Have you ever been called a sissy before? As you probably know, “sissy” is a derogatory term that’s used to describe men or boys as weak, effeminate, cowardly, and/or gay. It’s also sometimes used as a slur against trans women and transfeminine people. As a term, it has its roots in that perfectly horrible trifecta that seems to dictate toxic masculinity: misogyny, homophobia, and transphobia. But for some people being a “sissy” isn’t an accusation to defend oneself against. Instead, “sissy” can be a kinky headspace, a sexual role to take on, or even an important part of one’s identity. So, let’s talk about sissification kinks and what it means to be a sissy. We’ll explore the eroticism in sissification fantasies, ways sissification can look in real life, and how you can start exploring being a sissy if it appeals to you. Along the way, we’ll dispel common myths and address some of the harmful ideas that circulate in sissification spheres.
Sissification ranges widely, but most sissification has one thing in common; it fetishizes the movement from masculine to feminine in presentation and/or identity. Sissification fantasy narratives are often about cis men being compelled to adopt a feminine presentation and typically feminine social role: in other words, to become a “sissy.” More often than not, this includes sexually “servicing” or being penetrated by men, although many sissies are not particularly interested in men as romantic partners. When this transformation is pushed onto the sissy by someone else this is often called “forced feminization,” which some people consider a synonym to “sissification.” However, many sissy stories do not include this coercive narrative per se. Often sissy fantasies revolve around the protagonist unwittingly (or foolishly) exposing themselves to corrupting forces which “sissify” them, such as hypnotism or other media about sissification. For some people becoming a sissy is just a fantasy, for others it’s a part of their kink dynamic/s, and for others still it’s a lifestyle.
Now, let’s address an issue before we get any further. If you’re trans or an ally to the trans community this might be setting off some alarm bells for you, and if you’re not particularly educated on trans issues, you might be wondering if sissies are the same thing as transgender women. The truth is, gender and sexuality are complex, nebulous topics and everyone can choose how they wish to define their own desires, experiences, and identities. That being said, to be a sissy is not to be a woman who’s transgender. Transgender experience is infinitely varied, but overall trans people’s genders are not a form of sexual play. Trans people, like people generally, don’t stop being their gender outside of the bedroom and they certainly aren’t living their lives in a state of 24/7 sexual roleplay or headspace. Sissification media often uses the concept of getting typically trans surgeries and going on hormone treatments as a sort of titillating frightening erotic concept, but for transgender people in real life these are gender affirming not kinky indulgences. In fact, the association between sissification and trans women has more to do with the way that trans women are fetishized and stigmatized and less to do with any possible similarities between sissification and being transgender.
That being said, sissification can be an arena for people to experiment with their gender expression and explore their identities, and that’s wonderful too. Even some trans women who already know they’re trans enjoy the fantasy of sissification, engage in sex work that plays with these concepts, or even identify with the term sissy. Transfeminine people feel all sorts of ways about this kink: fetishized and degraded, aroused and affirmed, or even introspective and artistically inspired. Although it's disgusting the way that sissification has been weaponized against transfeminine people by transphobes, everyone has a right to the kinky fantasies and (consensual) play they would like to engage in and it’s not sissies’ faults that transgender people are oppressed. If you’d like to learn more about the fetishization of and violence against trans women, I recommend my previous blog post on the subject and this funny and informative video essay. If you’re interested in the intersections between trans identity and the sissification kink, I can’t encourage you enough to read the enlightening and fascinating article “Sissy Remixed” by Aster Gilbert.
As evidenced by the term “sissy” itself, sissification frequently includes some amount of erotic humiliation (although it doesn’t have to). This is a form of emotional masochism that can help people overcome insecurities and anxieties by prompting them to face these fears head-on in a consensual, kinky environment. For example, many people are insecure about their penis size and the kinky practice of small penis humiliation (SPH for short) can transform that fear into humiliating ecstasy. Sissification often does something similar, targeting gender insecurities directly. For men, sissification can expose them to the fear that they’re not “man enough.” People assigned male at birth are often pressured into masculinity from a young age. This happens in casual ways like being gifted “boy toys,” but it’s often enacted through strict social policing and ridicule as well. While children perceived as girls are often given some “wiggle room” when it comes to gender presentation, adults often force children they think are little boys into strict codes of masculinity to protect them from becoming, well, “sissies.”
To make matters worse, a common practice in adolescent male socialization is constant mockery of effeminacy and perceived queerness. And just when you think high school bullying is over, the manosphere pops up to call you a “beta cuck simp soyboy” that needs to commit to transforming into an alpha male. So, as a cis man in this situation you have a few options. You can either entirely resist the effects of the modern masculinity crisis (a tall order that’s not nearly kinky enough, in my opinion), “take the red pill” and practice pickup artistry to become a high-value alpha (expensive, pretty unethical, and, let’s face it, a lot of work), OR you can shift your priorities a little and commit fully to being a sissy beta bitch! All jokes aside, it’s important to interrogate toxic masculinity and misogyny regardless of your kinks, but it’s no wonder that sissification has gained popularity (to the point of being an internet meme) in an age where masculinity is so fraught.
Beyond being humiliating, sissification has much to offer people who are interested in breaking out of more typically masculine roles (especially in the bedroom). Occupying a male social role often means giving up oneself as a sexual object in exchange for sexual subjectivity. As harmful as objectification can be, there’s a pleasure in being attractive, desired, and even in the fantasy of being commodified. While masculine gender roles expect all attractiveness to come from things like making money, having a stereotypically “successful” career, and physical strength, feminine sexual roles emphasize the attractiveness of one’s body and the willingness of one to submit. These gender roles also allow one to be passive and reactive during sexual scenarios in a way that’s often discouraged in masculine people. Femininity has much more room for moaning, writhing, gagging, or even crying, all of which can be fun and exciting additives to sexual experiences which cisheteronormativity dissuades in those assigned male at birth.
Not only are people usually given more room to be reactive when playing a typically feminine role during sex, but they’re also often given more to react to. Having your body treated “like a woman’s body” in the bedroom often means being touched and kissed more and in more interesting places: getting to be explored and toyed with. Unfortunately, heterosexual men (especially cisgender ones) are often sexually pigeonholed into topping and/or being dominant even when they aren’t naturally inclined to it. Even transmasculine people can experience dysphoria around this pressure to be typically masculine in the bedroom even when they would rather not, making sissy play an excellent idea for some transmasculine people who would rather occupy a more stereotypically feminine role during sexual or kink scenarios.
Obviously sissification is (or, at least, should be) fun for sissies, but why do people enjoy erotically feminizing others? Well, part of it is the flip side of what was already discussed. Generally speaking in sissification dynamics, women are the ones sissifying their partners and/or submissives. Women tend to be pressured into taking a more passive or submissive role in sex and kink generally, so exploring sissification with a partner can be a path to more customized and enjoyable sexual roles that give the women the space for control. More than just giving the feminine sissifier an opportunity to be dominant, it also sets the scene for more stereotypically “lesbian” forms of sex that decentralize any penises that may be involved. Some bisexual women especially find themselves wanting to play with male partners’ bodies in ways that are culturally only considered appropriate with women.
Sissification offers a way to explore this with explicit communication, leaning into the stigma rather than shying away from it. Plus, if you’re into erotically humiliating men, you may find that you quickly run out of demeaning words to use that aren’t coded feminine. That’s unfortunate and points to the broader cultural problems of patriarchy and misogyny, but in the moment sissification and sissy-adjacent play can be a great way to expand those horizons. It can also serve as the degrading “cherry on top” when you’re already playing with related kinks like SPH, cuckolding, pegging and chastity. Why stop at just having sex in front of your partner and insulting them, when you could also dress them up in a cute outfit and make them service the new person you’re with? (Assuming everyone else is into it too!)
Unfortunately, sissification is not culturally accessible to many people who might enjoy it. Although thankfully one’s imagination can offer infinite sexual freedom, a huge majority of content catering to sissy fantasies equates sissydom with thinness, conventional beauty, and, arguably most harmful of all, whiteness. Black people especially tend to be at best invisible in sissification porn and, at worst, immensely fetishized for their Blackness. This is for the same reason that Black people are excluded and/or fetishized within the cuckolding scene: the racist mandingo archetype. Black men historically have been characterized as hyper-masculine and sexually aggressive. These stereotypes were pushed on Black men to justify enslavement, Jim Crow, and lynchings among other horrific acts of violence continuing to this day.
This stereotype flourishes in sissification and cuckolding circles because of the emasculating contrast it creates when juxtaposed with even typical white masculinity. Some black men enjoy playing into the hypermasculine and hypersexual archetype and that’s understandable; feeling powerful, animalistic, and sexually desirable can be wonderful. At the same time, the fact that representations of sissification constantly centralize the idea of white sissies being submissive to “real” Black men, not only reinforces extremely harmful beliefs but also excludes Black people from enjoying much of what sissification has to offer. How can a Black person fantasize about being weak, submissive, and feminized if Blackness is constantly used as a stand-in for dominant virile masculinity?
How can a Black person relax into sissifying hypno if nearly every video fetishizes Black bodies in order to feminize white ones? This is even more upsetting because Black men are likely to feel the pressures of hypermasculinity and to feel alienated from their body as sexual and desirable beyond their penises (if they have one). These are issues which sissification could help to alleviate if it weren’t made so inaccessible to potential Black sissies. That being said, anyone can explore being a sissy, sissifying others, or being serviced by a sissy. Although the most visible sissies are white, thin, and assigned male at birth, they are not the only people out there.
So, how does one begin exploring sissification? Well, a place to start is online communities and content around sissification. There are massive amounts of sissy related visual porn, erotica, discussion boards, and so on. There are even guides for how to start sissifying yourself! Many enjoy content which promises to erotically hypnotize the viewer into sissification, which can be found on major tube sites. Unfortunately, though, most online spaces around sissification are saturated with the racist stereotyping of Black men along with the fetishizing and misinformation about trans women. A better option for something like sissy hypno content might be individual sexworkers on places like OnlyFans or Arousr. That way not only will you be paying for your porn, but you can hopefully find content which doesn’t exclude and fetishize Black people the same way.
Another route you can take is more personal. If you’re interested in exploring sissification alone, a good starting point is picking up some cute panties or stockings for yourself, maybe even a little makeup. Heck, you could possibly even splurge on a full lingerie set. Then, when the time feels right and you have privacy, you can try them on. There are hundreds of tutorials online for how to apply makeup; Try not to feel too discouraged if you can’t get it right the first time – makeup is a skill and takes practice, but it can also be a wonderful arena for self expression and discovery. If you want, you can even shave your body before you dress up (although this can be frustrating and difficult when you have a buildup of hair); perhaps indulge in some flowery lotion or a bath bomb. If your desire is to feel sleek and sensual, you could add some petals to the tub, light candles, or listen to steamy music. If you’re more interested in exploring the slutty bimbo vibe, maybe you can try listening to hypersexual music like Kim Petras’ Slut Pop (or one of the plentiful sissification playlists on Spotify). If you decide to touch yourself, experiment with parts of your body you wouldn’t usually touch, or using your parts in new ways. Some sissies like sucking on dildos, some like using vibrators on themselves, and many enjoy some anal training. Maybe one day you might try experimenting with a chastity device or exploring partnered sex in sissy mode.
If you’d like to start exploring your sissy side with a partner off-the-bat, there are plenty of options for that! If you have some disposable income, I recommend seeking out the services of a professional. Many pro-doms and dominatrixes offer sissification services, either in person or online. This could be as simple as paying someone to tell you to send them pictures of yourself in panties or this could be as immersive as setting up a scene where a dominatrix consensually strips you, locks you in a chastity device, and dresses you up in a frilly dress and makeup. Although all professional services I’ve seen cater to people with penises, I imagine plenty of pro-doms would be flexible and happy to provide services to sissies without those parts.
If you already have a sexual or kink partner, I recommend bringing up sissification to them! Many sissies feel the need to hide their interests from their partners, but this is arguably a bit unethical and could be damaging to your relationship in the long run. You deserve partners who respect your kinky interests even if they don’t want to participate with you, and you’d be surprised how many people (especially women) would love to help you experiment with sissification. Maybe they’ll even have some fun kinky ideas you haven’t thought of.
I recommend brainstorming your fantasies first and being clear about your desires. Are you interested in being feminized long-term or just for the duration of specific sexytimes? Do you still want to occupy a masculine role in the bedroom sometimes? Do you want to be humiliated or “forced” into a sissy role or would you prefer a different dynamic? You can always change your mind down the road, but your potential sissifier is not a mind reader and it’s a good idea to avoid misunderstandings as much as possible. If your partner is used to you occupying a more masculine and/or dominant role, they might be distressed at what they could perceive as a sudden change. That’s a fair emotion, but do your best to not feel guilty or backpedal. It’s okay for your sexual identity to evolve over time and hopefully your partner can understand and evolve too, even if it’s a bit scary at first.
The most important thing to remember is this: this is supposed to be fun. If you’re feeling immense, genuine shame, it might be a good idea to give it a break. Instead of panicking and discarding any sissification-related items you’ve built up, just put them in a cardboard box in your closet; maybe you’ll want them one day. If you’re interested in overcoming this shame, seek out kink affirming therapy. Sex+ kink affirming queer-informed counseling is also a good idea for working through any possible confusion that might pop up about your gender identity or sexual orientation. Also, don’t pressure yourself into adhering strictly to this new sissy role. The point is to have fun and liberate yourself from the expectations of masculinity, not to find a new set of gender roles to stress out over. And, as always, consent and communication are key, even when you’re the only one playing. Many sissies can get hung up on the idea of linear progress: first I crossdress, then I shave frequently, then I hook up in sissy mode etc. Instead of expecting some sort of consuming ever-building experience, simply experiment with headspaces and presentations. Figure out what you like. Figure out what kind of sissy you actually want to be.
Written by Aiden/Estelle Garrett with consultation from Sophie R Galarneau.