Shake me off as an angry feminist, but I’m mad. If you’re a straight guy reading this, I’ve got news for you. Chances are, if you’ve ever brought a girl home and thought she came, she probably didn’t. In reality, only about 10% of women cum from a new hookup. Give it another few tries in the sack, and this number bumps up to around 15%.
What’s that? She moaned for you like she just had the best deep-dish pizza of her life? She was probably faking it. In a recent study, 80% of straight cis women reported faking orgasms at least half of the time during vaginal intercourse.
I’m not going to beat around the bush, because quite frankly, the bush deserves more attention. While no one is entitled to sexual favors, the pleasure of women and femmes is largely neglected, especially within college hookup culture.
The term “orgasm gap” describes a specific phenomenon in which cisgender women who have sex with men report fewer orgasms than their partners. And although the orgasm gap applies to monogamous relationships as well, this gap is more drastic within hookup culture. In fact, studies with cisgender college-age participants have concluded that during hookups, cis straight men are more than twice as likely as cis straight women to receive an orgasm.
So what causes such an extreme orgasm gap in hookup culture? Many of the female participants in these studies attributed it to their partner expecting to be sexually pleasured and only using women to achieve this goal. Their male counterparts, however, defended themselves with claimed anatomical differences, asserting that the clitoris is difficult to locate and operate, while penile anatomy makes orgasms easy to elicit.
Contrary to popular belief, the orgasm gap is not a natural phenomenon produced by physiological differences. The likelihood of a cis woman orgasming during a hookup significantly varies based on context. Not only does this likelihood change between different countries, but it changes between women of different sexualities. To illustrate, compared to the low amount of orgasms that straight cis women receive, cis lesbians report receiving two to three times as many. Moreover, many straight cis women who do not orgasm during sex can orgasm from masturbation.
No biological limitation stops women and femmes from orgasm, as the frequency of orgasm significantly changes upon context. Straight cis women could orgasm more, as shown by the various contexts in which other women with the same anatomy receive more orgasms. Hence, the orgasm gap is not caused by biological differences. In reality, the orgasm gap is caused by a lack of effort put forth by straight men in learning how to pleasure their partners.
Of course, this isn’t true for all straight men, though unfortunately, many admit a disinterest in performing sexual favors for their hookup partners. To illustrate, within a survey of 16-18 years old sexually active straight males, only 6 percent reported supporting giving women oral sex. Moreover, the few males that discussed supporting cunnilingus often distinguished it as something to be performed only in committed relationships rather than hookups.
And it’s not just young men either. Celebrated middle-aged music artists often support androcentric sexual practices, writing lyrics emphasizing male pleasure while disregarding female pleasure. Drake, an influential Canadian rapper, recently released a song with the lyrics, “I know you on your period baby, can you suck it?” Some artists even explicitly condemn cunnilingus, such as DJ Khaled. In a 2015 interview, Khaled stated, regarding giving women head, “It’s different rules for men… you gotta understand, we the king. There’s some things that y’all might not wanna do, but it got to get done. I just can’t do what you want me to do. I just can’t.”
This aversion to interacting with vulvas is no surprise, considering their heavy stigmatization. While it is unclear where this stigma arose from, college-aged males have continuously reaffirmed this stigma, describing vaginas as “gross” or “smelly.” Public figures also uphold this belief. For instance, ex-president Donald Trump even referred to vaginas as “potential landmines.”
As a result, many cis straight women have internalized this negative conception of vaginas, feeling embarrassed or ashamed of their genitalia. With the perceived unpleasantness of interacting with their parts, expecting or asking for reciprocation of oral sex can be difficult. Consequently, not only is it likely that this construct deters straight men from giving oral sex to women with vaginas, but it can inhibit these women from feeling comfortable receiving oral sex.
So no, we’re not entitled to head. But clearly, our partners could do better. The orgasm gap has been caused by avertible forces, namely ones that emphasize male pleasure and stigmatize bodies with vaginas. So let’s change the discourse surrounding vaginas and give them the pleasure they deserve! As Marie Antoinette once said, “let them eat cake.” No, scratch that. Let them eat p***y!
Written by Nicole Smith-Vaniz.