What do ice, candle wax, hot drinks, and freezing baths have in common? They’re all aids in temperature play! Temperature play is a great way to turn up the heat in the bedroom (yes, pun intended) and explore your sexuality. Have you wanted to experiment with this kink, but you’re not quite sure where to start? Are you curious about the ins-and-outs of temperature play to get you started? Well, reader, you’ve come to the right place! Welcome to Temperature Play 101.
What is Temperature Play?
Temperature play is a form of BDSM—an acronym that stands for bondage and discipline/dominance and submission/sadism and masochism. Further narrowing this down, temperature play is a form of BDSM sensation play. In sensation play, sexual partners engage the five senses, using things such as feathers, ice cubes, paddles, or other tools to help extend this exploration.
Temperature play falls under the umbrella of sensation play because partners use hot and cold dynamics to alter the sense of touch. Using hot and cold sensations activates the body’s thermoreceptors. Thermoreceptors are specialized nerve cells that gauge temperature changes and allow our skin to accordingly adapt its sensitivity levels. These temperature changes can be produced by things you already have or from additional aids that you buy.
Hot and Cold: Forms of Temperature Play
There are numerous ways to engage in this kink, ranging from DIY methods to buying toys. Here’s a list of some hot and cold activities for you or your sexual partner to try out.
Cold Activities
Use Ice
I’m sure we’re all familiar with that one scene in 50 Shades of Grey where Christian Grey uses an ice cube on Anastasia Steele. This is an accessible and cheap way to incorporate cold sensations in the bedroom. Just take an ice cube and trace your or your partner’s body. Pro Tip: try focusing on erogenous zones (i.e. lips, ears, nipples, thighs, etc)!
Cold Showers/Baths
Take a cold bath or shower with your partner. This method envelopes your entire body in a cold sensation, which is different from targeted sensations. You and your partner’s body may react differently when in a cold bath or shower—use this time to explore each other’s bodies and have some fun.
Chill Your Sex Toys
You can run your toys under cold water, submerge them, or stick them in the freezer for a few hours. We encourage you to be careful and do some additional research before sticking sex toys into cold water or the freezer, as some materials are better for different methods. For example, materials such as glass and stainless steel are great to freeze. Additionally, if your toys have battery covers or charging ports you should cover them up before submerging them in water. Again, we urge you to do some additional research to ensure that your sex toy is safe to use with water, as some are not waterproof.
Hot Activities
Hot Drinks
Drink a warm cup of tea without spices (to avoid irritating your partner’s vulva or penis) or a warm cup of water to warm your mouth. After that, explore your partner's body with your tongue. You can also engage in oral sex after drinking the hot drink. This is similar to the cooling tactic of using an ice cube, but just a hot version.
Turn Up the Temperature
Like, literally! Crank up the heat in your bedroom, living room, or wherever you’ll be getting it on. This is an easy but often overlooked way to engage in hot temperature play. Feeling hot and sweaty will alter the overall sensations in your body, which can excite you even more. (Pro Tip #2: integrate some cold activities to really test things out.)
Massage Candles
Massage candles, when melted, produce massage oil which you can then rub onto your partner’s body. Dripping the hot massage oil can increase pleasure in targeted areas, and you can then sensually massage your partner. Experiment with holding the candle at different heights. If you drip the oil closer to the body, your partner will experience more warmth. Please note that you should stay away from household candles because these can cause serious burns.
Temperature Play Safety
There’s a common misconception that temperature play is for newbies, but whether you’ve been implementing temperature play into your sex life for five years or five days, there are safety practices you can use to make sure you and your partner are as safe as possible.
Although this piece has focused on temperature play between sexual partners, temperature play can be used solo as well! Exploring new sensations while masturbating allows you to figure out what you like and dislike at your own pace. Once you’re confident in what you like and dislike, you can practice this bodily autonomy by communicating your temperature play desires with a partner.
Another safety measure is implementing temperature play slowly. Exploring new kinks can be intimidating, which is a totally normal feeling. For those who may feel intimidated, slowly introducing yourself to temperature play can allow you to face any anxieties in smaller increments For example, try using it during the first 15 minutes of foreplay. Once you’re comfortable with the first 15 minutes, try increasing the duration of time.
On the other hand, some find exploring new kinks to be exciting. This is also normal! We just want to acknowledge that, sometimes, jumping right into a kink can lead to risky situations. Taking the time to really understand how your body reacts to hot and cold sensations is key to safely practicing in temperature play. While exploring new kinks with partners, don’t be ashamed to establish boundaries. Additionally, establish safe words beforehand and have discussions at the end of sessions to talk about what went well and what can change in future sessions.
So, now that you’re equipped with some of the coolest tips and tricks of Temperature Play 101, we hope that you’re feeling more confident, and more educated, on how to safely navigate temperature play if you choose to do so. Let those blazing passions and icy desires come to life!
Written by Jess Pearse (she/they).
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