When it comes to anal sex, the act itself has become a bit of a taboo in popular culture. A lot of folx believe that anal sex is reserved for gay men or cis-hetero relationships (typically with the cis-male acting as the top). This is a myth. The thing about anal though is that it’s a perfectly normal way to have sex regardless of one’s gender or sexual orientation. It’s also a very pleasurable sexual activity to engage in; “for those who have a prostate gland, anal sex can provide intense stimulation, while those with a vagina often experience internal clitoral stimulation.” (getmaude) The prostate gland is ultimately the g-spot of the ass- for some, it can feel amazing when stimulated. Anal sex also includes more than just penetration! The opening of the butthole is where most of the nerves are, and this is where analingus comes into play. Analingus is where a partner lightly touches or rims the opening of the butthole with their tongue- this can heighten your partner’s orgasm. In this sense, anal sex is not reserved for any specific sexual orientation, it can be universally enjoyed.
Another common myth about anal sex is that it’s normal for the process to be painful. This is not true! When done correctly anal sex should not hurt and has a lot of potential for pleasure. If anal is painful it could be “because there isn’t enough foreplay beforehand or you’re not lubricated enough, or you’re just diving into things too suddenly to the point of causing pain.” (cosmopolitan) Another way to prevent pain is to ensure that your body is fully relaxed before engaging in any sort of anal penetration. It’s noted that “relaxed anal sphincter muscles make penetration way easier and will help alleviate any concerns about pain.”(cosmopolitan) One way to relax the body can be to have some THC or CBD before sex but make sure you feel comfortable with the amount consumed. You can also use a CBD-based lube on the anus to really relax the muscles and possibly even increase sensation. Anal sex can also be painful if you’re butt is not stretched enough for penetration. It’s best to start slow, maybe with a finger or small butt plugs rather than starting right away with dildo or penis penetration. This is because the anus is not as elasticized as say a vagina is and needs to be stretched in order to accommodate anal sex. Overall, if you don’t want anal to be painful it’s best to use lots of lube, ensure your body is relaxed, and start slow and small.
The Beginner’s Anal Guide
Work your way up to it.
“As with vaginal sex, anal can be painful the first time, so before you get to the actual intercourse, start off with some foreplay. This can consist of using the fingers or devices for anal stimulation to get an idea of how it feels. Once you feel ready, you can ease into full penetration.” (getmaude) Butt plugs are a great tool to use while working yourself up to anal penetration. Remember that anal doesn’t need to be done with a partner, you can include it in your masturbation rituals as well. Try using a butt plug with a built-in vibrator if you want some extra sensation.
Take it slow.
“Make sure initial penetration is gradual. If you are receiving anal, be sure to communicate to your partner about how it feels and if it hurts too much. If you are giving it, be attentive to your partner’s comfort and pain level.” (getmaude) Remember that consent is sexy! It’s crucial to communicate with your partner during any type of sex, not just anal. When it comes to anal sex though it’s important to ensure that both the top and bottom are comfortable and that no one is experiencing pain. This is why it’s important to start slow and gradually build up to full penetration!
Lube is your friend.
“The anal canal is less flexible than the vaginal canal and it also doesn’t lubricate itself, so you’re likely going to need some added lube. Silicone lubricant works best because it’s more slippery and lasts longer than other lubes.” (getmaude) Moreover, make sure you are using a lube that is compatible with condoms, which is water-based or silicone-based lube. I recommend a silicone-based lube for anal play because it’s typically a bit thicker and more jelly-like which allows for smoother penetration.
Use protection.
“Even if you’re in a monogamous relationship, we always recommend using a condom during anal sex to help prevent the spread of bacteria. But don’t ever go from anal to vaginal sex with the same condom (baby wipes can also help to keep things clean).”(getmaude) Doing so can cause a UTI. Speaking from personal experience, bacteria from anal sex can most definitely get into the vaginal canal if the condom is not changed before engaging in anal sex from the vaginal. The same rules apply for analingus and cunnilingus- fecal matter bacteria can be carried over and will result in a less than pleasurable urinary tract infection.
By: Alyssa Morterud