“They try to say what you are, spiritual or sexual? They wonder about Solomon and all his wives. In the body of the world, they say. there is a Soul and you are that. But we have ways within each other that will never be said by anyone.” --Rumi

Breathe in…

Breathe out…

Hold for 7 seconds…

1…2…3…4…5…6…7

Do you feel that?

The buildup of air in your lungs, and the relaxation washing all over your body. Imagine that feeling during your sexual rituals or lovemaking, deep down in your sacral chakra. One’s sacral chakra is right above the pubic bone, and is known for passion and togetherness; however, it is considered an emotional energy centerpoint.

Spirituality and sexuality composed as one, intimacy at its deepest core, is commonly known as tantric sex.
Interestingly enough, I first learned about tantric sex from a Cosmopolitan magazine, about a decade ago. The article was cutting-edge, but the revelation on how profound these “sex sessions” were for the people involved had me pining for more information on these mystical, sexually-focused sessions such folx were engaging in. I researched and absorbed as much knowledge on the topic as I could, so that I too could indulge in this erotic polarity. A heightened feeling of transcendence and sexual nature merging together to empower your energy and senses, all in one. The well-known Netflix show, Sex. Love. & Goop, gives us a slight glimpse into soul-snatching orgasms without any use of physical touch, and real-life sexual energies from various couples across an inclusive spectrum.

What is tantric sex? Where does it come from?

Tantra originates from Sanskrit origin texts from over 5,000 years ago. It is a spiritual and physical convergence, all on its own: an exchange of heightened senses, mindfulness, and sexual urges all in one. You do not have to practice Buddhism, hold any specific religious beliefs, or be a daily practitioner of yoga to try this. No matter what, taking a part of another culture without understanding what it truly means can have negative effects not only on the culture you are using, but also on others.

An article by Lorilial Biernacki titled "Sex Talk and Gender Rites: Women and the Tantric Sex Rite" describes tantric sex rituals as reenactments of mind, body, and soul. “We have to keep in mind that texts which talk about the sex rite are doing just that—‘‘talking’’ about sex,” Biernacki reveals in their article, emphasizing that the spiritual elements of sex are not necessarily correlated to Hindu-Buddhist tantra. Sometimes tantric sex can be misconstrued as merely an orgasm enhancer or “pleasure seeker,” but it seems to be more than writhing physical ecstasy, tantric sex will manifest itself into orgasmic energy at will.

Tantra is a journey of self-evolution—a tool to boost connection and awareness.The great thing is that anyone can do this alongside a partner, or even solo. (A ménage á moi—an individual masturbation session, often in reference to women—is always good for the soul. Take it from someone who tries to keep it a daily routine.)

My first tantric experience was with my now partner of seven years. Funny enough, we had given up any type of sexual relations for lent: you name it, oral, any type of penetration, dry-humping, anal, kissing for more than a minute, eye-fucking, etc. Forty days of no sexual touch is hard—no pun intended—and the build-up of sexual energy was at an all-time high. As much as I wanted to jump his bones, I held onto that impulse. Now, after seven years together, we use tantra as a means to reconnect mentally & in spirit. I would be lying if I said we fell in-sync on our first couple of tries; despite that, indulging in tantric sex on a monthly basis has increased our intimacy and added to our affection.

Tips for beginners

While a more in-depth guide can be found here, my three tips for beginners are simple:

Eyes are windows to the soul. We have all heard the famous quote—but literally, eye-gazing is essential in the foundation of sexual tantra. You can learn so much from someone's look, as well as increase sexual satisfaction!
Pre-Game Pleasures. While we are all lovers of foreplay, we want to slow down the eagerness toward penetrative sex; instead push toward slow intimate movements.
Loosey Goosey. Shake out your limbs, and whether you decide to be nude or in a more comfy fit, focus your mindset on tranquility. Whatever you choose to wear, I would encourage loose-fitting apparel for easier undressing and mobility.

Although these are only a few of the many steps taken into consideration when delving into tantra, I consider them my top three based on my own sexual preferences. They will vary from person to person and that is part of the beauty of our uniqueness. If you ever feel risky & in high spirits, I recommend the following MasterClass by sex guru, Emily Morse. Her Podcast show, Sex with Emily covers many sex-illuminating topics and themes.

What if tantric sex does not work for me?

Do not feel any less if tantric sex did not work the first time, or second or third, and so on. This in no way, shape, or form represents your quality of sexual flare, nor is it correlated to the sexual desire you and your partner share. Instead, take it as a form of play, continue learning from one another, what you like/dislike? How can you increase satisfaction with all parties involved (we welcome solo play, two or more partners involved)? Remember it is not about the end goal but what fuels the soul—and by soul, I mean your internal aura and your sexual appetite. Embrace the journey of self-discovery and deep connection, and buckle up—it’s going to be a bumpy ride!

Disclaimer: The information provided here is intended for educational/informative advice purposes only; therefore, it is not intended to substitute as professional/medical advice. If you have any questions or concerns regarding your sexual health it may be viable to consult with your doctor or specified health-care professional.

Written by Cris Reyes.

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