Exploring one’s sexuality is a normal and healthy part of life. Remember that sexuality is “basically a way to describe the feelings you have for someone you fancy or are attracted to.” (lanarkshiresexualhealth) One study that examined sexual orientations of people from teenage years through early adulthood showed that changes occurred throughout the duration, “noting that ‘Substantial changes were common not only from late adolescence to the early 20s but also from the early 20s to the late 20s, indicating that sexual orientation development continues throughout emerging adulthood.’” (verywellmind) However, it can be scary and often lonely to explore one’s sexuality alone. Sex therapy offers guidance while exploring one’s sexuality. A sex therapist can assist in such exploration using techniques such as cognitive behavioral therapy, regular talk therapy, or narrative therapy. It’s noted that a person’s relationship with their own experience “of sexual desire is often inextricably linked to [their] sense of identity, self-esteem, personal agency, energy levels, self-care habits, and interpersonal relationships.”(ct.counseling) If you’re a sex therapist with clients who are questioning their sexuality, there are some simple exercises that you can conduct in therapy to help your client.
Exercises to Help A Client
You can start by asking your client to practice some introspection. Provide your client with questions and instruct them to sit with the following:
“What imagery resonates with you: when you see photos of couples or families, which ones tug at your heartstrings or your libido? Do you feel feelings of envy or hope when you see same-gender couples?
What's in your imagination: when you close your eyes and envision your perfect partner, are they a specific gender? If so, is their gender different than that of people you've partnered with up to this point?
Separate the dogma you've learned from your true self: as we go through life, we absorb a lot of ideologies about what's "right" or "good." If you focus on getting those out of the way, does your idea of who you're attracted to change?” (verywellmind)
These questions can sometimes be difficult for a client to sit with. As a licensed sex therapist, you can provide your client with the support system necessary for them to explore their answers. One of the most important steps in the process is to ensure that your client feels safe. In this sense, part of helping a client who is exploring their sexuality is “giving a client a safe haven to explore their situation, delve into themselves, self-educate on the historical struggle for gay rights… [this] can create for them a new expansive space, one where they can co-create options for themselves and define even a new form of sexuality.” ( m1psychology ) Overall, the main way you can help a client who is exploring their sexuality is to act as a guide and create a safe space for them to explore their desires.
By: Alyssa Morterud