Bisexuality has been used to describe a variety of different identities throughout its history, making it a widely used and, at times, controversial term. Bi101 works to define and exhibit bisexuality in order to reduce misconceptions and the stigma around the term. According to this site, bisexuality includes both heterosexual and homosexual attractions, but it can also be used to refer to a wider variety of attractions. Alternative definitions include “attraction to same and other genders” and “attraction to all sexes and genders.” You may also hear two separate terms, bisexual and biromantic, which differentiate between sexual and romantic attraction to these different genders. Bisexuality is fluid and can change and shift throughout a person’s life, so at different times they may experience attraction to different people.
Current Affairs: What the Biden Administration is Doing for Trans Individuals
On Transgender Awareness Day, March 31st, 2022, the White House gave a press release in support of this national outline and to outline the “support the mental health of transgender children, remove barriers that transgender people face accessing critical government services, and improve the visibility of transgender people in our nation’s data.” These three critical points work to move our country toward understanding and improving equality. Acknowledging the role of gender in the lives of children is a huge step in this direction, which has also been controversial throughout history. Even today, Republican legislators across the country are fighting against gender and sexuality education for children, arguing that teaching concepts like homosexuality and gender transitions have the power to influence children negatively. Others, myself included, argue that supporting children in their developing identities is critical to the growth of happy, loving individuals.
Five Stages of Relationships
When entering a new relationship, being fully aware of what may be in store for you and your partner can ease the process, making each step feel less daunting and challenging for you to overcome together. Below is a list of the five stages in a relationship, and understanding them can benefit the relationship significantly. To prepare for the challenges to come, you can look inwards to understand how you yourself may act in each of these stages to better prepare yourself to face them. And through doing this, you and your partner can connect on a deeper level and work to enjoy the relationship at every stage, even the more difficult ones.
Top Children’s Sex Ed Books
Sexuality is an essential topic of conversation when raising healthy, confident-minded children. Moreover, having open discussions about sexuality ensures that your child will have a sense of body positivity regarding their own body and the bodies of those around them. The “birds and the bees” talk shouldn't be an uncomfortable one-time occurrence; it should be an ongoing open conversation between you and your child that spans years. Sex education in our country is, unfortunately, not always adequate in the schooling system and often does not start until some children have already been exposed to or experienced aspects of sexuality. For this reason, it’s essential to start sex education with your children within your own home and at an early age. Sex and sexuality are a part of life—it’s crucial to provide your child with the tools they need to understand themselves and the world around them. It’s also worth acknowledging that many parents did not receive proper sex education and may not know where to start with sex ed for their children. For many adults, their sex education came from grade-school videos about puberty and is often solely heteronormative and uplifts biases. Don’t fret if your sex education is lacking because many tools can help you enhance both your and your child’s sex education.
How Kink Can Be Used To Heal From Sexual Trauma
To most, kink refers to any non-traditional sex. This can include anything from bondage to roleplay, to power exchange. Kink can also be participated in for numerous reasons, for some it may be solely for pleasure. But for others, kink has been a way to heal trauma. In no way it is a replacement for therapy or other mental healthcare but is something that can be participated in whilst undergoing therapy. This article will aim to understand how kink can be used to heal sexual trauma and allow those who have experienced sexual trauma to reclaim sexual confidence.
One piece explains that “often, the appeal of kink for sexual assault survivors is the opportunity to feel empowered, respected, and safe.” The ways in which kink can assist with healing vary from person to person as the healing process is highly personal and subjective. Another study further states that kink and BDSM practices may be appealing to those healing in the way kink has a straightforward negotiation, execution, and aftercare scene—with there being correlations between the stages of trauma healing therapies and the three phases of a kink scene.
Language Update: GSRD is More Inclusive than LGBTQ+
First, the relationships between sexuality and gender identity are built on antiquated ideas of what each is. Only in recent decades have we created terminology to address the lived experiences of many individuals, and much of our lexicon is still behind. One issue with sexuality terms such as “lesbian” and “gay” is that they rely on gender identity to apply to relationships. For example, the term “lesbian” necessitates that the person is women-identifying and attracted to other women-identifying people. This definition does not take into account biology, but we do know that people may experience different attractions based on sex organs as well, regardless of the gender identity of that person.
To simplify this example, we have evolved a much too diverse network of gender identities and sexualities to any longer be encompassed in the term LGBTQ+, no matter how many more letters are added. As it stands, this term creates specific and exclusionary categories for identities and lumps all others into the Q+ section. Dr. Barker also notes that this term only encapsulates a white, Western idea of how gender and sexuality function, discounting the experiences of the many.
I Want to Pay for Porn, Where Do I Start?
Most of us have been consuming porn since our teenage years, around the time we first discovered the joys of masturbation. Most of us also probably frequented porn sites with no paywalls like Pornhub or Xhamster. These porn sites are problematic because they often feature videos that are produced unethically. Unethical porn can signal a plethora of different things. For example, on sites like Pornhub performers are usually not compensated for their videos, and often times are forced to fake their pleasure for the camera. The porn is not authentic and it often time plays on male-gaze stereotypes in which the videos are centered around male pleasure rather than equal pleasure for everyone involved in the scene. When you use a website like PornHub to view un-paywalled porn for free—especially the kind made by performers who run their own business—you’re stealing from people whose careers are deeply stigmatized and whose jobs are, if not criminalized, heavily regulated and censored by puritanical legislation designed to keep sex workers in unsafe and unfairly compensated working conditions. One way to combat this injustice faced by sex workers is to start paying for your porn! Pay for porn sites follow a more ethical framework for producing porn and allow the performer to have more control over the scenes they produce. Moreover, paying for porn sites allows for fair compensation for workers. If audiences start consuming their porn in an ethical fashion, both the porn industry and the stigma surrounding it would improve.
Ignorance is Not Bliss: Florida's "Don't Say Gay" Bill
On March 8th, 2022, in the Florida Senate, legislators joined the state House in passing a bill that serves to prevent LGBTQ+ instruction in lower education. The “Parental Rights in Education” bill has been referred to by its opposers as the “Don’t Say Gay” bill, noting the strict prohibition of discussing sexual orientation or gender identity in any Kindergarten through third-grade classroom. The bill also limits discussion of sexuality to “age-appropriate content” which can be applied to all grade levels to restrict LGBTQ+ topics for discussion. Republican and other conservative supporters claim that this bill is designed to keep parents informed about the education of their children, but its isolation of LGBTQ+ identity is a clear signal of discrimination on the basis of gender and sexual orientation.
Florida’s state education curriculum does not include these topics as a part of their comprehensive health education, so the law would mostly function to set the precedent that spectrums of gender and sexuality could be seen as inappropriate subject matter for children. Additionally, it intentionally does not provide teachers with a welcoming and comprehensive answer to questions that may be asked by students about these topics. Without this programming, teachers must choose to not answer such questions or to share personal beliefs with students, which may be even more harmful to children. This bill recently shifted to specifically target lesson plans, leaving the legality of the discussion up in the air. As if that wasn’t enough, this bill would allow parents to sue teachers and schools who speak about these identities.
What To Expect in Sex Therapy
Many people may experience problems with sex at some point in their life, though some issues can be resolved without the need for intervention, others may find they need additional support from a certified sex therapist. Reasons for going to a sex therapist can include lack of desire, difficulty having an orgasm, pain during sex, inability to have penetrative sex, difficulty keeping an erection, and premature ejaculation. This article aims to give a brief outline as to what can be expected during a sex therapy session. Whatever difficulty it is you are facing, be reassured that you are not alone.
Be sure to go into your first sex therapy session knowing you may discuss your sexual health, relationship, and trauma history, states Gretchen Blycker, a sex and couples therapist. Especially in your first session, your therapist will need to get a sense of the context that is surrounding your concerns, this can and may include the discussion on topics you may find uncomfortable. Sex therapy can look similar to traditional therapy forms, but with a direct focus on sexuality in addition to and in conjunction with the uneasiness or worries that brought you to therapy. “Generally, when attending a therapy session with sexuality as your primary concern, you can expect your therapist to gently inquire around what has been bothering you, and what you would like to be different,” says Laura Federico, licensed clinical social worker.
Hit Me Baby One More Time: Discussing Impact Play
Impact play can be summarised as a “practice where one partner strikes another with their hands or toy for sexual gratification.” Examples of this range from the commonly shown spanking, whipping, or flogging. This article will give a basic overview of the science behind enjoying spanking, how to do it safely, and other tips and tricks. A strike on your butt, upper thighs, or other erogenous zones can stimulate your skin's nerve receptors and can trigger the release of endorphins and dopamine. Sanda Lamorgese, author of Switch: Time for a Change further states that for some, the taboo vibes of getting spanked can also be a turn-on.
Note first that impact play does NOT have to be extreme—you have the right to define the intensity of the action to whatever you are most comfortable with. Since impact play falls under what is considered “‘risk play’”, it is imperative that it remains a constant consensual activity with you and your sexual partner—it should never happen without being discussed prior, and the intensity should, under no circumstance, go beyond what you have stated you are comfortable with. The spanking or “punishment” scene in 50 Shades of Grey shows the importance of respecting limitations and allowing a set moment to have consent and boundaries discussed before starting impact play. If you are unfamiliar with the book or film, I would firstly not ever recommend it. But for those curious, the scene involves “submissive” Anna to be seen distressed and visibly upset, whilst “dominant” Chrisitan continues to spank her with a belt. There are many healthy and ethical ways to combine sex and pain, but using 50 Shades as a sex-manual is in no way going to give you an ethical or genuinely useful guide. To see the other ways that 50 Shades has depicted BDSM in an unrealistic or true manner, check out our lovely Alyssa’s blog!
Consent is by far the most important element to safely carrying out impact play. An additionally important concept is on what part of the body should receive impact sensations. Candice Smith, intimacy coach and cofounder of the KinkKit suggests you start with the buttocks and inner thighs due to the protective fat and muscle. Other parts of the body have thinner skin or cover vital organs that can be damaged with less effort. Daniel Saynt, founder of NSFW (The New Society For Wellness), explains that you should also make sure to avoid the spine, tummy, and lower back, as well as the ears, head, feet, and calves, should further be avoided. You can find a graphic of where is and isn’t okay to hit here!
Saynt further suggests that in terms of consent and negotiation, you may want to enact the stoplight system. “During the stoplight system, ‘red’ signifies stop and care, and ‘yellow’ signifies slow down.” Alternatively, some may find they lose their ability to speak during a moment of sensation overload, this is why establishing a non-verbal safety word may be helpful. Examples of this include tapping the bedside table three times or clapping your hands four times. This is especially useful if you are combining impact play with something like a ball-gag which restricts your ability to speak. Finally, before taking part in impact play, you may find it useful to create a “pain scale.” This involves using a number scale to communicate how much impact you can or want to take. “Begin with a few light swipes and then have your partner tell you the number of pain they’re feeling, plus what number they’d like to get to in that scene,” says Saynt.
WAYS TO PRACTICE IMPACT PLAY
If you are brand new to impact play, you can start by practicing some smacks on a pillow using a flat palm. Get used to the momentum and strength you naturally give. Then move on to lightly spank the fleshy part of your partner’s body. Once again, take this slowly and communicate between each slap.
One of the most common ways to practice impact play is slapping. This involves a “hand spanking” that happens on body parts other than the buttocks, places that can be slapped can involve the thighs and face cheeks. Make sure to start with light slaps before moving on to stronger ones, as if you go too hard with this, there is the potential to knock out your partner.
Spanking not only can be done with your hand, but implements like a belt, paddle, or slapper. These implements can bring along different sensations, a paddle may give a ‘thuddy’ sensation, whereas a cane feels more like a sting. Note that using a cane aggressively can result in welts—go light for your first time using it and slowly work your way up to more impactful strikes.
Punching and kicking are other slightly heavier ways to practice impact play. With these methods, make sure to keep it light. Furthermore, make sure to stay away from the face, spine, or any other major organs.
Flogging and whipping are deemed to be a more intense form of impact play, and generally should be reserved for those with skill and experience. Whipping especially should be reserved for those with experience, if carried out incorrectly—or correctly depending on what you are seeking—it can result in open gashes on your skin.
After any form of impact play, aftercare is a must. Not only should this include physical care such as icing any bruises or rehydrating, but emotional. Make sure to debrief what just happened, share what you liked or perhaps didn’t like, and communicate how you are feeling at that present moment.
Due to impact play being a form of risk play, it is crucial that you keep yourself regularly educated on how to carry it out. There are a variety of online communities like FetLife or Mojo Upgrade that can provide educational videos and resources. Be honest with yourself about your limitations of knowledge about impact play, then take time to dive into these resources and fill those gaps! As always, consent and negotiation are imperative for all impact play to be carried out in the safest manner possible—know that some people may love impact play, others may feel unsure about their preference, and others may want to avoid it all together—and every one of these is a valid feeling! If you’re interested in learning more about the world of kink, check out SHA’s Kink-Informed Certificate program taught by the Supernova of Kink herself, Midori.
By Stephanie McCartney
Learning To Redefine Sex
Time and time again, the sex education system has failed us. Schools throw around the word “‘sex”’ but only ever seem to use it in the context of penetrative means penis in vagina sex. This then can lead to the false assumption that the only thing that counts as sex is penetration, this is absolutely not true at all. Sex is truly what you define it to be, some may still choose to decide that penetrative sex is their personal definition, and that is okay! Others may find “outercourse,” more appropriate for their boundaries. There is additionally the concept of “‘othercourse’” which briefly speaking, refers to “creative play that is not limited to, or focused on intercourse.” Othercourse also makes it clear that an orgasm is not the end goal, which works well in relieving performance pressure whilst allowing the opportunity to explore your and your partners’ bodies. Sex can therefore be seen as an umbrella term, my definition of sex may be different from yours— every view is valid!
I will be honest and say that it has taken me a long time to learn how to redefine sex. For 19 years I was under the belief that the only thing that could count as sex for me (a heterosexual female) was penetrative penis in vagina. The typical university experience didn’t do me any additional favors. Games of Never Have I Ever in Freshers week (the first week of starting university here in the UK!) quickly turned into sexual inquiries and listening to embarrassing sex stories of these 11 strangers immediately led me to question why I hadn’t had sex, concluding that there was something was wrong with me. There was and is nothing wrong with me, but discussion and representation of sex in the media only seemed to show penetrative sex, and didn’t even do a good job of realistically depicting that. Growing up in a generation surrounded by social media and technology, it is no wonder I feel the trap of having a narrow understanding of sex.
A Brief History of “Sex Addiction”
Sex addiction seems to make sense. Due to our society’s ingrained morals, we are told that too much of a good thing is bad, that this is addiction. From a young age, we are warned of the dangers of drugs and alcohol through programs such as D.A.R.E. We understand drugs and alcohol to be inherently bad because of the obvious negative physical effects. But sex? Is too much sex a bad thing? The American Addiction Centers seem to think so with this broad claim: “Like other positive, life-affirming behavior—eating, exercising, and falling in love—sex can become an addiction if the need for sexual gratification begins to take precedence over the needs, responsibilities, or values” (emphasis mine). AAC suggests that sex is “life-affirming behavior,” which certainly separates it from drugs and alcohol, and yet still asserts that sex can be addictive. Thanks to the reach of today’s media, many fear this concept. Fear and shame weigh down their sexual desires and too many believe they must control these urges, be the master of them rather than the other way around. Many seek treatment. But sex addiction is a question not easily answered.
Socializing Sex: Pornography on Twitter
In the ever-changing world of social media, Twitter has remained unique. This platform combines the influencer fame of Instagram with the dialogue and anonymity of Reddit or Tumblr, while still reaching a wider age range than other sites. Unlike its similar platforms, Twitter has remained somewhat unfiltered; it’s no secret that X-rated content is easily accessible there. This comes as a stark contrast from sites like Instagram and Facebook, which take a hard stance against adult content, removing posts and banning users who attempt to share it. Twitter has also been reported as a major news source for its younger users, attributed to its real-time release of information from multiple sources. This uniqueness is where Twitter has gained its popularity, but with increasing Internet regulations and the trends of other social media sites, will it remain this way for long?
Of course, Twitter is not the only site to have accessible pornography, but what sets it apart is its simultaneous influencer platform. Twitter boasts a high percentage of celebrity users, both those of established fame and those who gained popularity from their accounts. For this reason, the site draws fans who feel intimately connected to their favorite person. This close contact between celebrities and fans can potentially blur the lines of appropriate relationships, especially considering the age difference.
Stones and Sex: Using Crystals And Other Methods To Balance Your Sacral Chakra
Chakras are simply nerve bundles or energy centres that are distributed throughout the body–every human has all seven chakras, regardless of their belief system. These specific points are associated with different physical and emotional functions in your body, which can affect your overall well-being. Starting from the pelvic floor (or the Root Chakra) and working our way up, the second chakra, the sacral chakra, is referred to as the “‘sex chakra’” due to the way it is believed to improve sexual intimacy. Arthur O’Malley discusses in Activation of the Chakras that the sacral chakra is believed to be the centre for both relationships and social interactions. It can also be seen as the centre for dealing with issues related to the inner child aspects of our personality.
In Hinduism, it can be believed that this chakra is governed by Parvati, the goddess of fidelity, fertility, and power. The sacral chakra is also associated with the water element and the colour orange, so if you are finding yourself being drawn to orange crystals, this could be your body's way of telling you to pay attention to your sacral chakra! It is also believed that the chakras exist on earth, with the sacral chakra being located at Lake Titicaca, with the sacral chakra’s element being water, it would make sense that it is located in a large body of fresh water.
A Brief Look at Black Women and Pornography
I’m not the first person to say that pornography can be both unethical and harmful. Mainstream sites such as PornHub or XVideos lack regulation processes and safety checks on the videos released, which has led to videos of sexual assault, or videos involving minors being made available for the public. These mainstream sites further cause harm by allowing videos that perpetuate racist stereotypes to be released, and are evident and reinforced by the “categories” in which videos are organized. Examples of this include Big Black Cock (BBC), Ebony, and Big Black Woman (BBW). Often these videos are accompanied by hashtags about violence such as #roughfuck, #brutal, #drilled. On a google search of “POC Porn,” pornhub is of course the first site suggested. When (reluctantly) clicking on the site, the first video was labeled “this bitch got my dick in her arse then I gave her a good facial.” How delightful…
This article will open with a discussion on a paper written about the negative implications of pornography for Black women, especially when taking into consideration of racial and social politics. Then, it will bring in readings on ethical pornography— discussing what is needed to make porn ethical as well as suggestions of sites. Finally, it will review how BIPOC pornography can be beautiful and healthy.
Jewel Amoah, feminist and human rights scholar, takes a look at the implications pornography has against Black women. She opens with a definition of what pornography is, “pornography is not simply the exhibition of sex, but the exhibition of illicit sex”.
The Male Gaze in Modern Cinema: Blue is the Warmest Color
In most films, the male gaze controls the narrative, ultimately putting forth the message that women are subordinate to men and that their agency is reduced to that of an erotic subject with their value attributed to how their body pleasure male viewers through its appearance. The male gaze presents the female form as a sexual object for men to quite literally consume through viewing. This phenomenon is present in many popular films portraying both hetero and homosexual relationships. Films that are marketed as queer films are actually filmed through the lens of the male gaze making it so that lesbian relations are constructed to satisfy the hetero male viewer. This is seen in the French film Blue is the Warmest Color (2013), a film that was once marketed as portraying authentic queer relationships. I believe this film puts forth the false ideology that queer women perform their sexuality for male viewing rather than take pleasure in it for themselves as evident through the obvious male gaze.
Talking to Your Partner About an STD Test
Discussing STDs can feel awkward to bring up, but it is crucial for you and your partner(s) to stay safe. Knowing that you and those you are in sexual contact with are healthy can further help to put your mind at risk, allowing you to enjoy sex more. We know it can be hard talking to your partner about getting or the results of an STD test so below is a guide to handle this delicate conversation.
The best time to discuss an STD test is before having any form of sex–even oral sex! – as STDs can be transmitted through any unprotected sex. When it comes time to have this conversation, talk with your partner about this in a place you both feel safe and comfortable. In a bed, right before having sex or outside in a public place is not an ideal spot, and talking at these times not only may make your partner feel uncomfortable, but push more pressure on them. Instead find a place that you both feel comfortable in, whether this means one of your gardens or even the staircase, this will make the conversation far easier. Planned Parenthood reiterates the importance of timing and placement. Pick a time where you won’t be distracted or interrupted, and choose a place that is private and relaxed.
What is a Healthy Relationship?
There is no golden rule to follow for a guaranteed “healthy relationship.” My needs in a relationship may be totally different from yours, and that is absolutely okay. There are, however, certain elements that are essential to a healthy and happy relationship that I will go on to discuss. I will mention that by no means am I a relationship therapist, but I can give you the rundown of several different sites and aim to give an overall explanation. Ultimately, studies and sites acknowledge that only you know what is best for you in a relationship, you know your boundaries and needs and should understand that it is important that they are met and respected. For a further guide on healthy relationships, check out Shelby’s piece on the six sexual health principles in which she explains what the principles are and why they are important in encouraging positive sexual health and a strong relationship.
Anything is Paw-Sible in the Kink Community: Discussing Pet Play
In the simplest terms, pet play is role-playing as an animal. There are no rules or limits as to what animal can be played out, though puppies and kittens are the most discussed and hence deemed to be the most common—you can be whatever you desire! This can extend to ducks, foxes, and even fantasy creatures. This article aims to explore the psychology behind pet play, understanding why people enjoy it; and will then go on to discuss ways that you can incorporate it into your life if that is something you are interested in.
Pet play is most commonly seen in the BDSM community, more specifically in a Dominant/submissive relationship. Typically, the Dominant takes on the role of the owner (or trainer in other circumstances) and the submissive takes on the role of the pet, taking on animal-like characteristics. Pet play can additionally happen in sexual and non-sexual ways. Some people may find that being a pony after a tough day can help them to distress, for others pet play allows them to have the opportunity to be playful and carefree in a way they normally can’t. Others may prefer pet play in a different circumstance. In a sexual context, pet play can allow the opportunity for bondage and humiliation.
Practice Safe Sexting with Your Robot Girlfriend
Regardless of relationship status, sexting, or texting explicit content including photos, is a super popular way to “get it on” from afar, with the convenience of needing only your phone and a bit of creativity. It can be a fantastic tool for long-distance folks, whether in a long-term relationship or something around friends-with-benefits. Even if you see your partner(s) in person regularly, sexting can be a way to open up your intimacy to new ideas and experiences. Yet, we are all familiar with sexting being unsafe and, at times, illegal. So with the ever-expanding repertoire of sexting apps, the question of how to ensure safety remains. There are so many different forms of sexting now, including texting, sending photos and videos, calling, video chatting, and more. Unfortunately, many of these tools are found on unsafe platforms where you risk device viruses and compromising your personal information. What has been missing from the Internet is a safe way to experience the world of online sex. While there are many opportunities to insist on safety, one option is using something like Slutbot, or an app to practice sexting as a skill within a controlled, safe environment.