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Sexual Health Blogs

Sex Toys, but For Cows

Animal rights and their claim to autonomy have been a hot topic over the last few years. More than ever are people turning vegetarian and vegan, understanding that the animal can feel pain—and that the slaughter and unfair conditions they may be kept in are no longer acceptable. We now advocate for the animals to be kept in a way that improves their quality of life rather than force them to suffer and live in inhumane conditions such as that of factory farms. One person that has gone above and beyond in ensuring animals can experience pleasure rather than pain is Ece Tan, the inventor of sex toys for cows. 

Ece Tan has looked at the invasive procedures that are forced upon cows, such as milking and artificial insemination being incredibly uncomfortable for the cow to go through. This is where the “Happy Cow” project comes into play: 

“Happy Cow proposes speculative sex toys for cows in order to make standard industrial farming practices more pleasurable for them. It is a critical design project that highlights the arbitrariness of human empathy and anthropocentric animal-welfare practices, through the lens of commodified cows.”

Ece Tan points out that the clash between animal and human interests can result in inhumane and unfair practices, often at the expense of the animal. When our pleasure and desire for meat or greed is at stake, we “disconnect from our impact on other species and the issues we create for them.” By recontextualizing the common tools that are seen in a dairy farm setting, and placing importance on the animals’ experience of pleasure, the speculative sex toys can “make farming procedures more pleasurable for cows whilst bringing their experiences to a level of human understanding.” The Happy Cow project seems to find a middle ground between consuming animal products and byproducts, and still providing ethical and fair treatment of the animal. This is NOT a project to tell us to all switch to oat milk (the superior dairy alternative) or to all turn vegetarian overnight but to raise genuine awareness of the fact that the animal DOES deserve pleasure and we NEED to change the way we treat them. 

Happy Cow currently demonstrates three different types of sex toys: a milking teat cup massager, an artificial insemination dildo, and ribbed & dotted examination gloves. The dildo, measuring XXX,  is designed to fit around the artificial insemination guns to make impregnation more enjoyable for the cow. The teat massager can be attached to a traditional vacuum pump and provide more protection and a more gentle sensation for the udder. Finally, the latex examination glove has been upgraded to be textured and ribbed, which, similarly to our condoms, adds pleasure. All three of these seem incredibly similar to the toys you might find at your local sex shop;, Ece Tan explains “the visual and material language of these adult toys is recognisable to humans, making the experiences of the cows somewhat more tangible for us.” By having these toys as something that feels familiar to us, distance is removed and the experience of the cow can be brought to a human level. 

I was disappointed to find that these sex toys are a conceptual device, and that rather than being intended for actual use, they instead serve as a critical tool to “remind desensitized consumers of the range of emotions that animals can feel.” So could something like this ever actually exist? My initial reaction was that an invention like this could really change standardized practices that take place on the farm—knowing that the cow didn't experience discomfort or pain when being milked could reduce guilt around consuming dairy products for those worried about animal welfare.  But, as Ece Tan points out, “if these products were to be adopted at face value, there would definitely be a risk of justifying farming practices or even making them trendy…a new ‘pleasure-certified farming’ label to assuage people’s guilt.” Even if these products existed and worked, we still view and treat the animal as something we can use for our own pleasure and desires—enforcing the gap that Ece Tan and Happy Cow aims to close. Despite the products only being a speculative project at Central Saint Martins, the reception to them was overwhelmingly negative. Whilst some were aware this was merely a project to critique the way we treat animals, others belittled Ece Tan, calling them “self-centered” and asking “tell me where the cow consented.” 

With the existence of consumerism and commodification, it seems impossible to create something for the animals pleasure without acknowledging it is ultimately created so we, as humans, can make use of the animal without a feeling of guilt. Whilst the dildo created to fit around the artificial insemination gun could make the procedure less painful for the cow, this does not hide the fact that the cows produced from this are intended for slaughter and beef production. Whilst the Happy Cow project raises awareness of the mistreatment of cows during milking, examining, and inseminating, there was no mention of the way we slaughter them. Perhaps I am slightly biased as I myself am vegetarian for animal welfare purposes, but at the very least I am glad that cow dildos are encouraging some discourse around animal happiness and pleasure. 

By Stephanie McCartney