If you grew up in a generation where sex wasn’t discussed openly, you may have learned to treat sexual questions as private—or even embarrassing. Many people carry that discomfort well into midlife, long after their relationships, bodies, and needs have evolved.
SHA Certified Sex Educator, menopause coach, and podcaster Karen Bigman knows this firsthand. In this interview, she shares how her own journey through divorce, dating, menopause, and a surprising medical appointment shifted her from quiet curiosity to unapologetic advocacy. Her message is clear: sexuality doesn’t end at 50, 60, or beyond—and the most powerful tool for improving sexual well-being isn’t a secret technique. It’s conversation.
Let’s learn more about Karen’s key insights on life and sex after 50, why so many people still feel shame about normal sexual concerns, and what professionals (and everyday partners) can do to help midlife sexuality feel more supported, informed, and fulfilling.
Karen Bigman’s Origin Story: Finding the Work Later Than Expected
Karen didn’t set out to become a sex educator in her early career. She describes her path as something that “percolated” over time and fully clicked later in life—around the time she was “pushing 60.”
Several pivotal moments converged:
A Conservative Community Wake-Up Call
After moving to a new community in California, Karen noticed just how conservative the culture felt compared to her background in New York. She recalls a book club meeting where the selected book included a racy sex scene—and the woman who recommended it was mortified.
For Karen, this wasn’t just awkward. It was revealing. Here were adults in their 50s and 60s who seemed unable to tolerate even mild sexual content without embarrassment. It highlighted how many people reach midlife still carrying deep discomfort about sex.
A Misconception That Women “Stop Wanting Sex”
Another moment hit even closer to home. Karen reconnected with an old flame who said, “I thought women in their 50s and 60s didn’t want sex anymore.”
Karen’s reaction was immediate: that story didn’t match her reality at all. She was single, enjoying herself, and very much alive in her sexuality. The gap between cultural assumptions and lived experience felt too big to ignore.
Menopause Finally Becoming a Public Conversation
Karen also noticed menopause beginning to get louder in public discourse—something she describes as a significant shift after many years of silence. Seeing menopause talked about more openly helped crystallize what she wanted to do: create a space for honest conversations about sexuality and midlife.
That’s when she picked up a microphone and launched her podcast, Taboo to Truth.
The Turning Point: A Midlife Pleasure Problem—and a Doctor Who Dismissed It
When Karen looks back, she sees that her role as an educator was already forming earlier in her 50s, even if she didn’t recognize it at the time.
After divorcing in her early 50s, Karen started dating again—and describes a period of highly active, adventurous sex. But then she began to struggle with orgasm, and like many people, she sought medical help.
Her gynecologist dismissed her concerns, suggesting it was “in her head” and attributing it to trauma from divorce.
Karen’s response is important: she trusted her own experience enough to keep looking for answers.
Eventually she found a practice that approached sexual concerns differently: appointments included both a nurse practitioner and a sex therapist. The environment was frank, curious, and normalizing.
At first, Karen felt embarrassed. She describes turning red as she was asked direct questions about how her orgasm worked and what she was experiencing. But over time, those conversations became easier—and the embarrassment began to loosen.
The Bullet Vibrator Moment: When Education Becomes Liberation
Karen shares a story that many viewers will remember: during her first appointment at the new practice, the clinician took out a small bullet vibrator and asked if she had ever used one.
Karen—at 52 years old—felt deeply embarrassed and said no. She didn’t really know what a vibrator was.
Then came the moment that changed everything.
The clinician suggested she go into the exam room next door and try it.
Karen did—“doctor’s orders,” as she jokes—and returned a few minutes later stunned by what she experienced. Her reaction was immediate: this changed my life.
But the deeper point isn’t just about a vibrator. It’s about what happens when:
pleasure is treated as legitimate healthcare
sexual tools are normalized
education replaces shame
people are given permission to learn, experiment, and speak
Karen’s story shows that many midlife adults are not “behind” or “broken”—they’re simply undereducated, underserved, and carrying inherited shame.
When Sex Educators Forget: Most People Are Still Embarrassed
Now that Karen lives in the world of sexual health education, she admits something that many professionals recognize:
You can forget how embarrassed most people still are.
Karen can “talk about anything,” but she emphasizes that most people—especially in her generation—are still uncomfortable, ashamed, and hesitant to bring up sexual questions even with their partners or doctors.
This matters because shame thrives in silence. And for many midlife adults, silence has been the norm for decades.
A Trend That Excites Karen: Menopause Is Becoming Normal to Talk About
When asked what excites her most about women in midlife right now, Karen doesn’t point to a product or a wellness hack. She points to something more foundational: menopause awareness is growing—especially among younger women—and it’s entering everyday conversation.
She shares examples of menopause being referenced openly in popular culture:
an audience cheering at a concert when menopause was mentioned
a comedian making a mainstream joke about estrogen patches while dating
For Karen, this shift is significant because it marks a move away from secrecy. She contrasts it with earlier experiences, like a family member saying, “Don’t you dare mention menopause at Thanksgiving.”
What excites her is not that menopause is suddenly easy—but that it’s no longer unspeakable.
The Key Insight Karen Would Teach the World: Sex Has No Age Limit
If Karen could teach the world one message about sex after 50, it’s this:
There is no age limit.
She emphasizes that people don’t have to give up on sex because they are older or because their bodies change. The goal is not to pretend aging doesn’t exist—it’s to reject the idea that aging means sexuality should disappear.
Karen also points to the social conditioning many of us learn early:
that sex is embarrassing
that it’s “gross” to imagine our parents having sex
These narratives teach people to anticipate sexual decline and to be ashamed of wanting pleasure later in life. Karen’s work pushes back against that story.
What Professionals Need to Know About Coaching Midlife Clients
Karen offers a simple but powerful clinical truth: most clients believe their problem is uniquely embarrassing.
They come in thinking:
“You’ve never heard this before.”
“This is the most humiliating thing.”
“Something must be wrong with me.”
Karen’s advice to professionals is foundational:
The best comfort you can give right away is: you are perfectly normal.
Whether the concern is:
low libido
pain during sex
changes in orgasm
relationship dissatisfaction
emotional disconnect
feeling “turned off” or overwhelmed
Karen emphasizes that “everybody experiences some degree of something around sex.” Normalization doesn’t erase the problem—but it removes the toxic layer of isolation.
Karen’s Message to the Next Generation: Learn Anatomy and Talk About Sex
If Karen could leave Gen Z and Gen Alpha with one message, it would be this:
Learn to talk about sex. Learn anatomy—especially female anatomy. Make it normal.
She shares a moment with two young men around age 30 who openly discussed relationships with her in a public setting. It “warmed her heart,” because it reflected a cultural shift: younger generations may be developing more comfort with these conversations.
Karen’s deeper question is one that many educators return to again and again:
If sex is something most humans engage with in some way, why are we so ashamed?
Her original podcast tagline captures the mission: unapologetic conversations about sexuality in midlife.
The “Lurkers”: Who Karen’s Content Is Really For
Karen describes a large portion of her audience as people who quietly consume her content but are afraid to publicly engage.
They’ll say:
“I saw your stuff, but I didn’t want anyone to know, so I didn’t like it.”
“I’m listening, I’m learning, I’m just not saying anything.”
These “lurkers” are not disinterested—they’re cautious. Their silence is a sign of stigma, not apathy. And that stigma is exactly why Karen keeps talking.
Sex After 50, Menopause, and Shame-Free Conversations
SHA Certified Sex Educator Karen Bigman teaches that sexuality has no age limit and that many midlife sexual concerns are normal. She shares how conservative cultural attitudes, menopause stigma, and medical dismissal can keep people ashamed and uninformed. Karen emphasizes the importance of open conversation, menopause education, and normalizing pleasure tools and anatomy knowledge. For professionals working with midlife clients, her key advice is to validate clients immediately: their experiences are common, and there is nothing “wrong” with them.
Final Takeaway
Karen Bigman’s story illustrates a reality many people don’t realize until midlife: sexual confidence is not something you either have or don’t have. It’s something you learn.
Sometimes that learning happens through a relationship change. Sometimes it happens through menopause. Sometimes it happens in a doctor’s office with a tiny vibrator and a clinician who treats pleasure as normal.
But the throughline is consistent: shame decreases when knowledge increases—and when people are invited into honest, unapologetic conversation.
Sex after 50 isn’t a myth. It’s a continuation. And it deserves support.
Want to become an in-demand sexual health professional? Learn more about becoming certified with SHA!
