“How am I 30 and I didn’t know this?” My cousin said to me, laughing though I knew she was serious.

“Probably because no one wants you to know,” I responded, laughing as well but just as seriously.

We’re talking about hymens. As both sexually active adults, we haven’t necessarily thought about our hymens in quite some time; they are no longer on our radar as “virginity” is a thing of the past for both of us. I had just told her the astonishing but scientifically accurate information that vulva-owners, regardless of sexual activity, have a hymen. And, as you can see, she was floored.

Yes, if you’re someone waiting to have vaginal intercourse until marriage, you have a hymen. What they don’t tell you is that if you’re someone who’s been with multiple sexual partners and is living a free-flowing lifestyle, you still have your hymen. You didn’t “break” it. But that’s not what you were told.

We are brainwashed to believe that the hymen is more than it really is. So what exactly is the hymen? A quick Google search immediately shows Planned Parenthood’s definition:

“The hymen is a thin, fleshy tissue that's located at the opening of your vagina. ... Just like other parts of our body, hymens are a little different for everyone. Your hymen can be stretched open the first time you have vaginal sex, which might cause some pain or bleeding.”

While Planned Parenthood is an excellent resource, they don’t always get everything right. First of all, they talk about hymens in regards to virginity—and the act of “losing it”—instead of simply talking about hymens as a biological phenomenon.

How would history be different if the stories were told by the women? Cassandra Speaks: When Women are the Storytellers, the Human Story Changes answers just that. Provocatively looking at the “What If” of history's oldest stories, author Elizabeth Lesser urges us to reconsider the elements of humanity we've long upheld. Lesser is the co-founder of Omega Institute and a New York Times Bestseller. She’s also a member of Oprah Winfrey’s Supersoul 100, a collection of one hundred leaders who are using their voices and talents to elevate humanity. Cassandra Speaks is Lesser’s third book.

In Part One, Lesser explores storytelling as a concept and how stories have infiltrated and shaped history. Indeed, historian Sally Roesch Wagner says “History isn’t what happened. It’s who tells the story.” Lesser speculates that the reason some stories endure, and why stories exist in the first place, is because:

“Life is hard. It’s confusing. We have enough intelligence to ponder existence, but not enough to really understand what’s going on… That’s why we tell stories. To ease the anxiety of being soft-skinned mortals. To give order to what feels out of control. To guide, to blame, to warn, to shame. To make sense out of why people do what they do.”

Stories provide the foundation for the why and the how of existence, or else some of us would feel particularly aimless. But rarely are we given all of the stories on existence. Instead, especially in Western society, we are taught only a small percentage of the full History; one that leaves out critical events and the voices of women and people of color.

If you’ve read our recent articles on pornography, you’re no stranger to the wonderful world of ethical pornography. Ethical porn is “that which is made legally, respects the rights of performers, has good working conditions, shows both fantasy and real-world sex, and celebrates sexual diversity.” (abc.net.au) Unfortunately, the history of the porn industry most definitely does not reflect the values that present day ethical porn does. In the ‘70s, the porn industry was not an ethical place and ethical consumption was not promoted. These issues carried over into the industry’s treatment of it’s performers. Today, I want to make space to discuss the history of the porn industry through the eyes of the worlds “first” full length pornographic film stars: Linda Lovelace. With the rise in acceptance of sexual liberation in the ‘70s, pornography production was also on the rise. 1972 saw the release of Deep Throat, the worlds first full length pornographic film. The character of Linda Lovelace (played by Linda Boreman) serves as a symbol for feminine oppression during the ‘70s, consequently emphasizing the patriarchal fight for power in the porn industry. More than this, her role in the history of the industry serves to show the need for ethical standards to be strictly enforced and followed.

OnlyFans has become one of the most widely known NSFW social media platform in the past few years. While there has also been recent controversy surrounding Bella Thorne’s use of the platform, a lot of people don’t know just exactly what OnlyFans is. The platform has been around for less than a decade but has had quite the influence on the porn industry:

“Founded in 2016 by Tim Stokely—an entrepreneur who first created a bondage and fetish site in 2011 that allowed people to pay porn performers for custom content—OnlyFans allows content creators to post content and receive payments directly from “fans” via monthly subscriptions or one-time tips.” (fightthenewdrug)

Ultimately, OnlyFans is like an extension of Instagram- in which a user can place a paywall between their content and their auidence. Followers pay a fee to creators they subscribe too. The fee can range from $4.99 to $49.99 per month, along with a minimum of $5 tips or paid private messaging. For creators on the app, “OnlyFans takes a 20 percent cut of creator’s earnings and claims to only share users’ personal information to third-party payment processing companies for ‘verification purposes’.” (fightthenewdrug) In this sense, the platform provides opportunity for a lot of creators to earn steady revenue if they produce content. A lot of influencers use OnlyFans to extend their social media accounts, most notably Instagram and Twitter. Twitter is one of the most NSFW friendly social medial platforms in terms of visibility and a lot of OnlyFans creators promote their content on Twitter as a result. OnlyFans has digitized sex work and in turn has laregely imacted the SW industry.

The use of the animal kingdom as a metaphor for sexual interactions has been the standard for decades. Indeed, how and when to have the feared “birds and the bees talk” perpetually circles parenting groups. Learning about sex through animals is key to simplify complicated topics and keep children (and adults!) engaged. However, given Darwin’s Theory of Evolution, these animal and sex conversations are done in terms of different-sex sexual behavior and the obvious goal of reproduction.

Same-sex sexual behavior in animals is considered to contradict Darwin’s theory—any of these interactions must be a fluke. Yet researchers have discovered over 1000 species that exhibit same-sex sexual behavior, some scientists even say upwards of 1500 species. Many animals use same-sex interactions to bond, for pleasure or safety, and

Since we already rely on animal behavior to do the heavy lifting of our sexual education, it’s imperative we show all sides of nature’s story. Same-sex sexual behavior happens in more than just humans, here are just a few of this endless list.

It’s easy to laugh off aphrodisiacs as hocus pocus. Can sucking down an oyster or ingesting some expensive powder really do that much for one’s sex drive? From the stance of herbology, the answer is a resounding yes. The use of certain foods and/or ingredients is the tried and true, centuries-old method to heal ailments. Yes, this format might not work as fast as pharmaceutical medications, but their effects are still real.

So why do we scoff at natural remedies, like aphrodisiacs? You can thank Pope Gregory IX for this. In the 13th century, the pope decreed that supposed sorcery was the newest crime against man. It was said that the maleficarum, or witches spells, could cause frigidtas, or impotence, causing an uproar of fearful men. The threat of witchcraft, as we know, continued for centuries.

In 17th-century France, it was believed that witches could deprive men of their sexual capacity through spell-work, potions, and curses. Witches could “repel lovers away from each other” as Allison M Downham Moore, humanities assistant professor at Western Sydney University, said in an expose for Psyche. Moore further explains that witches could “suspend a man’s desire for coitus, corrupt a man’s mind to make his wife appear repulsive, [and/or] make a man have sex with women other than his wife.” Witches could also prevent erections, seminal flow, or disturb the natural heat of the penis and make the seed “too cold” for conception.

Before the sudden correlation between men’s sexual functions and witches, the use of natural ingredients was revered. Aphrodisiacs in specific were “understood to be both valuable and appropriate broadly within the bounds of Muslim, Christian and Jewish piety,” Moore says. But they quickly became something to fear.

Since then, these natural healing powers went underground, still being used regularly though rarely talked about. During this time, sexual wellness became a profitable industry and was soon flooded with medicinal options to assist with sexual issues. Sexual wellness as a commodity has always been pointed towards men; pills to help with erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, ultra-thin condoms, or putting the birth control question solely in the hands of the woman. The focus has also been on the un-natural, how can we make sex (among many other things) bigger and better than ever?

In 2006, the World Health Organization released their current working definition of “sexual health.” The definition came after almost forty years of sexual health activism.

“Sexual health is a state of physical, emotional, mental, and social well-being in relation to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity. Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination, and violence. For sexual health to be attained and maintained, the sexual rights of all persons must be respected, protected, and fulfilled.”

After rightfully celebrating, Dr. Doug Braun-Harvey, a sexual author, tutor, and psychotherapist, saw the need to help facilitate this new definition. How, he wondered, are we to stay true to this meaning? His answer to this is his creation of the six sexual health principles.

Harvey bridges the world of mental health to sexual health and the individual to the partnership. For a relationship to succeed, all six principles must be met. These principles are an international set of minimum ground rules that Harvey says “provide a map to balance couples and family conversations about sexual activity, sexual functioning, and sexual relationships before it is a problem or hurts someone.

Preservation of our shared history is the foundation of museums across the globe, though the definition of “shared history” can be skewed. Certain topics of life are either glossed over or left out completely in the big-name history museums. Sure, they have much to cover and only so much floorspace, but the lack of important societal shifts are often overlooked, like the 70s New York punk-sex scene as an entire cultural phenomena.

Not at these museums. The museums on this list are foundational spaces in their communities. They are a triumph of sex positivity and awareness. They are a celebration of the raw power of sex. These museums recognize sex as a driving force. This is the shared history I’m interested in, the one of truth and grit and anger and passion. Sex is a revolution and these museums are its origin.

I have a confession to make: Playing The Sims has always turned me on.

In 2000, computer game The Sims entered the world. My dad inexplicably had a copy and my life was forever changed. Currently we are on the fourth iteration of the game, The Sims 4, and while much aesthetically has changed, my instant arousal has been consistent. It was not until I started school with the Sexual Health Alliance that I began to recognize my arousal as a kink response.

Before, I just chalked it up to being… well, young and horny—and making your sims “woohoo” can be pretty exciting. Though I never unpacked the why behind my arousal until now. So why does playing the game turn me on? What, if anything specifically, is my trigger? And, perhaps most importantly, are there other horny Simmers?

Upon examining my state while playing, I’ve established my arousal stems from three origin points: an underlying god-complex, interest in voyeurism, and from an intense state of relaxation.

The Sims world revolves around a god-complex; the entire point of the game is detailed dominance—physical appearance, clothing, personality, lifestyle, goals, needs, desires, advancements are all controllable. The goal is to live out fantasies, to be their god.

It seems that once we reach a certain age—around 20—our sex education tools and resources (if you had any in the first place) mellow out. Websites go from brightly colored stories and games to serious-toned, professional articles, perpetuating the severe seriousness our society holds towards sex. When searching for “sex education tools,” it’s clear the target audience is children (and their parents) and teenagers. This is, by no means, a bad thing—it’s fantastic! But what about us adults? We don’t stop learning even though we’re out of school and with the rapid rate of change and growth in the sexuality community, we could all benefit from the opportunity to re-learn or continue learning.

Sex is play, so shouldn’t learning about it be too? The resources below all promote the importance of playfulness in sex education as a tool to relieve pressure and allow for smoother, productive conversations.

ONLINE RESOURCES

Most ancient religions have a god that represents something their society has or needs. Whether they’re praying to the god that controls the weather or the crops or building an altar to the god of the dead, these older societies have understood life through their higher powers. To them, these deities are incomprehensibly sacred, even the ones who preside over baser things, like sex.

Sex has always been idolized. Entire religions have formed to follow certain fertility/sex goddesses—think the Cult of Venus. Shrines are erected and doctrine is written around these higher beings. Greco-Roman mythology is, for Western cultures at least, the starting point (and often finishing point) of our understanding of mythology—Aphrodite would be “our” Goddess of Love and is easily recognizable on her foam, as is her son Cupid. There are many other untold and unknown goddesses of love and sex that helped shape the Aphrodite and Venus images of today.

In this new series, I plan to retell the stories of the ancient sex goddesses. Their stories, as a collective, make up the cultural understanding of womanhood: the virgin, the lover, the mother, the old crone, the seducer. The one that can both birth and demolishes worlds, a god to be revered, if not a little feared. My goal is to shed light on the often-forgotten (and certainly censored) goddesses of sex and pleasure that were once protected and celebrated.

At times, a goddess may preside over fertility and sex, in which case I plan on featuring them. However, I chose to focus on the goddesses of sex and pleasure primarily. These are the images we as a modern society have tried to forget, to staunch and make women believe they have no power.

Beginning with two central goddesses of ancient religions, Inanna of Mesopotamia and Isis of Egypt.

Similar to the condom, the tampon has quite a long, winding history. From ancient civilizations to the battle for the supermarket shelves, for such a simple object, the tampon carries centuries of baggage with it. The thorough 2015 Atlantic article, “The Tampon: A History,” by Ashley Fetters, goes in-depth on how tampons came to be. She describes the tampon’s cultural weight the best:

“Every time a tampon user pops in a Playtex Sport or a Tampax Pearl, she’s handling a disposable, absorbent totem of centuries of technological innovation and cultural influence. The commercial tampon as we know it has been shaped and reshaped by a myriad of invisible forces—like genuine concern for women’s wellness, certainly, but also sexism, panic, feminism, capitalism, and secrecy.”

In this piece, I strive to use inclusive terms like “menstruator” instead of defaulting to “woman” unless I already know the gender of the person. While it felt a little awkward in writing, the move towards inclusivity is never over, particularly in the “feminine hygiene” industry. So where did it all begin?

1500 BCE - 500 CE

The Papyrus Ebers, the oldest printed medical document, details the use of the ancient Egyptian tampon, which was crafted from the papyrus plant.

According to the writings of Hippocrates, the father of western medicine, ancient Greek menstruators wrapped lint around a small stick before insertion.

Ancient Romans most likely used bound wool. Ancient Indonesian menstruators used vegetable fibers, while those in parts of Africa used rolled-up grass. Hawaiian menstruators were surely the most extreme as they were said to have used the “furry part of a native fern.”

The Human Rights Campaign published an article titled “2021 Slated to Become Worst Year for LGBTQ State Legislative Attacks as Unprecedented Number of States Poised to Enact Record-Shattering Number of Anti-LGBTQ Measures Into Law” in April of 2021. (hrc) This headline illustrates the world that we are all living in right now, and it’s crucial that we make space for the impact that legislation has on the LBTQ+ community. While it is true that American society has made progress when it comes to recognizing the validity and normalcy of LGBTQ+ culture, a lot of US legislature is not reflective of the same advancements:

“Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people in America continue to face discrimination in their daily lives. While more states every year work to pass laws to protect LGBTQ people, we continue to see state legislatures advancing bills that target transgender people, limit local protections, and allow the use of religion to discriminate.” (aclu)

If you’ve read our recent blogs on sex addiction you know that the term sex addiction is one that is not recognized as a valid diagnosis in the field of sex therapy. The terms sex addiction has an origin rooted in shame, and it’s more useful to treat individuals for the problem sexual behaviors that foster an “addiction” to sex or pornography. Previously, we looked at the media’s portrayal of both Lindsay Lohan and Russell Brand as sex addicts through the lens of Dr. David Ley’s teaching on the myth of sex addiction and problem sexual behaviors. Today, we add Tiger Woods to the list of individuals who the media has labeled sex addicts and look to analyze the way in which Woods exhibited problem sexual behavior. Tiger Woods has a different media presence than that of Lindsay Lohan and Russell Brand in the sense that he’s an athlete rather than a media personality. Part of Wood’s narrative is his immense influence on the game of golf itself, and he was recognized as a respected professional in the sports industry until the media’s portrayal of his struggle with addiction.

Each year the American Library Association (ALA) puts out the top ten challenged books and the majority cite sexual content as a reason for the challenge. For 2019, 9 out of 10 books were cited for something to do with sexuality (ranging from gender and sexual orientation exploration to explicit sexual scenes). For 2020, four out of the 10 books on that list are challenged for sexual content while the other six are about racism and/or the police system.

But censorship has an interesting, if not torrid, history. Previously, each book was put to the test of a 14-year-old schoolgirl—if it was acceptable for their eyes, it could be published. This obviously meant that many works were deemed obscene due to their explicit scenes, otherwise called “purple passages.” One too many of these purple passages and the book could be tossed. But the ripple of censorship spread farther than just silencing books. The ripple effect empowered authority figures—police, customs officials, and post office workers—to search and seize and “obscene” material and to accuse those involved. It was an outright war of literary legitimacy.

Below are a few of the many important books that helped revolutionize the Obscene Publications Act. Through these works, the term “obscene” in the world of literature was redefined, different sexualities were brought to the forefront, and these people and stories were legitimized by legal publications. Through these and the many other challenged books, we can see that literature, in itself, does no harm at all. The true harm, falsely attributed to the books, is caused by the actions of those who try to censor, suppress, and silence.

I think the condom deserves some applause. It’s easy to feel...well nothing when it comes to the condom, these days. Not only are they the thinnest they’ve ever been, but they’ve solidified their place in our common culture as a must-have. No glove, no love as they say. It may seem like this safe sex staple is relatively new, but the innocuous condom has a long, twisting history.

11,000 BCE

The first known depiction of people using a condom was found in France. An ancient cave drawing depicts a man engaging in intercourse wearing what historians believe is some sort of animal skin for protection.

1000 BCE - 500 AD

As shown in the hieroglyphics, Egyptian men wore loincloths to protect their genitals from sun exposure. It’s suggested that they would dye the loincloths in various colors to make them more attractive and appealing. This is primarily attributed to the worship of the god of reproduction and fertility. The loincloths could also have prevented injuries. Some historians speculate that the Egyptian men would wrap their penises in thin sheets of linen to protect the penis during combat or from insect bites, tropical diseases, or evil spirits.

Likewise, an early reference of the condom is in Ancient Greece. Mythology tells us Minos has “serpents and scorpions” in his semen, making use of some form of contraceptive to protect his wife. The condom was most likely to have been a goat’s bladder.

For Ancient Romans, the use of animal bladders and other intestines continued. However, at the end of the Roman empire, documentation of contraceptive use ceased to exist and didn’t re-emerge in Europe until the 15th century.

The art versus pornography debate has been around for as long as pornographic mediums have existed; “the age-old debate between art and pornography revolves around tired old questions: is art pornography?” (Ives) The debate is centered around the public perception of pornography versus art; “Is there a set of attitudes, values, ethics, and morals ascribed to art but not pornography?” (Ives) The answer to this question is yes, especially when looking at the dynamics of our mainstream society. The dominant school of thought is that there is a lesser set of values applied to pornography and thus pornographic mediums are not looked to with the same respect as other mediums. In the book Wild Zones, Kelly Ives analyzes the relationship between art, pornography, and feminism. For this blog post, I want to look at Ives’s analysis of art, sexuality, and pornography in terms of the patriarchy and sex-positive art culture. I believe that Ives’s evidence is enough to end the art versus pornography debate once and for all, as the debate’s existence is contingent on harmful patriarchal ideologies. Many feminists have existed on both sides of the pornography versus art binary and typically anti-porn feminists voice concerns against porn as an art form. While everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I think it is important to break down the ways in which our society perceives porn in order to prove that porn is a valid type of art that should be given as much respect and appreciation as all other “high” art forms.

Inclusive language is a cornerstone of sex-positivity. Whether it’s learning new terms to open the mind or it’s taking back words and phrases, using them to shape the conversation our way, language is power. In the world of sex and sexuality, inclusive language is paramount. Language substantiates seemingly indescribable feelings, giving words to our inner emotions. To patients and clients, students and friends, finally finding the word, the word that feels right to describe themself as, is empowering! Sex positivity and education awareness start with inclusive, forever-evolving language.

HER, a global LGBTQ+ dating app, agrees with the importance of sex-positive and inclusive language. It may seem that the digital dating world is oversaturated enough already, but HER does things differently.

HER is one of the world’s largest dating apps for Lesbian, Queer, & Bi women and folks. Created for queer people by queer people, HER is a “welcoming and safe community where you can joining smaller community group chats, find single queer women in your area, make friends, go on a date, or just have fun.” HER additionally acts as an LGBTQ+ hub featuring global news and content pertaining to LGBTQ+ peoples, and also local HER-sponsored events.

Whether we realize it or not, culture plays an extremely important role in how we learn and relate to our sexuality. Take a minute to reflect on how your environment has shaped your beliefs and attitudes towards sexuality.

Culture & Sexuality

Social norms, history, religion, and gender roles make up the culture of a place. Since culture influences the way in which we perceive ourselves and the world, it makes sense that culture would also influence the way in which sexuality education is taught. While biology is crucial to our sexual development, sexual education has a major influence on how children view sexuality as adults.

So, what are the factors that change sexuality education across cultures?

It seems mandatory at this point that every online gathering space, every social media platform, has a version of community guidelines that outline the company’s values. Sex positivity and sexual expression are values often left off the list, but sexual content is heavily discussed. It is in the use of language here that companies find themselves in hot water. Taking on the behemoth of a task such as defining sexual content, a task we professionals have yet to fully accomplish leaves their guidelines open for interpretation. But, resort to restricting, censoring, and banning when someone pushes the envelope.

I recently came across another censorship controversy, this time on the social media platform Twitch. Major streamers, Kaitlyn “Amourantha” Siragusa, with almost 4 million follows, were banned for streaming herself practicing yoga and making ASMR sounds. This comes in the aftermath of a previous controversy, the overnight sensation of hot tub streaming, and Twitch’s lack of banning because of that.