In the evolving landscape of mental health care, one area that continues to be misunderstood—or altogether ignored—is kink. For individuals exploring or engaging in consensual non-traditional sexual practices, therapy can either be a space of healing and validation or a source of shame and pathologization. That’s where kink informed therapy comes in.
In a compelling interview, Joe Zarate-Sanderlin—licensed marriage and family therapist, educator, and presenter at the Sexual Health Alliance’s (SHA) upcoming Non-Vanilla Online Weekend—shared their professional philosophy and lived experience navigating sexuality, identity, and therapeutic care. Through their insights, we gain a clearer understanding of what kink informed therapy really looks like and why it’s essential.
What Is Kink-Informed Therapy?
Kink informed therapy is an approach that acknowledges, respects, and understands the diversity of human sexual expression—particularly BDSM, fetish, and other non-traditional practices—without pathologizing them. Unlike traditional therapy, which may frame kink as a symptom of trauma or dysfunction, kink-informed practice sees these expressions as potentially healthy and meaningful parts of a person’s identity and relationships.
Joe explains that many people engage in non-vanilla sexual behaviors, even if they don’t label themselves as “kinky.” Yet many therapists remain untrained or uncomfortable discussing topics like power exchange, pain as pleasure, or fetishistic desire. This lack of training can result in harm, even if unintentional.
Being kink-informed means more than tolerating difference—it’s about cultivating curiosity, safety, and competence.
Identity Matters: Why Intersectionality Is Key
Joe brings a deeply intersectional lens to their work as a non-binary trans feminine therapist and parent of two neurodivergent children. Their lived experience helps inform a compassionate, inclusive framework that acknowledges how identity, marginalization, and sexual expression intersect.
Kink informed therapy requires this kind of cultural humility. Therapists must not only learn the terminology and practices of kink communities but also understand the social dynamics, stigmas, and systemic barriers their clients face.
SHA’s Kink-Informed Certification centers this intersectionality by preparing professionals to address client needs through a trauma-informed, affirming, and justice-oriented lens.
Consent, Communication, and Boundaries—At Every Stage of Life
Joe emphasizes that conversations about consent and boundaries should begin in early childhood. Teaching kids they can say “no” to hugs or unwanted touch helps build a foundation for bodily autonomy and self-advocacy.
In adult relationships—and especially in kink dynamics—clear boundaries and consent protocols are vital. Practices like using safe words, red/yellow/green systems, and aftercare are not just “kink etiquette.” They are robust tools for creating mutual understanding and emotional safety.
These same tools, Joe suggests, can be applied in everyday relationships and therapy. Roleplay, check-ins, and explicit negotiation can enhance communication and decrease conflict in romantic partnerships, parenting, and even professional settings.
Pleasure, Pain, and the Reframing of Sexuality
Joe challenges the clinical focus on pathology, disease, and risk that dominates much of sex education and mental health training. “Why don’t we talk about pleasure and joy?” they ask. Why is sexuality only seen as something to manage, rather than something to celebrate?
By inviting clients and clinicians to consider the productive, even joyful, aspects of pain—whether in BDSM, ecstatic dance, or marathon running—Joe encourages a broader understanding of the human body and its capacity for meaning-making.
This shift—from fear-based to curiosity-driven—is one of the pillars of kink informed therapy.
Therapy as a Journey, Not a Fix
“Therapy is not a place for the therapist to “fix” a client, but a collaborative process that includes self-examination for both parties.”
Joe describes their therapeutic role as similar to that of a midwife, a shepherd, or even Virgil from Dante’s Inferno—guiding clients through complex emotional terrain without pretending to have all the answers. Therapy is not a place for the therapist to “fix” a client, but a collaborative process that includes self-examination for both parties.
This requires therapists to reckon with their own discomfort, biases, and blind spots. As Joe notes, true neutrality is impossible—but what is essential is a commitment not to impose moral judgment on clients.
In SHA’s Kink-Informed Advanced Certification, this commitment to ongoing self-work is woven throughout the curriculum. Professionals are taught to consult, reflect, and embrace the discomfort that comes with growth.
The Power of Radical Honesty in Relationships
One of Joe’s most memorable pieces of advice comes from philosopher Alain de Botton: share your emotional “baggage” early in relationships. While not for everyone, this approach creates space for radical honesty, vulnerability, and mutual understanding.
This concept ties back into kink practices like negotiation and boundary setting, where clarity is not only encouraged—it’s expected. In both personal and therapeutic contexts, honesty can be transformative.
Why Mental Health Professionals Need Kink-Informed Training
Most therapy graduate programs still fail to offer adequate education on human sexuality, let alone kink or consensual non-monogamy. Without proper training, even well-meaning therapists may mislabel or pathologize client behaviors that fall outside the mainstream.
A client who is deeply involved in BDSM or fetish play may hesitate to open up if they fear being judged—or worse, misdiagnosed. A kink-informed therapist knows how to hold space for these conversations with empathy, knowledge, and skill.
The SHA Kink-Informed Advanced Certification provides exactly that: comprehensive, research-informed training for mental health professionals, educators, coaches, and sexologists. The program covers consent practices, dynamics of power exchange, trauma-aware care, and how to support clients navigating kink, polyamory, gender diversity, and more.
How to Join the Kink-Informed Advanced Certification
If you’re a professional looking to expand your understanding of kink, improve your cultural competency, and provide safer, more affirming care to your clients, SHA’s Kink-Informed Advanced Certification is a powerful next step.
The program includes:
Expert-led video lectures from leaders in kink and mental health
Assignments and case studies that encourage reflection and application
A supportive learning community of professionals from around the world
Practical tools to use immediately in clinical, educational, or coaching settings
What is kink informed therapy?
Kink informed therapy is a specialized, affirming approach to mental health care that embraces the diversity of human sexual expression, including BDSM and fetish practices. Informed by lived experience and professional insight, therapist Joe Zarate-Sanderlin shares how intersectionality, consent, communication, and curiosity form the foundation of ethical kink-informed care. The blog promotes SHA’s Kink-Informed Advanced Certification, a program designed to prepare professionals to work competently and compassionately with kink-involved clients.
Want to become an in-demand sexual health professional? Learn more about becoming certified with SHA!
