Into leather and latex? Have a thing for wax, spanks, or electric zaps? Not sure what you’re into yet, but certain that you’re not quite “vanilla” and finding yourself ready to explore? Well then, today is a day for you: it’s International Fetish Day!
Before spreading to the rest of the world as International Fetish Day in 2009, National Fetish Day was first observed in the United Kingdom on January 21st, 2008. Initially intended to raise awareness of fetish, kink, and BDSM communities while also standing in opposition to UK law criminalizing the possession of “extreme pornography,” this day of observance quickly caught on elsewhere as people across the world donned purple (a color commonly associated with BDSM communities) in support of sexual freedom, autonomy, and self-determination.
Celebrated on the third Friday of each January, International Fetish Day overlaps in spirit with related observances such as World BDSM Day (celebrated each year on July 24th) and International Kink Day (celebrated each year on October 6th). A glance at these three distinct days might lead us to ask what is actually a pretty common question: what’s the difference between a fetish and a kink? And how do they each relate to BDSM?
Depending on who you ask, you’re going to get different answers: even experts don’t agree on the fundamental difference between a fetish and a kink. Here’s one way to look at it: whereas a kink is a sexual interest or behavior that is thought to be statistically non-normal, a person has a fetish when they have a sexual interest or behavior that is more or less necessary for them to achieve sexual arousal. So, if you’re really into impact play but don’t need it to get turned on, then you have a kink (since it is thought that, statistically, interest in impact play is not quite the norm). If, on the other hand, you can’t achieve and maintain arousal without, say, your partner wearing leather boots, then we’d say that you have a fetish.
Does this mean that those with identities along the asexual spectrum—that is, those who experience little-to-no sexual attraction toward other persons—can’t have kinks or fetishes? Not at all! Sexual interest or behavior can be distinguished from attraction, and even with that, an asexual person might find that their kinks or fetishes manifest not quite sexually, but instead erotically, intimately, or energetically.
In the past, kinks and fetishes alike were pathologized as paraphilia—which is to say that they were considered to be atypical sexual interests or behaviors and their presence was treated as something to be diagnosed, treated, and even cured. Thankfully, with the publication of the 5th edition of the Diagnostic & Statistical Manual (DSM), a distinction was established between paraphilia and paraphilic disorders, with the former understood as natural variations in sexual interest and behavior and the latter understood as challenging or harmful mental health conditions or struggles resulting from the presence of paraphilia. With this distinction in place, having a love of whips and floggers is no longer a serious clinical concern, though it could become one if it starts to interfere with your ability to function in a manner conducive to your day-to-day well-being.
Both kinks and fetishes alike show up frequently in the subcultures and set of practices collectively grouped under the acronym BDSM, which stands for bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism. (“BDSM” is technically an overlapping acronym, with the B and the S each doing double-duty!). The present-day versions of such communities can be traced back to (and through) post-World War II gay motorcycle clubs, though BDSM-like practices can be seen in times and cultures all throughout history. If you’re interested in exploring your kinks and fetishes within the structure of a BDSM community, you can start by doing a search in your area for any local dungeons (BDSM-centered spaces, often equipped with all sorts of fun furniture) and munches (casual, public gatherings of BDSM community members for the sake of socializing and even vetting potential play partners, often held in places like restaurants and coffee shops).
The reasons for exploring your kinks and fetishes, or engaging in BDSM, are numerous and varied—and research definitely suggests that doing so can actually be good for you! In an article published in The Counseling Psychologist in 2017, researchers Theodore R. Burnes, Anneliese S. Singh, and Theodore R. Burnes, Anneliese A. Singh, and Ryan G. Witherspoon write:
Contrary to the sex-negative assumptions that kink-identified individuals exhibit pathology, numerous studies have demonstrated that individuals who engage in BDSM report no higher, and often lower, levels of psychological distress than the general population, score within normative ranges on personality inventories, have equivalent attachment style distributions to controls, and are no more likely to have suffered sexual abuse or coercion” (p. 477).
More recently, in a paper published in the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, researchers Cara R. Dunkley, Anne Barringer, Silvain Dang, and Lori A. Brotto present data that suggest that the practice of BDSM might be linked to “dispositional mindfulness”—that is, the possession of traits that are conducive to practicing and maintaining “non-judgmental awareness and acceptance of the present moment.”
Want to go deeper and learn more, either because you’re a sexuality professional or because you’re just a sex nerd? The Sexual Health Alliance is here to help out. Our upcoming Kinky Sexceptional Weekend (February 4th-5th) highlights the teaching of world-renowned expert Midori, along with a number of other fantastic guests. Also in February is the launch of this year’s installment of our Kink Informed Certification (KIC) program, a 9-month online program worth 64 AASECT CEs and also facilitated by Midori.
So whether you’re a longtime practitioner or just now finding your fetishes, kindling your kinks, or blossoming into BDSM, the Sexual Health Alliance wishes you all a happy International Fetish Day!
Ley David Elliette Cray, PhD (she/they) is LGBTQIA+ Curriculum Coordinator for the Sexual Health Alliance and founder of Transentience Coaching. She lives in New Mexico with her cats.