Sugar-dating—a type of dating where benefits are exchanged for some form of romantic or sexual companionship–has become a common approach to paying for a college education. An astounding number of sugar babies on famous websites like Seeking Arrangements are college students. With the tuition rates only increasing in recent years it won’t be surprising to see the sugar baby numbers rising.
When I first heard about sugar-dating from a friend in my freshmen year, it took me only five seconds to find seeking arrangements and make my sugar baby profile. My pupils dilated as I noticed how in demand I was but soon enough I started panicking and almost ran a fever. Do I even know how to be a sugar baby in college? What do I even want out of this? These burning questions induced the end of my sugar-dating dreams. But that’s only my part of the story as many students do fully engage in it. The lack of resources for students to understand how to attract healthy sugar relationships and avoid toxic interactions is unfortunate and needs our attention. We know it’s happening on several college campuses, so it’s about time we find ways to support them. Thus, after talking to a bunch of students, most of whom want to remain anonymous, I’ve compiled a list of guidelines to follow before you unleash the sugar baby in you.
Note down your personal boundaries:
Once you’ve found a safe sugar-dating website, sit with a paper, a pen, and your mind. Write down the rules and boundaries you wish to have with your sugar partner(s). These should include both your sexual and romantic expectations and how willing you’d be to fulfill the needs of companionship. Be able to define your own specific needs and wants before going on a first date. Granting all this, your list will constantly change as you gain more and more experience.
Learn about the financial arrangements:
Research, research, research! You should have some idea about the market of sugar-dating. The financial benefits you wish to receive from your sugar partner(s) should fall under the average amount. It’s also important to note that different sexual and romantic acts of companionship may involve assumed priced benefits.
First-date discussions:
Now that you’re aware of your own needs, ensure that you’re able to vocalize them on your first dates. Be straightforward and direct about what you’re looking for and what you’re willing to do for the decided benefits. At this point, you should be well-versed in your boundaries and be able to exchange them with your sugar partner(s). The first date is all about communication, however, avoid giving out personal information including real names. Pick a sugar name for yourself and stick to it. Make sure it is unique, not closely related to your real name and sounds appealing to attract potential sugar partners. More so, meeting in public on your first date is an absolutely necessary step to take. At the start of your sugar relationship(s), don’t hesitate to ask your sugar partner(s) to only meet you in public places. Your safety comes first!
“My friends suggested that I make a fake phone number to give out just in case I get a weird feeling in the beginning. The website you’re using to find sugar dates should be the only place where sugar partner(s) communicate with you, especially in the beginning,” an NYU Tisch junior with a few years of sugar-dating experience added.
Keep someone informed:
Let someone in your life know about your sugar-dating lifestyle. You don’t have to give out every detail about the experience but certainly, share your location and the sugar partner(s) profile.
“I had an unfortunate experience the first time I went on a sugar date in my freshman year which is sadly very common because no one is educating us about this. So after, I made sure my best friend had my location every time I went on a date. And not just the first dates but every single time I met my sugar partners,” another NYU CAS junior with ongoing sugar relationships commented.
Have a counselor:
It’s fathomable that access to a counselor might not be an option for some, although, most college campuses do provide some free counseling sessions and there’s no better time to use them than during your sugar-dating experience. Sugar relationships can be emotionally and physically draining particularly when you’re also a young full-time college student. Identity and sexuality concerns are regular ingredients for the college recipe but these can be heightened by different sugar experiences. Thus, having professional mental health assistance will not only provide practical support but will also help foster self-reflection.
Schedule your dates:
Sugar-dating can often take the role of a full-time job which can be frustrating when you also have college commitments. Thus, it’s important to gain time-management skills and maintain your sugaring life without harming your college experiences. Make sure you’re scheduling your dates according to your class schedule–Google Calendar is indeed your best friend!
“I was never missing classes or submitting late assignments because of sugaring. I made sure of setting up dates and vacations based on my availability, not my sugar daddy’s. It wasn’t easy but prioritizing college was crucial for me,” the Tisch junior further added.
Your sugar-dating journey will potentially be rocky and even feel apprehensive at times. Nonetheless, here’s hoping that navigating it with these directions will make it somewhat easier for you.
Written by Shreya Tomar.