Imagine someone sitting home alone at their computer. While quietly reading an article, all of a sudden, the cursor begins to move. They reach for the mouse, yet the cursor continues to move independently of their hand. The browser is no longer in their control. A moment later, they are locked out of the computer. The lights in the room begin to strobe and a song blasts at full volume throughout the house. For many, this would be a terrifying scenario. For some, this represents the ultimate submissive fantasy, a fantasy they would enthusiastically pay for. Welcome to the world of technical domination.
What is technical domination?
Technology continues to push the boundaries of every flavor of sexual expression, from AI companions (Part 1, Part 2) to advanced sex toys. Kinky play is no longer confined to a dungeon or other physical space. Novel forms of play are created by technology, pushing the bounds of what BDSM can look like. Dominants and submissives may never meet in person, but they can still enjoy a rich kinky relationship facilitated entirely by technological means.
Like-minded submissives connect with each other online to exchange tips on the best software and new ways to play. On one popular fetish site, an enthusiast describes his experience and eagerly looks for advice: “My Mistress and I enjoy control with qustodio on my phone, locking apps, websites and time limits etc (sic) One of the things we both enjoy is the lack of privacy for me and we would like to expand this. Any information on spyapps etc which allow Mistress to know everything I do on my phone, read all messages and even listen in to phone calls would be greatly appreciated please”.
Goddess Anisa
Meet Berlin based technical dominatrix, Goddess Anisa. In a Youtube interview titled “Tech Dominatrix. Device control as a fetish,” she explains how though coming from “literally no tech background”, she has carved out a niche for herself as a technical dominatrix. Using common technical tools, such as Teamviewer and Skype, she consensually takes control of a client’s devices. “The more the technology develops,” she states, “the more opportunities for kinky play”.
As she begins to work with a client, she first discusses desires and boundaries. After installing TeamViewer, she then grants herself admin privileges and can downgrade the client’s permission to that of a regular user—or child. With admin permissions, she can access the device any time she wants. She may similarly gain access to a client’s smart home device. From her remote location, she can adjust the home’s temperature, turn on music, etc.
She credits the start of the fetish to California in 2013. Since that time, demand for technical domination exploded as people were confined to their homes during the pandemic. Her international clientele ranges in age from early twenties to sixties. Clients come from all kinds of backgrounds: students, truck drivers, medical professionals, retirees, and government workers—some even working in cybersecurity. How could a cybersecurity professional, whose professional life is dedicated to avoiding device control, seek out such an experience? According to Goddess Anisa: “I think this is how fetishes develop actually, right? The bigger the taboo, the higher the desire.”
In a time where being online 24/7 is a real possibility, an erotic attachment to a device is not far-fetched. “Many people merge with their devices,” says Goddess Anisa. This could even be likened to the phantom limb phenomenon. Just as an amputee may claim to feel “pain” when the phantom limb is touched, removal from a fetishized device could cause emotional distress.
Goddess Anisa theorizes that so many people have formative sexual experiences mediated through technology (snooping around for pornography, trying to circumvent parental controls, etc). These experiences become imprinted on someone’s sexuality and they strive to recreate these erotically charged scenarios as adults.
Submission to a powerful female figure may be reminiscent of the dependence on a mother or school teacher during childhood. Some clients request tasks, chores, or “homework.” Goddess Anisa recalls giving a client an assignment to write four pages for every year of his life. Completion of this “homeword” can be monitored digitally.
Mistress Harley®, the Techdomme®
Mistress Harley®, the Techdomme®, is a pioneer in the field of technical domination. In her book Techdomme 2: How to Techdomme, she explained her evolution as a technical dominatrix:
“When I began trailblazing in the world of computer and information control it was after I had spent many years in both QA (quality assurance) and project management in the software industry (specifically games). When I approached taking over someone’s machine for a sexy reason for the first time I considered my targets the same way a hacker would – as a malicious target designed to milk them dry of their resources (information) and ultimately their means to escape (the computer itself).”
Other ways to technically dominate someone include game restriction, gambling restriction, device time limits, curfew, buying items on a client’s dime, and “sissifying” the device with a girlish background.
Mistress Harley has published multiple books related to technical domination and also hosts the Sexuality & Fetish Podcast with Mistress Harley. In one podcast episode, “BDSM & FETISH an Introduction from Mistress Harley®, the Techdomme®, she speaks to the origins of a fetish: “Some men fetishize being taken advantage of. After all, some of our earliest sexual experiences kind of come in such a way that they shape our fetishes, whether we want that to happen or not. Many people are kind of chasing that first time everytime the rest of their lives.”
What are the limits of the technological element in BDSM play? As Goddess Anisa says, “when the technology evolves, the play will change”. Wherever technology goes, kink will go with it.
Written by Tessa Tate.
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