Books notes that the book includes topics such as, “body autonomy, disclosure, stigma, harassment, pornography, trauma, masturbation, consent, boundaries and safety in our media-saturated world, puberty and reproduction that includes trans, non-binary, and intersex bodies and experience, and more.” These are complex topics that are not usually taught in formal education until the collegiate level and beyond, so introducing them in an accessible format for pre-teens and teenagers is invaluable.
Although the language and illustrations in these books are designed to be entertaining and accessible for kids, they are in no way limited to this demographic. As Dr. Chris Donaghue mentions in his conversation with Kristen Bell, the way adults teach sex is intrinsically linked to their own experience with sex education and the thoughts and emotions they have learned to associate with the topic. As a young adult, future parent, or educated human, we would all benefit from engaging in these topics through a new, inclusive, and positive lens. Ideally, books such as these inspire a change in mindset and allow us to all be educators in our own lives.
For more information on Silverberg’s and other authors’ sex education works, check out this article from the New York Times. Sexual Health Alliance has also compiled a section on “Books for Parents and Clients of Parents” through Bookshop, where you can discover and purchase our recommended reads, including Silverberg’s “Sex is a Funny Word.”
By Sydney Sullivan