Inclusive language is a cornerstone of sex-positivity. Whether it’s learning new terms to open the mind or it’s taking back words and phrases, using them to shape the conversation our way, language is power. In the world of sex and sexuality, inclusive language is paramount. Language substantiates seemingly indescribable feelings, giving words to our inner emotions. To patients and clients, students and friends, finally finding the word, the word that feels right to describe themself as, is empowering! Sex positivity and education awareness start with inclusive, forever-evolving language.

HER, a global LGBTQ+ dating app, agrees with the importance of sex-positive and inclusive language. It may seem that the digital dating world is oversaturated enough already, but HER does things differently.

HER is one of the world’s largest dating apps for Lesbian, Queer, & Bi women and folks. Created for queer people by queer people, HER is a “welcoming and safe community where you can joining smaller community group chats, find single queer women in your area, make friends, go on a date, or just have fun.” HER additionally acts as an LGBTQ+ hub featuring global news and content pertaining to LGBTQ+ peoples, and also local HER-sponsored events.

Whether we realize it or not, culture plays an extremely important role in how we learn and relate to our sexuality. Take a minute to reflect on how your environment has shaped your beliefs and attitudes towards sexuality.

Culture & Sexuality

Social norms, history, religion, and gender roles make up the culture of a place. Since culture influences the way in which we perceive ourselves and the world, it makes sense that culture would also influence the way in which sexuality education is taught. While biology is crucial to our sexual development, sexual education has a major influence on how children view sexuality as adults.

So, what are the factors that change sexuality education across cultures?

It seems mandatory at this point that every online gathering space, every social media platform, has a version of community guidelines that outline the company’s values. Sex positivity and sexual expression are values often left off the list, but sexual content is heavily discussed. It is in the use of language here that companies find themselves in hot water. Taking on the behemoth of a task such as defining sexual content, a task we professionals have yet to fully accomplish leaves their guidelines open for interpretation. But, resort to restricting, censoring, and banning when someone pushes the envelope.

I recently came across another censorship controversy, this time on the social media platform Twitch. Major streamers, Kaitlyn “Amourantha” Siragusa, with almost 4 million follows, were banned for streaming herself practicing yoga and making ASMR sounds. This comes in the aftermath of a previous controversy, the overnight sensation of hot tub streaming, and Twitch’s lack of banning because of that.

Question-based games about sex are an easy and playful way to approach sex. From the classic Truth or Dare to a naughty card game, these games prompt conversations couples and lovers should be having. These games are undoubtedly still fun, but the spontaneous nature and emphasis on play and fantasy, don’t necessarily foster deep conversations. Mickie Woods wants to change that. As a sexologist and relationship scientist, Wood is known for her “refreshing perspectives on intimacy and human connection.”

June is now commonly known as Pride Month. Those of us in the LGBTQ+ community, along with all of our allies are given a whole month to celebrate LGBTQ+ pride and history. Why don’t we just celebrate the glory of being a part of the community all year long? Why is there a month dedicated to LGTBQ+ pride? One of the unfortunate reasons why Pride month has emerged is because brands across the globe can capitalize on the holiday by selling Pride Month-specific merchandise. In an article for Washington Times, it’s noted that “Pride has evolved into a party-focused, heavily branded affair, the celebration sometimes seems more retail than a riot. Rainbow merchandise abounds, and companies often boast the splashiest floats in the parade.” (washingtonpost) In this sense, Pride month has become a holiday for capitalists alike, as brands are producing rainbow-themed merchandise for consumerist purposes rather than in true support of the LGBTQ+ community.

As the battle for the algorithm rages on, it’s important to continue stepping up and supporting our favorite small businesses and organizations. I’ve previously talked about The Vagina Museum and their stance on Instagram’s policies. Well, twelve days after the post my original article referred to, @Vagina_Museum was calling out Instagram’s censorship yet again. In partnership with @MyCallaly, The Vagina Museum posted a series of realistic vulva illustrations on their feed. Within a few hours it was taken down—even though the post had accumulated thousands of likes and hundreds of comments. Instagram’s reasoning? “Nudity.” The purpose of the illustration series was to exemplify Callaly’s three pledges: call a vulva a vulva, create better educational content, and promote accurate and diverse imagery of vulvas.

No matter your gender or sexuality, there's one sexual enhancement we all need--lube! However, with all the different brands and types, which sexual lubricants are the best? This all depends on what activities you'll be doing, if you have any skin sensitivities or allergies, and your personal preferences. Here are some basic guidelines for each type of lube: advantages, disadvantages, recommended uses, and recommended brands from a certified Sexologist.**

Undoubtedly, traditional pornography—the classic tube hubs and such—demand the full attention of one’s vision. With video thumbnails that start playing when you hover over them, the endless categories to scroll through, and the constant ads, this sense is overwhelmingly stimulated before you even click on something to watch. Vision is so important in the pornography industry, we now have AR porn, where the viewer can immersive themselves totally in the scene. Hearing, on the other hand, is important to some, but isn’t always necessary to reach orgasm. One can conjure moans and shouts of pleasure sometimes better than they can an image. This is why the medium for porn is, traditionally, visually based through posters, photographs, videos, gifs, and the like.

Thankfully, pop culture is starting to incorporate LGBTQ+ culture onto mainstream TV shows that used to exist in a heterotopia of sorts. Of course, there is still a ways to go when it comes to erasing heteronormative influence on our culture but TV shows are a place to start, sort of? It’s exciting that “a recent report from GLAAD discovered that the amount of queer characters on our screens has increased by over 100 to a new record.” (gaytimes) In this sense, one could say that LGBTQ+ representation on television shows has never been better?! An article for gaytimes notes that “Netflix boasts a plethora of entertain(t)ing LGBTQ+ comedies, dramas, and thrillers…”. The article then goes on to list 54 of these shows that you can stream right now! For now, I’ve decided to gather my top 5 shows from Netflix, as I’ve binged quite a few series recently. I mean who doesn’t want to watch television that validates their identity? If you’re just looking for a show to watch that doesn’t make you feel unincluded from the narrative because your sexual identity is not represented, we at SHA are here with recommendations!

Summer is the time for erotica. Bright, joy-filled days in the sun followed by sticky and sweltering evenings create the perfect backdrop for steamy romances. Erotica comes in many forms. From poems (like New Erotica for Feminists collection) to the classic, paperback novel with a shirtless man on the cover. The majority of the books I mention are found in the New Adult genre, sub-filed under Romance. To be certain, these books are all hot, but New Adult brings a high level of storytelling to the table. Some have more detailed world-building than others, but all have taken great pains to birth a story worth reading.

It’s not necessarily a question of belief: crystals are powerful, sacred tools that have been utilized for millions of years. They are witnesses to the world’s changes. From protection in battle to providing safe passage to the afterlife, almost every civilization since the beginning of time has learned to harness the energy from crystals. In a modern context, crystals are necessary for our 2021 habits. Anything with a screen uses liquid crystals to display images. Solar panels and computer chips are created from Silicon which comes from Quartz. Whenever you store something on a computer chip, you are using a Quartz crystal.

Sex Ed is truly a formative experience that sticks out in our memories of elementary and high school. Sticking adolescents with raging hormones in a room together to talk about sex is memorable, to say the least.

Let’s get into the history of sex education in the United States. Buckle up.

We’re starting way back. In the early 20th century, we saw something called the social hygiene movement. The social hygiene movement was born out of public health, medicine, and social work to help control sex work and “vice.” It was largely a response to the increased rate of prostitution. This was actually considered to be part of the eugenics movement, (read more here) and was aimed at educating anglo-saxon white men, as women were to considered to have low sex drives anyway. (Good one!) The goal was to scare them into only having “virtuous” sex with their wives. The American Social Hygiene Association (ASHA)—which was created in 1914 by the merger of the American Purity Alliance and the National Vigilance Campaign—was one of the earliest advocates for these kinds of programs. While its founders had prejudiced beliefs in line with the era, it plays an extremely important role in sexuality education as we know it. Fun fact, ASHA is now American Sexual Health Association, a progressive organization with sex-positive messages.

Imbalanced libido, sexual dysfunction, anorgasmia, and intimacy issues are some of clients’ most common sexual hurdles. Assigning sensual touch exercises (also known as sensate focus) can pave the way for your clients to open conversations about intimacy and reignite passion while removing the requirement and pressure of bringing themselves or their partners to orgasm.

Sensual touch exercises are designed to increase intimacy and reduce sexual tension. In short, sensual touch is caressing the body without leading to sexual activities. Guiding your clients to separate the act of touch from sex will help them to be more physically present and mindful. Throughout the assignment, you should strongly recommend that your clients refrain from sexual intercourse until they have completed all three exercises. This frees each partner from any sexual expectations. By removing sexual performance and orgasm as the “goal,” sexual anxiety is reduced and “failure” of the exercise is impossible.

The Sexual Attitude Reassessment (SAR) is a professional development opportunity for providers in areas such as healthcare, mental health, education, sexuality, and social work. These will be key for those looking to become sex therapists! SARs are process-oriented seminars that challenge attendees to evaluate their own internal beliefs, values, and attitudes towards sexuality topics. The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT), further explains that “the goal of the 21st Century SAR is to develop within sexuality professionals a sexological worldview that is appropriately self-aware, informed and flexible enough to encourage practice excellence. The 21st Century SAR accomplishes this through the conscious use of transformational learning experiences, self-reflective process, small group experience, and courageous conversations” (AASECT, 2006).

If you weren’t able to attend our May sex-positive parenting conference, don’t fret. We at SHA will share *some* of the key takeaways from the event with you! The main speaker at the conference was one of our favorite sexperts- Jasmine Johnson AKA Jet Setting Jasmine. For those who aren’t yet familiar with Jasmine’s work in the sex industry, she is co-owner of award-winning Royal Fetish Films, a licensed psychotherapist with a strong emphasis on intimacy post-injury or illness, and an educator in sex-positive parenting among other amazing things. Jasmine works alongside her partner King Noire, with whom she also parents her children. Jet Setting Jasmine and King Noire are the definition of a dynamic duo- they have managed to create a relationship rooted in both family and work that survives on pure trust. Together, Jet Setting Jasmine and King Noire create authentic pornography and incorporate that same sex-positive mindset into their parenting. The conference featured King Noire as a guest presenter, as well as his daughter with Jasmine, Mani, as well as many other guests such as Jessica Nater. Jasmine offered those who attended a look into her life as a performer, business owner, mother, and partner throughout the conference. She covered a lot of topics, ranging from how to parent children as a porn performer and producer, as well as…

In Iceland, of all places, there is a penis museum. Established in 1997, the Icelandic Phallological Museum boasts having 280 phallus specimens from 93 species of animals. The museum is truly the A-Z on all things penis-related. Florence Schechter wasn’t impressed. She was even more frustrated when she learned there was no vagina* equivalent. Taking matters into her own hands, 20 years later, Schechter founded the Vagina Museum with a view of becoming the world’s first bricks and mortar museum dedicated to gynecological anatomy. From 2017 to 2018, the museum was in pop-up form, traveling around England, but Schechter’s dream came true: In 2019 they opened their first location in Camden Market.

It’s safe to say that Emily Nagoski’s book, Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform your Sex Life, is a game-changer for the sexuality literary lay-people. Every page is filled with groundbreaking science and research proving that how your feel about your parts is the key to a confident and joyful sex life. Nagoski takes your hand and guides you through this research, breaking down the scientific terms for us laypeople, and ultimately brings the reader into a new, sexually freeing understanding. Since there’s a chance you already have this book proudly displayed on your shelf, here is a list of books that would also look well on your shelf.

Our next getaway is certainly overdue. When was the last time any of us were on a plane? If Cancun, Mexico is a destination you’re considering, might I suggest looking into the Boobs Cruise? Not to be confused with Booze Cruise, which is still fun but decidedly less fun than this, the Boobs Cruise is a topless/nude catamaran day trip. It is operated by CancunCare.com and is located at the Temptations Cancun Resort—though you do not have to be a guest at the resort to join in the fun!

A client comes to you—they’re looking to add some spice to their sex life. Where do they start? As a sexuality professional, what do you recommend? A fantastic way to start the conversation is by having them complete a “yes, no, maybe” checklist!

In essence, the yes, no, maybe checklist is a document that contains a list of sexual activities, positions, products, kinks, fetishes, etc. and an area to mark a response of “yes,” “no,” or “maybe” to indicate your level of interest in said item. All partners in the relationship should complete the checklist separately then come together to discuss their responses.

Feminism is the “belief in, and advocacy of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes expressed especially through organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests” (Merriam-Webster). Feminism and pornography have a complicated relationship, as a lot of mainstream porn promotes unrealistic and often heteronormative ideologies. Mainstream porn adheres to the harmful neoliberal mindset that performers, specifically cis-gendered women, are not people but rather bodies that should fit into a stereotyped mold of perfection to be marketed unjustly. Consequently, many feminists use this reasoning to justify their anti-pornography views. Anti-porn feminists have argued that “(1) harm is endemic to the production of pornography; (2) its existence increases the rates of rape and other violence against women and (3) that it supports and promotes gender inequality (economic, status or otherwise), contributing to women’s subordination” (tandfonline.com). In other words, the consumption of pornography promotes rape culture and disrespect toward cis-gendered women. More than this, many anti-pornography feminists feel that mainstream porn sets unrealistic standards.