Tell us about yourself and your career.
I have been a sexuality educator and author for almost 20 years, having a deep love for erotic authenticity, personal delight, and finding compassion and passion in our lives. Before taking on adult sexuality and gender education, I began as a peer sex educator, helping my fellow high schoolers understand safer sex and better tools for their relationships alike. Now 40, I have had a chance to write extensively on these topics, including in my book "Traversing Gender: Understanding Transgender Realities," and have taught in all 50 states and 6 other countries worldwide. It is my belief that each of us deserves not just human decency, but to be seen and heard for all that we are.
What are the top 3 items on your bucket list?
Three of my current bucket list items include learning aerial dance, writing a second collection of poetry (my first is "On Starry Thighs: Sacred and Sensual Poetry"), and taking courses in massage therapy to best support my partner's health and wellbeing.
Who is your sexual role model?
I have deep admiration for the work of Annie Sprinkle, whose Ecosexuality Manifesto helped me examine our relationship to the earth as sexual beings, and whose work in self-love broke open an entire realm of sexual exploration for so many people.
What are some of your most important everyday values?
There are a series of mantras I practice every day, and one of my core workings is the concept of: Compassion - Balance - Patience - Forgiveness - Gratitude. It is important for me to not just embrace these things, but to also not dive so deeply into them that they harm us. For example, Forgiveness that is too magnified allows us to be used or gas-lit, and when lacking in our lives, leaves us cut off from the world and carrying anger with every breath. It is about balance in each of these.
What is some bad advice you have heard people in our field give out?
I have found deep concern with advice such as "if you follow my system, all of your problems will be resolved." There is no single cure-all pill for everyone. Each of us is unique, and what will guide us is a unique combination of the tools for sexual evolution out there.
The Sexual Health Alliance (SHA) is centered around providing Provocative Dialogue and Radical Collaboration. What does radical collaboration look like to you? What would you want other practitioners to incorporate into their practice?
For me, Radical Collaboration is about the power of intersectionality. When we take any one voice as gospel, we diffuse the magic that comes from hearing a chorus of perspective. Even if I, as a queer transgender man, speak on transgender awareness, I carry only my own voice, as well as the stories, knowledge, and experiences gifted to me by others. However, having other voices share their lens on gender, orientation, sexual behavior, and transgender and gender diverse experience will paint a far more complex and enriching viewpoint. This is why empowering attendees and panelists alike to speak up matters so much. Your voice matters, and together we can dive deeper into a topic.
As a prominent sexuality professional, you have made a wonderful career as a sex educator. What would you recommend to young educators or therapists wanting to follow in your footsteps?
There are a number of approaches to becoming a sexuality educator or therapist. For some, it is about taking an academic path, pursuing a Masters or PhD in the specialty you are drawn to with passion. Another is through peer support and volunteerism, learning on your feet and being mentored directly by those already doing the work. Sometimes it is about bringing a skill you already have and translating it into this field, for example nurses bringing their medical knowledge into this field, yoga instructors who bring their somatic knowledge into this path, or adult performers who bring a hands-on body of skills into teaching others from that knowledge. Valuing all of these is important, and examining where your passions are is key to developing a path that serves others from your place of excellence. Don’t let others potentially judging where you got here from stop you from serving the world.
What book(s) are you reading right now?
I am reading a few different books at this time, and alternate between them. My current lineup includes:
* “This Heart Holds Many: My Life as the Nonbinary Millennial Child of a Polyamorous Family” by Koe Creation
* “The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness” by Michelle Alexander
* “Akata Warrior” by Nnedi Okorafor
* “Amenti Oracle Guide Book: Ancient Wisdom for the Modern World” by Jennifer Sodini
What’s the most important thing you talk about with your students and classes you teach?Authenticity, passion, and kindness are key in my work. That includes not just kindness to others, but kindness to yourself as you learn new things and stumble when making mistakes. Passion is not just about sexual and emotional drive, it is also about finding where you can put your passions out into the world and use them to connect with those you care about, meeting them where there passions are as well. Finally, authenticity is about diving into yourself to find what is there, having the courage to bring that awareness to your life, and be open to learning new things that may change how you look at the world… and yourself.
What are your top 2 books that have influenced you and why?
Two books that immediately come to mind are “Palimpsest” by Catherynne Valente and “The Omnivore’s Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals” by Michael Pollan. Palimsest is a story set in a dark fairyland that is rife with sexual and emotional beauty and trauma alike, and it led me not just on a self-examination of how I connect with others, but on a personal note led Valente and I to become friends but travel with her and others as a performing artist. On the other hand, Pollan’s work had me examine how individuals and environments overlap with one another, and led to me presenting a keynote on the interactions between sexuality communities and scarcity at the Transcending Boundaries Conference. You can watch it, or read it, at http://passionandsoul.com/news/tbckeynote/
SHA utilizes social media to reach our members as well as to find new sexuality content and research, how do you think social media has influenced our culture’s sexuality?
One of the ways social media has changed sexuality worldwide is that it has allowed us to interact with people we might never met otherwise. Suddenly, the single transgender person in a small town can have allies around the globe, and no longer feel alone. An individual of specific erotic interests can find partners, or have discussions with their peers that they may have never met. This is a radical shift over the past twenty or so years, and has been so inspirational to be part of.
Our team finds podcasts, youtube and other social media platforms sometimes more educational and useful than traditional models. Do you think social media should have a place in formal training, and if so, how much?
I love multi-medium approaches to education. There are so many types of learners out there, and having tools available for people who learn through hearing, watching, taking notes, discussing, doing something side by side, and teaching others is important. Podcasts (such as my own Passion And Soul Podcast) might be great for someone who listens to learn, while someone who thrives with discussion will benefit from interactive discussions on Twitter or Facebook. Adding social media platforms to classic education can allow for diverse learners from around the world to interact with each other outside of a single mode of learning or a single bubble of people they might be exposed to otherwise.
Where is your next dream vacation?
Though I would love to do a long trip to Cambodia, Thailand, and Laos, in all honesty, after SARS-COV2 (COVID-19) truly passes, I would love a window of time gathering with dear friends, indulging in a cuddle pile or sitting a camp fire sharing our hearts.
What are 2 of the most important things you do every day?
Every day I set myself up for success by taking my medication along with healthy food, and spending time in front of my altar or reading from an inspirational book. One takes care of my physical health, and the other centers me in my emotional and spiritual health.
What’s your favorite place you’ve traveling to for your job and why?Every year I attend two campground based events in Northern Maryland. Camp Crucible and Dark Odyssey are both crossover events between a variety of alternative sexuality communities, where for either 9 days (Crucible) or 5 days (Dark Odyssey) people are offered a safe space to explore and expand their sexual and emotional expression amongst their peers, setting aside judgement, and learning (and playing) on a diverse set of topics. They take place on the same land with one being a massive festival (Dark Odyssey) and the other a more intimate gathering (Crucible). I love them both!
What’s your favorite story to tell?
As an educator on gender and transgender issues, I am often moved to share the story of one of my students who over time is becoming a friend. They were assigned male at birth, sixty plus years ago, and never quite felt like the gender norms for being male fit for them. First they thought they might be a crossdresser, and though their wife supported this, it wasn’t quite right. Then they debated whether they might be a transgender woman, but it wasn’t the right fit. Then, just a few years ago, they met a genderqueer person in their twenties. Their heart lit up. They finally had a term for themselves and a way to describe themselves to the world, after sixty years. It changed their life. It reminded me that we keep evolving, and language keeps evolving, and it can help us express our hearts in beautiful and powerful ways.
Red Carpet Question: Tell the world what you’re working on! What would you like everyone to know or check out?
My anthology, "Queer Magic: Power Beyond Boundaries," co-edited with Tai Fenix Kulystin, is on bookshelves now, and I am so proud of it. Over 40 contributors shared their voices in the form of academic essays, emotional poetry, interviews with elders, beautiful artwork, and more to paint a picture of the intersections of queer experience and magic or spiritual practices from around the world. You can also find my blog going back to 1998, a catalogue of my podcasts, and my upcoming travel schedule at PassionAndSoul.com
