Talking Ethics and Sex Therapy with SHA Certified Sex Therapist, Melinda Porter

Melinda Porter, MA, LPC-S, CST-S is a therapist in Carrollton, Texas and is also a licensed LPC in Colorado. As a Certified Sex Therapist (CST) and CST Supervisor with the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) and with the Sexual Health Alliance as well as a Certified Non-Monogamy Therapist with the Sexual Health Alliance, Melinda provides services to couples and individuals with diverse sexuality concerns, including – but not limited to – loss of desire, discrepancies in desire between couples, erection or ejaculation difficulties, fetishism, issues of gender identity, issues pertaining to sexual identity and sexual orientation, challenges around orgasm, Genitopelvic Pain / Penetration Disorder, sexuality and chronic illness, sexuality and physical ability, polyamory, and sexual trauma.  

Melinda Porter will be presenting at the SHA Ethics Event in June: Ethics, Ethical Dilemmas, Decision Making And Countertransference Online Sexceptional Weekend. SHA’s Community Development Coordinator, Michelle Melville-Kashon, had the opportunity to interview Melinda and ask her some questions about sex therapy and ethics. They had a great conversation about ethical situations and dilemmas that come up for sexuality professionals. 

Ethics, Sex Therapy, and Role Playing 

Michelle: How is ethics different in sex therapy than it is in other disciplines?

Melinda: It comes down to the fact that we do not talk about sex, we do not talk about sexual health. One of the complications that we have in sex therapy is that we don't know how to talk about it. And that's not just the client, that's also clinicians because we're all raised in this community that teaches us not to talk about sex. 

Michelle: We are doing some role-playing scenarios during our event coming up in June. So how does role-playing help therapists and sexuality professionals navigate these situations?

Melinda: Since we don't talk about it (sex), we don't know how to bring it to the table to have the conversation with clients about it. We have the academic knowledge that we know what to say, but we don't know how to say it, especially whenever there's a lot of scaffolding that we have to do for our clients. 

I think the difference is that we have to learn how to have conversations about genitalia in a way that is structured, healthy, appropriate, and secure for the client and for the clinician. That's where role play comes into effect. I find it very powerful to practice with other clinicians and to practice with people who have some of the same ethical guidelines. Then they can go, Oh, what about this? What about that? So I think role play is super powerful and desensitizing. 

Common and Uncommon Ethical Dilemmas for Sex Therapists 

Michelle: What are some common ethical dilemmas that sex therapists encounter? 

Melinda: I think the common ones are the ones around people coming in and not understanding what sex therapy is. I've had older populations come in and think that I can introduce them to someone. The most common is that people just don’t know what sex therapists do and also the nuances like not being comfortable with and asking hard questions. 

That brings me back to the role play, because if you've already tried it seven different ways, then you do feel more comfortable and confident and you start to correlate how you need to say it with those clients. And so I think it's really powerful.

Michelle: I know from working in this industry that a lot of people think that sex therapy is like sex surrogacy where you're going to go into the office and have sex with the therapist or do sexual things with the therapist. And while that does exist in sex surrogacy, that is something that people do, that is not what sex therapy is. Sex therapy is talk therapy. And so I can see where people have a lot of misconceptions about that.

Michelle: What are some unique or uncommon situations that can arise for sex therapists?

Melinda: I happen to be certified in consensual non-monogamy. The ethical dilemma is that sometimes you don't know whenever you have a partner of a partner as a client, and then you end up in this conversation and you're like, okay. And then that ethical dilemma is: where am I supposed to go with this? How do I handle it?

Sex Therapy Ethics, Transference, and Small Communities 

Michelle: One of the teasers we've been giving for the ethics event is: Your client says they're attracted to you. What do you do? Does that happen often with sex therapists?

Melinda: It does. There is this relationship that builds and you talk about very intimate concepts, and so it is easy to have that transference. I think that's one of the reasons why I was so honored to be a part of this summer's event, because everybody has those moments where they go, Oh my God, how did I handle that? Did I handle that right? Did I say it wrong?

Michelle: Are there any other ethical situations you can think of that might come up as a sex therapist?

Melinda: One of the other ones that I thought of was if people are part of multiple communities. And so what that means is that we're all human as therapists and we all want to follow ethics. And so one of the ethical dilemmas is: how do you be a therapist and also part of the community? In consensual non-monogamy, you end up in some circles that are a little bit smaller than others. How do you handle those ethical dilemmas and also have a life?

Michelle: That's a really good one, especially if you live in a small community. If you live in a small town and the nearest city is several hours away, you're more likely to end up in these situations because there are less options for kink clubs or play parties or things like that.

Melinda: And back in my day it was about being gay. And so as a gay therapist, it was like, oh, wait, how do I date? You know, wait a minute, how does that work? And so it was the same thing. So I went through it personally and figuring out my journey.

SHA’s Ethics Event: Ethics, Ethical Dilemmas, Decision Making And Countertransference Online Sexceptional Weekend

Want to know more about SHA’s upcoming Sexceptional Weekend? The event takes place online on June 1st and 2nd, 2024. You’ll hear from a panel of expert sex therapists such as Dr. David Ley, Jen Meyer, Kelvin Pace, Renee LaVail, and of course, Melinda Porter. Here are some of the goals of the weekend’s event. 

• Prepares individuals to adeptly handle complaints against their clinical license, offering insights into the multi-layered process involved. 

• Involves discussions around the dynamic political and legal environment in the United States concerning sexual health, highlighting its potential impact on clinical activities and the increased exposure to complaints or litigation. 

• Explore the critical role of ethical practices in healthcare as a strategic approach to protect minorities.

• Will focus on practical, pragmatic, actionable skills to use, as opposed to theoretical guidelines. 

There are still tickets available! Get registered here! 

Watch the complete interview with Melinda Porter here: