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Sex Book Club (February 2018)

Hey Sex Book Club Nerds,

I'm the new book club leader and so happy to have the book club starting up again!

The book we have selected for February 2018 is:
Sensate Focus in Sex Therapy: The Illustrated Manual (1st Edition)
by Linda Weiner (Author),‎ Constance Avery-Clark (Author)

When:    Sunday February 18, 2018 @ 11:30am-1pm

Where:   Heather McPherson's Office, 2525 Wallingwood Drive, Building 12, Austin, TX 78746   

RSVP required by February 11, 2018 by emailing me at drjennifermcadams@gmail.com

Here's What It's About:
Sensate Focus in Sex Therapy: The Illustrated Manual is an illustrated manual that provides health professionals with specific information on the use of the structured touching opportunities used regularly by Sexologists to address their clients’ sexual difficulties (Sensate Focus 1) and enhance intimate relationships (Sensate Focus 2). This book is the only one to: vividly describe and illustrate the specific steps of, activities involved in, and positions associated with Sensate Focus; emphasize the purpose of Sensate Focus as a mindfulness-based practice; and distinguish between the purposes of Sensate Focus 1 and Sensate Focus 2. 

Through the use of artful drawings and descriptive text, this manual engages mental health and medical professionals and their clients by appealing to both the visual and the analytical. It discusses how modifications to Sensate Focus can be applied to diverse populations, such as LGBTQ clients, the elderly, the disabled, trauma survivors, and those with challenges such as Autism Spectrum, anxiety, and depression. The book also offers suggestions for dealing with common client difficulties such as avoidance, confusion, and goal directed attitudes. This comprehensive approach to Sensate Focus will remind readers of the beauty and power of touch while offering suggestions for moving from avoidance to sensory transcendence. 

Please make sure you have read and/or are familiar with the majority of the text and come prepared with a few talking points! 

I'll send a reminder email about the book club meeting in early February.  


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Sex Nerd Trivia & Bingo Bango @ Alamo Drafthouse Mueller

Sex Nerd Trivia & Bingo Bango @ Alamo Drafthouse Mueller

Press Release:

Southwest Sexual Health Alliance's Signature "Not Yo Mama's Game Night" is now at the Alamo Drafthouse Mueller Location every 4th Wednesday bringing a ton of joy to Barrel O' Fun, the bar within. "Our goal is to bring high quality sex education that is classy, fun and entertaining - something that Austin is missing," said CEO Heather McPherson, LPC-S, LMFT-S, CST. 

"Not Yo Mama's Game Night" is organized and hosted by Emily Bridge alongside hosts Adam and Samar. See more about the next night HERE. It's always free to play and you are guaranteed to learn something too! Expand your sexual knowledge and play for the chance to win awesome prizes, furnished by Package Menswear, Forbidden Fruit, and Barrel O' Fun!

 

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The Sweet Spot, Top Tips for All Lovers

We're gearing up for Charlie to be in Texas soon and he just shared 3 tips with us as a preview to the Sexceptional Lecture!

Dr. Charlie Glickman will be in DALLAS & AUSTIN November 3rd & 4th!

3 tips to be a great lover by Charlie Glickman, PhD

1.) Consistent and steady touch usually works better than fast and jarring. Whether you’re using your hands, having oral sex, giving a spanking, having intercourse, or anything else, find a good rhythm and try to stick to it. Play some music with a good beat, if it helps. As arousal builds, you can go faster but if you can’t stay on the rhythm, slow down until you can. Faster isn’t always better.

2.) When touching your partner, think about the landing and the takeoff. Just like in a plane, a hard landing or takeoff can be jarring, distracting, or annoying. Keep it smooth for a sexier touch and you’ll offer them a sexier, more arousing touch.

3.) Instead of picking one move and staying with it, change it up every so often. For intercourse, try a different position or angle, or change the speed. For oral sex, erotic massage, or G-spot/prostate play, change your technique, or the pressure, or the tempo. If you do the same thing over and over, your partner’s body is probably going to tune it out. It’s a lot like food- eating the same thing for every single meal isn’t as much fun as changing it. You don’t need a zillion moves. Find 3-5 tips or techniques and cycle through them. (Note: when your partner is getting close to orgasm, keep doing what you’re doing.

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We just launched Annual Membership!! Become a Sexual Health Alliance Member Today

Earlier this summer, we launched annual membership so that all of our members can formally state that are a part of a global organization that promotes sexual health. Many joined within the first couple weeks, and more join everyday. Join now and become a part of our family.

When you become a SHA member you get cool perks like: 

  • Access to exclusive members-only interviews from experts of the field

  • Access to members-only newsletter when new content is available

  • VIP access & seating for selected events

  • Exclusive interaction with select lecturers

  • Access to members-only Facebook Group

  • And much more!

In addition to state licensure CEUs, we also offer AASECT CEs for those working toward becoming an AASECT Certified Sexuality Counselor, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Educator.

See more information here.


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SexTech: The Future of Disability and Sexuality

Spark! Roundtable

TOPIC: SEXTECH & TOYS - THE FUTURE OF DISABILITIES

The Southwest Sexual Health Alliance will be holding a groundbreaking Spark! Roundtable on much needed topic, Sex Tech and Disabilities. Dr. Mitchell Tepper will be on the panel contributing his wealth of experience on sexuality and disabilities. He is also our Sexceptional Lecturer for the day! 

 

Panelist Deanna Theis' company, The It Collection will be on the panel discussing her personal and professional experiences with this issue. Deanna seeks to create truly inclusive sexual wellness products that work for all. Her first product, a hands-free toy-mount called the Perfect Pleasure cushion, was designed to foster sexual fulfillment and pleasure enhancement for every body, regardless of their shape, preference, age, or physical limitations. This product is appropriate for all sexual lifestyle and helps to encourage a healthy and creative approach to sexuality for individuals and couples. 

Inspired by the strong women who surrounded her growing up, especially her mother, Deanna has always had an inventor's spirit. Despite creating useful gadgets throughout her life, this invention is the first with real potential to make a difference in people's lives. Sex is a human need, after all. She first came up with the idea for a hands-free masturbation alternative in 2012 when she temporarily lost mobility in one arm due to a pinched nerve. Having recently purchased the Magic Wand Original®, the concept began as a simple handle for a vibrator. Over the course of the next two years, she refined her goal to simply, this: create products that provide the highest level of pleasure to any and all who use them, regardless of their shape, age, or physical ability. 

Creating a lifestyle line that could meet the needs of every body became not only a challenge but a personal mission. From Deanna’s passion, The It Collection was born and the Perfect Pleasure cushion was created. The first of many real solutions for real people. This mission goes so far beyond the personal struggles of Deanna, however, as there are millions of people who suffer from sexual dysfunction due to different kinds of disabilities. The Perfect Pleasure cushion is a unique solution endorsed by conference speaker Dr. Tepper that allows hands-free use of toys and positionary support for sexual intercourse. You can view the Positions & Possibilities Guide in advance of the event demonstration, which will include a special hands-on game for attendees. For more information visit theitcollection.com.

 

Our next panelist is Kalie Kubes. Kalie is a hard of hearing University of Texas graduate with a BS in Youth and Community Studies. In addition to having a hearing loss, Kalie has battled multiple chronic illnesses and chronic pain her entire life. She currently works as a Medical Assistant at Planned Parenthood where she enjoys educating patients on safe sex, healthy relationships, birth control, and prevention of STDs. Kalie will contribute to the conversation through her thought provoking experiences with having multiple disabilities.

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Panelist, Nick Winges-Yanez, MSW, PhD Candidate will be discussing intellectual disabilities and sexuality - After many years working in direct social services, Nick received her BSW and MSW from Portland State University and is currently completing her PhD. Her research uses the work of Foucault, proposing a genealogical framework to examine how sexuality has historically been used to define and oppress individuals labeled with intellectual disability.  Nick previously completed a qualitative study interviewing queer-identified youth about their experiences with sex education in schools. Currently the Education Coordinator at Q Toys in Austin, Nick approaches sex education with a background in queer and feminist theory and a focus on improved sexuality discourse and access to pleasure.

We are very excited for our final panelist, River of The Juicy Truth. River became a surrogate partner because her purpose in life is to promote the evolution of our species through healthy, authentic, sexual expression and intimate relationships. A surrogate partner works in partnership with a talk professional, such as a therapist, to support the client.  The surrogate partner is a substitute partner for clients who want to improve their sex and intimacy skills, but have no practice partner.  Clients have an opportunity to experience intimacy and develop new skills and capacities with a trained professional. River also founded and co-hosts the Surrogate Partner Salon, a free monthly gathering in Austin of therapists who work with surrogate partners or seek to work with surrogate partners, and two professionally certified surrogate partners.  The Salon is an opportunity for those of us within the field to hone our skills.  Find out more about the surrogate partner process, the Surrogate Partner Salon, and River at her site: www.thejuicytruth.net

Bethany Geham explains challenges and barriers Deaf community experiences with receiving sexuality education and quality sexual health services.


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CARAS Conference 2017

By Alycia Williams, Great Lakes Operations Director

The 2017 CARAS Conference in Chicago brought together clinicians and researchers from across the country to share cutting edge information in the the field of alternative sexuality.  From the keynote address by Peter Chirinos and Caroline Shahbaz on The Wounded Clinician, to break out sessions on issues including consent, polyamory, BDSM as leisure, and personal growth through kink, conference attendees were exposed to thought provoking information.  The closing plenary was given by Richard Sprott and Anna Randall of TASHRA and presented the results from their first ever National Kink Health Survey.

The day ended with an award being presented to Russell Stambaugh by CARAS and NCFS for his significant contributions to and support for research, clinical training and advocacy on behalf of marginalized sexualities.  The entire auditorium was moved by Dr. Stambaugh's reflection on his long career as a pioneer in the field of alternative sexualities. 

The CARAS conference exemplified the vital and innovative nature of those working and living in alternative sexuality environments.  We look forward to meeting up again at the next CARAS conference!

 

Dr. Russell Stambaugh receives a Lifetime Achievement Award for his work with the AltSex/Kink community at the CARAS Conference which partnered with the Great Lakes Sexual Health Alliance.


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Exploring the Petroglyphs & Sexceptional Webinar Series w/ Dr. David Ley on Ethical Porn

We were recently invited to explore the petroglyphs which inspired the drawings in Dr. Ley's latest bestseller. Petroglyphs are images created by removing part of the rock as a form of rock art. The ones in Albuquerque, like many, include fertility themes which celebrate ancient sexuality. Dr. Ley coined the phrase "PetroPorn" for these unique carvings.

Petroglyphs, cave drawings, geoglyphs and a variety of other "rock art" represent our ancestors views of the world, including sexuality. These ancient artists were just as interested in visual depictions of sex as we are today. They used chisels to depict their sexual desires, fantasies and adventures, the same way we use pixels and smartphones. Petro-porn includes group sex, bestiality, homosexuality and all of the diversity of sexuality that is visible on the Internet. This helps us put modern pornography in a broader context, seeing it as part of the broad diversity of human sexuality.

Dr. David J. Ley is an internationally-recognized expert on issues related to sexuality, pornography and mental health. He has appeared on television with Anderson Cooper, Katie Couric, Dr. Phil and others. He has been interviewed in publications ranging from the LA Times and the London Telegraph, to Playboy and Hustler magazines. Dr. Ley has published extensively in both the academic and “pop” realms of literature. His two books, The Myth of Sex Addiction (2012) and Insatiable Wives (2009) were revolutionary explorations of sexual issues which blended a powerful client-centered narrative with a rich understanding of psychology, biology and sociology. 


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AASECT Summer Institute: Revisiting 'Sex Addiction' (Part 8) with Dr. Susan Stiritz

We interview Dr. Susan Stiritz from the recent AASECT Summer Institute which was titled: Revisiting 'Sex Addiction': Transformative Ways to Address Out of Control Sexual Behavior. Susan co-directed this institue and this post concludes the series. As the only educator at this institute, Dr. Stiritz encourages sex educators to join the conversation and why this is critical. Throughout the interview, Susan discusses how we can take into consideration the artists point of view when thinking about this issue. She discusses how movies and films could help us better understand out of control sexual behavior and a little of AASECT's journey to the formal position statement rejecting "sex addiction" which was just put in place. It's wonderful to hear about this topic from a highly regarded sex educator.

Susan Stiritz is an AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator, who has been teaching sexuality studies for the past twelve years at Washington University in St. Louis. Her research interest, transformative sexuality education, springs from her work, as an antipoverty worker, manager of training and patient education for The St. Louis Family Planning Council, and Women, Gender, and Sexuality Studies faculty member. 

She conducts research on the hook-up culture, noting the difference sex-positive, gender-neutral sexuality education makes. Currently, Susan is Senior Lecturer and Coordinator of Sexuality Studies at the Brown School. She presents workshops and conference papers at AASECT, SSSS, the National Women's Studies Association, and Law and Society.


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AASECT Summer Institute: Revisiting 'Sex Addiction' (Part 7) with Michael Vigorito, LMFT, LCPC, CGP

We interview Michael Vigorito, LMFT, LCPC, CGP in this seventh installment from the recent AASECT Summer Institute which was titled: Revisiting 'Sex Addiction': Transformative Ways to Address Out of Control Sexual Behavior. Michael discusses why the group process is important and what we can learn from sexual minority communities. He tells us to put pleasure back into the definition of sexual health and sex education programs and we couldn't agree more.

Michael Vigorito, LMFT, LCPC, CGP is a sexual health psychotherapist, author and consultant.  As a psychotherapist, he provides individual, couples and group psychotherapy for a range of behavioral health concerns.  He co-designed a sexual health assessment and treatment protocol with Douglas Braun-Harvey, which was published in Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior - Rethinking Sex Addiction (2016).  Mr. Vigorito is a member of the American Group Psychotherapy Association, the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality,  the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and the American Association of Marriage & Family Therapists.

Mr. Vigorito is licensed in the District of Columbia and Virginia as a Marriage & Family Therapist, in Maryland as a Licensed Clinical Professional Counseling and is certified as a Group Psychotherapist through the American Group Psychotherapy Association.


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AASECT Rejects the Concept of "Sex Addiction"

Below is an interview with David Ley about the new position statement by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT).

 

1. Where did the idea of “sex addiction” come from (if not from the medical community, as I understand it)?

Sex addiction is truly a social phenomenon, not a clinical or medical one. It’s important to understand that it largely arose after homosexuality was removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the APA, and in response to the AIDS crisis. It’s not by accident that gay and bi men are at three times the risk of being labeled or diagnosed a sex addict. But here’s the thing, I truly believe most sex addiction therapists and writers aren’t bad people – they are trying to help people, people who are in pain and fear because of their sexual urges. In the early 80’s, as these social shifts were going on, traditional medical and mental health people really weren’t talking about sex any longer, and these people who were in pain and scared, found support from addictions therapists who said “we can treat the desire for sex like it’s a craving for drugs or alcohol.” They at least offered support and assistance to people who were terrified.

The problem is that sex isn’t like a drug or alcohol. No one ever died from blue balls, but long-term alcoholics can die if you take away alcohol. At a deeper level, what got glossed over in the zeal to offer support in the form of sex addiction treatment to these individuals, was that their pain and fear was often coming from social and moral struggles with sex. When a gay or bi man is taught to suppress their sexual desires for other men as an addiction, it pathologizes this desire, without ever acknowledging the degree to which the pain emerges from stigma, not the desire itself.

As these therapists then began to define what they thought unhealthy sex was, they based their theories on the select sample who came to them for treatment. Because most sex addiction therapists are themselves self-identified sex addicts in recovery, and they have no training in human sexuality, they base their diagnoses upon their own experiences, and those of the sample of people they see. For example, for a long time, sex addiction theorists have argued that daily sex or masturbation is unhealthy, because that’s a pattern they see in people they treat with sexual behavior problems. Unfortunately, they don’t see the great many people who have daily sex, and experience no problems. This criterion was finally dropped a few years ago, when it was demonstrated that a great many women use nightly masturbation to help them sleep, and that as many as 40% of males go through significant periods in life where they masturbate or have sex daily, all with no problems or consequences.

2. Why is it an issue to oversimplify sexual behavior issues as “sex addiction”? Basically, can you give some examples of harm from using this “diagnosis” versus another diagnosis?

So at this point, we have a wealth of information supporting the very real consequences of the sex addiction diagnosis. For instance, one recent study of sex addicts in treatment showed that 90% had a major mental health disorder such as anxiety or depression, and 60% had a paraphilia, a fetish or a sexual disorder. But, these individuals were receiving treatment for “sex addiction” as opposed to their depression, anxiety or sexual disorder.

Multiple other studies now reveal conclusively that sex addiction is a label rendered overwhelmingly on males (90-95% of sex addicts are males), and half of those males are white, heterosexual, religious (most often Christian and very high rates of Mormon) married males who are middle to upper class in income. This raises two significant issues: 1. Sex addiction is a label applied to diagnose the long-standing sexual privilege held by powerful, privileged males, who are allowed or excused from sexual misbehaviors. 2. There are huge issues here of religion. Religious therapists diagnose sex or porn addiction at far higher rates than secular therapists. Multiple studies now show that the self-identity as a sex/porn addict is predicted by one’s religious values about sex, not actually by frequency of sex. In other words, these folks don’t actually have more sex than others, they feel worse about it. That’s a values conflict, between the sexual values taught in many conservative religious traditions (I’ve seen this in Christians and Muslims for instance) and the sexual opportunities in porn, casual sex, hook-ups, etc., which are available in the modern world. In essence, it’s like the problem of abstinence-only education – we teach kids next to nothing about sex, then are surprised when they struggle with unhealthy sexual behaviors or feel out of control with regards to their sexual desires, because they were never taught to understand or self-manage them. The same is true for a great many people today, raised in highly religious environments, who then encounter the wide world of modern sexuality, and feel overwhelmed by the opportunities available.

In my practice, and that of other clinicians, we see a great many people harmed and confused by the label of sex addict. For instance:

  • 42 year-old male, father of five and a widower, who masturbating to heterosexual porn on a daily basis. Sought treatment for sex addiction because his minister assured him this was unhealthy and an addiction.

  • 56 year-old Catholic male who sought treatment after divorce, because he had been diagnosed as a sex addict for going on craigslist for casual sex, about one time a month. He used protection during these encounters, but felt enormous guilt because they were outside the type of committed, monogamous relationship he had been taught to seek.

  • 33 year-old female who felt she was addicted to fantasies of rape. She had a history of sexual trauma, and sometimes watched porn involving rough sex and fantasized about being raped. In therapy, we identified that her fantasies about rape occurred at times when she was struggling with feelings of low self-worth and needed to “beat herself up.”

  • 18 year old male from a highly religious family, who had just started college and was away from family for first time. Came to me, concerned he was addicted to masturbation. Turned out, he was only masturbating about once a week, but because he’d been taught that any masturbation was immoral and unhealthy and dangerous, he was terrified. He went online, and was diagnosed by sex addiction therapists and online group discussions.

In all of these cases, in research and clinical experiences, the sexual problems are only a symptom, and an indicator, of some other conflict, either in the person, or between the person’s desires and their social or relational context. Some sex addiction therapists agree with this, and say that sex addiction is not about sex. I agree, in part, but I point out that their diagnosis and treatment is unfortunately exclusively focused on controlling sexual behaviors and desires. I see countless people who feel shamed and deeply harmed when their normative, healthy sexual desires (such as daily masturbation) are termed a disease.

Josh Grubbs of Bowling Green University in OH has done remarkable longitudinal research demonstrating that seeing oneself as a sex/porn addict actually predicts greater life problems, regardless of the frequency of sex or porn. This means that the concept of addiction has gotten inextricably linked now to people’s sexual shame, and has become a damaging self-concept, that teaches people to fear their own sexual desires and needs. This is very sad, and is the unfortunate consequence of allowing sexual morality to blithely intrude into clinical practice.

3. What do you think will be the impact of the AASECT statement? For example, do you see this as having an impact on sex addiction rehab facilities? 

It’s important to recognize that there are two issues here. First, there is the sex addiction industry itself, which is a strange, cult-like group of true believers who treat sex addiction as a faith. These folks feel under attack. They lash out at these efforts to exclude morality from treatment, and they simply don’t understand why people like me are concerned at their lack of knowledge of sexuality or sexual diversity. The great majority of sex addiction therapists have very conservative ideas about what sexual health is, and they will continue to fight to defend their right to judge other peoples’ sexuality. Sadly, their arguments and views often get adopted by conservative politicians who use them to enforce sexual morality on society. As we’ve seen in Utah, where porn addiction was declared a public health crisis, I fully expect we will see sex/porn addiction raised in political dialogues in coming years by a conservative, religious administration.

The sex addiction rehabs are a unique American animal, where people pay thousands of dollars for a treatment that insurance won’t cover, and for which there is no evidence of effectiveness. This is stunning – there’s absolutely NO research showing that sex addiction treatment actually works, or works better than treatment with a regular therapist that your insurance does cover. Those facilities have seen increased struggles of late, as a result of changes in the US healthcare system (Thanks Obama). But, they serve a purpose – where men who get in trouble for sexual behaviors, whether infidelity or the like, can “go away” with the public appearance that they are committed to “getting better.” Unfortunately, these patients are often deeply exploited, leaving treatment owing many thousands of dollars, and usually still struggling with the real psychiatric or social issues.

There’s another group of individuals, diagnosed as sex addicts or sent to sex addiction treatment, where these approaches are grossly inappropriate. Sex offenders, across our country, are being mislabeled as sex addicts, and offered probation as long as they attend sex addiction treatment. This is horrifically unethical and unsupported. There is not a single shred of evidence that one can reduce recidivism by treating pedophilia, or rape, or fetishistic behaviors such as exhibitionism as an addiction. In contrast, there are good, evidence-based treatments for treatment of sexual offending behaviors. It puts our communities at risk that judges, juries, lawyers and victims, don’t understand that these individuals are being sent to a form of treatment that is completely inadequate. I hope that the AASECT statement brings some attention to this.

But, in contrast to the sex addiction industry, there’s also the second issue, and the degree to which the concept of sex addiction has been unthinkingly, uncritically, accepted by modern society and the media. Most people who self-identify as sex addicts do so because they or their spouse read an article or saw a talk show about sex addiction. For years, media has covered sex addiction as though it’s real, despite its lack of credibility or scientific standing. When I first published The Myth of Sex Addiction, I was completely alone. I was horribly and personally attacked by the sex addiction industry true believers, who came after me in awful ways, with threats of lawsuits, death threats and incredible accusations (such as that I was an undiagnosed sex addict in denial). At this point, the belief in sex addiction is an identity issue, not a rational belief.

But now, thousands of members of AASECT have stood up and said that this isn’t good treatment, and there are hundreds and thousands of therapists around the world who feel similarly. In this statement, AASECT joined the American Psychiatric Association which had rejected sex addiction as a diagnosis for forty years. Now, the many people who don’t think sex is an addiction (and never did) have a foundation and backing to push back against this shaming, moralizing concept. Hopefully it changes the media’s approach as well.

 


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How The Concepts of “Sex Addiction” and “Porn Addiction” are Failing Our Clients

Our founder, Heather McPherson, LPC-S, LMFT recently collaborated on a journal article entitled, How The Concepts of “Sex Addiction” and “Porn Addiction” are Failing Our Clients, published in the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists’ Magazine, The Therapist, in their September/October 2016 issue. Jay Blevins, MFT was instrumental in this research and we appreciate his contribution.


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AASECT Summer Institute: Revisiting 'Sex Addiction' (Part 6) with Ruth Cohn, LMFT, CST

We interview Ruth Cohn, LMFT, CST in this sixth installment from the recent AASECT Summer Institute which was titled: Revisiting 'Sex Addiction': Transformative Ways to Address Out of Control Sexual Behavior. Ruth Cohn shares her approach with treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior in Couple's Therapy. She discusses how to take into account the power dynamics in the relationship. Ruth describes the weekend as "history in the making..."

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Ruth Cohn is a Marriage and Family Therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist living in San Francisco, CA. She has specialized in working with trauma survivors and their intimate partners and families since 1987. In 1997 she developed a special interest in working with couples. Largely from her own marriage, she discovered that the intimate partnership takes people to depths in themselves beyond what they can get to any other way. It can also be a vehicle for perhaps the most profound healing imaginable. Inspired, she began to evolve this theory and practice of working with couples who have histories of trauma and neglect.

Ruth is trained in Harville Hendrix’s Imago Relationship Therapy, which is an important component of her work. Because trauma is so much an experience of the nervous system and the entire body, she became an impassioned student of brain science, the body psychotherapies and neurofeedback, which also strongly influence her thinking and practice. She loves working with couples and sustains great hope and optimism about the potential for healing both intimacy and sexuality.


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AASECT Summer Institute: Revisiting 'Sex Addiction' (Part 5) with Dr. Eli Coleman

We interview Dr. Eli Coleman in this fifth installment from the recent AASECT Summer Institute which was titled: Revisiting 'Sex Addiction': Transformative Ways to Address Out of Control Sexual Behavior. Dr. Eli Coleman shares the historical perspective about the sex addiction model and explains why we are in such disagreement with the terminology.  He gives us a peak inside the beginning of this transformative weekend.

Eli Coleman, PhD, is director of the Program in Human Sexuality and Chair in Sexual Health at the University of Minnesota. He has written articles and books on a variety of sexual health topics, including compulsive sexual behavior, sexual orientation, and gender dysphoria. He is founding editor of the International Journal of Transgenderism and International Journal of Sexual Healthand past president of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, World Professional Association for Transgender Health, and International Academy of Sex Research. Coleman has been a sexual health consultant to the World Health Organization and received numerous awards, including the World Association for Sexual Health Gold Medal and Society for Sex Therapy & Research (SSTAR) Masters and Johnson Award. In 2013, he was elected president of SSTAR for a two-year term.

 


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AASECT Summer Institute: Revisiting 'Sex Addiction' (Part 4) with Dr. Neil Cannon

We interview Dr. Neil Cannon in this fourth installment from the recent AASECT Summer Institute which was titled: Revisiting 'Sex Addiction': Transformative Ways to Address Out of Control Sexual Behavior. Dr. Neil Cannon shares his Strengths Based Approach to treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior. He discusses his 11-point worksheet and it's a wonderful resource to use with clients and patients. His Strengths Based Approach is a tremendously helpful tool that can be applied to a multitude of issues. 

Dr. Neil Cannon is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (LMFT), Clinical Fellow of the American Association of Marriage & Family Therapists (AAMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist & Supervisor of Sex Therapy. He is also the Immediate Past Chair of the Ethics Advisory Committee for AASECT (2014–2016). Neil can be found teaching and guest lecturing to graduate and post-graduate students of psychology, counseling and social work at many of the leading colleges and universities throughout Colorado, including The University of Denver, The University of Colorado, Regis and Metropolitan State University. In addition to teaching in Colorado, Neil is an instructor at the University of Michigan School of Social Work Sexual Health Certificate Program. The University of Michigan is known in the field of sex therapy for being one of the leading programs in the world for clinicians from around the world who are on a path towards becoming sex therapists. Neil is also a Professor of Marriage & Family Therapy at Denver Family Institute where Neil has been teaching for the past decade. Dr. Neil Cannon is a published author, professional speaker, supervisor, mentor, and nationally recognized expert on sex, intimacy and relationships. 


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AASECT Summer Institute: Revisiting 'Sex Addiction' (Part 3) with Dr. Joe Kort

We interview Dr. Joe Kort in this third installment from the recent AASECT Summer Institute which was titled: Revisiting 'Sex Addiction': Transformative Ways to Address Out of Control Sexual Behavior. Dr. Joe Kort gives us an inside look at the Sex Addiction industry and tells us his personal story of trials and tribulations. 

Dr. Kort graduated from Michigan State University with dual majors in Psychology and Social Work. At Wayne State University, he earned his Master's in Social Work (MSW), then a Master’s (MA) in Psychology, and has received his Doctorate (Ph.D.) in Clinical Sexology from the American Academy of Clinical Sexologists (AACS).
More about Dr. Kort:

  • Teaching Faculty at University of Michigan Sexual Health Certificate Program

  • Certified IMAGO Relationship Therapist

  • Board Certified Sexologist

  • Member of the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH)

  • Member of the Academy of Certified Social Workers

  • Member of the National Association of Certified Social Workers

  • Certified AASECT Therapist, Supervisor of Sex Therapy and Member of American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT)

  • Member of EMDRIA Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Basic Training

  • Licensed Clinical Social Worker, State of Michigan #6801046330


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AASECT Summer Institute: Revisiting 'Sex Addiction' with Dr. David Ley

We interview Dr. David Ley in this second installment from the recent AASECT Summer Institute which was titled: Revisiting 'Sex Addiction': Transformative Ways to Address Out of Control Sexual Behavior. We also had the pleasure of being one of the first ones to read Dr. Ley's upcoming book, Ethical Porn for Dicks, A Man's Guide to Responsible Viewing Pleasure. And, we must say- this is a FANTASTIC guide. We recommend it for anyone with a dick, sure, but also for anyone who has ever been in a relationship or planning to be in one in the future. 

Dr. David Ley is a clinical psychologist in practice in Albuquerque, New Mexico. He earned his Bachelor's degree in Philosophy from Ole Miss, and his Master's and Doctoral degrees in clinical psychology from the University of New Mexico. Dr. Ley is licensed in New Mexico and North Carolina, and has provided clinical and consultative services in numerous other states. He is the Executive Director of New Mexico Solutions, a large outpatient mental health and substance abuse program in Albuquerque, NM.

Dr. Ley has been treating sexuality issues throughout his career. He first began treating perpetrators and victims of sexual abuse, but expanded his approach to include the fostering and promotion of healthy sexuality, and awareness of the wide range of normative sexual behaviors. Insatiable Wives is his first book and won a Silver Medal in the Foreword Magazine Book of the Year contest for 2009. Dr. Ley wrote Insatiable Wives following two years of interviews with couples around the country. His controversial second book, The Myth of Sex Addiction was released in March 2012, challenging the concept of sexual addiction and exploring a different model of male sexuality. The Myth of Sex Addiction triggered a firestorm of debate, allowing people to finally challenge the media hype of this pseudo-disorder. His new book Ethical Porn for Dicks, A Man's Guide to Responsible Viewing Pleasure is due out in Summer/Fall 2016. Dr. Ley may be contacted via email through the Psychology Today website.


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AASECT Summer Institute: Revisiting 'Sex Addiction' with Doug Braun-Harvey

One of our founders, Heather McPherson, LMFT, LPC-S recently had the privilege of interviewing some of the brightest minds in the sexual health field. This will be a series of videos with 8 faculty members from the recent AASECT Summer Institute which was titled: Revisiting 'Sex Addiction': Transformative Ways to Address Out of Control Sexual Behavior. 

The first interview is with Doug Braun-Harvey, MFT, CPG, CST, Co-director of the summer institute alongside Susan Stiritz. They accomplished their goal of putting together a wonderful institute!

Since 1993, Doug has been developing and implementing a sexual health based treatment approach for men with out of control sexual behavior (OCSB). His new book “Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior: Rethinking Sex Addiction”written with co-author Michael Vigorito was published in 2015. 

Mr. Braun-Harvey is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Group Psychotherapist and Certified Sex Therapist. He currently serves as Treasurer of AASECT and is honored, as an alumni of the University of Minnesota, to join their Advisory Board for the Program in Human Sexuality in which he is a founding donor of the Doug Braun-Harvey Fellowship in Compulsive Sexual Behavior. He has been providing individual and group therapy in his San Diego private practice since 1987.


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Censored Writing!

Our very first Sexceptional Lecturer, Dr. David Ley, wrote a blog for Psychology Today that was removed due to legal threat from some in the Sex Addiction Industry.  Below is a personal note about his original article.

Note by Dr. David Ley:

“The below post was originally published on Psychology Today. However, the International Institute for Trauma & Addiction Professionals (IITAP), and the sex addiction gurus who profit from the Sexual Dependency Inventory (SDI), threatened Psych Today and forced them to take it down. I don’t blame the editors at Psychology Today. Indeed, I had predicted this would happen, and wrote the editors in advance, to warn them that they should anticipate such threats. Unfortunately, groups such as Psychology Today are quite vulnerable to such threats, and the cost/time/energy required to defend themselves against claims of libel, defamation or other such legal bullying.

I wrote this article, not to attack IITAP or any specific individuals. Instead, I wrote it due to my concerns about patient who are vulnerable to exploitation and maltreatment by clinicians using an unsupported instrument in unethical ways. Prior to publishing it, I had the piece reviewed by no fewer than 5 statistical, research and sexuality experts, several of whom have histories of much greater support of sex addiction than do I. It wasn’t an echo chamber review. I wrote it carefully, in as objective a manner as possible. I complied with ethics around test protection, and copyright, and wrote this within specific compliance with Fair Use protocol, in order to ethically criticize a clinical assessment I believe is potentially harmful.

I’m publishing this blog here, and in emails and on the blogs of other colleagues, in interest of sharing this information widely, and challenging the ways in which the sex addiction industry uses threats and intimidation to suppress criticism or challenges to their methods. I myself have been threatened with legal action by the sex addiction industry at least half a dozen times, merely for challenging them and publicly criticizing the validity and harmfulness of their methods. Multiple of my colleagues have also been threatened in similar ways, for daring to criticize the monolithic, cultlike industry of sex addiction therapists. I welcome anyone to republish this on their own blogs or websites, not to promote myself in any way, but so as to increase the chances that a patient mandated to complete the SDI by a sex addiction therapist, has the ability to learn for themselves the limitations of this instrument.

Since I first published this, IITAP has taken down the SDI Manual which was previously publicly available on their website. This has the unfortunate result of making a test which was already less than transparent, even more obscure to outside criticism, and limiting even more the degree to which a potential patient can be informed about this test.

https://drdavidley.wordpress.com/2016/09/03/the-sexual-dependency-inventory-an-invalid-instrument-a-tale-of-intimidation-lack-of-transparency-and-suppression-of-criticism/

 

Here is the full article:

The Sexual Dependency Inventory – An Invalid Instrument? 

First published on Psychology Today – Women Who Stray blog of David J. Ley PhD. 9/1/16

Clinical and psychological assessment is a nuanced, and sophisticated area. It’s also a deeply contentious area, with many “pet” assessments which are developed by thought leaders, to evaluate or test their specific theories. Psychological instruments convey a level of science, and therapeutic value, which are sometimes deserved, and other times are used in ways which potentially violate informed consent by patients.

For example – the Myers-Briggs Type Inventory is a test with a great deal of history, often used in business settings and in relationship counseling. But, modern research largely reveals that it is a clinically meaningless and invalid (link is external)test based on antiquated, failed theories. Ethical, informed clinicians no longer use the test, so as not to waste our patient’s time, or to give them the false idea that the test is serving a clear clinical function. The sex addiction treatment industry commonly uses similar outdated and unsupported instruments in ways which pose potentially serious ethical concerns. The Sexual Dependency Inventory (SDI) is one such measure, prominently used by many in the sex addiction industry, despite some alarming weaknesses.

Source: via Wikimedia commons

The Internet is filled with numerous online tests and screening tools which allegedly measure sex addiction. Most of these online tests are free, and appear to work as marketing tools for sex addiction therapists and treatment programs. One however, the Sexual Dependency Inventory-Revised (SDI-R) 4.0, is quite expensive, and commonly used by many sex addiction therapists who sometimes mandate their patients complete the test as a part of treatment. I recently encountered the SDI, in a forensic matter where a therapist had used the SDI 4.0 inappropriately, making custody recommendations on the basis of this test. This case led me to take a closer look at this instrument, which in turn, led to serious concerns about its use in clinical settings. I chose to draft this this post in order to better inform patients who may encounter ill-advised use of the SDI by therapists.

The Sexual Dependency Inventory

The SDI-R 4.0 is described by authors as the only “broadband measure of potentially problematic sexual behaviors and preoccupations…” (Green et al (link is external), p. 127). It is a very long instrument, with over five hundred items, which allegedly assess an extremely wide variety of sexual and relationships issues. I was able to find and download the “SDI R– 4.0 Therapist Manual (link is external)” from IITAP, free on their website and is not identified as restricted or copyrighted. Nevertheless, in keeping with professional ethics regarding test security, I choose not to publish any verbatim items from the test in this article. Quotes used herein are used under Fair Use doctrine, and for the protected purposes of clinical criticism.

The International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP) is an organization, founded by Patrick Carnes, PhD. and currently run by his daughter, which established their own training and certification for sex addiction therapists, and offers the SDI-R 4.0 for a substantial fee through their website www.recoveryzone.com (link is external). The test is accessed by individuals through an interesting and relatively unique use of “tokens” which are purchased by clinicians, and then distributed to patients by the therapist. It’s apparently up to the clinician to set the fee for the patient to receive a token which allows them access to the test and report of test results. Most clinicians charge their patients between $85 and $250 per test. (This cost range is supported by the websites of various online therapists, as well as internal emails from IITAP staff.)

The Sexual Dependency Inventory – Revised, 4.0 is a muddled instrument which takes a “kitchen-sink” approach to testing, essentially throwing everything in, to see what sticks. It has few scientific publications describing it or its development. A very early (1998) version of the test was briefly evaluated and showed some initial potential value. However, that version was less than a fourth as long as the currently administered test. There have been no further validity evaluations (link is external)of the SDI-R 4.0 or replications of these results. Applying these initial findings from 1998 to the current version is contrary to industry standards: For instance, each time the WAIS (IQ test) is updated, the makers must develop and publish extensive statistical modeling and conversion scores, to allow comparison of the new version to past results. There is no evidence that such comparisons have been conducted or published. Indeed, in much of what is written about the SDI, it is typically quite difficult to determine what version of the test is being described. When there are apparently substantial changes happening across versions, this is a troubling lapse.

The SDI-R 4.0 now includes within it a number of distinct instruments, such as the Sexual Addiction Screening Test (SAST), tests of attachment, assessments of motivation for change, and numerous items and scales which allege to distinguish or identify various sexual preoccupations, predilections and tendencies. The manual offers little information regarding any over-arching theory which ties these various items and tests together, and merely states “The SDI is actually a whole battery of relevant tests organized into one cohesive report.” (page 3 of Manual). Unfortunately, many of these individual tests have limitations and problems themselves and combining them all into a single measure would require research to evaluate the degree to which these instruments may overlap or even conflict, and whether their combined use leads to increased “convergent validity” in assessment and treatment. Moreover, there could be issues with ordering effect wherein responses to some questions impact how an individual responds to subsequent items. No such research is evident in the manual, or published literature.

The SDI relies of course on the disputed, consistently rejected pop psychology concept of sex addiction, as well as makes references to more unique concepts such as “eroticized rage,” “sexual anorexia,” and “intimacy disorders.” These concepts are used heavily in the theories of Patrick Carnes, PhD., but have not been adopted at a broader level in the mental health or addictions industry. They reflect antiquated and stigmatizing psychoanalytic theories. They are not accepted diagnoses or generally supported theories of psychological practice, mental health, or sexual development. It is also unclear how the items and structure for the SDI were deductively generated or developed. A 2015 paper indicated that during a structural analysis of the SDI, some items were retained as “critical items,” despite evidence that they had no statistical value.

The SDI-R 4.0 includes items assessing sexual behaviors related to various sexual subcultures, from the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender communities, to swinging communities, and those who engage in kink-related or BDSM types of behaviors. These varied items, and issues imply that these behaviors are inherently evidence of disturbance in relationship, sexuality or mental health. There is no evidence in the manual, or in published research, that these items have been normed on members of these sexual populations who are not experiencing problems. As a result, it is quite likely that this test will inaccurately assess individuals who are struggling or questioning with their sexual orientation, kink, or interest in nonmonogamy.

In 1992, SDI author Patrick Carnes wrote (link is external)“The giving or receiving of pain, also known as sadomasochism or S&M, is a type of sexually addictive behavior in which pain is associated with sexual pleasure. There is a blatant imbalance of power between the giver and the receiver, although both partners may be consenting. . . . Victims may perceive their feelings towards their torturer as loving, but there is no genuine trust or intimacy when a relationship is based on hurting one another.” This inaccurate and biased perception of BDSM relationships still pervades the SDI.

 

People who practice BDSM are often stigmatized inappropriately by sex addiction therapists.

Source: Via Wikimedia Commons

Source: Via Wikimedia Commons

 

The SDI-R 4.0 Manual and test interpretation contains troubling errors regarding sexual disorders, such as this statement: “Dressing and behaving like the other gender with a psychological preference to be the other gender (transvestitism)” (page 35 of manual) actually appears to be describing the issue of transgender or gender dysphoria. Transvestism is a paraphilia related to wearing the opposite gender’s clothing. Similar confusion regarding “cross-dressing” is noted in the manual. Errors such as these in a published clinical test, are troubling and invite a high potential for misinterpretation by both patient and therapist. They suggest a significant lack of awareness of sexological or sexual health treatment in the creation and development of this instrument. Given that it purports to assess and measure paraphilias and sexual behaviors, this is quite troubling.

Another glaring error lies in the marketing and general descriptions of the test, by the therapists who use it. It is frequently described online by clinicians who use it, as having “96.5% accuracy (link is external).” The origin of this misstatement is in the manual, where one subtest, the SAST is described as having been “proven 96.5% accurate in identifying a clinical population.” (page 39, manual). Even this statement about the SAST is disputable, as there is no true “clinical” definition or criterion for such sexual behavior problems, and the SAST is not congruent with the most recent criteria proposed for Hypersexual Disorder. The SAST may be prone to false positives, because of its inclusion of issues related to moral and social attitudes towards sex. The fact that therapists use this statement inaccurately suggests either ignorance or deceptive advertising on their part – either of which are troubling.

Validity testing is a critical component in the development of any psychological test, and is a way to determine if a given test identifies issues that distinguish a clinical population from a nonclinical one. In other words, if there was research showing that the test misidentified a person who is having no problems related to sex, then we would be concerned that this test may more generally mistakenly pathologize normal sexual variations in people. One of the severe weaknesses of the SDI, is its lack of “clinical cutoff scores” which identify problematic users from a normative population. Thus, without these cutoff scores, there is great chance of pathologizing normal behaviors. The SDI has been described (link is external)as limited in its reliance on self-report, with no external validation of confirmation on the patient’s affirmations. Such self-report responses can easily be influenced by feelings of shame and guilt, as opposed to actual clinical issues. As far as I am able to determine, the only validity testing done on the SDI was conducted in 1998, on an early and different version of this test. As a result, we have no current evidence regarding what this instrument actually does.

Based upon the information reviewed and described above, this writer concludes that use of the SDI R 4.0 in clinical or forensic settings is extremely questionable, unless a patient is provided with informed consent regarding the limited validity and reliability of this experimental instrument.  Results and predictions of the SDI-R 4.0 should be regarded with extreme skepticism without other corroborating information, test results or behavioral evidence. The report itself can mislead patients into a belief that the conclusions reflect a scientific or clinical evaluation that is definitive which has the potential to cause psychological harm to those taking the test. The SDI R 4.0 is an internal, “home-grown” instrument, used only within the isolated “cottage industry” of sex addiction treatment. It seems that the test has been created more for a revenue stream for its authors than as a benefit for patients. The absence of the SDI-R 4.0 in generally accepted literature and methods raises significant ethical concerns about therapists administering and charging patients for clinical use of this instrument.

People seeking help for sexual and relationship matters are extremely vulnerable, dealing with intense issues of guilt, shame, fear and isolation. They are eager and desperate for help and reassurance. Such individuals are unfortunately highly disposed to believe and trust based on the appearance of credibility and expertise. In dealing with such problems, clinicians must be extremely careful and thoughtful to educate patients about the limitations of our tools and methods. Therapists currently using the SDI-R 4.0 should undertake a critical evaluation of its role and usefulness in their therapeutic approach. There are numerous free tests available to them, with greater levels of research and support, which are less onerous for their patients, and which stand less likelihood of stigmatizing healthy aspects of sexual diversity.”


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Texas SAR

In August, we held our first SAR with Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh. 25 sex therapists traveled from all over the country to receive this unique weekend-long training. Some were applying the credit hours toward AASECT Certification or renewing certification, while others simply wanted the experience to deepen their knowledge of human sexuality. Saturday and Sunday comprised of group discussion, art, media, storytellong and other experiences. This was a dynamic, experiential weekend that stuck with us. Educators, Counselors, therapists and medical providers were able to get back in touch with their beliefs and attitudes toward various aspects of human sexuality and hopefully carried these new ideas back to their respective fields. 

This group was also lucky enough to be provided with an optional sex positive event. The local Austin community of South Austin Kinksters (SoAK with Reign and Kathleen) opened up their doors to our group for one night and it was an amazing experience. Participants had a chance to listen to a panel of individuals whom participated in an alternative lifestyle (kink, non-monogamy and leather). Our moderator for the panel was Angelriot. (The educational director of SAADE, the Society for Austin Advanced Dominant-Submissive Education) He got involved in kink in Los Angeles nearly twenty-five years ago, and has been an enthusiastic student of all kinds of academic work - sociological, psychological, historical, or theoretical - related to sadomasochism or fetishism. He presents frequently on the history of BDSM culture so that kink practitioners have a better understanding of their own roots and the cultural legacy that they have inherited. Panel members discussed their involvement in the scene, personal stories, labels and orientations, psychological and physical impacts, as well as their relationships.

Texas SAR Interview with Dr Sara Nasserzadeh before her upcoming AASECT-certified SAR in Austin, Texas. 

Sara Nasserzadeh, PhD DipPST, is a social psychologist, AASECT Certified Sexuality Counselor, and a COSRT accredited psychosexual therapist. She is globally recognized for her contributions to the field of sexual and reproductive health at the clinical as well as policy and educational levels.

Dr. Nasserzadeh is an award-winning author, BBC host, consultant and a technical advisor to the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA). She has worked globally (across 30 countries) helping various organizations, companies, communities, programs, and causes in the capacity of a thought leader in the sociocultural aspects of human sexuality and effective communication with hard-to-reach groups including adolescents, refugees and religious minorities.


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Dr. David Ley

Our first piece is from Dr. David Ley who joined our SSHA family of Sexceptional Lectures in 2015. He kicked off our series discussing porn and it was very well received. We got to chat with him in the video below about his own journey into sex therapy and learned about who his sexual role model is...

Southwest Sexual Health Alliance's candid interview with Dr. David Ley in December 2015 following his lecture in Austin, Texas. We were so happy to have him kick off our Sexceptional Lecture Series!

5 Sex/Relationship Myths Therapists Should Stop Believing

by David Ley, PhD

 

You may find this hard to believe, but most therapists, psychologists and doctors have received no training in sexuality. A minority of mental health, social work or medical training programs offer graduate-level training in sexuality issues, beyond covering the paraphilias and sexual disorders included in DSM-5. Some programs address sexual diversity issues, but not all. Few, if any, states require specific training in sexuality issues in order to qualify for licensure. Only a very few states (California and Florida when I last looked) require a license or documented training in order to call oneself a sex therapist.

Source: Via Wikimedia Commons

Source: Via Wikimedia Commons

Why and how this came to be is a long, socially-driven tale, and I’m not sure anyone has ever really documented the story. But, what this lack of training means, is that therapists are subject to the same sexual biases, misconceptions, and myths, which permeate general society. Most therapists learn about sexual issues from the general media – NOT from professional journals or research.  As a result, many therapists hold some dangerous myths and misconceptions, and use these mistaken beliefs in their practice. Here are five of the most common ones, which I’ve encountered as I supervise, correspond with and train therapists around the world:

Kink is Rare and Unhealthy: Since the ideas of fetishes/paraphilias were first introduced in the late 1800’s, therapists have believed that sexually unusual behaviors and desires were just that: unusual, rare, and usually abnormal. But, the DSM-5 makes the distinction between paraphilic interests, and paraphilia disorders, now acknowledging that people can have unusual sexual interests, with no distress or dysfunction. In Scandinavia, they abolished the paraphilia diagnoses several years ago, with no regrets or reconsiderations in the time since. Recent research in Canada suggests that nearly half the population endorses interest in “unusual” sexual practices. Which begs the question if anyone really knows what “usual” or “normal” actually is. Numerous recent studies of people involved in BDSM show that they are often more emotionally healthy than the average person. And, the Fifty Shades of Grey Effect has shown that many, many "normal" people are interested in exploring their sexual boundaries.

Open or Non-Monogamous Relationships Don’t Work Long-Term: Therapists tend to be remarkably biased and judgmental about relationships that explore negotiated alternatives to infidelity. In a recent NY Times article, noted anthropologist Helen Fisher proclaimed that humans aren’t wired for nonmonogamy, and are fooling themselves if they pursue it. But, increasing numbers of relationships are negotiating these boundaries, and many researchers and therapists like myself are writing about the many kinky, polyamorous, swinger and gay male couples that we’ve seen establish and maintain very healthy relationships for decades. Several studies of nonmonogamous couples show that they tend to be more egalitarian, more open to sexual diversity, and more likely to practice safe sex. Given the incredibly high rates of infidelity and divorce in allegedly monogamous relationships, it leads one to wonder what exactly, therapists are thinking of when they say that monogamy works and nonmonogamy does not.

Porn Causes Divorce: I can’t turn around without hearing the statistic that porn use is involved in 50% of divorces. I’ve heard this from countless therapists, who write to tell me how wrong I am to suggest that porn use can be healthy. The origin of this seems to lie with two groups. First, the Family Research Council has asserted that they conducted research, and found that porn was involved in over 50% of divorces. But the Family Research Council is a group founded by James Dobson, which promotes “traditional family values” and lobbies against divorce, pornography, abortion, gay rights, gay adoption and gay marriage. The FRC’s study of pornography and divorce was not published in a research journal, nor subjected to peer review. The second origin of this mysterious statistic about divorce and porn is from The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. In 2003, at one of their conferences, the Academy reportedly did a survey of 350 of their attorneys. About half of these attorneys reported that they had seen online porn play a part in divorces. Because the methodology is unclear, we don't know if they said they'd seen it in half of divorces, or if half of the attorneys had EVER seen it at least once. But again, this survey has never been published, and these data and methods never analyzed. I think it likely that therapists do see porn use in men  involved in divorce – because men increase their porn use when they are lonely, depressed, and when they are not having enjoyable sex in their relationships. But therapists are mistaking a symptom, an effect, for a cause, when they blame porn for divorces.

Trauma Causes Unwanted Same Sex Attractions: Many therapists, especially within the sex addiction field, argue that childhood sexual trauma can lead males to engage in homosexual behaviors that are inconsistent with the man’s sexual orientation. This belief ignores a few important points:

  • First, gay and bi males are at higher risk of experiencing sexual abuse, not because abuse made them gay, but because gay/bi youth are often isolated and vulnerable.

  • Secondly, Occam’s Razor suggests that these men experiencing “unwanted same sex attractions” are actually not as heterosexual as they may want to be, reflecting the moralistic and homophobic attitudes of the families/religions they were raised in. Blaming abuse for the sexual desires is a distraction.

  • Thirdly, the idea of “unwanted same sex attraction” ignores the important theory of sexual fluidity, which is now helping us to recognize that sexual orientation is not the rigid concept that therapists once believed.

  • Finally, I always like to ask therapists who believe this concept of “trauma-induced same sex attraction” if they believe that a woman sexually abusing a homosexual male could lead that male to experience “unwanted heterosexual attractions”? If a therapist doesn’t believe that this mythical effect could go both ways, then they are really just voicing stigma against male homosexuality.

A therapist helping these men to suppress their same sex attractions is dangerously close to conversion treatment, and further, is unlikely to be effective or therapeutic. Patients experiencing distress at such desires deserve education, support and affirmative treatment to help them understand and normalize their desires – treating sexual attractions as symptoms of trauma is inherently labelling them as abnormal and unhealthy, directly contrary to best practices and ethical standards.

Source: Via Wikimedia Commons

Source: Via Wikimedia Commons

 

Casual Sex is Unhealthy: Many therapists believe that casual sex, sex outside an emotionally-committed relationship, is inherently unhealthy. It’s not hard to understand why therapists think this: our society promotes the idea that casual sex is less meaningful, and is cheap, compared to the ideal, of emotionally-committed bonding sex. Further, the research on casual sex is nuanced, and a bit difficult to parse out. Some research has shown that many women experience depression after casual sex, and are less likely to have orgasms. Further research on casual sex suggests that it is people’s attitudes towards the activity which predict their experiences. If you think casual sex is cheap and unhealthy, you’ll probably feel bad afterwards, if you have sex with someone you’re not in a relationship with. But, it’s likely that it’s the people who feel bad after casual sex who are telling their therapists about it, not the people who enjoy it and feel fine about it. So, it’s easy to understand how therapists could end up thinking that casual sex is unhealthy for everyone, in spite of what research is now revealing.

Therapists who believe these myths aren’t being intentionally biased. As said, they’ve rarely had training on dealing with these sexual issues. They are inundated with the panicked, sex-negative information that abounds in general media. They see a limited sample of people struggling with these issues, and don't understand how sample bias affects their judgment. Many therapists endorsing these myths identify as Christian counselors, and these misconceptions are consistent with the sexual morals promoted in conservative religious beliefs. But, licensed clinical practitioners are held by their ethics to practice based on the best, most current clinical information available. They are also prohibited from engaging in stigmatizing treatments, regardless of the therapists’ religious beliefs.

If your therapist tells you any of these myths, know that they are likely doing so out of ignorance. Feel free to share this article with them. But, if they refuse to consider that their beliefs may be evidence of bias or stigma, you may need to consider finding another therapist, one who is interested in providing treatment based on evidence, rather than bias and assumption.

More folks are now recognizing this need, and offering trainings to therapists to help them understand modern sexuality. Follow these links to resources where you or your therapist can fill in these gaps.


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