What does it mean to be a "Sex-Positive" Parent?

WHAT IS SEX POSITIVITY?

The sex-positive movement is a social and philosophical movement that aims to reframe cultural attitudes and moral norms around sexuality. Those that are sex-positive promote the recognition of sex and sexuality, through varying forms of expression, as a critical and healthy part of the human experience. Being sex-positive is emphasizing the importance of safe sex practices, personal sovereignty, and consent throughout all interactions as well as comprehensive sexual education. To be sex-positive, one considers sex (and everything it entails from certain sex acts, gender, orientation, and identity) without moral distinctions or cultural influence. To be sex-positive is to be non-judgmental. Because cultural taboos, stigmas, shyness, embarrassment, and shame can greatly affect our personal views, these topics can add pressure to a relationship. In these moments, know that there is no shame in getting help.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE A SEX-POSITIVE PARENT?

It is true that parenting is a never-ending job. In the US today, parents of LGBTQIA+ children, and the children themselves, continue to battle for basic human rights and better representation. To be a sex-positive parent is to be a sex-positive person, which is something many might struggle with due to their own upbringing and current societal standards. Being a sex-positive parent means you are a true ally to your child, their friends, and the world as a whole. Being a sex-positive parent means you are concerned with the backward trajectory of our country and are working toward a future where everyone is safe, regardless of their identity. Being a sex-positive parent means your child knows they can come to you with their problems without fear of shame, rejection, or violence. 

FIVE QUICK TIPS FOR SEX-POSITIVE PARENTING:

1. Listen
   Arguably the single most important skill for all parents, but especially those who want to be sex-positive for their children, is to listen. As a parent, your first instinct will be to immediately find a solution or quick fix to whatever the problem may be. If you feel this urge when your child brings up a sexual issue with you, stop, breathe, and remember they are, at this moment, trusting you with something intensely sensitive and personal.
   

2. Control reactions and emotions
   Controlling any reactions goes hand-in-hand with listening. If you react, you are no longer listening to your child or their concerns, but instead are superimposing your own concerns onto them. If you feel a negative reaction coming on to what your child is telling you, remember to listen and to breathe. The way you react to this information will definitely determine whether or not your child finds you sex-positive.
   

3. Ask for clarification or more information

   Perhaps your child uses a term that you are unfamiliar with or explains something you haven’t heard of, use this time to ask for their definitions and perspective with the words. Knowing how your child defines these terms and/or how they use these terms to define themselves is critical for establishing a productive conversation. Should their definition be incorrect or misguided, gently redirect them to the correct definition and get curious about where they learned their definition.
   

4. Do your research / commit to learning more

   Accepting that you may be unfamiliar with certain specifics of this topic will be difficult – unlearning always is. But for your child’s sake, conducting your own research and committing to learning for their benefit is crucial to being a sex-positive parent. When you close off your mind, your child reasonably assumes you are not a person to trust with such delicate matters and could therefore choose not to turn to you for help. Furthermore, if you come to these conversations with accurate, helpful, and celebratory information, you prove to your child you are committed to their growth and happiness. 
   

5. Discuss with another parent, guardian, adult friend, or therapist 

   At the end of the day, if you are still uncomfortable with what your child has confided in you, please discuss your opinions, reactions, and possible solutions with a trusted adult or professional. Other parents have much advice to offer but remember that every child and their needs are unique to them; what works for one child in the same instance could very well backfire for your child. A licensed sex therapist can offer immense, unbiased clarification on these matters.