Ever had a fantasy that made you blush… and then immediately wonder, “Wait, what does that say about me?”
You’re not alone.
In a recent post, we explored how gender and sexual orientation shape sexual fantasies. This time, we’re diving into new research from a team in Montréal that examines how sexual trauma, fantasy, and shame are connected, and what that means for sexual well-being.
Setting the Scene: Sexual Trauma and Fantasy
As Dr. Justin Lehmiller’s research reminds us, sexual fantasies are fluid and complex–shaped by everything from personal experiences to social and cultural norms. They can serve many roles: curiosity, stress relief, self-expression, or emotional regulation.
Two fantasy types often explored in research include:
BDSM fantasies: Involving bondage, discipline, domination, submission, or sadomasochism.
Violent fantasies: Depicting coerced or non-consensual sexual encounters.
While these themes can make some people uneasy, they’re far from rare—and they can mean very different things to different people. For some, a power exchange fantasy might represent trust or control. For others, it might reflect a way to process or reframe experiences of fear or vulnerability.
Why Background Matters
Sexual trauma is, unfortunately, common across the globe:
Childhood sexual abuse (CSA): Reported by approximately 18% of women and 8% of men globally, though some studies finding much higher rates.
Adulthood sexual assault (ASA): Reported by 17-25% of women and 1-4% of men.
Both forms of trauma are linked to long-term emotional and relational effects, including depression, anxiety, guilt, shame, and erotophobia, a fear or aversion to sexual intimacy. Survivors may find it difficult to trust partners, to feel safe in their bodies, or to separate sexual pleasure from memories of harm.
But fantasy can also be a form of meaning-making and even therapy. When explored safely and without judgment, fantasy has the potential to help people reconnect with desire, understand their trauma narratives, and reclaim a sense of agency.
Sexual Trauma and Fantasy: The Study
Researchers from Montréal surveyed over 1,400 adults about their sexual fantasies, trauma history, and levels of shame. Using latent profile analysis (a statistical method that identifies distinct groups based on shared patterns), they discovered three major fantasy profiles:
Fantasy-Lite:
Fewer fantasies and low shame (think PG-13 daydreams).
Nearly 60% of participants fell into this group.
More likely to identify as straight.
Reported lower psychological distress and greater comfort with their sexuality overall.
Submission-Linked Shame:
Frequent submissive or victimization fantasies, paired with significant shame.
Roughly 30% of participants.
More common among bisexual/pansexual individuals and among survivors of adult assault.Higher levels of erotophobia and emotional distress.
Perpetration-Linked Shame:
Dominant or aggressor fantasies, also associated with guilt and discomfort.
About 10% of participants.
More common among men and those identifying as gay or queer.
Linked with histories of childhood sexual abuse.
Importantly, BDSM-related fantasies occurred across all profiles, but the factor most associated with distress wasn’t the fantasy content itself. It was the shame surrounding it.
So, Why the Shame Spiral?
Many people (including professionals) still assume that violent or dominant fantasies mean something is “wrong.” But the truth? They’re incredibly common. Studies suggest that 40–90% of adults report having at least one fantasy involving power dynamics, coercion, or submission.
For some, especially survivors, these fantasies have the potential to bring both pleasure and panic. They might represent a way to reclaim control over a situation once marked by powerlessness, or conversely, might trigger fear or confusion. Both experiences are valid and deserve gentle exploration, not judgment.
Shame often emerges from social scripts that label certain sexual thoughts as “dirty,” “dangerous,” or “deviant.” Yet shame doesn’t just silence; it distorts. It can make people feel negative emotions for having thoughts that are, in reality, very common.
Sexual Trauma and Fantasy: From Science to Practice
For sexual health professionals, this study reinforces that the goal isn’t to necessarily analyze a fantasy, it’s to understand the emotion behind it.
Here are a few key takeaways:
Normalize fantasies. Everyone has them–survivors and non-survivors alike. Reducing stigma helps clients approach them with curiosity instead of shame.
Notice the power dynamics. How someone positions themselves (dominant, submissive, victim, observer) can carry emotional meaning, especially for survivors of adulthood sexual assault.
Name the feelings. Encourage reflection: Does this fantasy feel empowering, uncomfortable, healing, or distressing?
Contextualize trauma. Frameworks like Finkelhor & Browne’s Traumagenic Dynamics Model help unpack how abuse shapes sexual scripts through four mechanisms: traumatic sexualization, betrayal, powerlessness, and stigmatization.
Fantasies Can Heal, Too
Fantasies can be more than sources of arousal—they can be meaning-making tools. For survivors, they may represent taking back control, rewriting an old script, or exploring pleasure in a private, self-directed way.
For others, fantasies might unexpectedly resurface trauma and bring distress. The difference often lies in how the fantasy feels and how it’s integrated. With support and reflection, even distressing fantasies can become windows into deeper healing and self-understanding.
A therapist or sexual health professional may help someone discern whether a fantasy is helping them reclaim agency or keeping them stuck in a cycle of shame. When handled compassionately, fantasy can serve as a bridge between pain and empowerment.
Big Picture: Fantasies are Multidimensional
Let’s be clear:
Having a forced-sexual-encounter fantasy doesn’t mean you want to be assaulted.
Enjoying a dominant role doesn’t mean you’d ever harm someone.
Fantasies are private mental landscapes; ways the mind explores, processes, and sometimes heals. They can become problematic when acted out in ways that cross boundaries or cause harm, not simply because they exist.
This study underscores what many sexual health professionals already know: when shame loosens its grip, healing can begin. By intentionally fostering curiosity, compassion, and open dialogue, we help people feel safe exploring their erotic imagination with confidence rather than fear.
Because in the end, our fantasies aren’t the problem. Our shame is.
Ready to take the next step in your career as a sexual health professional and help others navigate topics like fantasy, desire, and shame with confidence?
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Curious to dive deeper into sexual desire and fantasy? Join global experts like Dr. Justin J. Lehmiller at SHA’s expert-led events, offered year-round to keep your skills sharp and your perspective fresh.
Written by Emma Sell-Goodhand, MPH
Emma is a doctoral student and Global One Health Fellow at North Carolina State University studying adolescent sexual health. She brings prior experience as a Technical Advisor at the World Health Organization.
Want to become an in-demand sexual health professional? Learn more about becoming certified with SHA!
