This is a complete guide to becoming a certified sex therapist, along with some tips and recommendations on where to get certified. Becoming a certified sex therapist has become easy with online sex therapy certification and trained professionals to guide you along.
David Ley
By: SHA Intern Tula Pitcher
“I love the transformative power of sexual self-acceptance.” - David Ley
Dr. David Ley is a clinical psychologist and internationally recognized expert on sexuality, pornography, and mental health. Ever since adolescence, Ley has always been intrigued by sex and sexuality. As a teenager, Ley became fascinated by science fiction characters who “accepted and embraced their sexuality without shame.” Later, he began his academic career as a philosophy major from Ole Miss. After receiving his bachelor’s, Ley went on to pursue his Master’s and Doctoral degrees in clinical psychology from the University of New Mexico. David Ley initially started working with sex offenders, where he realized there was a lot of ignorance and work that needed to be done within the field of sexuality. Ley began getting lots of referrals for his expertise - “Just because I had learned the power of not shaming,” he said. Ley now works as the Executive Director of New Mexico Solutions, an outpatient mental health and substance abuse program in Albuquerque.
Dr. Ley is best known for his controversial book, The Myth of Sex Addiction, that was inspired by the mainstream media’s reaction to his first book, Insatiable Wives. The media quickly picked up on Ley’s provoking ideas, earning him interviews with Anderson Cooper, Katie Couric, and Dr. Phil. Dr. Ley has also written Ethical Porn for Dicks, A Man’s Guide to Responsible Viewing Pleasure, that was endorsed by Pornhub.com. In addition to being featured on numerous TV shows, Ley has also been interviewed by the New York Times, Washington Post, LA Times, and Hustler and Playboy magazines.
Ley is now investigating professional misconduct among teachers, lawyers, doctors, therapists and police. He is also doing work on forensic testimony, trying to help the legal system better understand the complexity of sexuality. Additionally, he continues to provoke and redefine controversial questions of sexuality, masculinity, psychology and culture through his clinical work and collaboration with the Sexual Health Alliance.
Dr. Ley will be speaking at our conference on March 27th and 28th on Modern Sexual Issues in therapy and education. David Ley’s experience and research within the sexual field has made him an expert on the evolving issues seen in sex and relationships, which he will be focusing on during the conference. Most therapists have no training or exposure to the more contemporary issues revolving around sex and sexuality, and Ley will be reviewing a number of topics in order to break the ice on these taboo matters. Topics covered in the March conference include social media, nymphomania, sexual “pathologies,” porn, religion, and BDSM. Get to know David Ley a bit better by learning from him on how to be the most effective sexuality professional you can be - reserve your spot today!
Midori: “Supernova of Kink”
By: SHA Intern Tula Pitcher
Midori, the internationally acclaimed sexologist, educator, performer, and bondage expert, will be teaching our Kink for the Professional workshop on April 23rd and 24th. Using her expertise, Midori will lead discussions about cultural competence in healthy BDSM and sexual humiliation through judgement-free communication between partners, clients, and professionals.
Born in Tokyo, Japan, Midori brings a multicultural and holistic approach to the kink and BDSM community. After moving to the United States, she got her bachelor’s degree in psychology, and pursued higher education from San Francisco Sex Education. Later in the 90’s, Midori emerged from the sex-positive scene as both an educator and a provacative performance artist. She remains based in San Francisco, although she consistently travels internationally to host workshops, performances, and speak for the art and sex community.
In Midori’s abundant career, she has been an author, an educator, and an artist. She’s written multiple books, including The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage, Wildside Sex, and Master Han’s Daughter. Midori has also been featured in Men’s Health UK, Spectator Magazine, the Dan Savage Show, and the American Sex Podcast. She’s been awarded as the Best Sex Educator by SF Weekly Magazine, Sainted by Sisters of Perpetual Indulgences, and Pantheon Leather Woman of the Year. She’s spoken for TEDx, and teaches various workshops on alternative variations of sexuality including topics of power, desire, and femininity.
Additionally, Midori has developed several strategies for fostering self-exploration and open communication - extremely valuable tools for developing compassion and acceptance. For example, her “head-heart-hands” methodology invites participants to address difficult topics with new perspectives and individual examination. Midori leads and coaches small group intensives as well, called ForteFemme and Rope Dojo. Her creativity and sexually candid curriculum is in extremely high demand, with her workshops booking full months in advance!
In April, her conference for SHA will touch on her BDSM Appetite Grid in order to center mutual consent, negotiation, and satisfaction in kink-interested relationships. Language, identity, and justice play large roles in her teaching, so prepare to have an open mind, and to be alert and in-touch with your preconceived biases. Not only do Midori’s lessons provide thoughtful insight into the world of sexuality, but her anecdotes are equally applicable to humanity and the challenges life throws at each of us.
Midori’s Kink for the Professional will be held, as mentioned above, on April 23rd and 24th. If these topics peak an interest in you, register to learn from a world renowned sexpert before it’s too late!
Male Birth Control: Where the hell is it?!
By: SHA Intern Tula Pitcher
Female birth control has been around for ages, with the earliest recordings emerging in 1850 BC, in ancient Mesopotamia. Although technology has advanced throughout the centuries to produce safer and more reliable contraception for women, it seems to have reached a glass ceiling.
Yes, birth control has almost become a universal expectation. Let me rephrase that: Birth control has become a universal expectation in Western cultures - let us not forget the multitude of progress we have yet to make in reproductive justice across the globe. As of now, you hear “birth control” and you think: fertile, sexually promiscuous female. When you think of “condom,” you think: responsible young man. The problem remains exclusively a problem for women, but what about men? I think it’s about time that we refocus the discussion of contraception to become and a genderless concept.
Discourse is equally favorable to men in the conversation around unplanned pregnancies, which are often the result of forgotten or misused contraception. The stigma around unplanned pregnancies is highly negative and highly gendered. Unplanned pregnancies are often blamed on the females, assuming the women were being irresponsible.
The reality of the matter in both cases is that the responsibility of contraception, before and after coital sex, is left up to the female. And even more visible in an age of hookup culture, is that women are expected, without question, to be on some kind of hormonal intervention that’s supposed to protect both parties, male and female, from getting into “trouble.” Women have birth control pills, arm implants, shots, and multiple versions of IUDs. Patriarchy has etched into the history of uteri that they are either demanded to give birth to unwanted babies or they are required to host an anonymous set of hormones with a multitude of side effects. At the same time, women are consistently discredited for being too emotional while PMSing.
And what do men have? They have flimsy pieces of plastic that are 98% effective, and often coerced and avoided into not being used. Additionally, if condoms are incorrectly worn, the chance of an unwanted pregnancy rises to nearly 25%. Actually, condoms aren’t the only option for men, although it’s the only widespread form of birth control known to be available. Vasectomies are also a reliable and reversible option!
Seriously though, there are multiple ongoing trials for men’s birth control that have seen successful results since 2012. According to WebMD, these trials include a hormone-based gel, injectable hormones, and a pill. However, these trials are still pending, and commercial use may not be possible until 2029.
There is certainly progress being made. But for me to truly believe in reproductive equality, I’m going to need to see the same kind of urgency we saw for female contraception. If female birth control began in 1850 B.C., male contraception has about 4,000 years of catching up to do.
References:
https://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/male-contraceptives
https://www.pandiahealth.com/resources/birth-control-throughout-history/
https://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/male-birth-control-contraceptives-pill
https://utswmed.org/medblog/pill-guys-male-birth-control-option-passes-safety-tests/
Featured on Loveline with Dr. Chris Donaghue
By: SHA Intern Rebecca Sanchez
In September 2020, SHA’s founder and CEO, Heather McPherson, LPC-S, LMFT-S, CST, was invited on Loveline with Dr. Chris Donaghue to discuss cuckolding and hotwifing!
Dr. Chris asked Heather, “For those listening, how can one go about bringing up exploring cuckolding or hotwifing to their partners, specifically in monogamous relationships?” Monogamy, in the words of Dr. Chris, “can stop people’s sexual development” as well as relationship development, meaning that perhaps individuals who want to bring in another person into the bedroom might feel hesitant or restricted in a monogamous relationship. In response, Heather recommended “moving at the slower person's pace”, reminding listeners that this sort of topic can take time to digest with your partner. Heather also suggests to “be open and curious about what you’re desiring, what you want out of the experience.”
Heather also responded to the myth that only men would want to engage in this sort of sexual activity, but she assures both Dr. Chris and listeners that “a lot of self-identified females will bring it to the table,” mentioning the empowerment that can emerge for many women through this experience.
You can listen to the full Loveline podcast episode here:
Terms glossary:
Cuckolding and hotwifing: Terms used to describe the arrangement where one partner sleeps with others outside of the relationship and the other partner receives sexual enjoyment from this knowledge.
Heather McPherson Featured in Rolling Stone: "Why COVID-19 Will Inevitably Lead to Breakup"
By: SHA Interns Alyssa Morterud & Rebecca Sanchez
In March 2020, right when a global pandemic overtook the United States by storm, SHA’s founder and CEO, Heather McPherson, LPC-S, LMFT-S, CST, gave Rolling Stone some insight into some challenges in relationships in the time of COVID-19. Our founder and director of Respark and founder of Sexual Health Alliance, Heather McPherson, was featured in Rolling Stone Magazine in the article, “Why COVID-19 Will Inevitably Lead to Breakups”, by EJ Dickson. Dickson writes about the “unknown” factor that COVID quarantine brought into all of our sexual and or romantic relationships. More than this, she touches upon how those feelings of stress and panic had the potential to break up many relationships due to an increase in fighting. Heather McPherson provides insight into this situation and provides us with an analysis of intimacy and relationships during the beginning of quarantine.
In hetero relationships, Heather talks of how most of these arguments reflect the gender dynamics put forth by heteronormativity. She notes that “Cis-men can have a hard time validating and understanding emotions and feelings and don’t have as much experience with how to reflect that, which could play a role in it.” (McPherson) In relationship to COVID, it seems that the cis-woman in a hetero relationship tends to worry more about COVID precautions than her male counterpart. Heather also talks of how polyamorous couples were facing new challenges at the beginning of COVID, as a lot of her patients practice polyamory. Heather predicted that a lot of couples who were “already at that breaking point, [COVID] just pushes them over the edge.” (McPherson) Heather mentioned that even within her own practice, Respark Therapy & Associates, COVID-19 related issues have “completely overtaken the entire session times,” reinforcing the serious toll that it has taken on couples today. If you want to learn more about the challenges couples faced in the beginning of COVID check out Heather’s feature in Rolling Stone!, reflect upon how your relationships held up during quarantine!
You can read the full article here: https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-news/coronavirus-covid-19-breakups-sex-966933/?fbclid=IwAR2r-dPOZ7PEnhsbU4BaRDEZ9msbV2Oj3sv6Z1sM1Bf_vjlk85nsIC0Qw9A
Recommendations for sex during COVID: http://www.bccdc.ca/health-info/diseases-conditions/covid-19/prevention-risks/covid-19-and-sex
Making Kink COVID-19 Safe
Making Kink COVID Safe
By: SHA Intern Alyssa Morterud
Our founder of Sexual Health Alliance, Heather McPherson recently drafted an article titled “Making Kink COVID Safe” in Psychology Today with Dr. David Ley. Dr. David Ley is a notable member of our community who serves on the SHA board as an expert on sexuality, pornography, and mental health issues. The article talks about how the emergence of the pandemic has completely changed the dynamic of kink communities across the globe. Individuals who participate in kink & BDSM were forced to figure out new COVID safe ways to connect and socialize. The article also looks into how the practices of folks who engage in consensual non-monogamy have changed to accommodate the pandemic. It’s difficult for polyamorous individuals, for example, to welcome new partners into their relationship during the lockdown. Quarantine has been especially difficult for those “within the BDSM community [who] keep their interests in kink private and view [these] gatherings and connections as some of the only places they can be open about who they truly are.” (psychologytoday.com) In this sense, the kink and BDSM communities must find ways to adapt to the changing times so that participants can get back to expressing themselves in safe spaces. David and Heather’s article provides some guidelines and approaches for such an adaptation.
One of the suggestions offered in the article include incorporating others into intimacy through “video conferencing strategies… gett[ing] creative with what you want to see or experience, even if you're halfway across the globe.” (psychologytoday.com) A couple of the other guidelines include social distancing at kink gatherings and keeping the guest list small. A small gathering may also work to enhance intimacy, as it will push people outside of their typical party routine! One of my favorite suggestions was the recommendation to “ add some leather or studs to [our] medical mask[s].” It’s funny because face coverings/ masks are already a popular accessory in both kink and BDSM communities, we might as well add an aspect of our kink identity onto the mandated surgical masks! Above all else, Heather McPherson and David Ley advise those in kink communities to adapt to the changing times and continue living through our desires safely! If we all engage in these safe practices, we can ensure our safe spaces and kink communities; COVID has taken enough away from all of us already. Go check out the article in Psychology Today if you want to learn more about adapting your community to COVID times!
Getting to Know...Dr. David Ley! PART II
How has the pandemic and the “digital age” impacted your career?
I’m busy all damn day now. I used to drive to meetings, fly around the country to do trainings, and I never realized how valuable that travel time is, to give time for a mental reset. Now I go from zoom meeting to zoom meeting, with no breaks, and it’s unbelievably exhausting and draining. I’m excited that our “reach” has increased, and I’m more easily able to offer training and consultation across the world. But there are definitely things we’ve lost, which I miss.
What’s your favorite story to tell?
Oh. So many. Probably my favorite is that when I was a teen, my sister and I once had a party when my mom was gone. But my mom got suspicious and looked through the trash, found beer cans, and we were busted. About a year later, I again had a party but this time, I made a list of things to do, like “get rid of beer cans.” I did it all. But, I didn’t put on the list “throw away this list.” Again, I got busted when my mom found the list. This is why I don’t like to make lists of things to do…
How and when did you start recognizing sexuality?
I’ve always been a pretty sexual person. Reading sci-fi as a young teen, I started falling in love with characters who accepted and embraced their sexuality, without shame. That’s where I can look back and see that my sexual journey towards self-acceptance really began.
Tell us about your sex education in childhood. What was it like?
High school football coach showing us pictures of gonorrhea was the only formal sex education I really recall. But I’ve always been a voracious reader, and I would buy or borrow every sex education book I could find. I was reading sex-ed books from the ’50s, that I found at thrift stores. I read the Starr Report, about Clinton and the cigar. I was hungry for ideas, facts, and information about sex, because I found it so intriguing, and exciting.
What are your favorite parts of your daily routine?
Besides coffee and bourbon? Aside from the pandemic, I do Brazilian jiu-jitsu several times a week. I have a black belt and have been wrestling and grappling for decades. I love the camaraderie, the competition, the exercise, and it’s one of the best ways I’ve found to deal with my anxiety and to just think about the moment.
What do you think everyone should know about you?
Uggg. Honestly, I prefer to not make things about me. I don’t want things to be “the David Ley Show.” I think that’s where the sex addiction industry went wrong, because it turned into these cults of personality, as opposed to what works, and what’s supported by evidence. I want people to know I get things wrong, and my opinions and views develop and change based on new information. And there's should too. It’s how we all move forward.
As the Executive Director of the outpatient program New Mexico Solutions, how do you think mental health plays into sex and sexuality?
It’s a huge, huge issue. The role of anxiety alone, in erectile dysfunction, in porn use, is huge. Sexual issues play a tremendous role in life satisfaction, in couples’ relationships. But most mental health clinicians get no training in sexuality. I didn’t. It’s an appalling and troubling gap. One that I’m pleased to say groups like the Sexual Health Alliance are working to fill. At NMS, we’ve got a lot of staff pursuing additional training and supervision in this area, and I’m thankful that I can support them, and create an environment where they are allowed to.
What advice do you have for aspiring sex professionals?
Identify your own biases, your hot button issues, the places where your knee jerks or you cringe. You’re allowed to have them. You’re human. You don’t have to be willing and interested to experience every sexual deviation out there. But, in order to support patients, you need to be able to tell the difference between your personal bias, and your clinical recommendations, so that you don’t let your fears and biases unconsciously direct your clinical treatments.
How does your background in philosophy play into your career today?
Never been asked that before! It prepared me to always be willing to explore the grey zones, “the if-then, but-this” questions. It trained me well to recognize that there are lots of ways to explain and understand things, and to be willing to use logic, good questions, and insight to explore whether things really are as simple as we often want them to be.
Red Carpet Question: Tell the world what you’re working on! What would you like everyone to know or check out?
I’m really overwhelmed these days by a lot of different projects. I’m doing more forensic testimony, about sexuality and mental health, trying to help our legal system better understand the complexity of sexuality. That’s an uphill battle, let me tell you. I’m doing a lot of training and work with the Sexual Health Alliance, using the skills and lessons I’ve learned. Upcoming trainings include how to be a sexpert, and how to effectively treat, in a non-shaming way, people who struggle with their sexuality. It’s fun to be able to take the painful lessons I’ve learned in these areas, and share them with others. I’m excited to see where other people can take them!
WANT MORE DAVID LEY? CATCH HIM TEACHING VIRTUALLY WITH SHA SATURDAY, MARCH 27TH & SUNDAY, MARCH 28TH ON MODERN SEXUAL ISSUES IN THERAPY & EDUCATION!
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5 Minutes of Fame with Dr. David Ley, CST-S
SHA Denver Director of Operations, Taylor Spaziani, interviews SHA Clinical Director and Certified Sex Therapy Supervisor, Dr. David Ley, Ph.D., CST-S! Catch him teaching at SHA's virtual workshop on Saturday, March 27th and Sunday, March 28th on modern sexuality issues in therapy and education where you can gain 16 AASECT and state CEs. Workshops are open to all professions.
ABOUT THE WORKSHOP
When it comes to sex, the definition of"mainstream" is changing — fast — and clients are disclosing new relationship and life issues in therapy that weren't on the radar 5 years ago.
These situations and countless more are walking into therapists' office every day, and most therapists have no training, resources, or guidance on how to conceptualize or treat these issues.
We will delve into how tech, media, and social changes affect modern sexuality, relationships, and mental health. Guidance on assessment, intervention, and treatment planning is given with lively, entertaining, and exciting real-world examples and case studies to help prevent overpathologizing sexual behaviors, just because they're new, misunderstood, or scary. Therapists and educators will learn to support their clients in developing sexual integrity through self-understanding and acceptance.
FULL TRAINING SCHEDULE:
*BREAKS, SELF CARE TIME, AND EATING ARE ENCOURAGED AS NEEDED
SATURDAY, MARCH 27TH, 10AM - 6PM CST (LUNCH: 1PM - 2PM CST)
| 8am - 4pm PST | 9am - 5pm MT | 11am - 7pm EST
The impact of the Internet on modern sexuality
Nymphomania and satyriasis
When homosexuality was a disease
Social shifts and attitudes towards homosexuality and bisexuality
Gender fluidity and modern concepts of pansexuality, genderqueer, etc.
Supporting transgender teens and children in therapy
Case studies and resources to understand sexual fluidity concepts
Explore research about pornography use
Address issues of pornography use in therapy
Resolve moral/religious conflicts about pornography use
Assist couples in negotiating boundaries around pornography use
Case studies and resources for assisting patients in understanding and resolving porn-related problems
SUNDAY, MARCH 28TH, 10AM - 6PM CST
| 8am - 4pm PST | 9am - 5pm MT | 11am - 7pm EST
*BREAKS, SELF CARE TIME, AND EATING ARE ENCOURAGED AS NEEDED
Review research and changing social attitudes/laws on teen sexting
Help parents to deal with their fears of teen sexting and educate youth about safety, responsibility
Case studies of teens harmed by sexting and the social response to it
Resources for assisting patients in understanding teen sexting
Research on prevalence, impact, and personality of BDSM
How to separate trauma from BDSM in therapy
Case studies of couples and individuals who incorporate BDSM in their lives and relationships
Self-assessment strategies for therapists to reduce and understand bias
Shame reduction strategies in therapy
Assessment strategies to identify roles/functions of sexual behaviors in life, personality, coping
Harm reduction strategies to manage porn impact
Research bias regarding sexuality is common and rarely disclosed
Cross-cultural sexual effects are rarely described or investigated
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Getting to Know...Dr. David Ley! PART I
“I love the transformative power of sexual self-acceptance.”
The Sexual Health Alliance (SHA) is centered around providing Provocative Dialogue and Radical Collaboration. What does radical collaboration look like for you?
Talking about the aspects of sexuality that aren’t nice, polite, proper, or moral. Opening up dialogues about masturbation, infidelity, rough sex, and all those sexual secrets we keep hidden. It’s radical because we are about destroying the suppressive power of sexual shame and increasing self-acceptance, even when your sexual desires are things you’ve been told are “bad”.
Tell us about your journey into the field of sex and sexuality.
My last name is “Ley.” Rhymes with “lay.” What choice did I have? Ha! Really – I started working with sex offenders, and found that there is such a high level of sexual ignorance in the mental health field, that I got lots of referrals and requests for work with non-offenders, just because I had learned the power of not shaming.
What books are you reading right now?
I just read Modern Manhood, by Cleo Stiller – excellent exploration of the modern dilemma for men, navigating complicated conversations around manhood. Telling men to hate themselves for being “toxic” men doesn’t work – so what does? I think we need to ask that question a LOT more.
You’ve written a few books yourself, one of which was The Myth of Sex Addiction. Can you tell us a bit about what inspired you to write this book?
There was one little part in my first book, Insatiable Wives, where I mentioned that I didn’t believe in sex addiction. At the time, there weren’t many folks, aside from Marty Klein, who were questioning the sex addiction narrative in the public media (there’s lots of criticism in academics, but it didn’t filter into the mainstream). That one little comment was seized on by the media, and so I decided to follow it. At first, I was exploring whether it was possible that sex could be an addiction, and perhaps I was wrong. Then, it turned into me exploring how damaging and moralistic this concept really was.
What are the most important values you carry as a sexpert?
I don’t know all the answers. I know my scope. I try to be aware of my biases, and go to the research, to data, and to nonjudgmental clinically sound approaches, so that I can distinguish myself from sexperts who “know it all” and are happy to tell you why you’re a sick pervert who needs treatment.
Who and/or what is your biggest sexual influence/role model?
I’m blessed to have so many. In literature, in media, in our field. One that I’m talking about these days is George Michael, from Wham! In the early ’90s, before he was out as gay, he got caught having sex in a NY bathroom and claimed he was a sex addict. But then, over time, he came out as gay. About ten years later, he was again caught having bathroom sex, in London I believe. But this time, when the media tried to shame him, he said, essentially, “there’s nothing wrong with me or this behavior, it’s a part of gay culture, fuck off!” I love the transformative power of sexual self-acceptance that he demonstrates.
You have a lot of experience talking about sex in the media, what is your advice for approaching sexual topics to people who aren’t knowledgeable on the subject?
Always remember the power of shame, self-hatred, and fear that sexual topics bring up. I have learned to use a lot of humor to make it easier to have hard conversations. I’ve also learned that if I can demonstrate acceptance of myself as a vulnerable, flawed human being who is trying to express integrity and self-compassion, it makes it easier for people to hear my messages, even when they are challenging. I was on The Daily Show once, talking about masturbation, and it was a unique opportunity to combine those strategies.
How do you feel media and technology have impacted the current culture around sexuality?
They’ve thoroughly broken down the ability of people to be successfully shamed into thinking they are the “only one” with sexual thoughts that are outside “the norm.” Now, you can get on the internet, and quickly find that there are millions of other people who share the sexual thoughts you’ve been told make you a deviant. It’s why we have such a flood of people now willing to express that they’re not actually totally straight, or that their interest in kink is normal. We now know that “normal” is actually much, much broader a category than we ever believed.
What are the most important lessons you’ve learned throughout your career?
That it really sucks to be alone, challenging these issues. When I first started questioning sex addiction, I was completely by myself, getting attacked, and threatened. That was very scary. As I have developed good connections with other clinicians and researchers, and we’ve grown a larger community that is pushing back against sexual shame, it has made it a lot less lonely.
What’s your favorite place you’ve traveled for work and why?
A few years ago, a tv show in Australia called me up and asked if I could help them find someone in the southern hemisphere of the planet, who was asking the kinds of questions I was. I said, “Gee, I’m sorry, but at this point, it’s really just me!” So they flew me down to Sidney for a week. It was pretty freaking cool.
WANT MORE DAVID LEY? CATCH HIM TEACHING VIRTUALLY WITH SHA Saturday, March 27TH & Sunday, March 28th ON Modern Sexual Issues in Therapy & Education!
Dr. David J. Ley is a world-renowned clinical psychologist, known for bringing scientifically-accurate and clinically sound information to discussions about modern sexuality.
He serves on the board of the Sexual Health Alliance as an expert advisor and is an internationally-recognized expert on issues related to sexuality, pornography and mental health.
He has appeared on television with Anderson Cooper, Katie Couric, Dr. Phil and others. He has been interviewed in publications ranging from the New York Times, Washington Post, LA Times and the London Telegraph, to Playboy and Hustler magazines. Dr. Ley has published extensively in both the academic and “pop” realms of literature. His latest book, Ethical Porn for Dicks, A Man's Guide to Responsible Viewing Pleasure has endorsements from Dan Savage and Pornhub.com and is a humorous and provocative handbook for men who want to think more comprehensively about porn.
The Myth of Sex Addiction (2012) and Insatiable Wives (2009) were revolutionary explorations of sexual issues which blended a powerful client-centered narrative with a rich understanding of psychology, biology and sociology.
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Top 3 Herpes Podcasts & People You Should Know
By Becca Sanchez
While we know the herpes simplex virus to be one of the most common STIs (the CDC estimates 1 out of 6 people in the United States have genital herpes), the stigma behind a positive diagnosis can still feel overwhelming, confusing, and even shameful without the proper support system and education. With that being said, there are not not safe spaces available for people living with HSV to navigate their positive diagnosis.
If you have herpes, or if you are currently seeing someone who has herpes or even if you just want to learn more herpes, we would like to share with you some people and their podcasts that are aiding in the fight against stigmatization.
1. Positively Positive Podcast
The podcast host, who goes by Sam (@positivelypositivepodcast on Instagram), shares her own personal experiences with herpes and has episodes dedicated to explaining how she manages her outbreaks, telling a potential partner about her status, common misconceptions about the virus, and her journey towards sexual liberation after receiving a positive diagnosis. We love how calming Sam’s voice is to listen to, as well as how organized the episodes are. The podcast is still relatively new, with its first episode just having surpassed its one-year anniversary. Sam’s advice is helpful, supportive, and just as important, research-based. Positively positive is the perfect podcast for anyone who is just starting out their journey with HSV; You can tell that Sam has done a lot of her own research and is able to successfully present it to her audience in a way that is easily digestible.
2. Something Positive for Positive People
The host of Something Positive for Positive People, Courtney Brame (@Honmychest on Instagram), works towards decreasing stigma and shame around HSV while simultaneously looking at the intersectionality of race, gender, sexuality, and mental health. The goal is to provide people with the tools they need to achieve mental and sexual wellness. What we really like about Something Positive for Positive People is just how deep and healing the episodes can be; it helps to question our own beliefs about shame, depression, and autonomy after listening as well. While Courtney often talks about his own experiences, the bulk of the podcast is reaching out to other everyday people with HSV to drop some knowledge, share their experiences, and create a safe space for questions and access to resources. Listening to the interviews feels like you’re having a conversion with some old friends, the validation you receive from these episodes alleviates the feeling of loneliness that a positive diagnosis can bring. For anyone who has been on their herpes journey for a while, this podcast is essential for continued healing and self-growth.
3. Dating With Herpes
We hope to see more from this podcast. However, the host, Yahira Jones, has decided to take a break and pause posting any new episodes due to personal reasons.
This podcast is defined as the “discussions on the trials and triumphs of dating after contracting the herpes virus.” Episodes go over tips and tricks for disclosure, online dating, concerns about oral sex, fear of transmitting to partners, and how to get back into dating. Our favorite episode was over the discussion around what to do when a partner ends a relationship after finding out you have herpes, but then wants to come back. These episodes really go to show just how different the experience of dating and love can be for those with HSV because of the added pressures and learning how to handle the confusing or conflicting emotions is made easier with Yahira. We love how open and vulnerable she is with her audience, and how well she is able to express complex feelings. These episodes are a bit more sporadic, but nonetheless are a viable resource for folks who are trying to navigate romantic relationships with their status.
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5 Minutes of Fame with Dr. Melody Brown, PhD, LMFT
SHA Denver Director, Taylor Spaziani, interviews psychologist and licensed marriage and family therapist, Dr. Melody Brown, PhD, LMFT! Catch her teaching at SHA's day-long virtual workshop on Saturday, February 27th on African American couples, sexuality, and becoming a culturally competent practitioner while gaining 8 AASECT/state CEs. Workshops are open to all professions.
ABOUT THE WORKSHOP
The last year has highlighted how critical it is to create space for the realities of marginalized communities. This workshop will teach you how to connect with African American couples in therapy particularly with regards to their marginalized experiences and to work with them from a culturally respectful clinical lens. Our ability to connect with our clients is often more important than the theory through which we practice. Such is the case when working with marginalized clients. Too often our clinical training with regards to working with diverse communities is surface at best. Couple inadequate clinical training with a society where subjugated people are constantly being systemically erased, and you find African Americans less likely to attend therapy. Further, should they pursue treatment, they are less likely to remain in therapy. In this training, you will learn ways to set the tone for an inviting and accepting therapeutic environment. You will enhance your ability to explore the experiences and contexts of African American clients. Lastly, you will improve your skills by engaging with clients through a process designed to meet the therapeutic needs of marginalized clients.
Over this day you will dive into:
The phenomenon of shame from a privileged point of view | What are the lived experiences of African Americans?
The impacts of White privilege on African American couples
Discretion for preservation/Cultural Mistrust (Ex. COVID-19 Vaccinations)
Infractions in working with African American couples
In our own words: what clients say about working with White or other non-marginalized clinicians
Defining and working from a culturally responsive clinical practice
LEARNING OBJECTIVES
Create a culturally respectful therapeutic environment
Develop an understanding of the lived experiences of African Americans
Identify missteps in practicing with African American clients
Creating a path to difficult dialogues in therapy
Assess for the impact of marginalization on the couple relationship
Integrate self of the therapist privileged context into clinical practice with African American couples
Apply cultural awareness to case conceptualization
Identify and use the client’s cultural resilience to assist in resolving presenting problems in therapy
WORKSHOP AGENDA (ALL TIMES ARE CENTRAL STANDARD TIME):
SATURDAY, FEB 27TH, 2021, 10AM - 6PM CST
10:00AM - 10:55AM CST:
Welcome & Introductions
Setting the intention for the coming process,
Locating the presenter within the topic for the day (i.e., my identity as a person of color in relation to this work),
Review presenter style and participant needs given presentation content/set community norms (I present/practice/teach from a place of vulnerability and want to set the stage for a similar expectation of the audience). This same perspective needs to be incorporated into their work with clients.
10:55AM – 11:00AM CST
Break
11:00AM – 12:20PM CST
Experiences of the African American community (film, client perspectives, other media and breakout groups)
12:20PM – 12:30PM CST
Break
12:30PM – 1:00PM CST
Group Process
1:00PM – 2:00PM CST
Lunch on your own with an activity to complete
2:00 – 2:10PM CST
Temperature check/questions
2:10PM – 2:40PM CST
Infractions in therapy with African Americans (client perspective)
2:40PM – 4:00PM CST
The Path to a Culturally Responsive Practice-Defining cultural awareness, knowledge and skills
4:00PM – 4:05PM CST
Break
4:05PM – 5:30PM CST
Breakout groups for practice
5:30PM – 6:00PM CST
Group Process
Q & A
Closing
Dr. Melody Brown is a licensed marriage and family therapist with both her M.A. and PhD in Marriage and Family Therapy. Her clinical training began nearly thirty years ago where her studies included a concentration on working with systems while addressing issues of power, privilege, and oppression. After completing her master’s degree, she began working in child welfare in long term foster care. While in this position, she witnessed the trauma children experienced both within their homes and at the point of being removed from their families. She collaborated to develop models for what is now called concurrent planning in foster care. She later became a foster care placement specialist. Prior to completing her doctorate, Dr. Brown held several positions at Denver Children’s Home, a treatment center for traumatized children and families. In her initial work as a residential therapist, she was trained by the Sex Offender Management Board (SOMB) to work with sex offending youth. She also participated in training and case consultation with the Child Trauma Center where she learned to work with families using trauma informed treatment. She transitioned to work in community organizing as the Site Coordinator for the East Denver Collaborative of Family to Family. Through these experiences, she maintained her focus on highlighting the importance of understanding cultural norms and differences in marginalized communities.
She joined the counseling center at the University of Colorado Denver where she returned to clinical work, supervision and training in 2011. In 2019, she joined the Counseling Program at CU Denver specializing in couple and family therapy through a multicultural lens. She maintains a private practice offering consultation, clinical supervision, and individual, couple, and family therapy.
Dr. Brown is a clinical fellow of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy. She presents and trains both locally and nationally on clinical supervision through a social justice lens and on the complexities of working with oppressed and marginalized communities.
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5 Minutes of Fame with Nicoletta Heidegger, LMFT
SHA Team member, Tula Pitcher, interviews licensed marriage and family therapist and sex therapist, Nicoletta Heidegger, LMFT! Catch her teaching at SHA's virtual workshop on Friday, February 26th on couples and sexuality where you can gain 8 AASECT and state CEs. Workshops are open to all professions.
COUPLES THAT PLAY WITH THE EDGE OF SEXUALITY W/ NICOLETTA HEIDEGGER, LMFT
10AM - 2PM CST (GUIDED LUNCH ACTIVITY FROM 1PM - 2PM CST)
8am-12pm PST | 9am-1pm MT | 10am - 2pm CST | 11am-3pm EST
ABOUT THE WORKSHOP:
Sexuality encompasses many aspects of the self from experiences and feelings to attitudes and personal values. This workshop will cover how to assess couples and attain a comprehensive sexual and relational history using an expanded version of the Circles of Sexuality. It will also cover some case studies featuring the most common presenting issues Nicoletta sees in her practice including:
Sexual shame
Desire discrepancies
Spontaneous versus responsive desire
Keeping things curious and exciting
Painful sex (emotionally and physically)
“Forbidden” fantasies
We will also discuss how to support partners in opening up or maintaining different styles of non-monogamy as well as how to navigate Kink/BDSM for both beginners or seasoned lifestyle folx.
AGENDA (ALL TIMES IN CENTRAL STANDARD TIME):
10:00am - 11:00am CST Introductions and Circles of Sexuality
11:00am-12:00pm CST Opening up and Kink/BDSM
12:00pm-12:05pm CST Break
12:10pm- 1:00pm CST Common presenting issues / creative case conceptualizations
1:00pm-2:00pm CST Lunch Break & Activity: Do your own circles of sexuality
OBJECTIVES:
At the end of this talk, participants will be able to:
Challenge and confront some of their own sexual and relational biases
Identify and utilize the Circles of Sexuality as an assessment instrument
Cite specific treatment tools in working with non-monogamous and Kinky couples
Become more familiar with creative approaches to sex therapy
Nicoletta von Heidegger is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (#110256) practicing in Los Angeles. Nicoletta received her BA in Psychology from Stanford University, her MA in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University, and her MEd in Human Sexuality from Widener University. Nicoletta is currently pursuing her PhD in Human Sexuality from Widener. In addition to seeing clients in private practice, Nicoletta also works as an EAGALA certified equine assisted therapist at Stand in Balance. Nicoletta believes in embodied practice and is also certified in levels I and II of The Trauma Resiliency Model. When not working with clients, Nicoletta creates and hosts the growing hit podcast Sluts & Scholars and teaches educational seminars and classes to help others learn about sexual and mental health.
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5 Minutes of Fame with Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, PhD
SHA Senior Director of Operations, Alex Whitman, interviews sexuality researcher and consultant, Dr. Zhana Vrangalova! Catch her teaching at SHA's virtual workshop on Friday, February 26th on couples and healthy casual sex where you can gain 8 AASECT and state CEs. Workshops are open to all professions.
HEALTHY CASUAL SEX FOR INDIVIDUALS AND COUPLES W/ DR. ZHANA VRANGALOVA, PHD
2PM - 6PM CST
12pm-4pm PST | 1pm-5pm MT | 2pm - 6pm CST | 3pm-7pm EST
ABOUT THE WORKSHOP:
World-renowned sexuality educator and researcher, Dr. Zhana, joins SHA for a specialized workshop on healthy casual sex that is not to be missed! Whether you’re a mental health and/or sexuality professional looking to assist clients with their attitudes towards casual sex or are looking to broaden your sex-positivity spectrum, this workshop will delve into it all. Get ready for engaging content, the latest research, and the most up-to-date information on casual sex for singles and couples. Leave with all the right tools for your clients and yourself!
WORKSHOP AGENDA
FRIDAY, FEB 26TH, 2021, 2PM - 6PM CST
THE BASICS
The sociosexual orientation spectrum
Types of casual sex
Attitudes toward casual sex: Slut-shaming vs sex positivity
Casual sex in cross-cultural perspective
Gender differences in casual sex: Are men more into casual sex than women?
HEALTHY CASUAL SEX FOR SINGLE PEOPLE
Autonomous motivation
Pleasure
Consent
Sexual health
CASUAL SEX FOR COUPLES
Swinging
Open relationships
DADT (Don't Ask Don't Tell)
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Getting to Know...Dr. Zhana!
BY ALEX WHITMAN AND TULA PITCHER
“I broke ALL the rules.”
The Sexual Health Alliance (SHA) is centered around providing Provocative Dialogue and Radical Collaboration. What does radical collaboration mean to you?
To me, radical collaboration is about trying to find ways to work with people and organizations on joint projects you both believe in, even when you don't agree on everything. It's about putting differences aside to create something good, rather than shunning and "canceling" people for everything we don't like about them.
What’s it like being based in New York? What’s most interesting or special about being a sexuality professional in such a progressive city?
I love NYC. It's been my home for 10 years and I can't imagine living anywhere else in the US but NYC. There is SO much going on in this city, and for an extrovert high on novelty seeking, it's the definition of heaven on earth. I love having a huge sex-positive community, both personally and professionally, something that's non-negotiable for folks like myself living on the margins of social acceptability.
What are the top three items on your bucket list?
Write a few books.
Collect some nationally representative data on nonmonogamy and consent.
Explore more countries.
What is the most important piece about sex advice that you want all health care providers to know? What would you want them to incorporate into their practice?
There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to sex. Please take into consideration the huge variety in human psychology when doling out advice for how people should go about their sex and relationship lives.
You have some amazing tattoos, can you tell us about the inspiration behind your two favorites?
I love my tattoos, they are all so special to me. Asking me to pick two is like asking me to pick my two favorite children haha. Ok, ok, fine.
Left arm: "I create therefore I am" in Latin - my take on what it means to exist. Descartes thought it was about thinking, I think it's about creating, whatever that may be - for me, it's creating knowledge, self-acceptance, and healthier lives for the people I work with
Back: It's a large piece that symbolically tells my story of fighting against conformity. My place on the high ends of many sexuality spectra has made this fight a defining feature of my life
What was the most impactful lesson you’ve learned through your journey as a sexpert?
I don't know everything. Ask people about their experience, as much as you tell them what you think they should know.
As a prominent sexuality professional, you have made a wonderful career as a sex educator. What kinds of classes do you teach and what’s one piece of knowledge you think everyone should know?
I mostly teach classes on Human Sexuality, Casual sex, Sexual Orientation, and Open relationships
Who is your sexual role model?
Anyone who lives an authentic sexual life despite societal disapproval.
Tell us about your childhood and how you became interested in sexuality studies.
I was always a super sexual child, for as long as I can remember, which led to a sexually precocious teenager who had a very early start. Sex was such a big part of my life, it made sense that I'd be interested in studying that...
What is the most prominent trend you observe among your clients? What is the most important thing you talk about with them?
Among my audience and clientele, I see a lot of interest in exploring nontraditional forms of sex and relationships, like nonmonogamy, casual sex, kink, sex work, porn, etc. My work with them centers around removing the shame often associated with those desires and equipping them with the tools they need to live out their desires in ways that are pleasurable, safe, and ethical for themselves and their partners.
What was it like to grow up in Macedonia, and what is the culture around sexuality there?
Pretty conservative (only heterosexual vanilla monogamous long-term relationship sex was allowed) with heavy double sexual standards of what was allowed for men vs women. I broke ALL the rules.
What’s your favorite way to release steam?
I don't understand the question, lol. Sorry, been working way too much. In normal times, it'd be dance parties and festivals, and lots of fun casual and group sex. These days, it's yoga, meditation, and high-quality sex.
You started your own online relationship course this year. What’s your best piece of relationship advice?
Don't try to make it perfect from the get-go. Teach it live first, then package it as an evergreen standalone course.
What are you reading (or watching) right now?
The Jutterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins
Red Carpet Question: Tell the world what you’re working on! What would you like everyone to know or check out?
I have an online course on (non)monogamy and relationship psychology that just launched, which can be taken self-paced but I'm also teaching live for 12 weeks (until May 2021) and it's not too late to join. drzhana.com/open-smarter
And every 10 days, I host a unique format of group conversations about sex and relationship topics with people from all over the world called Uncensored with Dr. Zhana. drzhana.com/uncensored
Zhana Vrangalova, PhD, is a NYC-based sex and relationships consultant, speaker, and writer focusing on sexually adventurous lifestyles. She holds a PhD in Developmental Psychology from Cornell University, teaches Human Sexuality courses at New York University, and has published academic research on casual sex, sexual orientation. Dr. Zhana is the creator of Uncensored with Dr. Zhana, a unique format for open, honest conversations about sexuality and relationships in a globalized world. She recently launched Open Smarter, an online course helping people make smarter decisions about their relationship choices using their unique personality. Follow her on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook as @DrZhana
Want more Dr. Zhana? Catch her teaching virtually with SHA Friday, February 26th on healthy casual sex and relationships!
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Living in the Unconventional: Poly, community care, and disrupting social narratives
I find as I get older, I come to realize that I’ve never really wanted a conventional life, I was just conditioned to think that I did. It wasn't until a breakdown leading to some serious analysis of my life that I started to ask myself some real questions about the disconnect between how I wanted to be in the world and how others thought I should be.
Do I really want kids?
Is marriage for me?
I’ve only ever been monogamous, do I choose that?
I found the messaging easier to ignore in my 20s but as I moved through my 30s, primarily single and in the stage in life where many people around me were getting married and having babies, I started to judge myself for not doing these things. Once, I even ran into an old high school teacher who, when realizing I had no children, was shocked and told me she always thought I’d have many kids by now. I’m sorry, but what? What kind of vibes was I giving off in high school? Is the assumption that because I’m good with kids I should automatically be a parent? Or that time is running out and it was a pity I was hearing from her? It was even more surprising coming from a strong, independent, single woman, who I had admired for years as seemingly doing things against the grain.
But, the messaging is strong and it takes a ton of work to unpack it.
Social media gives us the opportunity to find our own communities and recently I’ve been drawn to the plethora of people who defy the conventional – queer spaces, poly communities, conversations being had about supporting and protecting sex workers, women choosing to be childless … – and there’s comfort and excitement in it.
I put sexual politics as a tag in my dating profiles and it often gets attention from (primarily men) asking what that means. From my own words in a previous post, because I can’t stress it enough in this wild world of dating and sexual exploration –
Someone who can engage with me about sexual politics/justice or,
at the very least, be curious to hear more, is someone I could see
contributing to the world and to the collective and on some level,
working to break down the impacts of capitalism and patriarchy
on sexuality and romantic connections.
Looking outward, participating in sexual political discussions and practices means challenging conventional ways of being and disrupting the toxic narratives that many people have to work through and unpack in order to break free from its confines. Recently, @chillpolyamory posted on the intersection of politics and sexuality in relation to being poly – “...practicing polyamory is an inherently political choice. It is a lifestyle that rejects the socially prescribed ways of relating, and moves toward community care over the competition.” (@chillpolyamory, 2021.)
Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy (ENM) are on an upward trend as of late (which is good for the illumination of a topic but also proves to be detrimental, depending on people’s intentions around hopping on a trend) and this is promising for those of us that are walking a path that doesn’t often look like how others around us are doing things. I find the connections between poly, community care, and the politics and justice work surrounding sexuality and sexual expression exciting and breaking apart the confines of monogamous, het-normative relationship models, not to mention acts of activism within sexuality.
“Non-monogamy is a big umbrella which means the politics vary wildly … anyone who complains about political hot takes, saying they're here ‘just for the polyamory discussion’ … polyamory is political. Ethical polyamory is anti-racist, anti-misogynistic, and anti-fascist. This IS the polyamory discussion.” (@chillpolyamory, 2021.)
“My body has the capacity to sense immense pleasure,
and as I get older I keep intentionally expanding my sensual
awareness and decolonizing it so that I can sense more
pleasure than capitalism believes in.”
(adrienne marie brown, 2019.)
So, when the conversation about sexuality is inherently justice minded and actively engages people in conversations, practices, and accountability, I am all for it. And to be clear, everyone enters the conversation where they are at and able – we cannot expect people, including ourselves, to be the best version of our sexual selves. But, what we can do is to work toward deconstructing toxic programming and unpacking it with a critical eye, addressing toxic behaviour in ourselves and others, learning more, having clear boundaries and a strong voice, and always moving toward doing better through unlearning.
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Spice Up Your Relationships with SHA's Valentine’s SAR!
BY TULA PITCHER
This Valentine’s weekend (Feb 12-13), SHA is providing a never-before-offered opportunity to evaluate your sexual attitudes alongside your significant other(s)! But before delving into why you should bring your partner(s) along for the fun, let’s go over what exactly a Sexuality Attitude Reassessment is.
What is a Sexuality Attitude Reassessment (SAR)?
A Sexual Attitude Reassessment, or SAR, is a progressive training program designed to challenge and introduce students to the expansive range of sexual desires, kinks, and behaviors that exist throughout the diverse, human population. The goal of each SAR is to increase comfortability, ease shock, and minimize judgment when discussing sexual topics. These programs are especially beneficial for psychologists, researchers, therapists, educators, and counselors in order to create a more neutral and understanding environment between themselves and their clients. While these events are typically attended by sexuality professionals, attending a SAR is just as beneficial for individuals and their partners. Our Valentine’s program is an excellent for opportunity professionals, sex nerds, or anyone wishing to broaden their perspectives.
Your Partner(s) are included in the price of your registration!
This is the first time the partners of sexuality professionals have been strongly encouraged and invited to join their significant others in the erotic and provocative world of sex. There is equal opportunity for the partners of sexuality professionals and the professionals themselves to learn more about their relationships As partners attending the SAR together, partners will be able to foster a deeper understanding of each other by exploring their underlying beliefs and philosophies about sex.
Flying single or solo? We welcome anyone under the sun, including singles, folks that are partnered but unaccompanied, and polyamorous learners.
We believe it is imperative to attend this specialized SAR because relationships are often overlooked during training, despite the considerable role they play in determining one’s sexual attractions and desires. Not only will this SAR be a crucial experience for sexuality professionals, but it may also encourage pivotal growth between you and your partner(s). Whether you’ve been in a steady relationship, no relationship, or dating casually, this SAR will surely alter your perspective, sex life, and the way you interact with potential or current partners.
Facilitating at the Valentine’s SAR will be SHA board member, Dr. David Ley, PhD, CST-S and the founder of the Sexual Health Alliance, Heather McPherson, LPC-S, LMFT-S, CST. David Ley is a clinical psychologist and expert on sexuality, pornography, and mental health. He’s been featured in several media outlets such as The Daily Show, Cooper Anderson, Katie Couric, Playboy, and the New York Times. Dr. Ley is best known for his infamous book The Myth of Sex Addiction, and has also written books on ethical porn for men, hotwifing, and cuckolding. David Ley’s provocative outlook on sex, especially in the world of media, will provide a refreshing and new perspective on the reality of sexual attitudes.
Heather McPherson, our trusted sexuality veteran, knows all things sex. Not only does she have ample experience as a counselor, sex therapist, and marriage and family therapist, but she’s also a seasoned entrepreneur. After founding the Sexual Health Alliance in 2015, Heather started her own private therapy practice called Respark and has now created a customizable program to help others grow their own sexual health businesses. Heather continues to improve the lives of her clients and hopes to encourage others to expand the business of sexual health by practicing outside the lines.
Make sure you register for this debut edition of the Sexual Health Alliance’s couples SAR, just in time to spice things up for Valentine’s Day! We’ll be exploring different kinds of porn, participating in role-playing demonstrations and group discussions. Not only will this program be beneficial for your sexual relationships, but it will also bolster your network of sex-positive friends and colleagues. Sign up to change your life today, there are limited spaces offered!
Edited by Alex Whitman
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WAP Politics & Broad City
By: Eliza Sea
First off, thanks @iamcardib and @megantheestalion for iconizing the best depiction vulva owners can use to embody the power that comes from knowing your body and leaning into its ability to be sexually charged and soaking wet with pleasure.
Remember that episode of Broad City where Ilana couldn’t have an orgasm, seeks out a sex therapist, and realized her pussy had gone on strike after the shocking 2016 election?
My pussy recoils just thinking about it.
This episode feels like a lifetime ago and yet the content and message of it permeates into everyday life back then, and now. Back then we were collectively traumatized that a brazen sexual predator was in the white house. Fast forward to now – after the countless women coming forward, #metoo, BLM, LGBTQIA+ movements, another election – are we ready to put in the lifelong work to break down the devastating impacts of capitalistic and patriarchal systems on our bodies and our pussies? Obviously many (deep acknowledgement to trans women, BIPOC, and intersectional feminists) have been doing this decolonizing work their entire lives, and it is always necessary that this is acknowledged.
In my dating life I make sure to be clear of my own sexual politics, right up front, so as to weed out as many unaware people as possible. I can’t speak to the missed connections but often after matching with someone, I’ll receive messages asking what sexual politics means or someone will share that they swiped right because of sexual politics being a part of my bio. Not only does it confirm my decision to be wholeheartedly honest about who I am and what I’m looking for as well as not playing games right out of the gate, it attracts people toward me who are willing and able to have conversations that often immediately reassure my nervous system that I am just a little bit safer in this wild world of dating. Someone who can engage with me about sexual politics/justice or, at the very least, be curious to hear more, is someone I could see contributing to the world and to the collective and on some level, working to break down the impacts of capitalism and patriarchy on sexuality and romantic connections.
Pleasure Activism
=
The politics of healing and happiness that explodes the dour myth
that changing the world is just another form of work. (adrienne marie brown, 2019)
adrienne marie brown (amb), author of Pleasure Activism; The Politics of Feeling Good, asks the questions –
How do we make social justice the most pleasurable human experience?
How can we awaken within ourselves desires that make it impossible to settle for anything less than a fulfilling life?
The ruthless scorpio in me is furious that we even have to ask these questions, the intellect is engaged and ready to filter people through these questions to find connection with others, and the educator in me realizes how important weaving justice and conscious pleasure into everyday pedagogy is for young people and our collective future. Pleasure is not just something to associate with sexual experience or food or dating but rather an element of life that when tapped into can transform experience. What if young people were nurtured to uncover their authentic selves, to discover what parts of the world they are drawn toward and how they can contribute to the collective and in a way that allows their own sense of self to shine through? What if pleasure always intersected with consent and a generation of people moved into the world always understanding the deep importance and interconnectedness of these two things?
“Audre Lorde taught us that caring for ourselves is ‘not self indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.’”(amb, 2017.) Pleasure activism, like anything, begins with ourselves and our ability to connect to our own being. amb shares that her motivations for writing the book are centered around recognizing pleasure as a measure of freedom and liberation, leaning into curiosity around it, and acknowledging and addressing shame and its manifestations. (amb, 2019.) A footnote on page one urges readers to cultivate a practice of self love –
“If you can, I suggest that you have an orgasm
before diving into this book and at the beginning of
each new section. I am not joking – an orgasm a day
keeps the doctor away and the worries at bay.”
(amb, 2019.)
I am always a bit taken aback when speaking to friends how few of them self pleasure, let alone enjoy it, cultivate it, prioritize it, and use the energy to move through life in more conscious ways. While I can only speak for myself, going deep within is no simple task, despite our best efforts because unfortunately, the systems in place do not see the long term value in our own pleasure. “What we need right now is a radical, global love that grows from deep within us to encompass all life.” (amb, 2017.) So, mastrubate more and contribute to a better world? Sounds like a good place to start.
Resources
brown, a. m. (2019). Pleasure Activism. AK Press.
brown, a.m. (2017). Love As Political Resistance. Lessons from Audre Lorde & Octavia
Butler.
Edited by Alex Whitman
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COVID & Consent: Touching Others, Sex Education, & Intersectionality
By Eliza Sea
I work in the world of education and consent is a practice that has somewhat recently become a living part of an everyday school environment. Learning to fluidly weave consent language throughout our days as educators to help inform and support body autonomy, personal space, respect for the environment, boundaries, and emotional expression has been a game changer in what the future looks like for young people. Gone are the days where it is acceptable for a child to be told to hug a stranger or apologize for a wrongdoing with physical contact - we have been teaching young people for too long that their bodies can be used and directed by others without the power of their own voices and choices.
I am continuously reminded that working with children and youth is a much easier task than grappling with big or controversial ideas with adults; speaking in the language of consent is rarely met with argument from youth.
Enter COVID.
From a new and refined practice of washing our hands to engaging in physical contact, COVID is teaching us how necessary it is to consider others’ personal space and bodies in a manner that is unapologetic and mandatory.
Consent language has always been a part of my practice as an educator and an aspect of education that is continuously needing to be addressed. Keeping our hands to ourselves can be challenging even as adults and children move through the world in tactile and experiential ways so it makes it even more vital that the adults are modeling and engaging in consent practices in all parts of life - school, home, public, private. For children to understand what consent looks like in real life, the adults must uphold the rules of engagement and actively participate in making consent a part of everyday processes in every environment – asking for physical contact, not taking up space that others are in, close proximity, addressing language that isn’t inclusive or appropriate, for example.
What has been most challenging is the entitlement that many individuals feel and how parallel teachings of shame need to accompany learning about consent. Decolonizing practices (continuous, necessary, lifelong) live in the dialogue about consent as the unpacking of ownership over one's body does not look the same for all individuals. In the colonial education system that I work within, the intersections of race, culture, histories, and geography all need to be addressed when educating about consent – intersectionality meaning in a manner that addresses the complex, cumulative ways that different identities and forms of discrimination combine, overlap, or intersect. (Adolescent Sexual Health Working Group, 2020.) Simply, intersectionality, on a basic level in the sexual education context, looks like using diverse resources where all kids can see a representation of themselves and/or their family, LGBTQIA+ / BIPOC representation, it means the adults need to be current with language and terms, porn literacy needs to be part of the conversation, consent always, and pleasure for all participants should be prioritized. Long gone are the days where youth should only be presented with the fear of reproduction – sex is so much more fun than that! Kids needs to have comprehensive education that continuously unpacks the interconnectedness of our world and that sex, while often turned into a taboo subject (typically made taboo by the awkward adults and in some contexts, socio- cultural conditioning), requires a multifaceted learning approach and is a necessary aspect understanding of self and moving through the world as a sexual being. Sex education has historically been about anatomical correctness, preventing pregnancy, fear mongering STI transmission, and in many places, abstinence; it has not discussed the complexities that intersectionality has on sexuality let alone the impact these have on individuals in their own sexual development.
Teaching sex ed is uncomfortable for many educators – a problem that deserves it’s own lengthy blog post – but COVID is helping to create an adjacent context of simply understanding the important practice of consent.
Resources for Parents
SOGI (Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity) / a progressive BC public education resource
https://www.sogieducation.org/parents
https://eca.state.gov/files/bureau/sogi_terminology.pdf
Planned Parenthood - a plethora of resources https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/parents/resources-parents
UK RSE (Relationships and Sex Education) Curriculum
https://www.bbc.co.uk/teach/relationships-and-sex-education-%28RSE%29-teaching-resources/z4pp7nb
Books / Websites / Videos
https://www.parents.com/kids/health/best-sex-education-books-for-kids-by-age/
Books Specifically About Consent
https://www.goodreads.com/list/show/128565.Children_s_Books_About_Consent
Resources Cited in This Post –
ASHWG. 2020. On The Importance Of Intersectionality In Sex Education | ASHWG. [online] Available at: <http://ashwg.org/2017/12/12/on-the-importance-of-intersectionality-in-sex-education/> [Accessed 20 November 2020].
Edited by Alex Whitman
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Choosing SHA for Your Certification and Continuing Education Experience
Choosing SHA for your Certification and Continuing Education Experience
By Taylor Spaziani
Become a Certified Sex Therapist, Certified Sex Educator, Counselor or Coach with SHA
There are an unfathomable amount of reasons why the Sexual Health Alliance is an amazing and worthy organization to choose for your continuing education experience and certification progress. Whether you want to become a sex therapist, sex educator, sex counselor, sex consultant, or even just certified in certain topics like kink/BDSM or consensual non-monogamy, SHA has all of these things all in one place! SHA provides each track with an organized and detailed plan to keep you on track for certification. Gathering continuing education credits, supervision hours, and anything else you might need for certification can be extremely hard to find or gather all in one area of the country.
Simplicity
What’s unique about SHA, is that they make it SIMPLE for you to complete these requirements and not have to worry about organizing them or figuring it out all on your own. When conferences are in person, SHA provides three conferences in your city so you have the chance to never have to leave your state!
100% Online Learning
Through times of online learning due to the global pandemic, people from all over the world can attend our training conferences! Being able to learn from radical and progressive professionals streamlines our careers to a level of thinking that our undergraduate or graduate level programs typically do not provide us with. Attending SHA training and certification programs allows you to get your foot in the door to the field of human sexuality and also keeps you up to date with current data, training models, and social justice issues.
Top Experts in the World
SHA brings on the top of the line professionals in the field of human sexuality to teach their webinars and their training conferences which allows you to network with tons of the top professionals in our field! Forward thinking and radical lecturers is what SHA strives for in every event they create. They are simply the best.
This Community is Like No Other
Not only does SHA provide you everything you might need for certification, but SHA also provides you with a community. Having the programs be all self paced and online based, SHA is able to connect students from around the country and around the world. Building both personal and professional connections through SHA provides you with more than just certification, but a future to radical collaboration with many like minded peers. With the social aspect that SHA brings, our students remember that our careers can also be so much fun. SHA provides students with private groups on social media, virtual happy hour meetings, and so many additional chances for live Q&A sessions with the SHA directors.
Lifelong Friends and Chosen Family
The SHA team is small but incredibly caring and dedicated to your journey as a student and aims to provide our community with progressive dialogue and radical collaboration. SHA understands and respects that we all come from different walks of life and we are dedicated to embracing and acknowledging all of your authentic journeys. SHA is not only an educational step in the right direction, but SHA is also a family.
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