The LGBTQIA+ community is sometimes lovingly referred to as the “Alphabet Mafia.” In part, I think this term comes from the sheer breadth of language and terms used by individuals in the community to describe their sexual and romantic orientations and identities. For many people in the community, finding the right word for how they experience the world is really important.
That said, the sheer number of labels can feel daunting, even to those of us who work in this space or identify within the community ourselves. It's okay not to know every term, especially when the definitions shift over time and new labels emerge to capture nuanced experiences. Honestly, I would argue that what matters more is a willingness to stay curious, keep learning, and resist the urge to flatten the complexity of human experience into something more convenient like straight or not straight. With that in mind, let's talk about asexuality: what it is, what it isn't, and language that some people on the ace spectrum might identify with!
What Is Asexuality?
Asexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by experiencing little to no sexual attraction to others. It's estimated that around 1% of adults identify as asexual, though that number is likely an undercount given how underrepresented and misunderstood the identity remains.
Some individuals argue that due to the nature of asexuality (namely the absence of sexual attraction), it does not quite fit within the LGBTQIA+ community. However, some clearly advocate and believe it should be included. Regardless, it is currently considered part of the community, though unfortunately there is definitely still a lack of acceptance of asexuality.
One of the most important things to understand about asexual (commonly shortened to "ace") individuals is that limited or absent sexual attraction does not mean an absence of romantic attraction. Many asexual people experience deep, meaningful romantic connections and desire partnership, intimacy, and love, just not necessarily through a sexual lens. But, some don’t, and may not only identify as asexual, but also “aromantic” which describes experiencing little to no romantic attraction.
Wait. . .What's the Difference Between Sexual and Romantic Attraction?
This is an important question, although not one many people ever think about, because for the vast majority of individuals the two have always pointed in the same direction.
Sexual attraction refers to the desire for sexual contact or activity with another person.
Romantic attraction refers to the desire for romantic connection (things like emotional intimacy, partnership, the want to be close to someone in a "more than friends" way that doesn't necessarily involve sex).
For most allosexual people (i.e. people that are not asexual), these two experiences are so reliably co-occurring that they get treated as one thing. If someone is heterosexual–attracted sexually to people of a different gender–they are typically also heteroromantic, meaning they experience romantic attraction toward people of a different gender as well. Most people never have cause to separate the two concepts because they've never experienced them pulling in different directions.
But they can pull in different directions–and not only for ace-spectrum people!
Take, for example, someone who identifies as grayromantic and pansexual. They might experience sexual attraction to people regardless of gender (pansexual), but experience romantic attraction only rarely or under very specific circumstances (grayromantic). Or consider someone who is biromantic and homosexual: they experience romantic attraction to people of more than one gender, but sexual attraction only to people of the same gender. These aren't contradictions; they're simply two different dimensions of attraction labeled authentically.
In the ace community, the alignment between romantic and sexual orientation is far less assumed, which is part of why the asexual community has been at the forefront of developing new language around romantic attraction. Asexuality gives us a framework to examine these dimensions separately, contributing to unique and intriguing terms that help to understand more complex experiences!
Asexuality as a Spectrum of Identities
A quick note before diving in: each of the sexual orientation terms below has a corresponding romantic orientation counterpart. For example, demisexual (about sexual attraction) pairs with demiromantic (about romantic attraction). To keep things from getting tangled, the terms below describe sexual orientation only, but know that the same concepts can apply to romantic attraction!
It's also worth acknowledging that these labels are always in flux. They change over time at the community level, get refined through ongoing conversation, and are applied by individuals in ways that may not perfectly match a dictionary definition. Someone might use a term because it's the closest fit available, not because it describes their experience with exact precision. So, keep that in mind, and be sure to be kind and curious when talking about these concepts! None of the lists below are exhaustive, and I'd encourage you to keep exploring.
Asexual individuals experience little to no sexual attraction to others. As discussed, asexual individuals may still experience romantic attraction and pursue romantic relationships. This is often used as an umbrella term, but an identity in and of itself!
Demisexual people only experience sexual attraction after forming a strong emotional bond with someone. Demisexuality isn't about choosing to wait; it's about the attraction simply not being present until that bond exists.
If you’re graysexual, you experience sexual attraction infrequently or only under certain conditions. This may mean only experiencing sexual attraction a few times during a lifetime, but can be more frequent! The term is quite clever: It's a way of describing an experience that sits in the gray area between asexual and allosexual!
Folks that are lithosexual may feel sexual attraction, but do not want that attraction to be reciprocated. Consequently, lithosexual individuals generally do not feel compelled to seek out sexual relationships.
And now, a few terms I personally encountered for the first time while researching this post–even though sexuality and identity are genuine areas of both professional and personal interest for me. I think it's an important reminder: there is always more to learn. The vocabulary in this space is genuinely evolving in real time, and intellectual humility isn't just a nice quality here, but rather a professional necessity. Our job is not to know everything; it's to stay curious and keep updating our knowledge base.
Quoisexual is an interesting one. Sometimes called WTFsexual (which, honestly, is a wonderfully self-aware name), quoisexual describes someone for whom sexual attraction as a concept simply doesn't make sense. Notably, this is not because they're repressing it, but because the framework itself feels inapplicable, inaccessible, or nonsensical to how they experience the world.
Amitsexual is characterized by a gradual fading of sexual attraction or arousal over time. An amitsexual person may initially experience sexual attraction to someone (in a real and genuine way!) but over time, or after engaging in sexual activity, the attraction diminishes or disappears entirely. Something to keep in mind with this label is that this shift is not a response to relationship problems, incompatibility, or trauma. It is simply how their sexuality functions.
These are just a starting point. I'd genuinely encourage you to keep digging. Resources like the LGBTQIA+ Wiki and community-maintained sources are good places to explore further.
Key Takeaways for Sexual Health Professionals
Understanding these identities conceptually is a start, but clinical practice requires more than vocabulary. Here are a few principles worth holding onto:
Ask what the label means to the person in front of you. Even when a client uses a term you recognize, don't assume you know what it means for them specifically. People adopt labels for a variety of reasons, and their personal definition may differ meaningfully from the community standard. A question as simple as "What does that term mean for you?" is important to avoid making assumptions.
Do not pathologize. Low or absent sexual attraction is not inherently a sexual dysfunction. It is not something to fix, treat, or explain away, unless the person experiencing it finds it distressing and wants support. Also note that some asexual identities may function in ways that may seem problematic to an outside observer, like perhaps amitsexual, but they are not dysfunctions!
Be careful about the source of that distress. This is perhaps the most nuanced point: if an ace-spectrum client does present with distress, take the time to understand where that distress is actually coming from. Living in a culture that treats allosexuality as default and universal is genuinely difficult (see my blog post that talks about minority stress theory). The distress may be a response to that external pressure, not a signal that the client wants or needs to change their orientation. Those are very different clinical situations, and conflating them does real harm! The goal is to help clients feel whole in who they are, not to resolve their identity into something more legible to the people around them.
Additional Resources
Keep in mind that you’re learning about asexuality and ace spectrum identifies from someone outside of that community. It’s generally better to learn from community members and a wide variety of sources! To learn more, I would recommend Asexuality.org, this article by the Trevor Project, and this resource tailored to health professionals.
Want to become an in-demand sexual health professional? Learn more about becoming certified with SHA!
Written by Jesse John, B.S.
Jesse is a clinical psychology doctoral student at Rowan University in New Jersey. Their research focuses on sexual decision-making, sexual violence, and relationship experiences. The author identifies as a Queer, neurodiverse, white, non-binary person, which informs the way they write and see the world!
