The Sexual Health Alliance held a transformative and inclusive conference on Philosophy, Identity, Activism: Exploring Queer and Trans Identities - facilitated by Dr. Ley David Elliete Cray, SHA alum and teacher. We heard from queer, non-binary, and transgender professionals, including asexual advocate Yasmine Benoit, gender-affirming medical professional Dr. Jerrica Kirkley, graphic novelist Justin Hall, health nurse practitioner Rachel Featherstone, professional counselor Taylor Mizuno-Moore, sex worker and advocate Margaux Underwood.

Ley opened the conference with an electric statement addressing that now more than ever, we need to uplift the voices of queer folk, especially with the rise of hate and bigotry towards queer and trans communities. Throughout the United States, conservative politicians and activists are attempting to silence the voices of the LGBTQ+ community - this conference is a symbol of resistance. SHA is crafting educators, counselors, and therapists to become interpersonal allies, advocates, and mentors for queer and trans people.

I grew up in a Catholic household and almost every year the family broke out the same DVD to mark the holiday season: A Christmas Story. So many scenes in that movie fill me with nostalgia, but I can only point to one plotline that I’m sure, without a doubt, was sexually formative to me: the lamp. If you haven’t seen the movie, it’s basically a series of vignettes about a suburban family in 1939. In one of them, the father receives a mysterious “major award” in the mail which turns out to be a particularly sensual lamp. It’s a long, shapely glowing leg topped with a tasseled shade designed to evoke a skirt. Most entrancingly (at least for me), the lamp is wearing a high black heel and a thigh-high fishnet stocking that our ten-year-old protagonist Ralphie just can’t keep his hands off. According to the narrator, when the lamp was lit-up in the family’s window “the entire neighborhood was turned on.”

Now that I’m an adult with what some might call a full-fledged fetish for hosiery, this plotline is an easy source to thank for my desires, while also serving as an example of how our culture treats stockings. On the one hand, they seem to be semi-universally understood to be sexy. They’re often part of lingerie sets, they appear in vanilla porn and burlesque shows very frequently, and even mainstream movies like The Graduate use them in ways the audience is clearly meant to process as seductive. At the same time, they’re sort of treated as a safe form of eroticism. A Christmas Story is considered a child-friendly film and I’d be very surprised if I rewatched it with my family one year and discovered a scene of Ralphie groping a statue’s chest or crotch. But for some reason, a long beautiful leg in sensual hosiery is considered just sexy enough that adults will understand but not lewd enough to be inappropriate, despite the fact many people are extremely turned on by them. So how did this little cultural kink for hosiery come to be, what do people find so sexy about it, and how can you start exploring if you want to?

If you’ve spent any amount of time around your local kink community it’s likely you’ve heard people talk about the Old Guard. This controversial term has no one agreed-upon definition, yet it’s been part of conversations in the leather community and broader BDSM sphere since at least the early 1970s. For many, it refers to an idyllic past when S&M and leather culture were more meaningful and untainted by mainstreaming and internet culture. For others, it sets off alarm bells for dismissive gatekeeping, toxic masculinity, or even coercion into practices that cross people’s limits. It’s a complex and often sensitive topic, and a simple blog post by someone outside of the leather community could never do it justice. At the same time, it’s worthwhile for people first dipping their toes into the kink scene to learn a bit about the concept of Old Guard and the background on some ideological tensions which pop up semi-frequently in the world of BDSM.

Although arguably elements of kink have been practiced for millennia, modern Western BDSM has a relatively short history that is deeply intertwined with that of American gay men and leathermen in particular. Leather has also served an important part in lesbian history, although unfortunately this blog post’s scope is confined mostly to gay men. As Peter Hennen discusses in his 2008 book Faeries, Bears, and Leathermen, leather culture first emerged in the mid-20th century as many gay men sought community after serving in World War II. Separated from family, traumatized by violence, and bound by shared structure and comradery, many veterans felt no interest in or ability to return to everyday civilian life once combat ended. For gay men in particular, the war had created a space for homosocial and homosexual bonding, despite the military’s officially anti-homosexual stance, and returning home to expectations of heteronormativity and nuclear family creation was daunting. Gay veterans yearned for a community with other men but shied away from the effeminacy that was heavily associated with men’s queerness at the time.

I don’t know what the average person thinks when they hear the term “step mommy” or “stepsis” out of context, but I sure know what my mind jumps to and it’s not a typical family relationship. Perhaps you’re more innocent than me. To be fair, I came of age with access to an ever-growing cornucopia of internet porn and yes, I’m a bit of a pervert. But I swear I’m not the only one that associates these innocent terms with porno storylines. People have written stand-up bits, published YouTube skits, and made TikTok videos all hinging on the overwhelming popularity (or, at least, ubiquity) of step-family-themed porn, often referred to as “fauxcest”. So, what’s the deal with that? Why are incestuous relationships so common in pornography storylines that there’s not just one but multiple popular meme formats revolving around it?

Well, a common theory is that porn consumers are just so over-saturated with sexual imagery nowadays that “normal sex” isn’t enough. Porn viewers keep chasing bigger sexual thrills when the old plotlines start falling flat and suddenly they’ve popularized the dirtiest topic of them all: incest. Now, this may be true for some people, however, the idea that pornography is drug-like in this way is not generally backed up by science and seems to be a myth often used by anti-porn organizations to paint porn as inherently dangerous. The same organizations relying on this narrative will claim that watching porn made by consenting adults is the beginning of a slippery slope that leads to child porn and bestiality.

What’s that you have there? Do you want me to call it a pussy, or how about a dick? You might not have heard this question before, and maybe it even seems a little weird. It’s possible you think of the parts in your underwear as obviously one or the other and you don’t understand why someone would ask. The thing is, not everyone is comfortable with the same language when it pertains to their parts, not to mention the fact that many people have bodies that don’t fit into the sexual binary. So let’s talk about why people might like some terms more than others, why that’s important, and how to have that conversation!

There are so, so many words for body parts and an astounding amount are just for genitals. Some of them sound more medical, some are more vulgar, and some are just silly like “Purple-Headed Yogurt Slinger.” The thing is, not everyone has the same association with these terms. As an example find the word “vagina” overly medical for dirty talk, but my roommate is absolutely fine with it. Using the wrong term might sometimes just be a bit of a turnoff while throwing certain words around without asking could be hurtful to a partner.

Erotic hair pulling is one of those sexy activities that are so popular many people don’t even consider it a kink. It tends to float around in the “rough sex” zone where people so often put things like spanking and biting. I don’t think this idea is particularly accurate or helpful because it lumps many diverse activities together as if being interested in one necessarily means you’re interested in others. It also treats these activities like they hold little to no risk of harm. For example, hardly any work has been produced on how to pull hair safely, possibly because it has a reputation for being “entry-level” and not needing to be explained. Unfortunately, hair pulling holds substantial risk when done incorrectly. So let’s go over different kinds of hair pulling, how to pull hair relatively safely, and all (or some, at least) of the ways hair pulling can be incorporated into activities that aren’t traditional “rough sex.”

First and foremost we need to talk about what, exactly, erotic hair pulling is. Porn and other kink photography tend to depict hair pulling as one person dragging someone around by their hair or tugging on the ends of braids or ponytails-like handles during doggy-style sex. Obviously, the breadth of human sexuality is near infinite so people can be into all sorts of variations, but these techniques are not particularly safe and do not consistently produce the erotic effect that many enjoy. Instead, many people enjoy the feeling of having their scalp stimulated directly through hair pulling that’s tight against their head. The typical technique involves lacing fingers into the base of your partner’s hair in order to pull from the scalp. Conveniently, this is not only the safest method but is also doable on surprisingly short hair. You probably wouldn’t be able to form a fist in hair shorter than about two inches, but even just sliding your fingers into the base of short hair and squeezing them tightly together can produce a similar effect. When hair is pulled at the base, the sensation is more like an intense scalp massage than pure pain. It has an element of masochism to be sure, but it’s the sort of ambiguous pain that many people who don’t consider themselves masochists might really enjoy.

On August 18th, 2015, the FDA approved Flibanserin (Addyi) to help premenopausal women who were experiencing low sexual desire that resulted in personal distress or difficulties. Taken in tablet form, this non-hormonal pill acts as a “multifunctional serotonin against antagonist” (MSAA) to provide treatment for those facing hypoactive sexual desire disorders. Whilst this may sound like a good idea on paper, the safety and testing behind this “female viagra'' is both dangerous and problematic.

Flibanserin, also called Addyi, went through the normal approval protocol, giving the illusion that it was safe for female consumption. It comes as a 100mg dose that should be taken daily right before bedtime. There are however multiple dangerous side effects that Flibanserin may cause which this 2018 paper goes into detail about. Administration during waking hours increased the chances of hypotension, syncope (passing out), accidental injury, and depression. Flibanserin “may also cause (CNS) depression with somnolence and sedation. Fatigue, insomnia, and dry mouth can also occur.” Those taking Flibanserin should not drive or engage in any activities that require full alertness until it has been at least 6 hours after taking flibanserin. At this point, I’m beginning to wonder how the heck this was even passed as a safe drug. But it gets a lot worse from here…

Most people have probably heard of spanking in the context of kinky sex before. It’s a fairly common fantasy to imagine being forced over someone’s knee and told you’ve been bad and you’re going to be punished. Even people who aren’t into a formal punishment aspect might consider it fairly every day to have some light swats to the butt in the bedroom. When I decided to write about spanking, however, I had something else in mind. Spanking is an activity that some people enjoy as much more than a bit of spice during foreplay or sex. These people (often self-identified as spankos) center spanking in their erotic life and many aren’t particularly interested in more typical forms of sex. In this piece, I discuss spanking as a complete, isolated sexual act in addition to what people find enjoyable about spanking, and how to explore spanking beyond some playful butt slaps during sexual intercourse.

Unfortunately, spanking is a term in our culture for forms of physical child abuse normalized as too mild or common to call battery. However, this blog post uses “spanking” to describe the erotic practice of consenting adults hitting other consenting adults’ buttocks. This can simply be with an open palm or with implements such as hair brushes or paddles. Often there’s an element of dominance and submission, where one partner (the spanking top) takes on the role of punishing, humiliating, or otherwise holding power over the other partner (the spanking bottom). Spanking can be done over clothes, with underwear exposed, or on bare bottoms. It can be incorporated into broader BDSM relationships as well in different ways. Some enjoy spanking as a pure indulgence in the pleasure of masochism, others use it as a disciplinary element consensually chosen by the participants as a way of correcting unwanted behaviors, and still others desire regularly scheduled spankings as a way to maintain a connection to their BDSM identity and the visceral power exchange element in their relationship.

It’s been just one month since Sexual Health Alliance covered the topic of “cyber-flashing” and its various degrees of legality across the nation. This term, while previously relatively unknown, has gained some recent popularity due in part to the dating app, Bumble. On September 23, California bill SB 53 “Unsolicited Images” was approved by California Governor Gavin Newsom and chaptered by the Secretary of State. The bill, authored by Senator Connie M. Levya representing California’s 20th District, allows recipients of unsolicited lewd photos to sue the sender for up to $30,000. Moreover, the minimum damages payment is $1,500, and recipients can seek court orders blocking any further online harassment. This action not only validates and supports survivors of virtual sexual harassment but also solidifies California’s place as a policy leader in the United States, encouraging other states to follow suit. While Texas and Virginia already have similar regulations, it would not surprise me if, in the coming months and years, other states create similar laws to protect people from online attacks. Eventually, legal language like this may be used to create federal sanctions for assailants.

So where does Bumble come in? Well, as anyone who has ever been on a dating app could tell you, they are breeding grounds for unsolicited sexually explicit pictures. However, instead of assuming this an absolute, Bumble decided to take a stand. For context, Bumble’s founder and CEO, Whitney Wolfe Herd, has been breaking molds since Bumble’s inception, and in her quest for gender and racial parity, she has stayed on the cutting edge of technological innovation. The concept behind the app itself represents these values; giving women the power to control their love and sex lives while advancing gender roles. Furthermore, Bumble reinforced its commitment to kind online communities back in 2017 following the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements. As we know, social media is a huge driver behind modern social movements, and Bumble plays into these in the best sort of way. The app has a zero-tolerance policy for hate speech and, now, unsolicited nudes.

Why is the clitoris so misunderstood and ignored in social and medical society? Because it's more than a pleasure system—the clitoris is a symbol of liberation and fear. The history of the clitoris is intrinsically tied to the patriarchy’s insidious plot to misinform and silence women’s sexual liberation. Zoe Mendelson, a writer, speaker, and advocate created the book Pussypedia - an inclusive guide to the vulva and vagina. Within her book, she provides transparent information about the pussy through bright fun graphics and casual language. In PussyPedia, she demonstrates how the medical industry refused to acknowledge and discuss the pleasure system within the vulva, specifically the clitoris. She illustrates that the medical and social dismissal of "pussy sexuality" advertised that it was frail and unfeeling.

With the limited sex education I was given in school, the information about periods was extremely scarce. We were instructed about cramps and PMS, but there was zero mention of the existence, or ways to navigate “period poops.” Your period can make you poop more or less, and it can come in many forms: constipation, bloating, diarrhea, or even all of the above. But do you know why you are experiencing changes in your bowel movement, before and during your period? This article will delve into the science behind it, and ways to make your experience a little less shit (pun intended). Hormones are what you want to blame for your sudden increase in poops. Before your period starts, progesterone levels rise in order to prepare for a possible pregnancy. When menstruation begins instead of pregnancy, your body increases levels of prostaglandins, whilst progesterone levels fall. It is prostaglandins that encourage your womb muscles to contract to help break down the uterine lining and resulting in the hell that is menstrual cramps. In terms of poop, if your body produces more prostaglandins than necessary, it can enter the bloodstream and affect muscles, including the bowels and other digestive organs, and result in more frequent trips to the toilet. Lower levels of progesterone can also result in diarrhea.

Penis size is a loaded topic in much of the world, and the rise in popularity of internet porn makes unrealistic body standards even harder to avoid. To make things worse, small penises are the butt of jokes all the time even as our culture seems to be moving away from body shaming. Small penises are imagined to be symbolic of a lack of masculinity and power. Despite the fact many trans men without bottom surgery have very fulfilling sex lives and 85% of straight women report being happy with their partners’ size, many still spread the idea that penis measurements are central to desirability as a man. With all this in mind, it’s no surprise that almost half of the people with penises studied (all cisgender and heterosexual men) wish their penises were bigger. There are many healthy ways to address insecurities, but for a lot of people, the most fun (and kinky!) is addressing the issue head-on. Erotic humiliation or specifical small penis humiliation (SPH) is perfect for this!

Humiliation play gives people the opportunity to have their worst insecurities pointed out and their most painful fears about themselves confirmed in a controlled, consensual environment. Sometimes this comes from reenacting old traumas around embarrassment, sometimes it’s more original or abstract. Small penis humiliation (SPH for short) is a popular subsection of the erotic humiliation kink, probably because so many people are insecure about their size down there. And that’s the thing – you don’t even have to have a small penis to enjoy being made fun of for it! Plenty of people with average and even exceptionally large penises enjoy SPH.

Given the smaller scale on which American universities signify societal power relations, college campuses often constitute a microcosm in which policy changes can be applied and evaluated. In this way, universities not only echo societal issues but magnify them. Specifically, the issue of sexual assault controversies on campuses displays societal attitudes on the topic thus highlighting the priorities of national, state, and administrative policymakers. To demystify this issue, let’s synthesize the literature on campus sexual assault policy and practice by way of case studies on similar, progressive state legislation (California) and universities (Stanford) to illustrate the resulting political compromises as well as their short and long-term consequences.

Policies are not the only factors to be considered when discussing the real-world effects of sexual violence. In the modern-day, media coverage can significantly impact any policies felt by specific populations. Additionally, the media can either highlight or hide certain issues. Highlighting cases of sexual assault often will arouse public outrage for a short amount of time until the news cycle moves on. Further, in the media coverage of a sexual assault case, issues can be blown out of proportion to enhance the ethos draw of the event. This illustrates the fact that there is almost no way for the media to present an unbiased report of such a complex issue, although this was the intention behind free media at the beginning of democracy.

When it comes to consensual non-monogamy, most people probably spend more time thinking about the logistics or the sexual gratification of having multiple partners. Yet, the words we use to talk and think about different topics matter. That’s why it’s worth analyzing what it means when we describe the act of having consensual relationships with more than one person as “consensual non-monogamy,” which is often abbreviated as CNM. It’s not that the phrase isn’t helpful–Non-monogamy illustrates how someone may have relationships with multiple people or how a relationship may even include more than two people. And by pointing out that it’s consensual, we differentiate between CNM and non-monogamy, where one party isn’t aware that their partners have other sexual or romantic relationships. Often, this takes the form of cheating, but it may be the case that some people could be in consensual non-monogamous relationships if they knew it was an option.

For those who know the difference and practice non-monogamy only when it’s consensual, it’s important to distinguish their relationships from cheating. Some people also use ethical non-monogamy (ENM), which emphasizes the same point. CNM has traditionally been used by researchers, but it has overtaken ENM as the terminology of choice in some circles. Page of Polyland explains that she prefers CNM because ethics vary. Either way, focusing on honesty and consent is something from which many people in more traditional relationships could benefit.

Have you ever fantasized about your partner cheating on you? No, I’m not asking if you’re polyamorous or interested in swinging. There are all kinds of ethical nonmonogamy, but cuckolding is a bit different. Traditionally, “cuckold” means a man whose wife is unfaithful to him, and that definition has been used since the 13th Century. Rather than two partners going to swingers’ parties together or forming new sexual relationships separately, in a cuckolding dynamic only one partner has the freedom to have sex with other people. This might sound unfair or off-putting, but to many, this dynamic is deeply fulfilling—not to mention hot!

In its most basic form, a cuckolding (or “cucking”) relationship is one in which one partner is expected to remain monogamous while the other gets to play with other people, sometimes while the “faithful” partner watches. Typically, although not always, these are heterosexual couples where the man is the cuck who is cuckolded by his female partner, the “cuckoldress,” and a man outside of their relationship called a “bull”. However, many cuckolding fantasies and relationship dynamics involve something more: an aspect of dominance and submission. Although plenty of cucks enjoy cucking purely because they like knowing their partner is having sexual fun with others, many cucks are turned on specifically from feeling humiliated by the “infidelity” or dominated by their “cheating” partner. This aspect is especially evident in cuckolding porn which is surprisingly (or not so surprisingly, depending on who you ask) a very popular genre. For example, the NSFW subreddit r/cuckold currently has over a million followers.

Six months after President Biden’s historic action on Transgender Awareness Day outlining policies for the governing and treatment of transgender individuals, America once again is caught in a political standstill with government officials (Biden included) fighting tooth and nail to push their own agendas. Despite Biden’s initial promises and positive attitude towards being able to protect trans rights significantly, this year has proved extremely difficult for transgender individuals. Still at issue here are the three original principles of transgender healthcare, access to government services, and visibility.

In May, Biden’s Assistant Health Secretary Rachel Levine, the first openly transgender federal official confirmed by the Senate, commented on the state of young transgender Americans by stating they are “being driven to the depth of despair.” As transgender youth suicide rates rose, Levine’s comment illustrates how anti-LGBTQ+ friendly policies being put in place in red states affect the mental stability of individuals. Supposedly in response to this situation, President Biden signed an Executive Order during Pride Month detailing his plan to safeguard healthcare for trans individuals, including establishing and promoting programs specifically designed to reduce youth suicide rates through prevention. These programs are set to be overseen by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, but will likely receive pushback in Conservative states, counties, and schools.

I was personally delighted as Ley David Elliette Cray gave her talk on the cathartic aspect of rope bondage when several people whether and how bondage could be incorporated into therapy and which rope is the best to buy. If I were in the same room with people, I am sure I would have seen something akin to a lightbulb moment as audience members listened to Cray’s words and considered rope bondage, perhaps for the first time, both professionally and personally. That is the hallmark of a good lecture and conference!

Nyotaimori, or the Japanese art of serving sushi on a naked woman, has taken its place in the world of fine dining in the United States. Originally practiced by 17th-century samurai upon returning from battle, it has remained a celebration of the best cuisine reserved for special occasions. For these events, women will fully undress (some wear nude thongs) and lie on the table. The chefs will then adorn their bodies with large leaves which will hold the fish, along with decorative pieces like flowers and shells to cover the genitals and create a beautiful palette for the food. Due to food safety laws, the fish must not be placed directly on a naked body, although scrupulous hygiene is a requirement for the models.

While there are certainly no limitations to who can participate in nyotaimori, the dining experiences are typically in the top price range, since customers are paying for both the high-quality sushi and the models’ time. Companies like Nyotaimori Naked Sushi are typically located in cities known for high-end attractions like Las Vegas, Nevada, and Los Angeles, California, though some companies will travel to cater events. Rather than serving at their own restaurant, companies typically staff chefs and models who will travel to third-party locations for parties, business dinners, and other high-paying clients.

In the latest trend of sex-themed media, interior designer Melanie Rose goes behind the scenes in couples’ homes to help them create the sex room of their dreams in How to Build a Sex Room. This Netflix show, which was first released in July 2022, has become increasingly popular with viewers from all backgrounds; combining traditional reality design television with the more “taboo” world of sex and kink, the show has managed to engage different demographics and bring the subject matter to the forefront in an unassuming manner. In some ways, this show builds off of the foundation of sexual fantasy that popular media like the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise created and orients itself in the context of everyday life. The appeal of the show is that it centers on real couples, who explore sex and kink in an accessible way and are also not afraid to show this off in the media.

The designer, Melanie Rose, is a British woman known as the “Mary Poppins of Pleasure” (coolest nickname ever) who has successfully built a career in media and design over the past twenty years. While Rose is clearly dedicated to her craft and a master in her field, the true skillset she brings to the show is her clean and open communication with the couples on the show. She begins each session by seeing the potential space for renovation and then discussing with the contestants their current sexual desires and the areas which they may be willing to explore. She comes prepared with a bag of sex toys and bondage tools, including handcuffs, floggers, and anal plugs. Then, based off of the conversations about desire and kink, Rose designs and creates the perfect room for the couple with the help of her contractor, Mike.

It’s a tale as old as time: You’re talking to someone whose personality can only be described as the equivalent to boiled (unseasoned) potatoes. There is nothing remotely interesting about them, but you still find yourself fascinated with them, putting yourself through dull conversations about cryptocurrency or the new ‘Alpha Male Podcast’ they’re listening to. You take a moment to reflect on why you’re putting yourself through these boring conversations, and why on earth you’re still attracted to them—your conclusion? You don’t actually like him, he’s just tall. So why is this such a universal phenomenon? This article aims to uncover why we find ourselves more attracted to taller people, and also remind you that being tall is not a personality trait.

A 2015 study found that “human height is positively related to interpersonal dominance in dyadic interactions,” otherwise said, height and stature are seen to be synonymous with status and power. In terms of self-perception, it has been found that taller individuals, particularly taller men, have far higher levels of self-esteem in comparison to shorter individuals. Furthermore, not only are taller individuals perceived to be more threatening during a physical contest, but they are perceived to be “more competent, authoritative, intelligent, dominant, and having better leadership qualities.” There seems to be no negative associations with tall individuals. Even in naturalistic settings, like moving through a crowded street, the study found that “taller individuals were more likely to take precedence.”