Tantra, a 3,000-5,000-year-old philosophy with bases in Hinduism and Buddhism, allows one to deeply connect with their own energy with the ultimate goal of achieving spiritual enlightenment. Practices such as meditation, mantra repetition, and rituals are typically used to access this deep, energetic connection. More recently, though, tantra-based yoga and sex practices have become popularized in the Western world. This 1900s interpretation of tantra aims to increase the spiritual aspect of sex, making sex a more holistic and self-aware activity. For those wanting to explore the spiritual side of their sex life, tantra might be a good place to start.
Specifically, tantric eye gazing offers the opportunity to connect with oneself and/or their partner(s) through focused vision. Right off the bat, though, it’s important to make the distinction between gazing and staring. While staring can be penetrative and forceful, gazing is gentler and always consensual. As the eyes are the most expressive facial features, they can allow for a deeper understanding of your partners’ desires and emotions. Moreover, visual attention reflects the stimulus most relevant to the viewer’s intentions. This means that tantric eye gazing can not only make the viewee feel seen, but can also invite the viewer to play a more active role in understanding and pursuing their desires. In this way, tantric eye gazing can be a mutually beneficial partner activity.
Along the spectrum of love and lust, connection remains critical for individuals to develop emotions aligned with their intentions. According to eye-tracking studies, tantric eye gazing may be used as a tool for this development. For instance, a gaze indicating lust will tend to focus on the receiver’s body, whereas a love-indicative gaze will focus more on the receiver’s face, particularly their eyes. As one moves along this spectrum based on mood, circumstance, age, and a myriad of other factors, paying attention to one’s gaze can help determine what one is thinking and feeling in the moment. In fact, tantric eye gazing can not only aid in recognizing emotions for the sake of connection, but humans actually determine how others feel by analyzing their eyes biologically. This is proven through increased activity in the amygdala, the part of the brain that processes facial expressions and emotions, when viewing someone. Doing so is shown to create a sense of “oneness” between two or more people by lowering the walls between the “self” and the “other.” Thus, this type of practice could be used widely to build connection and empathy among diverse groups of people.
Additionally, tantric eye gazing can increase trust, intimacy levels, and sexual satisfaction. Generally, increased eye contact is a sign of trust, whereas avoiding someone’s gaze is associated with lying. So, just by looking at your partner(s) while being engaged in conversation (or not), trust is built and maintained. You can take this a step further by looking at your partner(s) head-on, as it has been proven that the longer you look at someone’s face from the front, the more attractive you will think they are. Finally, regression analysis shows us that there is a correlation between sexual-mindfulness and sexual satisfaction. This same sexual satisfaction variable was then correlated with genital/orgasm overlook, suggesting that partner(s) more spiritually connected in sex puts less pressure on the result of that intercourse being a climax. This can make the entire experience more enjoyable, and more deeply connected.
For certain populations, tantric eye gazing can serve additional purposes. The LGBTQ+ community often relies on visual cues to identify other members of their community. Being conscious of eye-gaze, then, serves as a trigger and reinforcer of gay or lesbian identity recognition. Likely, this same trend holds true for others in the LGBTQ+ community, but more research is needed to prove this assertion. On the other end of the scale, individuals with social anxiety tend to avert their gaze away from meeting others’ eyes. Some studies suggest that virtual reality technology might be helpful for this population to partially treat social anxiety and begin building connections. As more research is done, this could be a viable therapeutic source of healing, sexual and otherwise.
So, how can you incorporate tantric eye gazing into your sex life? Try following these steps:
Start by relaxing your gaze. You can do this in front of your partner(s) or a mirror for a self-love-based practice.
Refrain from speaking. This helps the focus remain on the eyes and allows unspoken emotions to make their way to the surface.
Build up to longer periods of time. It’s OK to start slow. This practice will likely be uncomfortable at the beginning, as it’s new. Experts tend to recommend working your way up to 5-20 minute sessions.
Try it during intercourse. This can be done while thrusting or simply during penetration without movement. Each of these might bring up different feelings, and that’s OK too. Acknowledge each feeling as they arise. With practice, intimacy will be built, and the uncomfortable feelings will melt away.
By Emily Carriere