Sexuality is an essential topic of conversation when raising healthy, confident-minded children. Moreover, having open discussions about sexuality ensures that your child will have a sense of body positivity regarding their own body and the bodies of those around them. The “birds and the bees” talk shouldn't be an uncomfortable one-time occurrence; it should be an ongoing open conversation between you and your child that spans years. Sex education in our country is, unfortunately, not always adequate in the schooling system and often does not start until some children have already been exposed to or experienced aspects of sexuality. For this reason, it’s essential to start sex education with your children within your own home and at an early age. Sex and sexuality are a part of life—it’s crucial to provide your child with the tools they need to understand themselves and the world around them. It’s also worth acknowledging that many parents did not receive proper sex education and may not know where to start with sex ed for their children. For many adults, their sex education came from grade-school videos about puberty and is often solely heteronormative and uplifts biases. Don’t fret if your sex education is lacking because many tools can help you enhance both your and your child’s sex education.
It’s time for proper and adequate sex education to become a regular part of raising children, and we at SHA are here with some book recommendations to help you start your journey. Books are a valuable resource that many parents use for sex education. They help you to provide your child with child-friendly information about love, sex, relationships, and growing up. If you’re interested in writing your own book about sexual education or learning more about where you might fit in the sexual education world, check out SHA’s Sexual Educator Certificate Program.
"Where Did I Come From?": An Illustrated Children's Book on Human Sexuality
Though a bit dated now, Where Did I Come From strives to start open and honest conversations early in a child’s life. The book was first published in 1973 and is written by Peter Mayle with kid-friendly illustrations by Arthur Robins. This book educates children about childbirth and reproduction in heteronormative relationships that adhere to normative reproductive methods. The book takes its readers on the full baby-making journey——from sex (referred to in the book as ‘making love’) to fertilization, through nine months of pregnancy, labor and childbirth. It tells the story of a mom and dad getting together, having sex, and creating a baby. Mayle attempts to put in words what sexual feelings are like, in regards to orgasm, ie the crescendo and the buildup towards orgasm, and the rhythmic ‘in and out movements of sexual penetration. Most kids tend to find the details about the mechanics of sex a little bizarre and they won’t really understand what it all means until during puberty (when the sex hormones kick in and create romantic thoughts), but nonetheless, the book begins exposure to the process of sexual intercourse. The book also has some elements of body positivity to it. Mayle includes descriptions of pregnancy while placing emphasis on the fact that all bodies are created differently. The book is definitely in sync with traditional values–as in not featuring diverse bodies ore relationships––as in not featuring diverse bodies ore relationships–so it shouldn’t be the only resource you use when it comes to educating your children about reproductive sex. “Where Did I Come From?” is still a resource for age-appropriate and anatomically correct information and one that proves these conversations are nothing new.“Where Did I Come From?” is still a resource for age-appropriate and anatomically correct information and one that proves these conversations are nothing new.
It's Not the Stork!: A Book about Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families, and Friends
It’s Not the Stork! is written by Robie H. Haris with illustrations by Michael Emberly. It’s another classic book for children’s sex education that has been around for some time, though, though the author tends to update the book every ten to fifteen years. This book is helpful because it addresses a wide range of topics ranging from the bodies of cisgender boys and girls and the process of reproduction. The book features two cartoon characters, a curious bird and a squeamish bee, that provide comic relief and give voice to the full range of emotions and reactions children may experience while learning about their sexuality and bodies. The book talks about the fact that cis boys have a penis and a picture of how it looks on the outside as well as the inside. It also talks about a cis girl’s vulva and vagina vulva and vagina as well as the fact that all kids will grow up and eventually be old. It then talks about eggs and sperm that are inside us and that it is needed to make a baby. This book is a bit less heteronormative that Where Did I Come From as it addresses the fact that not all families are made up of a mom and dad, some families have two moms or two dads. The book also deals lightly with issues of consent by talking about “good touch” and “bad touch.” This is something that children most definitely need to be taught at a young age in order to ensure that they are touching their own bodies and the bodies of others appropriately and always with consent. Overall, this book is great if you’re looking for something that covers a wide range of topics concerning sex education and is something that you can continue referring back to throughout the years.
The Every Body Book: The LGBTQ+ Inclusive Guide for Kids about Sex, Gender, Bodies, and Families
The Every Body Book is much more inclusive than the one previously mentioned and is another great addition to any sex-positive parents' sex-ed book collection. It’s written by Rachael Simon with illustrations by Noah Gringi. There are all sorts of bodies represented throughout the book with visuals that are equally as inclusive as the language used within it. This book has been called a groundbreaking LGBTQ+ inclusive kid’s guide to sex, gender, and relationship education that includes children and families of all genders and sexual orientations. It covers a wide range of topics, from puberty and hormones to consent, sex, pregnancy, and safety. The best part of this book is its use of gender-neutral language and celebration of diversity in all forms including race, ethnicity, faith, bodies, gender, and sexuality. Simon provides children with basic sex education such as an introduction to the difference between sex and gender and sexual attraction and how this defines one’s sexual orientation. Simon includes descriptions of most sexual orientations and provides a child-friendly guide to same-sex attraction. Her descriptions of sex and reproduction are not heteronormative and introduce children to the realities of sex and sexuality–not everything is traditional and that is normal! This book also recognizes the fact that gender is not binary, a concept that is essential for children to learn at an early age as it’s a part of them figuring out their identities. This book is perfect as a supplemental book to one of the above books as it takes a step outside of the heteronormative world that most sex education is centered in.
Amy Lang’s Birds + Bees + Kids
This recommendation first one is actually a website, but still serves as a fantastic it has a lot of great resources for parents looking to implement a sex-positive sex education for their children. The website provides simple and effective tips and tricks for igniting an ongoing conversation around the “birds and the bees” with your children. One of the most useful resources on the website is a document featuring “7 easy trips to make the sex talk rock” written by Lang herself. In the document, Lang talks about why kids need to learn about sex and notes the importance of disregarding discomfort surrounding the sex talk and stepping up to help your child understand their body and blossoming sexuality. Lang writes that “when children are comfortable with their sexual identity and understand sex and sexuality they are more likely to feel better about who they are as a person and make better decisions.” This is the truth of the matter, as sexuality is a crucial part of every human being’s identity. For this reason, it’s important to properly educate your children on sex so that they have the tools to both feel comfortable about themselves and make good decisions when it comes to engaging in intimacy with others. Lang also places emphasis on the role of a parent as the central force when it comes to proper sex education in a child’s life. She notes that sexual education classes in schools should be seen as a supplemental source of education toward what your child is already learning from you at home. Birds + Bees + Kids also features sex education blogs, videos, and other great sex education resources for children. It’s definitely a must-have resource for a sex-positive’s parents' toolbox!
Overall, books are just one resource available to you when teaching your children about sex education. I’ve only listed a few great sex education books for children, so remember if the above books don’t work for you there are a lot of other options. Some other books worth mentioning are Amazing You by Gail Saltz, Let's Talk About the Birds and the Bees by Molly Potter, and the Nonnie Books series by Mary Jo Podgurski. Another great website with resources for sex education, as well as reviews on all of the books I’ve listed in this article is Sex ed Rescue. This website prides itself on helping parents to find a better way to talk to their children about sex education. The website features discussions on sex ed, puberty, and even pornography. It’s another great resource for parents navigating the sometimes difficult topic of sex education. Most importantly, remember that you have the power to break the cycle of improper sex education and you have the means to give your child all the tools they need to grow into a confident aware adult who embraces and feels good about their sexuality. It’s never too late to start proper sex education, for both you and your child!
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By Alyssa Morterud