Buying your first (or tenth) sex toy can be stressful and overwhelming. There are literally millions of online and in-store options, and since the topic of sex toys is still slightly taboo, you might go your whole life without anyone guiding you. We, the Sexual Health Alliance, therefore present you now with a roadmap to buying a sex toy.
What do you want?
First off, we need to think about what it is you want so that we can narrow down our search a bit. Ask: what are we stimulating? This may involve thinking about what genitals you want to stimulate with this toy as well as which part(s) of the genitals you wish to stimulate. It could also involve other body parts and sensations, for instance, when shopping for nipple clamps or different types of restraints. Consider if you are looking to stimulate the clitoris, g-spot or both? Maybe you desire anal or nipple stimulation?
Once we have narrowed this down, we can consider what kind of stimulation you could enjoy in this area. Toys can vibrate, thrust, suck, or none of the above. If you prefer a toy that moves in some way, consider the intensity levels the toy can provide. For instance, if you’re a person with a sensitive penis, opting for a vibrating cock ring with adjustable or low-intensity levels is likely to give you the most bang for your buck—quite literally. Higher-end electrical toys often offer variable speeds, intensities and stimulation patterns; consider if this is something you want and can accept paying extra for. The Satisfier uses pluses airwaves without direct contact, which for some has been a transformative toy but for others does very little. Everyone is different, and if you don’t know what you might like, you might want to buy something simply because it offers a new type of sensation.
If you decide to purchase a toy for insertion, considering the size of the toy, both in terms of length and girth, is significant. You might also want to consider the texture, as many toys will be ribbed either to increase stimulation or in an attempt to mimic the “real deal.” Many toys that seek to hit the vaginal G-spot will be slightly curved. Depending on who you are and how you know your body to work, you might want to avoid or seek out any of these details in a toy. Critically, any toys inserted into anally need some kind of flared base so that they don’t get lost.
Although many toys can be used for both, one should consider if this toy is for solo or partnered play. When buying strap-ons or double-ended dildos, it is important to consider whether they fit and please both you and your partner. Consider what kind of fantasies or stimulation your partner has expressed they enjoy and how these could be enhanced with a toy. Discussing with a partner or partners what they might enjoy can also help narrow down your search. It is, however, important to recall that toys can also spread STIs if used across partners. Using condoms or other barrier protection methods on toys, as well as regular cleaning (a segment we will get to in a second), is vital if toys are being used on multiple people. With 36.6% of women saying they need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, finger vibrators or other clitorial stimulators can help enhance vaginal intercourse, for instance. Long-distance toys also exist, where one can control a vibrating toy from afar.
Finally, there are some additional details you might want to consider when narrowing down your search. Price has alreadfy been alluded to but setting a budget that's realistic vis-a-vis your desires is important. Most toys are water-resistant, but some today are waterproof, meaning you can take them in the shower and bath. If this is a significant feature to you, you will probably want to prepare to pay more. If you live with roommates or at home, noise might also be a significant factor you might not initially consider. No electrical toy will be silent, but many companies will provide some information on how quiet a toy is, and if you go in-store, you can hear it for yourself.
Where to get it?
So, you know what you want, now where do we get it?
If you know a brand that specializes in the type of toy you're looking for, it is best to visit their website directly and order from there. More generic but recognized websites such as Adam and Eve or LoveHoney can be used to explore brands and products. They will often have clear categories that help you navigate the endless array of options. These websites tend to offer discrete packaging to customers. Other online retailers can, of course, be used, but if they do not specialize in sex toys, quality standards may be harder to guarantee as compared to an established sex toy retailer.
Physical, in-person sex toy stores are another option and have evolved significantly in recent decades. Few stores today are still marked by a tacky neon sign at the back of an alleyway, tucked behind a curtain and shame, and manned by some creepy older man. Today, many stores are women- and queer-friendly and are even focused on such demographics, with sex-knowledgeable and sex-positive employees. This can be a great time to ask questions and learn more about what might satisfy you. When entering an in-person store, whether you intend to buy or just browse, it should feel like a safe and non-judgmental space.
Final considerations
So, you've picked out a toy! Here are some things to double-check before you make your final purchase.
What materials are used in the toy? If you've opted for a higher-end brand, this is unlikely to be an issue as most use medical-grade silicone—a body-safe, non-porous material. Since sex toys are considered novelty items rather than medical ones, they are not FDA regulated. Therefore, it is up to you to double-check whether the material is safe and healthy, especially if the toy will be used for penetration. Toys made of porous material can harbor bacteria, and the material can wear down over time. You might even want to opt for a natural material such as glass, aventurine jade, wood or bioplastic.
When spending those extra dollars on a toy, you want it to last, so asking about warranties and other policies is a smart way to go. Womanizer, for instance, has a five-year warranty on all their toys. If you are buying in-store or from a third-party website, you will want to ensure that the company's warranty policies still apply.
The charging type for electronic toys is often either cable or battery. If you pick a toy that requires a charging cable, note that this is seldom a typical USB cable, and also make sure the toy includes the required cable and that it’s easy to replace if lost. Few things are more frustrating than being unable to recharge an excellent toy. Battery-powered toys tend to offer less versatility in speeds and patterns but can, therefore, also be a good starting toy. Battery-powered toys, however, are likely to have a more significant environmental impact. Finally, check out what cleaning products might be available for your toy and research how to clean and take care of your toy at home to make sure it lasts. Some toys require more maintenance than others, so make sure you know what’s required. You might also want to pick up a lube that is compatible with your toy use and material.
Purchasing a toy can be an empowering experience, but it is important to approach this purchase with care and consideration to ensure your toy satisfies and lasts. Body-safe toys which will suit your pleasure needs and preferences should always be a priority, and trusted retailers, both online and in person, should be able to guide you in the right direction.
Are you ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery and pleasure with your new-found sex toy soulmate(s)?
Written by Ellen Gisto.