I have a confession to make: Playing The Sims has always turned me on.

In 2000, computer game The Sims entered the world. My dad inexplicably had a copy and my life was forever changed. Currently we are on the fourth iteration of the game, The Sims 4, and while much aesthetically has changed, my instant arousal has been consistent. It was not until I started school with the Sexual Health Alliance that I began to recognize my arousal as a kink response.

Before, I just chalked it up to being… well, young and horny—and making your sims “woohoo” can be pretty exciting. Though I never unpacked the why behind my arousal until now. So why does playing the game turn me on? What, if anything specifically, is my trigger? And, perhaps most importantly, are there other horny Simmers?

Upon examining my state while playing, I’ve established my arousal stems from three origin points: an underlying god-complex, interest in voyeurism, and from an intense state of relaxation.

The Sims world revolves around a god-complex; the entire point of the game is detailed dominance—physical appearance, clothing, personality, lifestyle, goals, needs, desires, advancements are all controllable. The goal is to live out fantasies, to be their god.

It seems that once we reach a certain age—around 20—our sex education tools and resources (if you had any in the first place) mellow out. Websites go from brightly colored stories and games to serious-toned, professional articles, perpetuating the severe seriousness our society holds towards sex. When searching for “sex education tools,” it’s clear the target audience is children (and their parents) and teenagers. This is, by no means, a bad thing—it’s fantastic! But what about us adults? We don’t stop learning even though we’re out of school and with the rapid rate of change and growth in the sexuality community, we could all benefit from the opportunity to re-learn or continue learning.

Sex is play, so shouldn’t learning about it be too? The resources below all promote the importance of playfulness in sex education as a tool to relieve pressure and allow for smoother, productive conversations.

ONLINE RESOURCES

Most ancient religions have a god that represents something their society has or needs. Whether they’re praying to the god that controls the weather or the crops or building an altar to the god of the dead, these older societies have understood life through their higher powers. To them, these deities are incomprehensibly sacred, even the ones who preside over baser things, like sex.

Sex has always been idolized. Entire religions have formed to follow certain fertility/sex goddesses—think the Cult of Venus. Shrines are erected and doctrine is written around these higher beings. Greco-Roman mythology is, for Western cultures at least, the starting point (and often finishing point) of our understanding of mythology—Aphrodite would be “our” Goddess of Love and is easily recognizable on her foam, as is her son Cupid. There are many other untold and unknown goddesses of love and sex that helped shape the Aphrodite and Venus images of today.

In this new series, I plan to retell the stories of the ancient sex goddesses. Their stories, as a collective, make up the cultural understanding of womanhood: the virgin, the lover, the mother, the old crone, the seducer. The one that can both birth and demolishes worlds, a god to be revered, if not a little feared. My goal is to shed light on the often-forgotten (and certainly censored) goddesses of sex and pleasure that were once protected and celebrated.

At times, a goddess may preside over fertility and sex, in which case I plan on featuring them. However, I chose to focus on the goddesses of sex and pleasure primarily. These are the images we as a modern society have tried to forget, to staunch and make women believe they have no power.

Beginning with two central goddesses of ancient religions, Inanna of Mesopotamia and Isis of Egypt.

Similar to the condom, the tampon has quite a long, winding history. From ancient civilizations to the battle for the supermarket shelves, for such a simple object, the tampon carries centuries of baggage with it. The thorough 2015 Atlantic article, “The Tampon: A History,” by Ashley Fetters, goes in-depth on how tampons came to be. She describes the tampon’s cultural weight the best:

“Every time a tampon user pops in a Playtex Sport or a Tampax Pearl, she’s handling a disposable, absorbent totem of centuries of technological innovation and cultural influence. The commercial tampon as we know it has been shaped and reshaped by a myriad of invisible forces—like genuine concern for women’s wellness, certainly, but also sexism, panic, feminism, capitalism, and secrecy.”

In this piece, I strive to use inclusive terms like “menstruator” instead of defaulting to “woman” unless I already know the gender of the person. While it felt a little awkward in writing, the move towards inclusivity is never over, particularly in the “feminine hygiene” industry. So where did it all begin?

1500 BCE - 500 CE

The Papyrus Ebers, the oldest printed medical document, details the use of the ancient Egyptian tampon, which was crafted from the papyrus plant.

According to the writings of Hippocrates, the father of western medicine, ancient Greek menstruators wrapped lint around a small stick before insertion.

Ancient Romans most likely used bound wool. Ancient Indonesian menstruators used vegetable fibers, while those in parts of Africa used rolled-up grass. Hawaiian menstruators were surely the most extreme as they were said to have used the “furry part of a native fern.”

The Human Rights Campaign published an article titled “2021 Slated to Become Worst Year for LGBTQ State Legislative Attacks as Unprecedented Number of States Poised to Enact Record-Shattering Number of Anti-LGBTQ Measures Into Law” in April of 2021. (hrc) This headline illustrates the world that we are all living in right now, and it’s crucial that we make space for the impact that legislation has on the LBTQ+ community. While it is true that American society has made progress when it comes to recognizing the validity and normalcy of LGBTQ+ culture, a lot of US legislature is not reflective of the same advancements:

“Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people in America continue to face discrimination in their daily lives. While more states every year work to pass laws to protect LGBTQ people, we continue to see state legislatures advancing bills that target transgender people, limit local protections, and allow the use of religion to discriminate.” (aclu)

If you’ve read our recent blogs on sex addiction you know that the term sex addiction is one that is not recognized as a valid diagnosis in the field of sex therapy. The terms sex addiction has an origin rooted in shame, and it’s more useful to treat individuals for the problem sexual behaviors that foster an “addiction” to sex or pornography. Previously, we looked at the media’s portrayal of both Lindsay Lohan and Russell Brand as sex addicts through the lens of Dr. David Ley’s teaching on the myth of sex addiction and problem sexual behaviors. Today, we add Tiger Woods to the list of individuals who the media has labeled sex addicts and look to analyze the way in which Woods exhibited problem sexual behavior. Tiger Woods has a different media presence than that of Lindsay Lohan and Russell Brand in the sense that he’s an athlete rather than a media personality. Part of Wood’s narrative is his immense influence on the game of golf itself, and he was recognized as a respected professional in the sports industry until the media’s portrayal of his struggle with addiction.

Each year the American Library Association (ALA) puts out the top ten challenged books and the majority cite sexual content as a reason for the challenge. For 2019, 9 out of 10 books were cited for something to do with sexuality (ranging from gender and sexual orientation exploration to explicit sexual scenes). For 2020, four out of the 10 books on that list are challenged for sexual content while the other six are about racism and/or the police system.

But censorship has an interesting, if not torrid, history. Previously, each book was put to the test of a 14-year-old schoolgirl—if it was acceptable for their eyes, it could be published. This obviously meant that many works were deemed obscene due to their explicit scenes, otherwise called “purple passages.” One too many of these purple passages and the book could be tossed. But the ripple of censorship spread farther than just silencing books. The ripple effect empowered authority figures—police, customs officials, and post office workers—to search and seize and “obscene” material and to accuse those involved. It was an outright war of literary legitimacy.

Below are a few of the many important books that helped revolutionize the Obscene Publications Act. Through these works, the term “obscene” in the world of literature was redefined, different sexualities were brought to the forefront, and these people and stories were legitimized by legal publications. Through these and the many other challenged books, we can see that literature, in itself, does no harm at all. The true harm, falsely attributed to the books, is caused by the actions of those who try to censor, suppress, and silence.

I think the condom deserves some applause. It’s easy to feel...well nothing when it comes to the condom, these days. Not only are they the thinnest they’ve ever been, but they’ve solidified their place in our common culture as a must-have. No glove, no love as they say. It may seem like this safe sex staple is relatively new, but the innocuous condom has a long, twisting history.

11,000 BCE

The first known depiction of people using a condom was found in France. An ancient cave drawing depicts a man engaging in intercourse wearing what historians believe is some sort of animal skin for protection.

1000 BCE - 500 AD

As shown in the hieroglyphics, Egyptian men wore loincloths to protect their genitals from sun exposure. It’s suggested that they would dye the loincloths in various colors to make them more attractive and appealing. This is primarily attributed to the worship of the god of reproduction and fertility. The loincloths could also have prevented injuries. Some historians speculate that the Egyptian men would wrap their penises in thin sheets of linen to protect the penis during combat or from insect bites, tropical diseases, or evil spirits.

Likewise, an early reference of the condom is in Ancient Greece. Mythology tells us Minos has “serpents and scorpions” in his semen, making use of some form of contraceptive to protect his wife. The condom was most likely to have been a goat’s bladder.

For Ancient Romans, the use of animal bladders and other intestines continued. However, at the end of the Roman empire, documentation of contraceptive use ceased to exist and didn’t re-emerge in Europe until the 15th century.

The art versus pornography debate has been around for as long as pornographic mediums have existed; “the age-old debate between art and pornography revolves around tired old questions: is art pornography?” (Ives) The debate is centered around the public perception of pornography versus art; “Is there a set of attitudes, values, ethics, and morals ascribed to art but not pornography?” (Ives) The answer to this question is yes, especially when looking at the dynamics of our mainstream society. The dominant school of thought is that there is a lesser set of values applied to pornography and thus pornographic mediums are not looked to with the same respect as other mediums. In the book Wild Zones, Kelly Ives analyzes the relationship between art, pornography, and feminism. For this blog post, I want to look at Ives’s analysis of art, sexuality, and pornography in terms of the patriarchy and sex-positive art culture. I believe that Ives’s evidence is enough to end the art versus pornography debate once and for all, as the debate’s existence is contingent on harmful patriarchal ideologies. Many feminists have existed on both sides of the pornography versus art binary and typically anti-porn feminists voice concerns against porn as an art form. While everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I think it is important to break down the ways in which our society perceives porn in order to prove that porn is a valid type of art that should be given as much respect and appreciation as all other “high” art forms.

Inclusive language is a cornerstone of sex-positivity. Whether it’s learning new terms to open the mind or it’s taking back words and phrases, using them to shape the conversation our way, language is power. In the world of sex and sexuality, inclusive language is paramount. Language substantiates seemingly indescribable feelings, giving words to our inner emotions. To patients and clients, students and friends, finally finding the word, the word that feels right to describe themself as, is empowering! Sex positivity and education awareness start with inclusive, forever-evolving language.

HER, a global LGBTQ+ dating app, agrees with the importance of sex-positive and inclusive language. It may seem that the digital dating world is oversaturated enough already, but HER does things differently.

HER is one of the world’s largest dating apps for Lesbian, Queer, & Bi women and folks. Created for queer people by queer people, HER is a “welcoming and safe community where you can joining smaller community group chats, find single queer women in your area, make friends, go on a date, or just have fun.” HER additionally acts as an LGBTQ+ hub featuring global news and content pertaining to LGBTQ+ peoples, and also local HER-sponsored events.

Whether we realize it or not, culture plays an extremely important role in how we learn and relate to our sexuality. Take a minute to reflect on how your environment has shaped your beliefs and attitudes towards sexuality.

Culture & Sexuality

Social norms, history, religion, and gender roles make up the culture of a place. Since culture influences the way in which we perceive ourselves and the world, it makes sense that culture would also influence the way in which sexuality education is taught. While biology is crucial to our sexual development, sexual education has a major influence on how children view sexuality as adults.

So, what are the factors that change sexuality education across cultures?

It seems mandatory at this point that every online gathering space, every social media platform, has a version of community guidelines that outline the company’s values. Sex positivity and sexual expression are values often left off the list, but sexual content is heavily discussed. It is in the use of language here that companies find themselves in hot water. Taking on the behemoth of a task such as defining sexual content, a task we professionals have yet to fully accomplish leaves their guidelines open for interpretation. But, resort to restricting, censoring, and banning when someone pushes the envelope.

I recently came across another censorship controversy, this time on the social media platform Twitch. Major streamers, Kaitlyn “Amourantha” Siragusa, with almost 4 million follows, were banned for streaming herself practicing yoga and making ASMR sounds. This comes in the aftermath of a previous controversy, the overnight sensation of hot tub streaming, and Twitch’s lack of banning because of that.

Question-based games about sex are an easy and playful way to approach sex. From the classic Truth or Dare to a naughty card game, these games prompt conversations couples and lovers should be having. These games are undoubtedly still fun, but the spontaneous nature and emphasis on play and fantasy, don’t necessarily foster deep conversations. Mickie Woods wants to change that. As a sexologist and relationship scientist, Wood is known for her “refreshing perspectives on intimacy and human connection.”

June is now commonly known as Pride Month. Those of us in the LGBTQ+ community, along with all of our allies are given a whole month to celebrate LGBTQ+ pride and history. Why don’t we just celebrate the glory of being a part of the community all year long? Why is there a month dedicated to LGTBQ+ pride? One of the unfortunate reasons why Pride month has emerged is because brands across the globe can capitalize on the holiday by selling Pride Month-specific merchandise. In an article for Washington Times, it’s noted that “Pride has evolved into a party-focused, heavily branded affair, the celebration sometimes seems more retail than a riot. Rainbow merchandise abounds, and companies often boast the splashiest floats in the parade.” (washingtonpost) In this sense, Pride month has become a holiday for capitalists alike, as brands are producing rainbow-themed merchandise for consumerist purposes rather than in true support of the LGBTQ+ community.

As the battle for the algorithm rages on, it’s important to continue stepping up and supporting our favorite small businesses and organizations. I’ve previously talked about The Vagina Museum and their stance on Instagram’s policies. Well, twelve days after the post my original article referred to, @Vagina_Museum was calling out Instagram’s censorship yet again. In partnership with @MyCallaly, The Vagina Museum posted a series of realistic vulva illustrations on their feed. Within a few hours it was taken down—even though the post had accumulated thousands of likes and hundreds of comments. Instagram’s reasoning? “Nudity.” The purpose of the illustration series was to exemplify Callaly’s three pledges: call a vulva a vulva, create better educational content, and promote accurate and diverse imagery of vulvas.

No matter your gender or sexuality, there's one sexual enhancement we all need--lube! However, with all the different brands and types, which sexual lubricants are the best? This all depends on what activities you'll be doing, if you have any skin sensitivities or allergies, and your personal preferences. Here are some basic guidelines for each type of lube: advantages, disadvantages, recommended uses, and recommended brands from a certified Sexologist.**

Undoubtedly, traditional pornography—the classic tube hubs and such—demand the full attention of one’s vision. With video thumbnails that start playing when you hover over them, the endless categories to scroll through, and the constant ads, this sense is overwhelmingly stimulated before you even click on something to watch. Vision is so important in the pornography industry, we now have AR porn, where the viewer can immersive themselves totally in the scene. Hearing, on the other hand, is important to some, but isn’t always necessary to reach orgasm. One can conjure moans and shouts of pleasure sometimes better than they can an image. This is why the medium for porn is, traditionally, visually based through posters, photographs, videos, gifs, and the like.

Thankfully, pop culture is starting to incorporate LGBTQ+ culture onto mainstream TV shows that used to exist in a heterotopia of sorts. Of course, there is still a ways to go when it comes to erasing heteronormative influence on our culture but TV shows are a place to start, sort of? It’s exciting that “a recent report from GLAAD discovered that the amount of queer characters on our screens has increased by over 100 to a new record.” (gaytimes) In this sense, one could say that LGBTQ+ representation on television shows has never been better?! An article for gaytimes notes that “Netflix boasts a plethora of entertain(t)ing LGBTQ+ comedies, dramas, and thrillers…”. The article then goes on to list 54 of these shows that you can stream right now! For now, I’ve decided to gather my top 5 shows from Netflix, as I’ve binged quite a few series recently. I mean who doesn’t want to watch television that validates their identity? If you’re just looking for a show to watch that doesn’t make you feel unincluded from the narrative because your sexual identity is not represented, we at SHA are here with recommendations!

Summer is the time for erotica. Bright, joy-filled days in the sun followed by sticky and sweltering evenings create the perfect backdrop for steamy romances. Erotica comes in many forms. From poems (like New Erotica for Feminists collection) to the classic, paperback novel with a shirtless man on the cover. The majority of the books I mention are found in the New Adult genre, sub-filed under Romance. To be certain, these books are all hot, but New Adult brings a high level of storytelling to the table. Some have more detailed world-building than others, but all have taken great pains to birth a story worth reading.

It’s not necessarily a question of belief: crystals are powerful, sacred tools that have been utilized for millions of years. They are witnesses to the world’s changes. From protection in battle to providing safe passage to the afterlife, almost every civilization since the beginning of time has learned to harness the energy from crystals. In a modern context, crystals are necessary for our 2021 habits. Anything with a screen uses liquid crystals to display images. Solar panels and computer chips are created from Silicon which comes from Quartz. Whenever you store something on a computer chip, you are using a Quartz crystal.