As a sexual health professional, one of your clients might be interested in learning more about rough sex. Here's the latest research on the topic, and what you need to know to best serve those you work with.
Do people actually study rough sex?
Yes—and it’s important that we do.
Earlier this year, researchers Nicola Gavey and Olivia Brewster at the University of Auckland conducted a groundbreaking study to explore how people define “rough sex.” They surveyed nearly 600 adults in New Zealand, ages 18 to 68, capturing a range of gender identities, sexual orientations, and cultural backgrounds.
Participants were asked about their personal experiences, perceptions, and the specific behaviors they associate with “rough sex.” Notably, 74% of participants reported having engaged in what they themselves considered “rough sex.” But within this group, a significant number also reported experiences of unwanted rough sex, particularly among women and gender-diverse individuals.
74% of participants reported that they had engaged in what they considered “rough sex.”
Among this group, 68% of women and 60% gender-diverse participants also reported unwanted “rough sex,” while 24% men said the same.
Why is this important? Beyond social and cultural influences, individuals draw on personal experiences to shape how they view sex. As a sexual health professional, it is critical to understand how individuals define and make meaning of these constructs in their own lives.
What counts as “rough sex?”
Participants were asked, “Which of the following do you consider to be part of ‘rough sex’?” The survey listed 30 possible “rough sex” behaviors, ranging from watching porn during sex to cutting to making someone have sex.
Of the 30 options, every single option was picked by at least one participant, showing just how varying people’s definitions really are. What came in at the top? About four in five participants selected hair pulling, holding down someone forcefully, and slapping.
Top behaviors considered “rough sex”:
Hair pulling
Holding someone down forcefully
Slapping
Choking & applying pressure to someone’s neck
From there, participants chose three behaviors that they associated with “rough sex.” Two in three individuals reported choking. Outside of this, there was no consensus; answers varied across participants, including listing 85 additional behaviors of what they associated with “rough sex.”
What activities are not “rough sex?”
Just as blurry as how people defined “rough sex,” at least one person said that each of the behaviors listed was not “rough sex.” In addition to the 30 options, nearly double the number of behaviors were shared by participants that did not constitute “rough sex.”
For some, non-consensual behaviors were not perceived as “rough sex,” representing something else entirely, while others saw more overlap in these concepts. Other acts that are not inherently rough, such as anal sex or porn use, were also commonly not considered “rough sex.”
Top behaviors not considered “rough sex”:
Forcing someone to have sex
Torture
Cutting someone
Watching porn before or during sex
The definition of “rough sex”
General views
Definitions of “rough sex” among participants were varying. Many participants had neutral feelings towards “rough sex,” while others had more polarizing views. Some individuals categorized it as positive; using terms like “enjoyable” or “hot.” This view was frequently paired with the idea that “rough sex” has become more normalized, with the perception that many peers engaged in this around them.
However, not everyone viewed “rough sex” in a positive light. Some rejected the label because of its stigma, and others took it further, associating the term to coercion, assault, or harm.
Is “rough sex” violence?
When it came to “rough sex” and violence, opinions in the study were divided. Many drew a firm line between the two, but plenty of others saw it as unclear. For some, “rough sex” was not violent by nature, other individuals said it was an acceptable form of violence, while others still viewed it as abusive violence.
Is “rough sex” BDSM?
Another common theme in the study was whether “rough sex” constitutes BDSM. BDSM, which stands for Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism, encompasses a variety of activities that are characterized by consent, communication and boundaries.
Within the study, 17% of participants selected BDSM as one of the top three behaviors associated with “rough sex.” Some of which shared that both practices are positive and increasingly becoming more normalized in the mainstream media. Others viewed “rough sex” as too simplistic to be conflated with BDSM, noting that BDSM is not defined by rough activities.
For sexual health professionals, it’s important to clearly distinguish between these concepts in both educational and clinical settings.
Why does this matter?
Historically, “rough sex” has been used to characterize a wide range of acts. As noted, it has remained well represented in mainstream pornography. Research indicates that this matters. For example, one study found that increasing exposure to online sexual material was related to a heightened desire and participation of “rough sex.”
Beyond porn, the term has been a source of empowerment for some and disempowerment for others. Many folks consider “rough sex” as a consensual and acceptable sexual preference, reflected in the increasing use in popular culture. On the other hand, “rough sex” has been used as a defense in the courtroom for assault, often positioning men as aggressors and women as recipients, with claims that it is consensual “rough sex.”
What the Data Tells Us
Here’s a snapshot of what recent studies have found:
One college campus study reported that 51% of students had engaged in rough sex.
Another found that half of women and gender-diverse participants reported being choked during sex, compared to one-quarter of men.
A 2024 national study in Germany reported that 29% of adults had engaged in rough sex at some point.
Clearly, many people are engaging in “rough sex.” It’s part of the sexual landscape and something clients may want to talk about.
Takeaways: The Definition of Rough Sex is Personal
While there is no general consensus of what “rough sex” encompasses, individuals in the study agreed that the definition depends on the context, consent, and personal preferences.
“Rough sex” isn’t one thing; it can be defined in a variety of ways, shaped by experiences, social and cultural contexts and partners. The label is positive, playful, and wanted by some, while others may see it as unwanted and violent. Sexual health professionals play a critical role in helping clients explore their own definitions, boundaries, and preferences in a safe, nonjudgmental space.
So, how do you define “rough sex?” Openly exploring personal preferences, communicating them clearly, and understanding those of others are essential for positive, consensual sexual experiences.
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Written by Emma Sell-Goodhand, MPH
Emma is a doctoral student and Global One Health Fellow at North Carolina State University studying adolescent sexual health. She brings prior experience as a Technical Advisor at the World Health Organization.
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