Sex addiction seems to make sense. Due to our society’s ingrained morals, we are told that too much of a good thing is bad, that this is addiction. From a young age, we are warned of the dangers of drugs and alcohol through programs such as D.A.R.E. We understand drugs and alcohol to be inherently bad because of the obvious negative physical effects. But sex? Is too much sex a bad thing? The American Addiction Centers seem to think so with this broad claim: “Like other positive, life-affirming behavior—eating, exercising, and falling in love—sex can become an addiction if the need for sexual gratification begins to take precedence over the needs, responsibilities, or values” (emphasis mine). AAC suggests that sex is “life-affirming behavior,” which certainly separates it from drugs and alcohol, and yet still asserts that sex can be addictive. Thanks to the reach of today’s media, many fear this concept. Fear and shame weigh down their sexual desires and too many believe they must control these urges, be the master of them rather than the other way around. Many seek treatment. But sex addiction is a question not easily answered.
When researching this concept, it is paramount to turn to a world-renowned clinical psychologist, Dr. David Ley. Ley has worked tirelessly to help us better understand problem sexual behavior. Using clinically sound information, Ley approaches sexual behaviors such as these in thoughtful and enlightening ways. The first chapter of his 2012 book, The Myth of Sex Addiction, is a deep pursuit for the elusive definition of this concept. Addiction, in its own term, is understood as a physiological dependency on a substance, which comes from the chronic use of the substance. But sex does not have the same degradation on the physical body. Ley suggests the key to this contradiction lies in the definition of addiction as a whole, which he suggests “is intrinsically linked to morality and judgment of socially unfavorable behavior.” This is highly evident in examples of sex addiction.
Throughout his book, Ley patiently sifts through both scientific and colloquial examples of the term but none get him close to the truth. He says that the “gross lack of clarity of diagnoses and definitions” has led to “an explosion of the bewildering variety of definitions and lists of sexual behaviors and problems, all lumped under the general and broad concept of sexual addiction.” We see that, because of this broadness, the examples are put up against society’s morals and values: If the act is considered or understood to be immoral or unacceptable, it’s most likely part of the addiction. Ley lists more than 20 behaviors, such as engagement in fantasy sex (like role-playing), having multiple sexual partners, and any use of pornography, that fall under the umbrella term.
Since we struggle to simply define the term, sex addiction treatment is not as regulated as one would think. Treatment centers and workbooks lean heavily into these acts and behaviors being immoral and/or unacceptable. In the early 1980s, prison psychologist Patrick Carnes published Out of the Shadows, a look into his client’s sexual behavior he deemed “excessive” and “destructive.” To cure these men, Carnes applies the twelve-step model from Alcoholics Anonymous. Carnes’ book sold widely and greatly influenced the field of addiction and mental health to this day. While twelve-step programs have undoubtedly helped many, they miss the mark when applied to sex. Treatments such as these uphold the Puritanical ideals that sex, for anything other than reproduction, is wrong. Treatments such as these perpetuate fear and shame of real, healthy desires. These ideas are then widespread through the media in the form of products and commercials for libido, celebrity tabloids and gossip, and public admissions of sex addiction. Instead of helping, this hyperfocus on the wrong continues the cycle of suppression, further ostracizing people from actual help.
Help, Ley urges, comes from shifting our focus as educators, therapists, psychologists, and counselors. Rather than promoting or condemning certain sexual acts, we need to view Current research suggests that people seeking treatment for problem sexual behavior are a diverse group of people, all with varying underlying problems and individual needs that must be considered and incorporated into treatment. Rather than promoting or condemning certain sexual acts, we need to view all assessments within the sexual health framework. Shifting our language is another necessary step in reducing shame and stigma; groundbreaking new research indicates that self-identifying as a porn or sex addict likely increases pain and suffering over time. Through these societal changes, and with the help of evidence-based alternative treatment models, as specialists, we can conduct thorough, careful, and individualized assessments, catered to specific needs, instead of an outdated catch-all.
By Shelby Lueders