Many of us grew up in a culture where porn was condemned and hushed—which, for many, has only made this topic more exciting. Social norms, the appalling state of our sexual education, and a general taboo around porn have left many of us with little actual knowledge about the topic. Is it good? Is it bad? This lack of open conversation makes it harder for us to reflect on whether we even like porn, what we want from it, how it makes us feel, etc. Lack of intention and awareness when engaging with pornographic content can lead to uncomfortable encounters and shameful feelings. We, the Sexual Health Alliance, have compiled a non-exhaustive list of questions to reflect on so that your encounters with porn remain pleasurable.
What is Porn?
Pornography might be loosely characterized as videos, images, words or audio intended to be sexually exciting or entertaining. Exploring what kinds of porn exist can be a great first step in familiarizing yourself with porn. Since pornography can be explicit, violent and impact perceptions of relationships, this content has typically been restricted to 18+, the age of legal adulthood in most countries. However, it is estimated that 93.2% of boys and 62.1% of girls are exposed to porn before 18, which can impact their relationship to sex, their bodies, and relationships if porn literacy isn't discussed.
Is this acting?
Although some pornography depicts candid sex, the majority of porn is acting, which is then often edited and cut professionally. This editing can leave out certain parts of sex, such as awkward silences while changing position, asking for consent, or a penis losing its erection. It is important to remember here that pornography exists mainly as a form of entertainment rather than education: although pornography never claimed to be an exemplary example of sex, it remains many people’s first encounter with this topic and can therefore have a big impact. You might want to reflect on whether you believe the content you're consuming is candid and real or if those on screen are putting on a performance. This does not have to be a value judgment: neither is necessarily better or worse. Consider instead how this makes you feel. How similar is this to your sex life, and how similar do you want it to be? If we can answer these questions, it may also be easier to compartmentalize what is acting and what is real, which in turn can aid us in avoiding the internalization of unnecessarily unrealistic ideas about “good sex”.
How does this make me feel?
Another important thing to consider is how you feel after you consume pornography. Studies suggest that around 66% of people experience feelings of shame after viewing porn, and 68% feel guilty. Most of these feelings come from the narratives we have been told about porn by parents, media, religious figures etc. The shame we feel often comes from the feeling that porn is wrong, which is not unusual since this is what we are told about porn, masturbation and sex. These narratives need to be unlearned so that they are not perpetuated. These feelings of shame, however, can also help us reconsider the porn we are consuming and whether or not it aligns with our personal ethos. Porn should be enjoyably but mindfully consumed. It exists to enhance the sex we have with ourselves or other people. Porn literacy also concerns undoing harmful and shameful narratives we have internalized about porn consumption.
Am I internalizing any messages about sex?
You might want to consider if you are internalizing any messages from the content you're viewing, perhaps about the way you should look or behave during sex. Different people will internalize different messages from porn. Some might watch porn which reinforces the coital imperative or orgasm-centred variety of sex and then trust that penis-in-vagina sex is the only “real” sex. Alternatively, someone might see choking—which has been increasingly identified as a focal point of mixed-sex pornography—and internalize this as a must for “good sex.” Mainstream porn can, in part, be to blame for this due to many of the problematic practices it adheres to and the mysoginstic messages it conveys. Despite this, we should not and cannot blame porn entirely: it is also the individual and their lack of education around sex and porn which predisposes them to draw these kinds of conclusions, hence why porn literacy is so important.
Others might see porn more as a learning platform which can also be dangerous if not also supported by other types of education and research. For instance, you probably shouldn't attempt Shibari (a type of rope bondage) solely based on a porn video you enjoyed. Bondage involves an understanding of anatomy and the specific knots used and needs to be done with the right equipment and techniques. Practising any type of bonding without research and previous discussions about boundaries and potential risks can be incredibly dangerous. Trying out anything new because you saw it in porn should only happen after a conversation about boundaries with your partner(s).
How does this impact the sex I have?
The things we learn and internalize from porn also have the potential to impact the sex we have with ourselves and others. For instance, porn—especially mainstream porn—is very orgasm-focused. Orgasm and arousal can already be difficult to attain for a range of reasons, including the pressure we may place on ourselves and our partners as a result of these porn ideals. Like our phones, sugar and many other fun things in life, porn too can become an out-of-control behaviour if we aren't mindful of when and why we consume it. It is, however, important to note that the research on porn consumption and addiction and their link with desensitization and erectile dysfunction is varied and is likely tainted by the existing shameful narratives around porn.
Which hierarchies exist?
When we analyze porn trends and dominant categories, we see popularity in videos portraying certain marginalized demographics. Porn often showcases these groups in exaggerated and even racist ways to emphasize the hierarchies that portray certain groups and individuals as submissive or dominant. A lot of mixed-sex porn will also reinforce binary gender stereotypes in this way by portraying women as submissive or even infantile. Power dynamics are not an inherently negative thing—in fact, they are often a central part of sexuality—but reflecting on which hierarchies exist in the type of porn you consume and how you feel about this can help to put you on a path to more enjoyable consumption. Porn literacy encourages reflection on how these stereotypes and hierarchies exist in porn because of our real world as well as how the medium may reinforce these hierarchies in our real-world interactions.
If you’ve read through these questions and feel that you want to change your porn consumption, you might want to check our other articles on ethical porn here and here. Don't feel stressed out if this article was the first time you consciously reflected on the way you consume and have been told to consume porn: it is not surprising, considering how taboo this topic still is. Porn is not something to feel guilty about, and it is important that we unlearn the shameful narratives that have been instilled in so many of us.
Porn literacy allows us all to discern between what we want and do not want in the porn we consume, which in turn helps us to make healthy choices that align with our personal ethos. Teaching porn literacy as part of a comprehensive, sex-positive sexual education empowers young people to make informed decisions about the sex they have with themselves and with others. The goal of porn literacy is, therefore, neither to condemn nor encourage the consumption of pornography but rather to offer opportunities for reflections that enlighten and empower individuals to make their own choices. In this way, embracing porn literacy is embracing our collective responsibility to engage with porn in a reflective, critical and responsible way.
Written by Ellen Gisto.