Sex and drugs are an often controversial duo; there are pros and cons when having sex in an altered state. The difference between “good” and “bad” sex on drugs is the substance you consume and who you engage in intimacy with. Some drugs are more dangerous to your body or mind, while others are more likely to blur the lines of consent. When it comes to recreational drugs such as cannabis, Xanax, Cocaine, and LSD, there is a sort of spectrum on the safety of combining each substance with intimacy. For this blog, I will discuss a class of drugs historically associated with sexual liberation: psychedelics. During the 1960s, LSD, in particular, was thought to loosen people’s sexual inhibitions and even resolve past sexual trauma. Annie Sprinkles is one woman who provides first-person testimony to the power of sex on psychedelics. Sprinkles is a certified sexologist who was once a sex worker, feminist stripper, and pornographic film actress. She was a pioneer in the sex-positive movement of the 1980s. When speaking of her relationship with sex and psychedelics, she says:
“...I realized what a profound and positive impact my psychedelic experiences had had on my life, and in particular, on my sex life. In an aha! moment, it became clear that psychedelics had been perhaps my greatest sex educator.”
In the present day, there has been some research on the relationship between psychedelics and drugs. Serotonergic hallucinogens are a class of psychedelic drugs strongly linked to the neurotransmitter serotonin—commonly referred to as 5-HT—which is linked to increasing sexual desire. This category of psychedelics includes LSD, magic mushrooms, MDMA, DMT, 5-MeO-DMT, mescaline, and DOI (though ketamine and cannabis are often included, too). If you desire to experience sex in an altered state, planning your experience is essential. Regardless of the specific psychedelic substance, they are all associated with a risk of increased sexuality or vulnerability to sexual advances. These drugs are known for opening your mind and lowering inhibitions, so it’s crucial that you only engage in intimacy with people you trust while consuming psychedelics.
Ashley Mantas Guidelines for Sex in Altered States
Engaging in sexual intimacy while under the influence of any drug should be met with adequate preparation. First and foremost, ensuring that the medicines you consume suit your body and mind is essential. Next, ensuring you will be in a safe space with safe people is non-negotiable. Boundaries and consent should be explicitly and extensively discussed before and during intimacy. You need to ensure that you are engaging in sex with people who will respect your body and mind before all else, especially when substances are involved. Ashley Manta, an award-winning pleasure & intimacy coach and cannabis expert, spoke about how to find a partner to engage in altered sex with during one of SHAs Sexceptional Weekends, “ Sex, Cannabis, and Other Psychedelics,” in 2022. She provides two categories for selecting a partner: red flags and green flags. The following green flags are positives that signal your partner is a good fit for this experience:
Trusted long-term partner
Skillful communicator
Strong track record of respecting boundaries
Demonstrably invested in mutual enjoyment
Prior experience with the substance
Advocate for planned aftercare.
Though this is not an exhaustive list of green flags, it's a good starting point. The following is a short list of red flags that let you know your partner is not a good fit for this sort of experience:
New partner (<6 months)
First time with the substance
Not safer sex savvy (not getting tested for STIs regularly, not using barriers such as condoms)
Spontaneous suggestion of new sexual activities without proper discussion of consent and boundaries
Inconsistent with aftercare or follow-ups
If your prospected partner meets any of the above requirements, they aren't the safest option for sex in an altered state. You must engage in this experience with someone who is experienced with not only the drug but with safe, consensual sex.
There are a few other things that you should consider before engaging in sex on drugs. This list is essential, and Manta highlights that they may not be definite deal-breakers; they are a “cause for pause”:
History of psychosis/ suicidal ideation/ violence toward self or others
History of panic attacks
Currently taking an SSRI or other psych meds
History of sexual trauma (especially recent)
Recent or ongoing tumult in the relationship with the partner that impacts trust
History of coercion/ manipulation in the relationship with the partner
It’s essential to consider the complete picture of your body and mind before engaging in sex in an altered state. For example, if you are on psych meds or have a history of mania/ psychosis, cannabis and psychedelics may not be a good fit for you. You want this experience to be not only pleasurable but one that will inhibit sexual and emotional growth for yourself. Having sex on drugs should not be about the rush one receives from being high, but rather about connecting with your sexual/ sensual self on a deeper, innate, and inhibited level. In this sense, you want this experience to act as a stepping stone forward rather than backward.
The Talk
Ashley Manta also provided a great guide on what to discuss with your partner before engaging in altered sex. Once you’ve decided on a safe drug to consume and you’ve found a secure partner, you need to begin the discussion component of having sex on drugs. Manta notes that there should be a pre-talk before the encounter and consistent communication during the experience and afterward. She advises that the pre-talk should, at the very least, take place one to two days prior but preferably one to two weeks beforehand so that all involved have ample time to reflect for themselves, formulate questions, and opt-out if necessary. Some essential questions that you should intensively discuss with your partner are as follows:
Where will we consume the drug and engage in intimacy?
What is our drug of choice?
What will our dosage be, and will we want to re-up during the experience?
Has this drug been tested for contaminants, and is it coming from a trusted source?
Is there a source of physical and emotional support nearby?
How much time will we set aside for this experience? (Manta recommends a full 24-48 hours)
Manta highlights the importance of self-reflection for both partners before this experience. Please individually reflect on what you want from this experience and then share those expectations with your partner. Above all else, it is essential to negotiate any terms of this experience to ensure that everyone is fully consented, comfortable, and on the same page.
On the day of the journey, keep communication lines open by engaging in another check-in with your partner. Check to see if everyone is still on the same page and if any adjustments need to be made to the plan. If you plan to re-up or re-dose during your trip, discuss what you plan to take, how much, and when you want to take it. Manta offers a pro tip to pre-measure the dose of the substance you want to consume beforehand and set a timer on your phone for when you want to take it. This will ensure that you don't take too much of the substance or take it at the wrong time. After this, setting your space and intentions with your partner is crucial. Talk about your fears and boundaries and set up your desired area. Be sure to share your intentions for the journey, and Manta asks us, “ What are we intending to co-create”? Sex in an altered state can be a beautiful, passionate, and eye-opening experience if both partners are prepared to deal with all potential elements that could arise. The last thing to do is to review everyone's non-verbal communication signals, such as tapping out or a thumbs up/ down motion. This is especially important because verbal communication may not come quickly when your mind is altered.
Make sure also to discuss your agreements around aftercare and signaling for help if someone begins to feel uncomfortable or sick. This is also where “downers” such as Xanax or medications such as Benadryl may come into the picture as they can be used as what Manta’s coins “landing gear” supplies. These drugs can be helpful post-consumption of cannabis or psychedelics as they help to bring down your high calmly and efficiently. Manta also recommends having a lot of other useful supplies on hand, like Zofran and peppermint oil for nausea as well as vitamin supplements like Vitamin C and 5-HTP. Cannabis products can help, but they can also intensify one’s experience, so be aware before reaching for it. On the other hand, CBD products help counteract the “high” effect of cannabis and other psychedelics. Manta also recommends having snacks and plenty of water for your trip. Ultimately remember, this guide is not exhaustive but a starting point for your sex in an altered state journey.
Enhancing Intimacy on Drugs
Having sex on psychedelics can be a life-altering experience. Being inhibited can allow you to connect with your body and soul in ways you haven't before, and inviting a partner into that world with you can be beautifully intense. Manta provides another helpful list, and this time, it enhances intimacy during your trip. She gives the following connective exercises, among others:
Body massage
Breathing together
Eye Gazing
Genital Gazing and massage
Mutual Masturbation
Creating Art
Vulnerable sharing (appreciations, fantasies, etc.)
The best way to enhance intimacy while high is to indulge in what makes your soul feel happy and free. Ground yourself by engaging in activities with your partner that make you feel like your most authentic self. One of my favorite things is to consume my substance of choice in a secluded nature spot with my partner and create pornographic art together, whether it be shooting 35mm films of each other or creating homemade videos on our phones. I also indulge in eye contact and body appreciation exercises with my partners to enhance intimacy. The bottom line is that everyone is different, and what works for one person may not work for the next. Communication is essential beforehand, so you and your partner know which activities will connect you and enhance your experience.
Another important term to know is called steering. This concept revolves around having control over a trip or high. Remember that you can control your setting and change things such as lighting, music, or scents in the room. You can even change the venue by going outside or coming inside. It also can be helpful to lean into any discomfort and embrace it rather than running from it. The more you avoid and resist discomfort during a high, the more it will persist. If your high begins to feel overwhelming, get somewhere safe and get grounded before trying to embrace it and enjoy the moment; stay present. Have some of Manta’s “landing gear” ready for moments like these. Additionally, the Psychedelic Peer Support Line is vital if you're consuming psychedelics. This hotline is open daily from 3:00 pm - 3:00 am PST. The phone number is 1-623-473-7433. Engaging with a hotline counselor can be another steering method. Overall, you want to enjoy your trip, and remember that you have control over your feelings and that you're not alone is an essential factor.
The Comedown
Once your trip is mostly over and you’re ready to move into the next phase of your journey–aftercare! It’s time to check in again with your partner. Discuss what level of sobriety both of you are feeling and what your body needs to feel comfortable. Also, touch upon what your heart needs or what you need emotionally/ mentally to feel grounded. Do you need reassurance or maybe some alone time? This is also the time to talk landing supplies such as Xanax or Benadryl if you need them and utilize any grounding tools you may need. Lastly, communicate what comes next, “Are you going to sleep? Eat?” for example. There is no such thing as too much communication during the entirety of altered sex. Consistent communication ensures that all parties involved feel safe and comfortable and seen and validated. With proper communication and preparation, sex on psychedelics can be a vector for growth between not only you and your partner but also for individuality. Psychedelics increase sexual desire and bodily sensations and expand your mind's power. The enhanced connection between your body and soul can create a beautiful and healing sexual experience. Remember that preparation is necessary and to always have helpful resources such as the ones that Ashley Manta recommends on hand for the best possible outcome. Stay safe and happy tripping!
By Alyssa Morterud