This blog is part 3 of a series.
It’s only been three weeks since I started off my sexuality counselor certification program at SHA and have already learned so much from the incredible first module. But that still wasn’t enough, as SHA introduced me to more learning opportunities with one great Sexceptional Weekend. This was the ultimate educational experience as experts, educators, medical professionals and students came together to discuss menopause, sexuality and sexual health. A hot topic indeed!
Talking about Menopause and Sex
The first day of the weekend was introduced by Dr. Lauren Streicher who inspiringly presented on a topic that no one wants to talk about: menopause and sex. Have you ever wondered what happens to the clitoris and orgasms post menopause? Have you ever wondered why when you turn 50 years old, your ohs and ahs don’t matter? Probably not and we know why. Conversations around female sexuality aren’t prioritized because well, they are only seen as reproductive machines. You put one coin in and a baby pops out in 9 months! Dr. Streicher explained how the majority of medical professionals including gynecologists don’t have any clue on how to treat or even identify menopausal symptoms in females. More so, older women aren’t seen as sexual beings who might crave sex as much as a teenage boy and therefore are not included in the discussions on sexual wellness. To reconstruct the idea of female sexuality, Dr. Streicher describes different interventions that can be used to help with stimulation and orgasms in aging populations. Using sexual tools such as vibrators and lubricants can make orgasms possible, which is often the goal of such interventions as hormonal changes impact our sexual functioning as we age.
vulva health and Menopause
“ In this moment, I realised how important it is as a vulva-owner to take a mirror down there and simply look around! ”
Afterward, we heard more from Dr. Mario Uloko on vulva health and how to comprehensively approach urinary sexual health. She started off by echoing Dr. Streicher’s words and added how there is a massive shortage of trained physicians on female sexual or vulva health in the U.S. Vulva is made of so many parts and no one is really aware of what these are and what their function is. In this moment, I realised how important it is as a vulva-owner to take a mirror down there and simply look around! Our conservative culture and sex-negative society has influenced our understanding of our own genitalia. For instance, female genitalia is referred to as the vagina instead of the correct medical term vulva. I can attest to this since it was only 2 years ago when I took an undergrad sexuality class and found out that my vagina is just one of the parts of my vulva. Dr. Uloko further highlighted how this is an intentional element of our patriarchal structures as calling it a vagina is synonymous to reproduction–which is the purpose of women–and calling it a vulva is synonymous to pleasure–which women aren’t supposed to experience. This was such an inspiring part of the conversation as it really showed how much of our body knowledge comes from patriarchal roots in medicine practice. As a female student in her early 20s, I felt empowered and seen when I heard this. I hope as you read this, you feel the same.
Do you have low libido post-menopause?
The last talk of the first day was given by Dr. Rachel Zar on creating sexual experiences that are worth having especially in cases of low libido post menopause. She talked about using the PLISSIT model and differentiating between normal and normative sexual experiences within the sex therapy model. She also took on the strengths perspective to explain menopause and aging by reminding us how at that point in our lives we can have higher self-esteem, confidence and deeper emotional connections. Nevertheless, it is significantly crucial to ask the clients what low libido means to them as it varies from person to person. Additionally, she reminded us of how women are socialized to “give” sex to their partners and it takes away from the experience– making it more performative. With other topics like spontaneous and responsive desires, dual control model, and disability model, Dr. Zar holistically dived deeper into the constituents of sex therapy and discussed the role of mindfulness in female sexuality. What could be better than concluding our first day with some mindful self-compassion!
the natural decline of hormones with age
The second day began with Dr. Rena Malik, who discussed the natural decline of hormones with age and how that impacts our overall well being. She suggested interventions such as dietary changes, healthy sleep hygiene, stress reduction and encouraging social support to further ease out the menopausal symptoms. Hormone therapy was further introduced in the lecture as a way to cater to hormone health with an understanding both risks and benefits of the process.
the history of sex research and menopause
“Solo masturbation can be used as a healthy tool to re-learn and re-engage in your sexuality during transitional periods of menopause. ”
After lunch, Dr. Cynthia A. Graham took us on a tour of the history of sex research and the limited studies on menopause and sexuality in females. For decades, research has focused on sexual problems especially that pertain to penetrative sex and less information has been collected on healthy solo sexual practices. To most, the idea of encouraging post menopausal females to use masturbation as a sexual tool seems like something straight out of satan’s journal. But Dr. Graham says to look at the evidence in Sex After 60! Solo masturbation can be used as a healthy tool to re-learn and re-engage in your sexuality during transitional periods of menopause. More so, the orgasm gap isn’t there when women masturbate as it seems to be the only product of cis-hetereonormative-penis-centered-penetrative-sex among straight couples. Whew, that was a mouthful (pun-absolutely-intended).
women’s sexual fantasies
Lastly, Dr. Justin J. Lehmiller took over the conversation by launching the topic of women’s sexual fantasies. He started off by explaining the differences between desires and fantasy, which I thought is extremely important to understand. Fantasies are also ever-changing and should be experienced with shame and guilt free support. The impact of menopause on fantasies is present and felt by older women as they feel less frequent and intense fantasies which is a direct result of the hormone decline discussed earlier. He further described how sexual compatibility between partners is never set in stone and should be adaptive of bodily changes. However, older women of color experience more stressors with menopausal symptoms due to the cumulative effects of racism and sexism. Resources, support and education are also rooted in racism and negatively interact with women’s health. Being a social work student, I appreciated this connection to the concept of intersectionality and how individual identities are impacted by each systemic structure differently.
HOW DID THE SEXCEPTIONAL WEEKEND ADD TO MY EXPERIENCE IN THE SEXUALITY COUNSELOR CERTIFICATION PROGRAM?
“ It also provided a sense of community and safety to have open conversations about sexual health for all.”
First and foremost, the sexceptional talks made me understand female health from a holistic clinical, individual and systemic perspective. The counseling part of the program does highlight the value of individual variability but the informing dialogue with experts added to the importance of resetting the definitions of what’s normal. It also provided a sense of community and safety to have open conversations about sexual health for all. As someone who has newly joined the field, it was such a great experience to learn that there are other like-minded people who care for the same things I care about, who are advocating for sex positivity and wellness, and who are showing up unmasked and doing inspiring work.
If you find yourself wanting to be a part of this amazing community, try out the SHA Certification Quiz to see what fits your interests! Check out more SHA events and for any questions about the certification programs reach out to shacertifications@gmail.com.
Written by Shreya Tomar, SHA Sex Counselor Certification Student