Human sexuality is a complex part of our existence, encompassing sexual orientation, gender identity, sexual wants, and sexual activity to name just a few aspects of sexuality! It can be hard to navigate your own sexuality depending on past education, current access to resources, and the support systems you have. Unbeknownst to some, though, additional guidance and support from professionals or experts is an option for navigating sexuality. This is where the emerging field of sexuality consulting comes in. As sexuality consulting evolves, keeping track of what the field entails can be confusing. So what exactly is a sexuality consultant and what do they do?
What is menopause and its impact on sexuality?
Sex in the Shadows of Celebrity- A Recap
Sex sells and sells well. The phrase stands true: for certain people, being deemed ‘sexy’, physically attractive, or marked as a “sex icon” works wonders for their self brand. I grew up in the era of the “Kim Kardashian sex tape,” “Paris Hilton” (the person and the metaphor) and the frenzy of the popular E! Show The Girls Next Door where Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends were the subject of a camera crew for six seasons. During my pre-teen and adolescent years, these celebrities were symbolic of sex and sexiness as a career, a job, a hobby, and a leisure activity for consumers.
How to communicate sexual boundaries?
Exploring a S-xual Attitude Reassessment Session: Helpful Pointers for an Enjoyable Experience
Exploring our personal growth and finding our true selves is such an incredible journey! And, guess what? Attending a S-xual Attitude Reassessment session (SAR) can play an important role in this process. SAR's are an incredible experience because they provide a safe and supportive environment where we can dive deep and reevaluate our attitudes towards s-xuality. If you are currently studying with or are interested in studying with SHA, it’s important to note that in order to be able to become an AASECT member, you are required to complete a SAR that follows their specific outlines.
To really get the most out of this experience, it's all about having an open mind and a genuine desire to learn and grow. So, let me share some handy tips and tricks to help you navigate a S-xual Attitude Reassessment session like a pro!
What is sexual fluidity?
From Euphoria to Reality: Navigating the Aftermath of Substance-Enhanced Intimacy
Throughout my conversations with friends and colleagues, I’ve learned of many instances when substances and intimacy come together to create an amazing and magical experience. We’re seeing this through the use of drugs during s-x, which has become popular with the men-who-have-s-x-with-men (MSM) community. This activity is often referred to as “chems-x.” But after the effects wear off, we're left with a whole bunch of emotions, tricky communication, and the aftermath of that intense experience. In this post, I’m going to dive into all the little details of what happens after substance-enhanced intimacy and how we can deal with the challenges and make the transition from that super high to the real world.
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What's Wrong with Gender Reveal Parties?
You know that gender reveal parties are a terrible human invention when even their creator regrets ever having done one in the first place. Although highly debated and contested, there is still a large number of parents who host these sorts of “parties.” A quick search on social media platforms like TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, and Pinterest, shows hundreds of thousands of posts and content related to gender reveal parties. Gender reveal parties carry with them a set of ideologies related to a binary gender, stereotypes, and conditioning of bodies that are being reproduced every time expecting parents host another.The fact that they have become such a trend raises the question: why are we placing so much importance on the sex of an unborn child?
What is the average age to start having sex?
Cuddle Parties 101
I’ll be the first to admit it: I love being the little spoon. There’s just something about that feeling of being embraced in a tight, warm grip that makes me imagine this is what a nice toasty bun in the oven feels like. Unfortunately, I am always subjected to being the big spoon—and while I don’t mind it, who doesn’t like to be on the receiving end of intimate and a personal bear grip? Personally, the only form of cuddling I do is in the context of romantic interactions in which I engage in non-s-xual touch to reaffirm my feelings and connection with my partner. However, there are groups of individuals who engage in consensual, non-romantic cuddling as part of a deeper understanding of themselves in relation to desire, consent, and constraints. Called “cuddle parties,” these events aim to bring people together through the art of cuddles.
Being a #Girlboss Is Not Feminist
Feminism has never been “one size fits all:” there are many different interpretations of feminism and approaches to women's empowerment within feminist thought. One would think that any interpretation of feminism would be beneficial toward combating issues like gender inequality and how intersecting axes of oppression impact women in society—but this is unfortunately not the case. For example, “girl boss feminism” is a sub-type of feminist thought that favors middle-to-upper-class white women, without doing anything to dismantle patriarchal systems.
Lady with a Whip: History of the Dominatrix (Part I)
Picture a Dominatrix—what comes to mind? A leather-clad Betty Page with her iconic bangs? A strict governess brandishing a riding crop? How about an ancient Mesopotamian goddess carrying a cornucopia of flowers and fruits? Perhaps a woman in a toga adorned with black wings and a whip? The Dominatrix is a polarizing figure, inspiring fantasy, lust, excitement, fear, and ridicule. She exists on the frontier of s-xual expression today in AI companions (Part I, Part II) and augmented reality, but she has been with humanity since antiquity. What about this archetype continues to inspire both worship and revulsion?
S-x Positivity and Mental Health: The Connection Between Pleasure and Well-Being
In the last few years, the idea of s-x positivity has really taken off as a movement that encourages a positive and open approach to s-xuality. It's not just about the physical side of things - there's also a deep connection between being s-x positive and having good mental health. We’re going to explore how pleasure, sex positivity, and overall well-being are all closely linked. We'll be looking at some helpful resources to understand just how having a positive attitude towards s-x can impact our mental health.
How to prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs)?
“You're Not Fat You're Just Latina!” — The Effects of S-xualization of Latina Bodies
When a young woman gazes upon her reflection, the image staring back is often not a mere representation of her physical form, but a constructed ideal dictated by societal standards. This phenomenon is particularly pronounced for Latina women, extending beyond the superficial emphasis on curves, hairlessness, and fitted attire. The societal lens delves into their behavior, characterized by the expectation of a “sassy” attitude, the pressure to embody the perfect housewife, and the relentless scrutiny of how well they cater to the male gaze.
The pervasive notion that every man aspires to be with a Latina woman adds an additional layer to this narrative, where the emphasis on physical perfection is so pronounced that the pursuit of surgical enhancements, such as a Brazilian Butt Lift (BBL), becomes an accepted norm. Raised with the singular goal of being the epitome of a perfect mother and wife, Latina women often find themselves deprived of the same opportunities as their white counterparts, perpetuating a cycle that influences their aspirations and societal perceptions.
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Revisiting NYC's S-xtopia
The Times Square I remember was full of wonder, spectacle, excitement, and ecstasy a 7 seven year-old like me could simply never find again—and by that, I mean the huge indoor Ferris Wheel in the flagship Toys R Us. In 2018, when all Toys R Us were announced to be shutting down, a pivotal part of my upbringing and normalcy went with it. Reflecting on what I had lost, I came to the realization that the urban metropolis that is New York City has undergone so much change, especially Times Square. Through anecdotes from my grandma (who was a young adult during the 70s and 80s), I learned about the rich and thick history of a sexually awakened NYC. Having only seen depictions of the area in movies like Cruising with Al Pacino, the tales on 42nd Street and Eighth Avenue allured my curiosity about the sexual promiscuity of a 1970s Times Square. There’s no better time than now to revisit the sexual past of Times Square, and peek into the peep shows and sex shops that once were.
PLAYPEN
Located in what was once Ideal Theater at 693 8th Avenue and then relocated between 43rd and 44th street, Playpen—a live peep show venue—was one of the longest lasting trails of NYC’s promiscuous past. Home to a plethora of toys, movies, accessories and “video-viewing booths offering thousands of choices for a rate of about $1 per minute” with a variety of content styles to choose from, Playpen made a lasting name for itself as an adult shop. Located above the shop are independently contracted women, who perform sexual services for customers in booths depending on the price they are willing to pay.
Anecdotal accounts from one of these performers talks about the discrepancies she faces now as a performer versus how it was in the height of the Times Square sextopia. Classifying her profession as something of a dying art only the most loyal and consistent customers consume, the highlight of her career was making anywhere from $200 on a slow night to $600, whereas now reaching $100 is considered an achievement. Recognizing the competition she faces with live peep shows and unlimited internet pornography at one's disposal, it seems as if Playpen is a mere reminder of what once was Times Square’s sexual history.
RICHARD BASCIANO
The “man’s man” Richard Basciano is credited with creating the staple of 1970s-1980s adult content: Show World. A former boxer turned pornographic connoisseur, Basciano created an empire for the sex industry selling porngraphy with partner (and mobster) Robert DiBernardo. Fusing all three of his areas of expertise, Show World became Basciano’s staple, where his boxing past, real estate success, and commercial sexual prowess came together to create “the McDonalds of Sex.”
SHOW WORLD
22,000-square-feet in all its glory, Show World was a porn emporium. Using his boxers as cashiers, Basciano’s Show World had it all. For a quarter, customers were able to watch women perform various sexual acts minutes at a time or watch x-rated movies for the same price (and duration), picking from a catalogue of 10 or so movies for their pleasure. Around the 80s, Basciano removed peep-show windows, leaving performers free to physically touch the customers. Described as a sexual circus for “cheap, illicit thrills,” Show World served as a space for sex positivity and for sex enthusiasts to divulge in their deepest, wildest, and darkest desires. While many previous performers and visitors of the venue recall much more grim memories, those filled with uncertainty about what they were actually doing or consuming, the consensus at the time was that Show World was the pinnacle of sex in Times Square.
Yet the height in success for the supermarket of porn would not last forever: the increasing paranoia from consumers deterred people from coming as AIDS cases were becoming more prevalent. People were more interested in obtaining the local street drug popular at this time: crack cocaine. Coupling this in with new regulations on X-rated shops, the demise of adult retail shops would be felt not just for Basciano and Show World, but for the sex industry in NYC as a whole.
GIULIANI + CO
The 1980s marked a turning point for Times Square. The Department of City Planning (DCP) started looking into rezoning Time Square and created the Special Midtown Zoning District in 1982 with the intention of winning over developers with tactics like tax breaks and subsidies. When that did not work, then Mayor Rudolph Giuliani and the city council created zoning rules that would directly affect x-rated video stores and topless bars. Taking effect in 1995, these changes would prevent adult entertainment businesses from operating within 500 feet of residences, schools, churchs, and other sexual establishments while limiting their size to 10,000 square feet. By doing this, the hope was to redirect these sex shops to industrial areas.
In addition to this, a 60-40 rule was implemented, where adult establishments must have at least 60 percent of their shop dedicated to non-pornographic media. Some shop owners complied with this by offering magazines and movies, but as the years went on stricter regulations made it hard for these places to stay open. For many, 2001 felt like the nail in the coffin, when adult shops were barred from operating in areas that were not zoned for adult businesses.
The booming real estate value possessed by Times Square—along with Disney’s unwillingness to invest in the revamp of theatres with the presences of adult entertainment nearby—ensured that the eradication of the peep shows, Show World, and Times Square’s sextopia was inescapable. The adult shops that once stood where the heart of The City That Never Sleeps is are symbolic of a time where sexual promiscuity, curiosity, and desire were celebrated. While there is little that remains concretely of this time, there are still sex shops in NYC that do exist such as Rainbow Station and Empire Exotics—and the back of Spencer Gifts is always inviting and taunting with sexual ooze.
Written by Destiny Maldonado
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Some Reflections On Queerplatonic Anarchy
I’m no stranger to confused looks. In my line of work, I get the all the time, to the point that I can admit that sometimes I even crave them. Very few topics, however, bring on the bewildered glances as much as when I talk about my dating life.
People tend to understand when I tell them that I’m asexual (that is, that particularly s-xual attraction toward other people doesn’t play any significant role in how I understand myself and move through the world), and sometimes even get on board when I inform them that I am also aromantic (which is to say that particularly romantic attraction toward other persons doesn’t play much of a role either). And while many still turn their nose up at it, they also tend to understand what I mean when I say that I practice non-monogamy in not limiting myself or my partners to just one exclusive, intimate relationship dynamic.
Exploring the Relationship Between Mindfulness and S-x
If we take a moment to think about our favorite s-xual encounters, what do they have in common? Were we thinking about a problem at work, or were we too busy enjoying the deliciousness of those experiences? Regardless of whether we were by ourselves or with other people, our minds were probably really focused on what was going on at that moment. We were there. Perhaps we didn’t know it at that time, but by being in a space where our thoughts weren’t so loud that we couldn’t direct our attention to what we were feeling, we were being mindful. But the truth is, that’s not always the case. A lot of times during s-x, our minds can be in a completely different place—and maybe that’s happened for so long that we think that’s how it’s always going to be. If you identify with this, or are maybe struggling with a specific issue related to s-x, mindfulness can be a marvelous tool to connect (or reconnect) with your sexuality.