While it’s perfectly normal to want to explore sexual fantasies or get more in touch with your body, it’s also normal to feel intimidated and overwhelmed while shopping in a sex shop. Even though 44% of women between the ages of 18 and 60 have used a sex toy, 23% of adults have used a sex toy during sex, and 27% of the entire American population own over five sex toys, shopping for them can be uncomfortable to say the least. Sex shops have much more to offer than only sex toys, so SHA has compiled a list of ten tips for feeling more comfortable in that environment.
Do your research. There are many sex stores all over, but not all are considered equal. First, make sure you feel comfortable in the area. Whether you’d rather travel a bit further to avoid interactions with people you might know, or stay closer to home in an area familiar to you, being comfortable in the overall environment is important for internal peace of mind. Secondly, use websites like Yelp to ensure the store you’re planning on visiting is an inclusive, safe space. For instance, if you identify as a woman or a member of the LGBTQ+ community, you’ll want to feel welcomed to ensure nothing inappropriate is said or done that puts a damper on your experience. This is exactly the kind of thing that pre-research can help with.
Remember that sex stores exist because sex is normal and natural. You have nothing to be ashamed of for wanting to explore. Sex shops can be great sources of inspiration and adventure, as long as they’re treated as such. Besides, there wouldn’t be so many of them if they weren’t popular. So, just because talking about sex is taboo, doesn’t mean it’s “bad.”
Remember that the salespeople are there to help. “Judgment-free” is the key term at sex shops, and any reputable shop will ensure their employees stand by this. Furthermore, those working at sex-positive shops have not only been vetted by the employment to make sure any biases stay at home, but the employees are usually expected to get familiar with the store’s inventory to better serve inquiring customers. If you’d rather explore alone, simply state this to the employees, who will let you browse uninterrupted. On the other hand, if you’d like some assistance, all you need to do is ask.
But also ask appropriate questions. Remember that common respect goes both ways. Don’t make the salespeople or other patrons uncomfortable by asking questions that are too personal or invasive. This can not only ruin others’ experiences or the employee’s day, but can easily get you asked to leave, which the store absolutely reserves the right to do. Instead, opt for questions that are educational or related to your specific preferences.
Go when it’s less busy. Thanks to technology, it’s now easy to tell when stores or areas will be less crowded. If you’re worried about others seeing you or interacting with you, consult Google for non-busy times. In general, weekdays during the day will be more empty than during the weekends. So if you can, plan ahead to shop during the week.
Bring a trusted friend or partner with you. If you feel uncomfortable going alone, ask someone you trust to accompany you. Maybe you have a friend who’s been curious about the sex shop experience as well? Or perhaps you can entice your partner(s) to come along and find something all of you will enjoy? Maybe you even know someone familiar with sex shops who could show you the ropes? Either way, having someone with you might ease the tension and make the experience all around more pleasurable.
Start with the basics. Most sex shops will have an area in the front for all customers with their more PG items. Through the back will be the items that are for the more experienced individual. If this is your first time, consider only taking a peek in the front section, so you’re not overwhelmed. There will always be more time to explore going forward. If you don’t want to have to make another trip back to the store, make sure you stock up on the essentials like lube, contraceptives, and anything else that might be helpful to your exploration. Alternatively, you can go to the back section and stay in the area where you feel comfortable (e.g., XXX videos, vibrators, kink paraphernalia).
Bring a discreet bag with you. Most sex shops will have packaging that is non-descriptive for your comfort. If you’re worried about this, though, you can bring in a reusable bag with you, just as you would at the grocery store. This will ensure no one sees what you have picked out, and you can even sneak it past your roommates back at home.
Follow your bliss. Whether you know what turns you on or not, if you see something that sparks joy, you might as well try it. This is much better than asking the salesperson, “what is the best” because the best is subjective! If you do think you need some advice, give the employee some context first about what you generally like or want to learn more about. If money is a concern, ask the salesperson if there is an item similar at a lower price point. This will allow you to ease your way into new experiences without breaking the bank.
Fake it ‘til you make it. If all else fails, act natural and the rest will fall into place. Acting confident and non-judgmental will make you look like all the other customers so that you blend right in. Eventually, you’ll start to feel comfortable without even trying – thanks, psychology!
By Emily Carriere